(Scene opens on the gang hanging out at the tree.)
Buford: (looking at the Danville Cinemas website on his tablet) All right, let's see what's playin'.
Phineas: A movie day! What an off-brand approach to our afternoon.
Buford: Yeah, I've been in the mood for a rom-com.
Isabella: (takes the tablet) Ooh, what about a western?
Baljeet: Ugh! A western?
Buford: What do you got against westerns?
Baljeet: Aside from the hack storytelling, they're just a sea of sepia tone and spittoons.
Buford: I'll bet you a fried pickle I can change your perspective!
Baljeet: First, I do not like fried pickles. And secondly, you can never change my perspective.
Buford: Can too!
Baljeet: Can not!
(A letterbox shot is shown of Baljeet and Buford's eyes.)
Phineas: Well, I guess I know what we're gonna do today. Hey, where's Perry?
(Cut to Agent P in the bathroom mirror. He buffs up and flexes his pecs and abs to the music of his theme song. The mirror accepts the password and opens. Perry walks in to see Monogram operating a fan boat in a swamp on the screen.)
Major Monogram: Agent P, Doofenshmirtz is at the Almond Brittle Convention, so you have the day off. I'm in nearby Swampville teaching Carl the manly art of piloting a fan boat.
Carl: Very manly, sir. Did I mention I'm allergic to bug bites? Maybe we should turn back.
(They pass by a sign saying, "Deadly rapids ahead!")
Major Monogram: Wait! "Deadly rapids ahead"? Carl, slow down!
Carl: I can't, sir! Rapids are fast! That's actually what "rapid" means!
Major Monogram: Don't you argue semantics with me!
(The screen goes in and out.)
Major Monogram: Mayday! Mayday! (static) Use your monotreme instincts to find us! Whoa! (static)
Carl: Bring mosquito repellent!
(Perry leaves.)
(Song: Quirky Worky Song (bluegrass version))
(Cut to the gang workin' on the railroad.)
Phineas: Yeehaw!
(Cross-dissolve to the swamp. Monogram and Carl are wading through the muck, leaving behind their capsized fan boat.)
Carl: Are we lost, sir?
Major Monogram: Pretty sure there's a small town half a klick north. Or is it south? Eh, it probably doesn't matter. Just try to keep up.
Carl: I think I'm stuck!
Major Monogram: Put your back into it, Carl! (He wades forward but faceplants into the quagmire.) Not one word.
Carl: Are we gonna die, sir?
Major Monogram: We're going to be fine. In dire situations, you must rely on your manly man instincts. Now follow me.
(Cut to Agent P driving a motorboat on the swamp. A flashing light on his dashboard indicates an engine error. He stops the boat and attempts to restart the engine, but it explodes.)
Major Monogram's voice: Manly platypus.
(Perry dives into the swamp and swims, almost getting caught by an alligator. He gets snagged in a trap.)
(Cut to the backyard, which has been transformed into a western movie set.)
Baljeet: (reading banner) "Forced Perspective Western Town".
Phineas: This is gonna help us change your perspective on westerns. Ferb, a demonstration, please. Depending on the position you're in, the varying size proportions trick the brain into seeing a different scale. Ready, Isabella?
Isabella: Yippee-ki-yay!
(Isabella seemingly dives into Ferb's hat. Ferb puts his hat back on to reveal Isabella actually diving into a bigger hat far away.)
Phineas: You see, the second hat was much bigger. But it was further away!
Baljeet: How is this gonna change my perspective on western cinema?
Buford: Perhaps a heartfelt ditty will clarify that for ya. Hit it!
(Song: Forced Perspective Western Town)
♪ In a Forced Perspective Western Town, ♪
♪ Ya might go up, ya might hoedown, ♪
♪ In the Forced Perspective Western, ♪
♪ You could be the biggest and the baddest itty-bitty guy around ♪
♪ How you finagle your angle ♪
♪ Will change yer point of view, ♪
♪ Doo doodly doo, ♪
♪ In a Forced Perspective Western Town wit you, ♪
♪ Yeehaw! ♪
(The gang departs a train. When they live it, the train becomes a model size.)
Buford: Yeah, I don't really get how it works either.
Phineas: It's best not to think about it too hard.
Buford: Whatever. (to Baljeet) Have you come around yet to appreciate the rustic beauty of the Wild West?
Baljeet: While this Forced Perspective Town is charming, it has not changed my perspective. I still find the Western film genre tacky and— (screams as a giant tumbleweed runs him over)
(Cut to the swamp. Perry is still in the trap using a straw for air. A mysterious figure raises the trap from the swamp.)
Hillbilly: (Cajun accent) Hot biscuits! Looks like Ah snagged me one o' them teal-tailed city ducks or ma name ain't Bubba Doofenshmirtz! And ya know it is. It is. Mmm-mmm! Ah'mma make me some city ducks stew, starrin' you!
(Cross-dissolve to Monogram and Carl still stuck in the muck.)
