Memorable quotes that occurred in episodes of Phineas and Ferb during Season 3.

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The Great Indoors

Candace: Urge to bust so strong, but I need time to know why Jeremy likes me, gotta resist urge to bust, must not spoil quality time with boyfriend.
Major Monogram: It's not like Agent P to miss...

(Perry slides off the HQ chair, lands on the screen, and falls flat on his face. Major Monogram and Carl laugh hysterically) Carl, play that back!
Carl: Right away, sir! (Presses play on the remote control and Perry slides on the video)
Major Monogram: (Laughs)
Carl: (Presses the slow motion button and Perry is in slow motion) Look sir, it's even funnier this way!
Major Monogram: (Laughs) Stop it, stop it. My cheeks hurt. (Perry, not finding it amusing, folds his arms) Oh uh... (Clears throat) Grow up, Carl! (Carl leaves the screen) Anyhow, as you probably noticed there's been an unusual amount of rain in the Tri-State Area. Call us crazy, but we're thinking Doofenshmirtz! Investigate, and stop him at all costs. Well, maybe at a reasonable cost. We, I mean, we don't want to blow the whole budget on this one scheme, do we?
(Perry goes to his hover car and zooms away)
Carl: Run it again, sir?

Major Monogram: I'll get the popcorn!
Isabella: So, we've gotten water from a cactus, witnessed a mirage, and learned the difference between sun stroke and heat stroke. Thanks for that, Adyson.

Seeing Adyson being carried by Katie and Ginger.
Adyson: (Dazed) Hey, the salamanders quit singing. (Giggles)

Isabella: Now we just need to either collect a sand sample, measure the temperature, or milk a camel. (A camel appears in front of her) You guys!
Doofenshmirtz: Wow, I set up this whole thing with lasers and flypaper, falling cages, spinning platforms, on the way to a trapdoor and you just come and slip on a chair, and waste a day's worth of work. Eh. (As Perry emerges from the hole in the ground in a green glass tube) But it's gonna look great on the Christmas party gag reel, hehehe! Of course, it'll just be me at the party, uh...yeah. (Sighs) I need a laugh at the holidays.
The Fireside Girls moves away from the coming raging river except Adyson.

Adyson: Hey, I think I found a new species of- (Cut off when the raging river hits her)

Isabella: Here Adyson, catch this. Swift Water Rescue Patch, Bonus.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: ¡Maldito seas, Perry el ornitorrinco! (Spanish for 'Curse you, Perry the Platypus!') (Seeing the water filling up Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.) Man, this is gonna cost me a fortune on my water bill.
Jeremy: The reason I like you is...

Cut off and switches to the Spanish soccer game.

Sport Announcer: ¡Viene, le pega! ¡GOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL!!!


Candace: Oh Stacy isn't Jeremy's hair the perfect shade of gold?

Recording: Uh huh.
Candace: And isn't it cute when he gets that little wrinkle on the end of his nose?
Recording: Uh huh.
Candace: And you know when...
Recording: Uh huh.
Candace: Stacy! Did you make a digital sound file of yourself saying "Uh huh" to fool me into thinking you're listening to me again?
Recording: Uh huh.

Candace: (Enraged) Stacy, pick up!
Doofenshmirtz: Comfortable, Perry the Platypus? I've constructed this platy-rack so that every limb is accounted for. So, what's it all about?

(Flashback) There were only 2 things that made my miserable life bearable: my giant pet cockroach, Hoarfrost and garlic ice cream. And I thought that combining the 2 of those things would increase my enjoyment of them. (Flashback ends)
So, introducing my Combine-inator! With my Combine-inator, I was finally able to create the Triple Scoop Garlic Roach Cone! Perry makes a face of disgust
Hoarfrost:(motionless) So cold...
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah. (Drops Hoarfrost)

Hoarfrost: Ow...
Stacy: Oh no, you better not be ditching me to hang out with Jeremy again.
Candace: What? On Street Fair Day? (laughs nervously) No way, sister! I'll be there, and I'll be there early. Alone. Okay? Okay. (hangs up) Oh crud.
After Norm and Doofenshmirtz are fused together by the Combine-inator

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Prepare to face the wrath of Normenshmirtz!
Normenshmirtz begins to fire at Perry
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You can't get away from me now!
Norm: Don't you mean us?
Doofenshmirtz hits Norm in the head.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hey! Don't step on my moment.
Jeremy: (moaning) Uhhhh...
Candace: (desperately) Uhhh... Do the Moan, Moan! Yeah! Do the Moan! Come on, Stace, don't you love that song? Do the Moan!
Buford: This would've never have happened if we'd given a monkey a shower! I'm just saying.
After Perry is fused with a toolbox by the Combine-inator

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I think we're in trouble.

Norm: Sure, now it's we.
After Perry removes Norm's arm

Norm: Hey, that hurt!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (gasps) He's armed!

Norm: With my arm!
Norm: (Opens the fridge door after their fusing) Would you like a frosty beverage?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (Slams the door closed) Hey! That's private!
Phineas: Slow motion No!

Candace: slow motion No!
Ferb: slow motion *blinks*
Isabella and Buford: slow motion No!

Baljeet: How is everyone doing that?!
Stacy: By the way, the best part was when you used him as a table. (closes curtain) BUSTED!

Run, Candace, Run

Candace: I'm double booked, if you count Stacy, I'm triple booked! Oh darn my endlessly giving nature!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: So just because I miss a few payments, you're selling my building and where I'm supposed to get that much money on short notice?

Bank Worker: I'm sorry Mr. Doofschmidt, those are the terms of your loan.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: The name is Doofenshmirtz, like-like in Doofenshmirtz.
Phineas: GO!

Phineas and Ferb run quickly ahead and stop after covering a distance.
Phineas's voice: GO!
A sonic boom later follows the voice projection.
Phineas: SONIC BOOM! Check "sound" off the list.

Ferb checks off "YES" for "SOUND".
Candace: Are you sure you wouldn't rather be the legs?

Jeremy: You'll be surprise how strong my arms are, don't hold back.

Candace: I don't think I can.
Phineas: Okay, Ferb. Fire it up!

After Ferb turns on the spotlight, Phineas tries to outrun the light but fails.
Phineas: (after stopping) Sorry, Ferb. Light's just too darn fast.

