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in: Songs, Songs sung by Buford Van Stomm, Unused Songs, T

The Elf Police

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This is a song article.

"The Elf Police" is a song originally written for Phineas and Ferb Holiday Favorites. It was to be performed by Buford.[1]

Lyrics[]

It's written that Christmas is the happiest holiday
But don't believe everything you read, kid
'Cause there's one elf branch who have Santa's carte blanche
To get the dirt on every bad thing you did

The Elf Police, with their X-ray stare
Can see you chew gum in class and cheat at solitaire
Do anything bad and you better beware
'Cause the Elf Police see everywhere

You can live in an igloo with a polar bear
An ashram, a teepee or a bathysphere
Even in an outhouse, you won't have a prayer
'Cause The Elf Police can see you everywhere

Because The Elf Police see you everywhere
The Elf Police can see you everywhere (X3)

You can live in Nome, Alaska, even live with a gnome
Or in a leaky houseboat on the banks of the Rhone
With chickens in a chicken coop to call your home
But if you've been naughty, don't matter where you roam

Because The Elf Police see you everywhere
The Elf Police can see you everywhere (X3)

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells (Repeated over monologue)
Buford: We don't have elf-run jails, but if we did, they'd be full... Of people who all year woulda kinda wish they'd been gooder. So be good...

Because The Elf Police see you everywhere
The Elf Police can see you everywhere (X3)

Because The Elf Police see you everywhere
The Elf Police can see you everywhere (X3)

Buford: That might've sounded a little paranoid, but they are everywhere. Even in your underwear. You didn't hear that from me. Yeah, I gotta go make my Christmas list.

Songwriters[]

References[]