Carl: Sir, I don't think our instincts can get us out of this one.
Major Monogram: Oh, don't be a stick in the mud, Carl.
Carl: I'm not a stick, sir! I'm a person in the mud with feelings and mudskippers!
(A swarm of mudskippers invade their area.)
Carl: Make it stop, sir!
Major Monogram: My mustache! My beautiful musta— (A mudskipper ends up in his mouth.)
Carl: Wait, we're not really stuck. It's our boots, sir!
Major Monogram: You're absolutely right! We gotta strip down to our skivvies and shelter under shack over there.
(Whip pan left to a shack resembling Doof's building that reads "Bubba Doof Shack". Cut back to Monogram and Carl, now down in their long johns crawling through the muck.)
Major Monogram: Wait, where is the sound still coming from?
(Cut to a young hick hamboning.)
Young Hick: Y'all don' stop now. I'uz jest gittin' goin'!
(Cut back to the Forced Perspective Town. Buford goes through saloon doors.)
Isabella: Baljeet, your perspective will never change if you don't put in a little bit of effort.
Baljeet: Okay, okay. (He makes a square with his fingers over his right eye.) A little to the left and... Uh, there! Hold it!
Candace: "Hold it" is right!
(Zoom out to reveal Candace dressed as a marshall.)
Candace: There's a new sheriff in town! (looks up to see her seemingly huge brother) Wait, what? Phineas and Ferb, what did you do to me?!
Phineas: Nothin', Candace. It's just an optical illusion. You're actually back there.
Candace: Well, I don't like these optics! I'm still telling Mom! (lifts up her phone to find there's no signal) How do I not have any bars? This is our backyard!
(Whip pan to the telegraph station.)
Ferb: Perhaps you should try telegraph.
Candace: Telegraph? Uggh! Good thing I went to that Morse code camp three summers in a row. (A now seemingly tiny Candace jumps onto the telegraph.) "Boys built old-timey town. No building codes. Get home." (laughs)
Phineas: Oh, Candace, make sure not to rile the miniature ponies.
Candace: Hehehe... AHHHHH!!! Why are these miniature ponies so big?!?
Phineas: They're in the foreground.
Candace: That doesn't even make sense! Ow! Then how did they kick me?!?
(Candace goes through a clothesline and goes through a costume change. Her skirt poofs into a parachute as she floats on another clothesline, which snaps and ropes her up, transforming her into a damsel in distress tied to a railroad track. Candace screams as the train arrives right on time. Through a flash, it is revealed the train is actually tiny.)
Candace: Mmmm...
(Cut to Mom shopping in a big box store. She gets a text on her phone.)
Linda: Dash, dot, dot, dot, dash, dash. It's a good thing that I worked on that submarine those three summers that Candace was at Morse code camp. "Boys built old-timey..." (sighs) I don't even wanna know.
(Cut to Bubba Doof's shack.)
Bubba Doof: (to Perry) Ah tell you what, Lunch... You don't mind if Ah call ya "Lunch", do ya? Now, Ah'mma... Ah'mma call ya "Lunch".
(Perry turns to a picture of Bubba Doof with Doof, who is clearly not happy.)
Bubba Doof: Oh, that's ma cousin, Heinz. He's from Drusselstein. Ah, he moved to the big city though. Now... Now, me, Ah wuz barn 'n' rayzed in this here swamp, jest a stone's throw away a' two bigger adjacent swamps. So it occurred ta me if Ah could connect all three, Ah kood take over the entire Tri-Swamp Area! Problem is theeze beavers keep bildin' dams a' keep th' three swamps sep'rate. A nuisance! (opens window and yells at beavers building a dam) Yer a nuisance! But you, ma li'l duck buddy, you are wanuva kind. The eatin' kind. A li'l pepper, a li'l paprika.
Perry: (sneezes)
Bubba Doof: Bless yer heart, Lunch. So Ah bilt a gizmo to trick them beavers inta eatin' their own dams. Behold! Ma beaver-inator! Uh, hey, Ned, Ned, time ta feed th' beavs. C'mon, Ned.
(A makeshift robot resembling Norm powers up the inator.)
Ned: Come an' git it, li'l fellers!
Bubba Doof: The gizmo pulls that doohickey, which yanks up that thingamajig, ringin' them tin cans, which've bin precisely tuned to th resonant frequencies of a beaver's brain waves, hypnotizin' them beavers. Look, it's workin' right now.
Ned: Now drain them dams lickety-split!
(A beaver goes underwater and chews its way through the dam, causing it to drain.)
Bubba Doof: Ring-a-ding-dong, it works! Functionin' properly! (to "Lunch") Ya see that? Ya see it, right?
(Perry attempts to escape.)
Bubba Doof: Uh, naw, Ah've bin trap bildin' since Ah wuz nee-hi to a grasshopper. You ain't gittin' outta that one.
(Cut to a hawk circling the sun. Pan down to Buford and Baljeet about to show down.)