Ferb checks off "NO" for "LIGHT".
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Don't gloat, Perry the Platypus, it's not becoming. Hello, Charlene. (Charlene on the other end answers) Yeah, you told me so.

Last Train to Bustville

Grandpa Clyde: So uh, how's the antique business?

Lawrence: Oh, it's just fine. You know they have a saying in the antique business.
Grandpa Clyde: Uh, what is it?
Lawrence: What is what?
Grandpa Clyde: The saying, that you use in the antique business.

Lawrence: Oh, I don't use it. But there is one.
Betty Jo: Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop. You might want to use the sugar, unless you want salty lemonade.

Linda: Ugh, I can't wait until my new contacts come in. I'm as blind as a bat without them.
Betty Jo: Well, here. Try my spare set of specks. (gives Linda the glasses)

Linda: Wow, now everything's a different kind of blurry.
Glenda (in Candace's mind): Give up! Blah...Blah...Give up! Blah...Blah...Blah...Blah...Blah! Give Up! Blah... Blah...Blah! Give up!
Buford: Last one to the top of the summit is a stinky dish sponge.
Buford: Hey we're falling behind, what's happening?

Baljeet: Excess weight seems to be hampering our progress.
Buford: Yeah, we gotta lighten the load.
Buford throwing Baljeet off the balloon.
Baljeet: How does dangling me from a rope lighten our load?

Buford: Eh, it lightens my spirit.
Glenda: All aboard. Gearheart Summit, here we come.

Wilbur Wilkins: You'll never make it, you should give up.
Orville Wilkins: Yeah, give up. Woo-hoo!
Glenda: So long boys, and don't forget to clean your rooms.
Wilkins Brothers: Yes, ma.
Wilbur Wilkins: It's your fault.

Orville Wilkins: Quiet you.
Linda: So Candace, you sure seem relaxed. What's up? (behind her, the kids in their balloons can be seen through the window)

Candace: I'm just taking in the ride and not worrying about what Phineas and Ferb are up to.
Linda: Well good for you, honey. Cause I've got gin.
Betty Jo: We're playing Kings Corners.

Linda: Are we?
Candace: Woo-Hoo! Yeah! We made it! I knew we could, I knew we could, I knew we could!

Glenda: Oh, did you now?
Candace: Yeah, you can drop the act, I know you didn't forget the coal. It's probably in that box your sitting on. But lesson learned, and as long as I'm no longer giving up, I'm going to bust Phineas and Ferb. Thanks!

Glenda: I could have forgot the coal! (pause) I'm old!
Doofenshmirtz: (emerges from the bushes, sees the balloons) Ah-ha! (Runs towards the Ferb Balloon)

Dodo Bird: (emerges from the same bushes) Narg! Narg! Narg! Narg! (runs towards the Phineas balloon as Doofensmirtz flys away)

Doofenshmirtz: Sayonara, Dodo! (Dodo starts the Phineas Balloon) Hey how'd you start that with no opposable thumbs?
Candace: (as the blimps fly away, she throws away the clothes) Mom, it's just forced perspective! (the real Phineas and Ferb show up) It's not real! He's not really... (notices the boys have arrived and slowly goes to touch Phineas)

Phineas: Hi, Candace!
Candace: (screams)
Phineas: How was the train ride?

Candace: Oh, I give up.
Farmer's Wife: So you bought a Museum of Biological Oddities, but you didn't get any biological oddities?

Doofenshmirtz falls while the farmer and his wife are conversing.
Doofenshmirtz: What?
The dodo bird falls onto Doofenshmirtz.
Farmer's Wife: There it is!

Dodo Bird: Narg! Narg! Narg! … Naaaaarg!

Phineas' Birthday Clip-O-Rama!

Candace: So what's that?

Isabella: Oh just a little birthday video I'm editing for Phineas
Candace: Then lets see. (Candace plays the video)
Computer Phineas: (in the video) We'll-Be-Together-Forever-Isabella.
Isabella: (Looks embarrassed at Candace) Hehe...
Candace: But, don't you have anything more, you know, unusual?
Isabella: Of course! Watch this. (Presses play, in video) I saw the best girls of my troop, hungry, patchless, out of uniform.
Candace: Okay, seriously, whoa. I mean, like Phineas's inventions?
Isabella: Nope, I didn't get any of that footage.
Candace: Then you're useless to me. Candace out!
Isabella: Hm... I have to talk to her about her exits.
(Isabella returns to editing her video)
Computer Phineas: Isabella-Will-You-Marry-Me?

Isabella: Ah... The magic of digital editing!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: If I only had a nickel of every time I trap you.

Showing clips of Dr. Doofenshmirtz trapping Perry. He finds out the total is $1.10.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hmmm... I was suspecting more than that. I guess I can buy a candy bar or something.
Construction Lady: Phineas Flynn! Is that the birthday boy I hear?

Phineas: That's me... (takes off helmet) the flesh.

Construction Lady: Oh, you and your helmet.
Linda: (On the phone with Candace) Candace, where are you? You promised to help ice the cake after you got Phineas's present.

Candace: Yeah, well I got a little sidetracked preparing for the bust of the century. Later today I'm going to show you something you won't believe.
Linda: If I had a nickel for every time I heard that.
Shows clips of Candace trying to bust her brothers. At the end the total is 75 cents.

Linda: Well, I guess I can buy a candy bar.
Candace is watching Buford's video

Candace: Making background effect Pum Pum Pum Pum... IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL! Jumps out the window I got it! Today, I WILL BUST MY BROTHERS! And this time, I MADE IT!
Random people: I've heard that before! Everyday the same thing! Is that the girl again?!
Candace: You'll see!

Car alarm sounds
Phineas: Hey, Jeremy!

Jeremy: Want a Slushy Dawg?
Phineas: Sure. Super suit-generated egg renderings always make me a bit peckish.
Jeremy: I bet that's the first time anyone ever said that! By the way, Ferb left this clue for you.
Phineas: Thanks.
Jeremy: I bet you guys have heard a lot of strange sentences over the course of the summer.
Phineas: Boy, I'll say.
Jeremy: Can you think of any examples?

Phineas: Nope. Not off-hand.
Phineas: Wait a minute! I just remembered some [strange sentences]!