  1. ↑ Martin Olson on SoundCloud (Now a dead link)
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Season 1
"Phineas and Ferb Theme" | "If Summer Only Lasted One Day" | "Backyard Beach" | "Our Song"
"Perry the Platypus" | "Audition Medley" | "Gitchee Gitchee Goo" | "Evil Jingle"
"I'm Lindana and I Wanna Have Fun" | "Go, Go, Phineas" | "Gunther Goat Cheese's" | "He's a Bully"
"It's Going So Badly" | "She's Candace" | "Phinedroids and Ferbots" | "Forever Summer" | "On the Trail"
"In the Mall" | "S'Winter" | "E.V.I.L. B.O.Y.S." | "My Undead Mummy" | "Betty Jam" | "Phineas and Ferb"
"Ready for the Bettys" | "Busted" | "Shimmy Jimmy" | "Ferb Tango" | "Quirky Worky Song" | "Brick"
"Bigfoot" | "Truck Drivin' Girl" | "Eggs and Bacon" | "I Love You Mom" | "Hemoglobin Highway"
"When We Didn't Get Along" | "My Nemesis" | "Fossils" | "History of Rock"
"It's Your Anniversary Jingle" | "Fabulous" | "Ain't Got Rhythm"
"You Snuck Your Way Right Into My Heart" | "Music Makes Us Better"
"My Goody Two-Shoes Brother" | "The Ballad of Badbeard" | "My Chariot" | "Paul Bunyan"
"Leave the Busting to Us!" | "Gotta Make Summer Last" | "Ring of Fun" | "Do Nothing Day"
"Happy Sandwich Man" | "Lookin So Fly" | "Fish Out of Water" | "Ballad of the Black Knight"
"And the Animals Go" | "Herman the Hedgehog" | "Pin Bowlin'" | "F-Games"
"S.I.M.P. (Squirrels In My Pants)" | "Disco Miniature Golfing Queen" | "Slushy the Clown"
"Perry the Teenage Girl" | "Dirge" | "Flying Fishmonger" | "It's Candace" | "One Good Scare"
"He's Eviler" | "Impress My Professor" | "Busted Conga" | "Pinhead Pierre" | "Hail Doofania!"
"Let's Take A Rocketship To Space" | "Shooting Star Milkshake Bar" | "The Good Life" | "Little Brothers"
"Chains on Me" | "Corndog Jingle" | "Sleepy Ending" | "Baliwood" | "Queen of Mars"
Season 2
"Phineas and Ferb Theme"| "Evil Jingle" | "Mission Song" | "Save You Save Me" | "My Wettest Friend"
"Quirky Worky Song" | "Perfect Day" | "A-G-L-E-T" | "Flawless Girl" | "When Will He Call Me?"
"Come On, Kids!" | "It's Elementary" | "Watchin' and Waitin'" | "Do Nothing Day"
"Happy Evil Love Song" | "Technology vs. Nature" | "Let's Go Digital" | "My Ride From Outer Space"
"Bango Ru" | "Kick My Way Into Her Heart" | "Loser Let's Boogie" | "So Peanutty"
"Big Ginormous Airplane" | "Let's Take a Quiz" | "Flip Flop Jingle" | "Phintastic Ferbulous Car Wash"
"Come Home Perry" | "Carl, the Intern" | "When You're Small" | "Boat of Romance"
"Gotta Make Summer Last" | "Gimme a Grade" | "I'm Me" | "X-Ray Eyes" | "Spa Day" | "Dr. Coconut"
"Today is Gonna Be a Great Day" | "Also Sprach Zarathustra" | "Charmed Life" | "Ready for the Bettys"
"Queen of Mars" | "Ain't Got Rhythm" | "I Love You Mom" | "E.V.I.L. B.O.Y.S."
"S.I.M.P. (Squirrels In My Pants)" | "Little Brothers" | "Busted" | "Backyard Beach"
"My Name is Doof" | "His Name is Doof" | "Gitchee Gitchee Goo" | "Yodel Odel Obey Me"
"Important to Look Your Best" | "Fireside Girls Anthem" | "Stiff Beauty" | "Mix and Mingle Machine"
"Go Candace" | "He'll Do Anything But Go Away" | "Not So Bad A Dad"
"Mexican-Jewish Cultural Festival" | "There is No Candy in Me" | "Let's All Dance Until We're Sick"
"Evil Hand Rap" | "That's Wings, You Turkey" | "What Do It Do?" | "Bust Em Beat Em Frenzy"
"Funky Robot Romance" | "Atlantis" |"Bobblehead Perry the Platypus" | "Winter Vacation"
"Twelve Days of Christmas" | "I Really Don't Hate Christmas" | "That Christmas Feeling"
"That Christmas Feeling (Reprise)" | "We Wish You A Merry Christmas (Carolers' Version)"
"Where Did We Go Wrong?" | "Danville for Niceness"
"Christmas Cannot Be Destroyed Not Even by a Naughty-Inator" | "Christmas is Starting Now"
"Thank You Santa" | "What Does He Want?" | "Just Passing Through" | "Wedding Adventure"
"Bubble Gum" | "Tuff Gum" | "Alabama Bound" | "Carl, Incognito" | "When You Levitate"
"Tri-State Area Unification Day" | "You're Not Ferb" | "So Busted" | "Ain't No Kiddie Ride"
"Space Adventure" | "Busted Dance" | "Bust Your Brothers" | "Robot Rodeo" | "Izzy's Got the Frizzies"
"Yippy Ki Yi Yay!" | "The Beak" | "Pioneer Quirky" | "Ordinary Day" | "You're My Better Best Friend"
"Prime Calypso" | "Bad Luck" | "Agent W Theme" | "Doof 'N' Puss" | "Ducky Momo is My Friend"