Buford: This town ain't big enough for the both of us.
Baljeet: But now it is!
Buford: It's workin'! I totally changed your perspective! Draw!
(They get out their horseshoes and throw them. One shoots Buford's hat down and one gets on the horseshoe stake.)
Phineas: Oho! Dead ringer! I reckon Baljeet wins!
Baljeet: Well, winning does take the sting out of the fact that there is obviously a horse out there somewhere with only three shoes.
(Cut back to Bubba Doof's shack.)
Bubba Doof: Wail, wut do we got here?
(He spies Carl and Monogram hiding under the floorboard.)
Bubba Doof: Wail, come on up. Ah'm makin' supper.
Major Monogram: Oh, thank you so much. I—Mmmm, what is that wonderful smell?
(They look behind to see...)
Major Monogram and Carl: Agent P?!?
Bubba Doof: Go on, have a taste. (licks) Mmm.
(Major Monogram smiles nervously.)
Bubba Doof: Go on. Yah, don't be shy.
(Monogram takes his finger and gently touches Perry's skin and he licks it.)
Bubba Doof: Ah suppoz Ah'll tone down the spice fer you city folk.
Major Monogram: Oh, no, the more spice, the better! Ooh, maybe spices from, uh, another room. Like, uh, really-hard-to-find spices.
Bubba Doof: (leaves) Oh, yeah! Now we're talkin'! A'ight, Ah'll... Ah'll see wut Ah kin rustle up.
Carl: But, sir, you can barely handle black pepper.
Major Monogram: Quiet, Carl!
Bubba Doof: Okay, okay. This took sum rustlin', but Ah found... Hey, wait a sec!! Wut do you city boys think yer doin' with ma city duck?!
(Monogram swipes the spices away from Bubba Doof and Carl uses a hammer to free Agent P from him trap. Perry throws an empty flour sack over Bubba Doof's head. Ned spins his arms at Carl. Monogram trips Bubba Doof over as he crashes into Ned. Monogram, Carl, and Agent P hightail it out of the shack.)
Bubba Doof: That's ma lunch! Hey! Yer-yer takin' ma lunch!
(cut to Baljeet on a plastic horse.)
Baljeet: Well, folks, I do not know about Western cinema, but this Forced Perspective Western Town has been a hoot, which I am just now realizing is a thing.
Buford: Hey! Shouldn't you be ridin' off into the sunset or somethin'?
Baljeet: The only proper response to that question is, "Yeehaw!"
(Baljeet rides his fake horse into the horizon, until he crashes into the set, revealing the backyard fence and a confused neighbor, who closes her screen door while sipping her drink, clearly wanting no business with this.)
(Cut back to the swamp. Monogram, Carl, and Agent P take a speedboat away, with Bubba Doof in pursuit on his fan boat.)
Bubba Doof: Hey, y'all city boys come back here with ma lunch!
(Some mosquitoes splat onto Carl.)
Carl: (to Agent P) Good thing I asked you to bring that repellent!
(Agent P reaches into his hat and gets out the mosquito repellent. Carl throws it in the direction of Bubba Doof, and the spray can wedges into one of his fan blades, making it catch on fire.)
Bubba Doof: Oh! Oh, no! Nooooooo!
(His boat crashes into beavers' dam, making the swamp flood.)
Bubba Doof: Curse you, Lunch!!!
(Cut to Maple Drive. Mom's car pulls up.)
Candace: Time to bust them sodbusters!
(A giant tidal wave comes over the backyard. The gang turns their heads as the wave goes behind them.)
Phineas: Oh, wow! That was close!
Candace: See, Mom? See, Mom? Here, look! I—
Linda: Oh, my gosh! Did you guys build this little Western town?
(Cut to reveal the town is now miniaturized.)
Linda: It's adorable! And it looks so big from down here!
Phineas: That's the forced perspective.
Linda: I was gonna make some popcorn. Who wants to watch a movie?
Baljeet: I believe I am in the mood for a Western!
Buford: Yeah! Let's do it!
(Candace stares in shock and looks down at the tiny town.)
Candace: That doesn't even make any sense! (beat) And that's not how forced perspective works!
Linda: Are you coming or not?
Candace: Yes, I'm coming.
End credits[]
Baljeet: ♪ There will be no counting sheep tonight! ♪
Buford: Okay, but what about llamas?
All: ♪ 'Cause there ain't no sleepin' at a slumber party, ♪
♪ There ain't no sleepin' tonight! ♪
Ferb: The popcorn is poppin'.
Isabella: ♪ And the sound system's boppin' ♪
Candace: Did you hear what Jeremy said?
Stacy: Buford, stop eavesdropping!
Vanessa: ♪ Playing light as a feather, ♪
♪ Perform a seance together. ♪
Ooh, we can confess our deepest darkest secrets and emotions!
(Beat.)
Or whatever!
All: ♪ Because there ain't no sleepin' at a slumber party, ♪
♪ There ain't no sleeping tonight! ♪
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