Phineas: Nothing says mother's love like a giant robotic platypus butt.
Candace: Why am I wearing a turtle on my head?
Buford: I wanna float around... like men.
Candace: (in Perry's body) Am I sweating milk?!
Future Candace: Gotta go, Stacy. Good luck with that llama legislation.
Isabella: Stickiness is the most underrated of all the -nesses.
Buford: I knew I shoulda gotten a downpayment on the elephants.
Linda: It looks a little like a rhesus monkey wearing a powdered wig.
Stacy: Oh, no. You did not just tell me to hench.
Phineas: What? You think we should have more Bulgarian folk-related elements?
Linda: I'll be in the dairy section if you wanna come yell at some cheese.
Phineas: Dad, you might wanna wipe the Queen off your face.
Baljeet: I, too, feel a certain element of kebabism.
Ferb: Definitely the Giant Floating Baby Head.
Buford: I am to metaphor cheese as metaphor cheese is to transitive verb crackers.
Candace: I just discovered why cows and frogs don't date.
Phineas: "Lawn gnome beach party of taffeta." Make a note of that.

Candace: I'm calling Mom! And I am not using the banana this time!
Phineas: Commenting about his Birthday party ...All the people I love...

Isabella: Aww...
Phineas: ...And who love me back...

Irving: Imitating Isabella Aww...
After Phineas finishes his speech, Candace suddenly bursts into tears

Candace: (Crying) I can't do it! Not on his birthday! Destroys the disc with the tool I mean, what kind of person am I?!
Phineas: Aw, Candace, you're a great person. Why, if I had a nickel for each time you did something nice for me... (Pauses) Well, I wouldn't know what to do with that much money!
Candace: (Continues crying) But I didn't even get you a-
Phineas: Wait a minute. (Looks at tool Candace is holding) Is that... It is! A left handed flanch tuner! I've been looking for one of those forever!
Candace: You've been...huh?
Phineas: They're impossible to find. Custom made for Danville sewage repair, but they have a thousand uses! I love it. It's just what I've been wanting! (He runs up and hugs her) Thank you Candace!
Candace: (After a few seconds, she hugs him back) You're welcome.

Phineas: You're the best sister ever. (5 cents appears on screen referring what Phineas said)
Clown: Hello? Did somebody order a circus? Anybody? I knew I should've gotten a downpayment on the elephants.

The Belly of the Beast

Buford: I am a shark. I can poop in the ocean!

Baljeet: You're not going to, right?

Buford: Keep pushing, dweeb.
As Perry arrives in front of the screen

Major Monogram: Happy Harbor Day, Agent P. In honor of the occasion we flooded your headquarters. Hope you like it.
Carl: Actually, the plumbing just backed up.

Major Monogram: I'm just trying to put a happy face on it, Carl.
Candace: Yo ho Captain Kidd. We need your ship. My Brothers are in that shark.

Captain Squint: ‘Tis the same beast that swallowed me leg.
Candace: Yeah, yeah, that’s fascinating. Tell me after we shove off.
Captain Squint: Ah. That sharks a mean one alright. Took me leg to pick his teeth up, he drives alone in the car pool lane, he threw poor Timmy down the well, and he won’t give up his seat for little old ladies on the bus.
Candace: Yeah. I know. He sounds like a bad guy.

Captain Squint: Oh ya think!
Stacy: So, did a shark really eat your leg?

Captain Squint: Probably, but he definitely chewed on my arm.
(Pulls up sleeve, revealing a dark spot on his forearm)
Stacy: That's just a birthmark.

Captain Squint: I'm tired of this conversation.
Candace: Well, at least we'll all get wet. (giant jet of water hits her, while the captain and Stacy remain dry) Really...Really?!

Captain Squint: (An octopus lands on the captain's head) Arrgh! It's the octopus who ate me pancreas!

Candace: Thank you.
Candace: (Upon seeing that the captain is using rubber ducks to track the shark) Rubber ducks? Are you serious?!

Captain Squint: Does a penguin fly?
Candace: No.
(Awkward Pause)

Captain Squint: Now I'm tired of this conversation too.
Stacy: (After the captain is eaten by the shark) We're gonna need a bigger captain.
Inside the mechanical shark

Phineas: Cheese and sausage? (Offers plate)

Captain Squint: So this is what the inside of a shark looks like?... I always thought it would be more... Stomachy.
Stacy: Maybe it's just time to call it quits.
Candace: Stacy, I'm tired of this conversation!
Stacy: I found more harpoons! And I'm gonna pretend these have never been used!
After being hit by Phineas & Ferb's metal shark.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz:A bubble came up. Curse you Perry the Plat... Silent, until another bubble came up ...ypus.

Moon Farm

Carl: So now I'm an operative?
Major Monogram: We're still not paying you, Carl.
Phineas: Remember everyone, the moon's gravity is 83.3% less than Earth.

Buford: So what?

Phineas: So what? So let's bounce!
Baljeet: (While Buford holds him by his ankle) NO, NO, Buford, please do not drop me! (Buford lets go and he falls slowly) I, oh, well this is not so bad.

Buford: Yeah? give it a second. (Cannon-balls down)

Baljeet: OH! How is it, that you are actually heavier on the moon?
Irving: Phineas and Ferb say--

Candace: Uh, not in the house!
Irving: (backs up) Phineas and Ferb say, two cups of self-righteous flowers!
Stacy: See, Candace? I mean, self-righteous flowers? What are self-righteous flowers?
Candace: Well, roses always seem stuck up to me.

Stacy: (pauses) Okay. Well, let's go pick some roses.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I created the Moisture Suck-inator! See? See? I don't know why I built it here when I was going to use it on the balcony. Anyway, this will suck all the moisture out of my neighbor's plants, which will turn them brown, making my plant look greener by comparison. And I'll actually have a green thumb! You know, not actually, metaphorically. I'll have a gr--(pause) Oh, it's a metaphor! Ugh, and I wasted all that money on green paint!
Cow: Moo!

Buford: Moo-nah! 2 syllables, cow. 2. Moo-nah!
Cow: Moo!

Buford: Man, these cows are dumb!
Male Singer: (from the last line from the song) We left de marshmallows at home, I blame Baljeet!

Baljeet: Hey! What do you mean you blame Baljeet?!
Male Singer: Well, it was clearly your responsibility.
Baljeet: Where are you getting your information from, disembodied reggae space voice?!
Male Singer: Hey, I have a name you know.
Baljeet: Oh yeah, what is it?
Male Singer: Well... it's... disembodied reggae space voice, but that's a coincidence! You didn't know that.
Baljeet: Uh, look who's sensitive. Besides, Buford could have brought the marshmallows.
Buford: Hey, leave me out of this.
Phineas: Guys, guys, we have limited time here. Baljeet, could you please stop arguing with the soundtrack?