"Glorf" | "To War" | "Ducky Momo Theme Song" | "Yellow Sidewalk" | "I Wish I Was Cool"
"Tree Related Wish" | "Want Nothing" | "Guard Song" | "Red Rubber Boots" | "Rusted"
"Not Knowing Where You're Going" | "I'm Lindana and I Wanna Have Fun" | "Alien Heart"
"All Terrain Vehicle" | "Gimme Your Money" | "Keep on Building" | "I'm Through with Me"
"I Want to Sing" | "There's a Platypus Controlling Me" | "Hey Ferb" | "You're Going Down"
"What'cha Doin'?" | "Monogram Box Song" | "Mom Look" | "Aren't You a Little Young?"
"Back in Gimmelshtump" | "Rollercoaster" | "Carpe Diem" | "Breath" | "Candace Party"
Season 3
"Phineas and Ferb Theme" | "Evil Jingle" | "Rain-Inator" | "Set the Record Straight" | "Do the Moan"
"Brahms's Lullaby" | "Just the Two of Us" | "Run, Candace, Run" | "Give Up"
"Doofenshmirtz Vacation Condo" | "Ferb" | "Mission Song" | "Ballad of Badbeard"
"Also Sprach Zarathustra" | "Quirky Worky Song" | "F-Games" | "Fireside Howl"
"A-G-L-E-T" | "Gotta Make Summer Last" | "Yippy Ki Yi Yay!" | "Shark of Danville Harbor"
"The Mermaid Brought My Boots" | "Moon Farm" | "Super Computer" | "Shangri-La" | "Funhouse"
"Dance Baby" | "Pinhead Pierre" | "Aerial Area Rug" | "Dart Song" | "Meatloaf" | "Blueprints" | "Snacks"
"Gumshine" | "Real Boy" | "The Truckers Saved Christmas" | "Alabama Bound" | "Home on the Road"
"Bust is in the Bag" | "Tour de Ferb" | "Skiddley Whiffers" | "Poison Sumac" | "Not as Much"
"Lady Song" | "Football X-7" | "Victory Dance" | "Nostrils on the Bus" | "Evil Tonight"
"Were-Cow" | "Vampire Song" | "Breakin' Out" | "Frenemies" | "Ferb Latin"
"Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow" | "Oh, Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated"
"Good King Wenceslas" | "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" | "Zubada" | "The Way of the Platypus"
"Mid Summer Harvest" | "Questing Song" | "Epic Monster Battle" | "Don't Look Down"
"Perry in a Fez" | "Cereal Tune" | "Deep Into Your Mind‎‎" | "Ants" | "Cheesetopia"
"Perry's Hat" | "Perry Tronic" | "Let's Spend Half a Day" | "Lies" | "Free"
"Big Honkin' Hole in My Heart" | "I'm Handsome" | "Drusselstein DMV" | "Looking for Books"
"Drusselstein Driving Test Waltz" | "Big Mitch" | "Peter and Perry" | "Wee Wee Wee"
"Sucker for Mass Transit" | "You Snuck Your Way Right Into My Heart" | "He's Driving Safe"
"He's on His Way" | "Sci Fi Speculative" | "Going to City Hall" | "Kitty in a Box"
"He's Not Sure" | "We Wanna Eat" | "Sliding Down a Tube" | "Paul's Revelation Operetta"
"Alouette" | "Home on the Range" | "Runnin' from Love (In a Bear Suit)" | "Awesome"
"Mallet Song" | "We Are the Moms" | "Big Brain" | "Here's Why It is Great to Be a Baby"
"S'Fall" | "Horse in a Bookcase" | "Subterranean Crocodile Apprehension Expedition"
"I'm Unconsciously Creating Truly Evil Inators" | "Jetpack Volleyball"
"Monogram Rap This Old Man" | "Non-Reaction Song" | "Won't Keep Us Apart" | "Swap Meet"
"Carl, the Intern" | "He's Major Monogram" | "When Platypi Fight" | "Weaponry"
"On the Savannah" | "Highly Unconventional Vehicle" | "Evil for Extra Credit" | "Livin' with Monkeys"
"That's the Norm" | "Ducky Momo Theme Song" | "Bicentennial Crab" | "Whalemingo"
"Double Dutch Song" | "Be a Squirrel" | "Heck of a Day" | "Kick My Way Into Her Heart"
"Not So Bad A Dad" | "That's Wings, You Turkey" | "What Do It Do?"
"Happy Evil Love Song" | "My Nemesis" | "What Is This Thing?"
Season 4
"Phineas and Ferb Theme"| "Evil Jingle" | "Phineas and Ferb Winter Vacation" | "Hockey Z-9"
"Quirky Worky Song" | "Happy New Year" | "Summer (Where Do We Begin?)" | "Fly On the Wall"
"Van Stomm's Rule One" | "If We Don't Succeed" | "My Cruisin' Sweet Ride (Opening Version)"
"My Cruisin' Sweet Ride" | "Kinderlumper" | "Handcar" | "New Greenland Anthem" | "Helicopter Fight"
"Improbably Knot" | "Buford is in Trouble" | "Square Dance" | "Shake Your Body"
"Animal Agents' Birthday Song" | "Backyard Hodge Podge" | "Pi" | "Bee Song" | "Waggle Dance"
"Extraordinary" | "History of the Tri-State Area" | "Candace Party" | "Come Home Perry"
"I'm Me" | "A-G-L-E-T" | "City of Love" | "Summer (Where Do We Begin?)"
"Brand New Best Friend" | "There's a Platypus Controlling Me" | "Summer Belongs to You"