Baljeet: He started it!
Irving: Phineas and Ferb say bake at 350 for one hour. Serves two. Speaking of 'serves two,' I was thinking, you know, after you girls are done here maybe we could- (Candace closes the door in his face) Okay, that's cool too. We'll just--we'll just put a pin in it for now.
Stacy: Relax, Candace. It's simple math. Instead of cooking it at 350 degrees for one hour, we could cook it for five minutes at... (Punches into a calculator) 9000 degrees! What could go wrong?!
Candace: I don't know, Stacy; I've got a bad feeling about this. What am I going to do if it isn't even edible?

Stacy: Well, technically, it is English food....
(Candace opens the pot and gasps)
Candace: Lamb cobbler! And it's beautiful!

Stacy: How could that be? We didn't even put lamb in it.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Uh, Perry the Platypus? Yeah, I'm down here. (Dr. Doofenshmirtz is seen stuck in the C.A.T. Door) Yeah, I left my keys in there and thought I could fit through the--

(Perry opens the door to let himself out, then closes it again)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, good! You're going to get the building's super? Hey, where are you going?
(Perry places a "Do not disturb" sign on Dr. Doofenshmirtz's posterior)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: What's that? That better not be a "Do Not Disturb" sign! CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz:Hey you, I got a question for you. How do you get your plants—What? Plastic! (pokes plastic man)

Man: Something I can help you with, rocket man?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yeah! What's with all the plastic plants? And the plastic man?
Man: I like plastic.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh so you're just trying to make me look like a fool. Well I don't need you-- (accidentally turns on jet-pack) Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow! I’ll just take the stairs.

Ask a Foolish Question

Phineas: We're gonna make a supercomputer!
Buford: What, your Mom wants a supercomputer? What is she, some kind of nerd?
Norm:while being scanned by the supercomputer Get out of my mind!
After Doofenshmirtz's flashback
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: ...So, I've decided to build the Metal-Unearth-inator to track down and dig up the key so I can fire up my All Purpose-inator so I can take over the Tri-State Area! ...Somehow. You know, you can put the red king on the- Hey, you're not even listening!
Candace: How do you pronounce the J in Jalapeño? (incorrectly pronounces jalapeño)

SuperComputer: It makes the H sound.
Candace realizes the correct pronunciation

Candace: I knew that.
Phineas: Hurry up, Buford! It's almost 2:37.

Buford: (carrying Baljeet) Hey, I don't have balloons to lighten my load!

Baljeet: I would have walked!
Baljeet gets tripped by the fence
Baljeet: (to Buford) Sure, now you put me down!
Supercomputer explodes after getting attracted to the Metal-unearthinator

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well at least I found the key to the-
All-purposeinator explodes causing the roof to fly into the air
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Nice. Curse you Perry the Plat-
The roof falls back onto the building
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (Sigh) Why does everything explode so easily?
Another random explosion

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yeah... I knew that was going to happen.

Misperceived Monotreme

Phineas: (referring to zoo platypus) Hey, it looks like you, Perry. Of course, it doesn't look nearly as smart.
(Perry chatters)
Phineas: You know, Ferb, I've been thinking since there's nothing more fun than fun, why not add fun to everything?

(Ferb takes out a piece of paper, folds it in half and sets it on his nose)

Fun shoes... Fun oatmeal... Fun origami...well, origami's already fun. (He sees the paper on Ferb's nose, that looks similar to a house)! Great idea, Ferb! We'll turn our house into a funhouse! By, you know, adding fun!
Major Monogram: Carl, what is in that sandwich?!

Carl: (enjoying the sandwich) Peanut butter, bananas, and sardines!

Major Monogram: Oh for Pete's sake, I can see the smell from here!
Candace: I'm borrowing your platypus.

Phineas: Ok. Have fun! (Perry chatters)

Candace: (to Perry) Will you stop squirming? You're a platypus. It's not like you have anywhere you need to be!
Isabella: Hey, Irving. Did you hear? Phineas and Ferb are building a funhouse.
Irving: Really? (Gets zapped by Dr. Doofenshmirtz's Least-Likely-inator) Who cares? I'm too cool for those losers. Say, you're cute! (Irving changes position and falls down) There used to be a lamppost there.
(after Doofenshmirtz hits the brick wall)

Major Monogram: Oh... the Marsh Maneuver! I haven't seen one of those since 1974!
Carl: '74? You had a perm back then!

Major Monogram: Stay off the Internet, Carl!

Candace Disconnected

Candace: Hey! Wait a minute! All this phone does is ... Make phone calls!

Linda: Sorry Candace. You lost four phones in four months. I got you the cheapest replacement I could find. If you lose this one, it's life without a phone for Candace Flynn.

Candace: Life without a phone for Candace Flynn? But, but that's me!
Candace: (runs to the broken cell phone) Oh no, Phonesy! What have they done to you? (Grabs some pieces of the cell phone) Hello? Hello? Can anyone hear me?

Phineas: (gets close to Candace) I can hear you, Candace.

Candace: Oh great! It still works! Yeah, Phineas, I was just telling you that ... (realizes Phineas and Ferb on her side)
Major Monogram: Oh no! Carl, now it just says qqqqqqq.

Carl: It means your thumb is on the Q-key, sir.

Major Monogram:(takes off thumb)
Buford: She's gone. Let's talk about her.
Baljeet: Focus, Buford.
Candace: (To Phineas) I'm a teenage girl! No one needs to tell me how to use a cell phone.
Phineas: O-kaay. Let's get back to what we were doing before.
Buford: When we get there, let's talk about Candace.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (after turning on the light) Hey! It's Norm's old head, the original prototype. I wonder if it still works. (turns the head on)

Old Norm head prototype: Oh, great! Look who's here, it's Doctor-Doof-degree-purchased-on-the-internet-with-my-wife's-money-enshmirtz!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, I must say it's good to hear your voice again too after so long.
Vanessa: Ugh, I should've known Dad would be late.

The Pick'em up-inator attaches to Vanessa's head
Ugh, what is this? Curse you, unknown rocket helmet transportation thing!
Vanessa is dropped at her front door.

Oh, sweet! I'm home. Never mind, unknown rocket helmet transportation thing!
Candace: (hanging off of a cliff) Talk about a cliffhanger. (Phone makes a "rim shot" sound)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I have to hand it to myself, Norm's old head, I am a genius!

Old Norm head prototype: Oh, that's what you see? 'Cause all I'm looking at is a lab coat filled with doonkelberries on the top of which someone has strategically placed a cabbage.
Dr. Doofenshmritz: This is my new inator. I call it my 'Pick-em-up-inator'. (Starts pressing buttons)

Old Norm head prototype: Mmm-hmm. So what does this one do, and where can I hide when it doesn't do it and blows up?
Candace: (climbing down the cliff) Okay, bird! You'd better give me my phone or I'm gonna rock you to sleep, with a real rock! {Phone makes a "rim shot" sound)
Old Norm head prototype: That's great. We can spend the rest of the day working on your personality. Hey, this time, let's try and bump it up to a C minus.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You know, I'm starting to remember why I replaced you and put you in storage.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (to Perry the Platypus) CURSE YOU, PERRY THE-- (phone rings; Doof picks up; normal voice) Hello? Oh, hi, Vanessa. Yes that was my -inator. Listen honey, I'm in the middle of something, hold on one second. (yells) --PLATYPUS! (normal voice) So, how was class?
Old Norm head prototype: Finally, a place where a head can be a head. Hey, when does the bunny get here with all the eggs? Huh? Yeah? Easter Island? Huh? Huh? Aw, man, where's the bird with the rim-shot app when you need him?

Magic Carpet Ride

Major Monogram: WRONG PANTS! Huh? Oh, sorry, Agent P. I just was, uh, dozing there. Anyway, it appears Dr. Doofenshmirtz has cleared all the Tri-State Area of grape juice, red wine, marinara sauce, chocolate, India ink, and, worst of all, (holds up mug) coffee! So, uh, go and, you know, that thing, that thing, uh... Sorry. I'm just no good without that first mug o' Joe.
Candace: What do you say to that, Doubty McNonbelief?
Stacy: Why am I suddenly Irish?
Roger: I've always been a great lover of the arts.
Heinz: Liar Liar Pantalones del Fuego.
Doofenshmirtz: Behold this, you stupid... (kicks Stain-inator)
Candace: I don't get it, I thought these things are right about everything, I mean look.

Cracks and reads the final fortune cookie quietly and hands it to Stacy

Stacy: Reads Final Fortune cookie that Candace handed to her Don't believe everything you read; Words to live by.

Bad Hair Day

Stacy: (referring to Candace's hair) This is awful! What are these four long strands? And look at this shaved area, what's that all about? And... (she pulls a sock out of Candace's hair) is this a rolled-up sock?
Stacy: Candace, who did it to you?

Candace: Stacy, I did it myself.
Stacy: Why?
Candace: Jeremy's mom is hosting a benefit for endangered animals this evening and I wanted a new look.

Stacy: So you wanted your hair to look like an endangered species?
Stacy: Sorry, I can do nothing, but there are a couple of guys who could...

Candace: (understood the Stacy is referring Phineas and Ferb) No, no way!
Stacy: (pulls out two sticks from Candace's hair) Uh... are these chopsticks?

Candace: Oh, alright... PHINEAS AND FERB!
Carl: It was horrible down there!

Major Monogram: Carl.

Carl: I saw a rat give birth - to a SNAIL!
(with Carl screaming in the background)
Major Monogram: Seriously, Carl! What a baby!
Linda: So you guys are hair stylists now?

Phineas: Apparently.
Linda: So, what would you do with my hair?
Phineas: Nothing, it's perfect the way it is.
Linda: Wow, you are good!

Phineas: Girlfriend, please.
Perry escapes from his trap
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, did you just say "Gurngalingadung?"
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Shot in the butt while covered in honey and hair? What do you know, my horoscope was right.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (tranquilized) Mama, I'm pretty!

Meatloaf Surprise

Major Monogram: Morning Agent P. We've recently found surveillance footage of Doofenshmirtz buying fresh produce. We've concluded that there are two possibilities: either he's up to something sinister that is food-related or his cooking dinner because he's got a beautiful woman coming over and he wants to imp- Never mind, it's obviously the first thing.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Welcome, Perry the Platypus! I never thought you'd fall for the 'Distract Perry the Platypus With a Weird Bird' trap! I gotta say, though, it's,'s quite an ugly bird.
Candace: Seriously? Who brings opera glasses to an auction?
Posh Woman: I'm at an auction?!
Baljeet: Hey Buford! We are going to be floating like little woodland pixies!
Buford: You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?
Linda: OK, how about this booth?

(Both referring to Doofenshmirtz's meatloaf)
Jamie Oliver: Ugh!
Linda: Ew! This is rancid.
Jamie Oliver: I can't believe I'm saying this, but some preservatives in this meatloaf would've been a blessing.
(Linda places a "disqualified" sign on the meatloaf)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wait, what? Disqualified? Uh! It can't possibly be that bad, let me try it? (eats meatloaf) Yes, someone's gonna have to call the paramedics, I think.
Doofenshmirtz taken away by the paramedics
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ugh, I knew I shouldn't eaten that- Wait, is that Tiny Cowboy?

Phineas and Ferb Interrupted

Isabella: Guys, what would you rather do? Watch paint dry or lasso wild dolphins and ride em' across the high seas!?

Phineas: What color paint? Can it be beige? (Phineas talking in the background) Oh, but we do already have one paint color for today, a second might be a little, self indulging.
Isabella: (gasps) This can't be happening! Baljeet, you speak boring. See if you can do anything.
Baljeet: Oh, I speak boring! And getting your Whittling patch is so exciting!
Buford: Meow. Catfight!
Baljeet: So, nice weather we are having.
Phineas: You know, I was just telling to Ferb that the atmosphere pressure seems a bit low today which would suggest cloudy skies, yet is completely sunny. Although, it would be interesting to take an exact barometric reading.
Baljeet gets bored
Phineas: Did you know that while meteorologists used millibars to chart atmospheric pressure, a barometer has a second scale or ring which reads in hectopascals? Of course, it doesn't matter what measure you choose when your barometer doesn't have its sensory range factory set... (continues talking)
Spirals from in Baljeet's eyes and the background turns grey
Isabella: Oh no! Baljeet's in trouble. I've got to get him out of there. Isabella pulls Baljeet Baljeet, focus! Come back.
Baljeet: I have never gone so far into deep dull before. (hears Buford talking) Save... Buford.