"Everything's Better with Perry" | "Gordian Knot" | "Rock Climbing Wall" | "Get Back Hair"
"Chupacabra Ho" | "Isabella's Birthday Song" | "Robot Love Song"
"I am the Very Model of a Modern Major Monogram" | "Humiliating Stumblegimp Dance of Contrition"
"Dance of Contrition" | "The K-I-S-S-I-N-G Song" | "Pyramid Sports" | "Troy" | "Foot Stomp Mash Up"
"Vampire Queens Love Pimpernels" | "No Mo Mo" | "Rusty Britches Song 1" | "Rusty Britches Song 2"
"Rusty Britches Song 3" | "Foam Town" | "Irish Rover" | "Giant 3D Scrapbook"
"Regular Sized Scrapbook" | "Professor Elemental Future Past" | "Trudgin' to Get Some Water"
"Dancing in the Sunshine" | "Extremely Extreme" | "Gonna Get My Bust On"
"Doof's Evil Hideout Vacation Swap" | "Fletcher Family Flying Circus" | "Du Bois Jingle"
"Straight Up Bust" | "Babyface Trucking" | "Giant Puppet Show" | "Pic-A-Nic Bust"
"Ducky Momo Theme Song" | "Punky Momo" | "Trees are Made of Wood"
"Flashing Back To Fashion Forward" | "The Ballad of Klimpaloon" | "I Need My Letter Back"
"Leave the Busting to Us!" | "Cool Song"| "Talk to Him" | "Inator Method" | "Awesome"
"Playing a Game of Sports"|"ABC Song" | "All the Convoluted Reasons We Pretend to be Divorced"
"Doof 101" | "Scary Teenage Monster" | "Mid-Life Crisis" | "What Might Have Been"
Specials
"I Believe We Can" | "J-Pop (Welcome to Tokyo)" | "Rubber Bands, Rubber Balls"
"Bouncin' Around the World" | "Sad French Song" | "City of Love" | "Follow the Sun"
"Summer Belongs to You" | "Surfin' Asteroids" | "My Streets" | "My Evil Buddies and Me"
"Only Trying to Help" | "Feelin' Super" | "Feeling Froggy" | "Summer All Over the World"
"Battle Hymn of the Republic" | "Irving's Camp Fire Song" | "O.W.C.A.'s Goin' Down"
"Tatooine" | "Sith Roast" | "Socks" | "Sith Roast Decaf" | "Fully Operational Death Star"
"In the Empire" | "Imperial March" | "Cantina Band" | "I'm Feelin' So Low" | "Sith-Inator"
"Rebel, Let's Go!" | "Jump Right to It" | "Army of Me" | "Triangulation" | "Lots of Me"
"Serious Fun" | "To Do Today" | "There's No One I'd Rather Go Nowhere With"
"When Tomorrow is This Morning Again" | "The Muffin Man" | "Platypus Walk"
"Gotta Get Back in Time" | "Curtain Call/Time Spent Together" | "O.W.C.A. Files"
"Beautiful Lunchtime" | "They Left Me Standing Outside" | "Friend Like Mine" | "Bits of All of Us"
"Chop Away at My Heart" | "Lot of Pressure" | "How Do I Do It?"
Across the 2nd Dimension
"Everything's Better with Perry" | "Quirky Worky Song" | "He's Doof" | "Brand New Best Friend"
"Victory Gum" | "Summer (Where Do We Begin?)" | "I Walk Away" | "Baljeet Explanation"
"Brand New Reality" | "Robot Riot" | "Takin' Care of Things" | "Kick It Up A Notch"
Candace Against the Universe
"Such a Beautiful Day" | "The Universe is Against Me" | "Meet Our Leader" | "Unsung Hero" | "Adulting"
"Girls Day Out" | "This Is Our Battle Song" | "Us Against the Universe" | "Silhouettes" | "We're Back"
Others
"We Wish You a Perry Christmas" | "Dodger Etiquette Song" | "Phineas and Ferb's Song"
"Vanessa's Song" | "Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Agent P's Song" | "Isabella's Song"
"The Twelve Days of Christmas" | "Frosty the Snowman (Recorded as "Perry Saves Christmas")"
"Run Rudolph Run" | "The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)"
"Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town" | "Take Two with Phineas and Ferb"
"I'm Bringin' My Muffin Through a Dimensional Portal" | "Gotta Get Gone"
"Animatin' Rap" | "Gonna Put On A Show!" | "Doofenshmirtz's Broadway Medley"
"My Secret Agent" | "Just Wanna See You Smile" | "Y.M.C.A. (Phineas and Ferb Remix)"
Doofenshmirtz's Daily Dirt
"I'm Done Really" | "Open Quantum Style" | "The Doof Raps On Rap" | "What Does the Fox Say?"
"Greenland Song" | "Answer This"
Unused
"Limbo" | "Sir Phineas and Ferb" | "Walking Through an Alien Landscape" | "How We Make Phineas and Ferb"
"You're Wrong" | "This is Our Inspirational Song" | "The Elf Police" | "Where the Heck Were We?"
"Farmer's Wife Song" | "Princess" | "Mysterious Force" | "This Is Your Backstory"
"Good Guy" | "Step into the Great Unknown"
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