Buford: ... and temperature is the perfect balmy 75°. (Isabella slaps him) Whoa! Thanks, Isabella.
Linda: (sarcastically) BOYS, you are so busted! FEEL THE BURN!

Phineas: I've always liked pointing.

Linda: Me too, sweetie!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yes! The dynamic-inator is finished and I couldn't have done it without you, new partner. Now if you would be kind enough to point it at my face and blast me, I will be the most fascinating and charming person in the Tri-state area. And then we could go to a movie or something.

Perry shakes his head.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: What do you mean no? Hand me the remote.
Perry shakes his head.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Perry the Platypus, look at us. We're fighting over the remote like an old married couple. Haha. Gets angry It's not cute.
Phineas: We love thinking. In fact, we were just thinking about how much we love the flavor of water and how come there's no water flavored ice cream.

Baljeet: Actually that would be...

Isabella and Buford: Baljeet!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You never meant to work with me did you, Perry the heart breaker!

(Perry leaves)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yes, go. Go back to your Agency, with their-their uncool acronyms. Just remember, we once had something special!
Buford: It was like your mom was hit with a dynamic ray or something.

Perry backs away and quickly goes to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Really?

A Real Boy

Norm: Good morning, sir!

Doofenshmirtz: Eh!
Norm: (picks up a carton of eggs) One egg or two? (puts all of the eggs in the frying pan)
Doofenshmirtz: None! I don't like them the way you cook them! You always leave in the shells! Who does that?!

Norm: I like mine crunchy.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Sure, it would be nice to have a son, I mean in addition, someone to have a nice game of catch with, but...

Norm: Sir, you can have a game of catch with me! I have always thought of you as my fath-
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Norm, you're in my light!

Norm: -therrr.
Major Monogram: Well, Carl, I don't know what happened, but our cafeteria officially stinks!

Carl: But sir, it's not that bad.
Major Monogram: The old Mexican food station is gone. Vanished!
Carl: But sir, they still have the chilli.

Major Monogram: Oh, right, because chilli is a perfect substitute for a nice, crunchy taco! IT'S PRACTICALLY THE SAME!
Major Monogram: Carl, we're going off the lot for lunch today!

Carl: Is that allowed, sir?

Major Monogram: No...
Candace: (imitating Phineas) "Oh, hi, I'm Phineas! Ferb and I are gonna do something totally bust-worthy!" (in her own voice) "Yeah, like what? A submarine that'll go into my estophogus?"

Stacy: Candace, what are you doing?
Candace: "Nothing. Did you bring the hypnotism stuff?"
Stacy: If you mean the pocket watch, then yes. Why do you want to do this, Candace?
Candace: I have to meet Jeremy in the park today, but I can't go unless I get this busting out of my head!
Stacy: But hypnotism? It's just so 1843 of you.
Candace: 1843?
Stacy: You know, 1843 when James Braid published the "Rationale of Somnambulism" in which he invented the term "hypnotism", named after the Greek god, Hypnos.
Candace: (In a stunned tone) How do you even know that?
Stacy: It's written on your poster. Apparently he also invented the comb-over. Freaky.

Candace: (Still stunned) Why would I have bought that poster?
Doofenshmirtz:(to Perry) Oh this is terrible, look at her, look what I've done. She's been giving me the cold shoulder ever since she overheard something out of context. This is like one of those sitcoms where somebody says something that's misconstrued and the snooty next door neighbor got the wrong package delivered after his in-laws come to visit, somebody has two dates on the same night and they have to paint a white line on the middle of the room, but this isn't a sitcom, Perry the Platypus, this is real life.(Doof and Perry briefly look at the camera) And... I'm... And I'm the father.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Funny, I don't seem to remember much.

Norm: You like playing ball with me, your son.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Really, I like that?
Norm: Yes.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: What else do I like?
Norm: Crunchy eggs for breakfast.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I do? Man, what kind of weirdo am I?
Vanessa: Did you say something, dad? takes off her headphones

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: What? You're wearing headphones? So you haven't heard a word I've said all day?

Vanessa: Why do you think I wear the headphones?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hey, Wait a minute! You're not my son! You're that walking junkpile, Norm!

Norm: But, Dad-
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: And I am not your father. I'm fairly sure about that.
Norm: B-b-b-b-but...
Vanessa: Here Norm. Wear these. It helps.
Norm: Thanks... Sis!
Vanessa: No problem... Bro.
Norm is sadly listening to music in a closet
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (knocks at the door) Hey, buddy. are you a... busy?
Norm: No. Not really.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You know Norm it occurs to me that though I've never had a son, there is someone I can always count on to be there, someone I've begun to think of as family.
Norm: Yes?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: And that someone is Perry the Platypus. See ya 'round Junkpile!

Norm: (smiles)Apology accepted, Dad.

Mommy Can You Hear Me?

Linda: ...Do you think you can entertain yourself up here alone?
Candace: Sure, maybe I'll count useless limbs. One.
Candace: Stacy, you got to help me.

Stacy: Okay.
Candace: (hugs Stacy) Thank you!

Stacy: I am such an enabler.
Entomologist: (After examining the fly in the Chicken Soup through a microscope) It's a raisin.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (Treads off angrily)

Entomologist: ...But on the other side is a fly!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: A Gunter Flagendorf? But how do you know that sandwich? He only made one movie and that was back in Gimmel... (gets hit in the face with the sandwich; screams)
Linda: (After noticing an exhausted Candace lying down on the flower bush) Oh, not in the flowers honey. I just planted those.
Candace: They're lovely.

Road Trip

Candace: Are you even listening to me?
Phineas: Well, we were at first, but then you got all echoey and far away.
Linda: You know that you just scored some big man points in my book for that.

Lawrence: Woohoo!

Linda: You just lost them again.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: And then I say to him "That's not a penguin, it's a throw-pillow". So then he throws it at me. Turns out that it was a penguin, and its beak went right into my mouth and I'm like "Eww, their beak is their nose!" True story.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (Perry honks truck's horn) Perry the Platypus, I can't fight you and drive at the same time!
Candace: Hash-browns or fruit?

Customer: Hash browns!
Candace: You're havin' fruit!

Customer: Aww...
Customer: Do the eggs southwest have bacon in them?

Candace: Ferb, bacon in the southwest?
Ferb gives Candace a thumbs up
Candace: There's bacon.
Customer: Is the bacon good?
Candace: It's bacon.
Customer: Okay then, I'll take a... (pauses)

Candace: Not getting any younger here.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yep, gonna need some new pants. Ah, I fail to see how this day could get any worse. Looks up and stares briefly at camera. Flaming cactus. Flaming cactus falls on him. Aw! Yeah, that oughta do it.
Linda: How do you know how to use a CB radio?

Lawrence: Simple, I studied this. Hands Linda an 8-track cassette case.
Linda: (Reading case) "Truck Drivin' Hits: 1975-1975."

Lawrence: Yes, yes, yes, handle it carefully, dear.
Lawrence: Oh, go on, play track 3! It's the one where a group of truckers take down a corrupt police force using only their trucks and their saucy colloquialisms!
Farmer's Wife: It's always about you! I have dreams, too, you know. I've always wanted to own a little truck stop diner.

Phineas and Ferb's truck stop diner stops on an overpass, behind the farmer and his wife. Farmer: There you go!

Farmer's Wife: How do you do that?
Candace: Phineas! My last peaceful hours of vacation and you build this!

Man: More coffee, Miss?
Candace: This is unbelievable! When Mom sees this one, she's gonna completely flip!
Man: Miss, I'd like the breakfast special.
Candace: Honestly, you can close your eyes for one second around you boys. .... Hash browns or fruit?
Man: Hash browns!
Candace: You're havin' fruit!

Man: Aww...

Phineas and Ferb The Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension

Main article: Phineas and Ferb The Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension/Memorable Quotes

Tour de Ferb

Baljeet: Years later, my grandfather skillfully avoided the tiger pit, but sadly not the tiger. Then, my father was confident he had outsmarted the tiger, but he was wrong.
Greg LeMond: That's the spirit. USA! USA!
Baljeet: I am from India!
Greg LeMond: I know things are tough, and there's a little voice telling you to quit.

Baljeet: I hear no voice.
Greg LeMond: But you can't quit.
Baljeet: But I do not want to quit!
Greg LeMond: Hey, true story. Hunting accident, my brother-in-law thought I was a turkey, - KA-BOOM! But I recovered! And you can too.
Baljeet: Wow... I have no idea how to respond to that. I think I will be continuing with the race now.
As Baljeet cycles onward
Greg LeMond: Dropping out may seem like the easy way, but years from now I don't want you to look back and wonder, 'what if'.
Candace: Out of my way, turkey!

Greg LeMond: Why does everybody think I'm a turkey?!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: tied up with wires Perry the Platypus, wire (as in why're) you doing this to me? Get it? Wire?
Baljeet: I can feel the wind rushing upon me. It is almost as if-- (Greg LeMond rushes by Baljeet) GREG LeMOND?! But, I thought you were supposed to be motivating me?

Greg LeMond: It worked so well, I even motivated myself! Finish line, here I-- (gets attacked by a tiger) AAH!
Ferb: Time to change the batteries on the tiger excluder.
Phineas: Boy, I'll say!
Baljeet: (crosses the finish line) I did it! I won a bike race! And all thanks to Greg LeMond motivating me. And then, you know, getting attacked by that tiger. By the way, I hope he is okay.

Greg LeMond: Oh, man, I gotta call my brother-in-law and tell him that his tiger got out.

Skiddley Whiffers

Phineas: I suppose you're wondering why I called all of you here today.

Buford: Yeah, actually, we were.
Phineas: Ferb!
Ferb unveils a mechanical nose, fedora, hairdryer, shoe, truck, and unicorn
Phineas: Ta-Da!
Buford: That's not clearing anything up for me.

Isabella: I don't care what it is, the hairdryer is mine.
Phineas: I claim the fedora, and Ferb picks the nose! (rim-shot)

Baljeet sits angrily on the yellow unicorn

Baljeet: You know, real unicorns are pink. I am just saying.
Doofenshmirtz: You know, fire is the leading cause of fire.
Vanessa: Anybody else allergic to bees?

Lacie: Me.
Unnamed goth boy: I am.
Johnny: All of us?! What are the odds?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (to bees) YOU LEAVE MY BABY GIRL ALONE!
Vanessa: Dad?! What are you doing here? It's dangerous!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (sarcastically) Really? I hadn't noticed!
Candace: Now toss me that dice.

Baljeet: (angrily) The singular is "die"!
Bajeet throws the die to Candace

Buford: Wow, that was uncalled for.
Candace: Mom, mom, mom! Here, look what Phineas and Ferb built!
Linda: You're right, Candace. Call the authorities, it's a cube.
Doofenshmirtz: (Walking away sad with Perry) C'mon Perry the Platypus. Maybe there's still time for a scheme. I won't even trap you. You can just start punching me up right away.
Johnny: Wait! I thought your dad was a pharmacist.
Vanessa: seeing through Doofenshmirtz's obvious disguise Uh, hey there, strange man I've never met. What brings you to this campsite? And how soon can you leave?

My Fair Goalie

Phineas: So Ferb, your cousins from England are here visiting.

Ferb nods
Phineas: No, I mean your cousins from England are here visiting!

(cut to Linda and Lawrence standing next to Ferb's cousins, uncle and aunt.)
(Lawrence introducing Ferb's cousins and uncle and aunt to Phineas.)

Lawrence: Phineas this is Uncle Adrian (waves to Phineas) A.D. for short, Aunt Lucy.
Lucy: (waves to Phineas) Hello.
Lawerence: And their kids; Beckham, Beckham, Pelé, Beckham, Pelé and Eliza, well her middle name is Beckham.

Phineas: Hi Guys.
(After Baljeet has returned Ferb's things)

Baljeet: Oh, and Phineas, here is your sack.

Phineas: (hugging sack) Awesome! Come to papa!
Buford: Ferb's British?

Beckham (blond): Apparently not. I'll bet you don't even play football anymore. (a close-up on the soccer ball with dramatic music in the background)
Buford: You dweebs! That's a soccer ball! This is a football! (a close-up on the football with dramatic music in the background)
Ferb: (he is about to speak, but is cut off by Phineas)
Phineas: Actually, there's no one who loves soccer more than Ferb. In fact, he got us all into playing. And I must say, we're pretty bold ourselves, but Ferb, he's the real master.
Isabella: Yeah, I once saw Ferb play an entire game of soccer using a pumpkin! And he didn't even break it! To this day, his motivation for doing so remains shrouded in mystery.
Beckham (blond): Well, if you're all such crackin' footballers, we challenge you and your friends to a football match. (a close-up on Ferb's eyes with dramatic music) So, how should we play? Playground rules?
Phineas: How about Football X-7 rules? (a close-up on a house with dramatic music, then Phineas and Ferb move with only their eyes and noses showing)
Beckham (blond): Football X-7? But that's only theoretical.
Phineas: Only for the next couple of hours, 'cause I know what we're gonna do today! Hey, maybe Perry wants to be on our team? (a close-up on Perry's indentation in the grass with dramatic music)

Beckham (blond): Who's Perry?
Major Monogram: Can you believe he had the nerve to call in sick. I'm here, Carl's here. Don't you think I'd rather be at home watching Ducky Momo? Agent P, you've got to get in there and, (coughs) I don't know, get him better. Stop him from stopping the things for which, (snorts) you have to stop him. For...
Candace: Cool accent? Cool accent? He's never complemented me on my accent!

Eliza: Now to be fair.
Candace: I'm not all British-y and sophisticated!
Eliza: Oh, Candace, don't be silly, it's obvious, Jeremy likes you just the way you are.
Candace: DON'T TALK CRAZY! You gotta teach me how to be all anglo-ishy and ladylike and proper!
Eliza: But Cand-
Candace: Obviously my relationship with Jeremy depends on it! So you help me?

Eliza: Yeah alright.
Phineas: Impossible? The only thing that's impossible is impossibility. Now, Ferb and I found out where Eforp went wrong.

Beckham (blond): Oy! Did you say you were actually gonna build that thing? Here?
Phineas: Yes! We are gonna do what no one has done before: Play the biggest, baddest, "only-est" game of Football X-7! Now, who's with me?
Isabella: We are, of course.

Beckham (blond): Completely mad, the lot of them.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, man, 103? If I was a hot tub people would be getting out of me. They'd be all like "Wow...Heinz Doofenshmirtz is way too hot we should get out of him"
Doofenshmirtz: (in video) I'LL CORNER THE MARKETS! And speaking of markets, I'm out of vitamins. I should probably get some before they close. Eh, so I skip my Vitamin C for one day. What's the worse that could happen? (video off) Not one word, Perry the Platypus. You've got to at least gimme a chance to do my thing. Alright, where is it? (Perry hands a remote to Doofenshmirtz, who attempts to trap Perry, but fails to do so because the cage is on the far side of the room) There, I've trapped you.
Candace: I don't get it. What, do polite people not have bookshelves in your country?
Beckhem: I'm terribly gobsmacked!
Phineas: Yeah, I guess I could smack a little gob, myself.
Phineas: Wait a second, who's got a piccolo? Buford?

Buford: Gah! One day, someone's gonna ask me for some obscure musical instrument, and it ain't gonna be there. What's gonna happen then? (takes out piccolo from pocket, playing)

Doofenshmirtz: Ugh, what is that ringing? Is that an E-flat above high C? Perry the Platypus, really? You're thwarting me ill?
Beckham (blond): Then, let's play.

Phineas: I wish we could.
Isabella: Yeah, we don't have a team without Ferb.
Buford: (dressed in American football uniform) Yeah, he was our quarterback!

Baljeet: You still do not know what game we are playing, do you?
Candace: (with a British accent) Why, Jeremy, how delightful it is to see you again!
Eliza: Hi, Jeremy! Doesn't Candace look lovely?

Jeremy: Yeah! I can't say I've seen better posture.
Candace: Would you care to stack books on my head?

Jeremy: No, I'm cool.
(after Nostrils on the Bus jingle is heard again, the If-a-Tree-Fell-Inator blasts a tree, and it falls over, blocking the Nostrils' bus)

Tree: (as it falls over) Doofenshmirtz!
Nostril #8: Did that tree just say "Doofenshmirtz"?
Nostril #3: I think we've been on this bus for too long.
Bus driver: Hang on, lads, we're taking a detour!
Crowd: Nostrils, Nostrils!
Crowd member: Hey, where are they going?
Johnny's mother: I made them a crumpet.

Johnny: Oh, is that what that is?
Linda: (to Lawrence) Um, do you mind telling me what's going on here? I've seen you put on more shirts than that!
Nostril #8: Is it my imagination, or is that a football X-7 stadium?
Nostril #3: It's your imagination, that's a mailbox, but there is one on this side of the bus.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, I'll have more cake.
Phineas: Pass it to Ferb! Pass it to Ferb!

Baljeet: Oooh! I am kind of in the middle of something here!

Isabella: I got it!
Phineas: What happened? I guess the curse wasn't broken.

Ferb: No, it's broken. Sometimes, you just miss.
Nostril #8: Hey.
Ferb's cousins: It's the Sniffington Nostrils! Ooh, nose goal!
Nostril #8: That was a smashing kick.
Phineas: But he missed the goal.
Nostril #8: It's not about whether you make the goal, or not, it's about how good you look while kicking the ball.

Coach: Actually, it's about making goals.
Professor Ross Eforp: (after seeing the Football X-7 Stadium and pulling a paper bag off his head) Is that a football X-7 stadium? I knew it could be done! Professor Ross Eforp can finally come out of hiding!

Johnny: Mummy, that man's name is a palindrome.
Unnamed Mother: Look away Johnny, look away.

(Professor Ross Eforp runs into the bushes.)


Linda: Feathers, it needs feathers!
Phineas: Oops! Outer ring. We'll try again.

Buford: Zero! Write that down, Baljeet!

Baljeet: Oh, yes. By all means, I do not want to forget to add zero later.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Anyway, today is the day that I become the supreme leader of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N.! You remember L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N., the League Of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally bleblebluh whatever? Huh? Remember them? Well, we gotta get moving. Maybe we'll get some hot dogs or something on the way. You like hot dogs, right?
Rodney: I'm Rodney and I'm from the great state of South Dakota, home of beautiful Mount Rushmore. For now.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I'm Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz and I like unicorns and rainbo- Wait, who switched my- ?
Rodney: Ha ha!

Dr. Diminutive: I'm Dr. Diminutive and I don't have a Napoleon complex, Napoleon had a me complex! Don't cross me!
Linda: Now to the butcher's for the finishing touch.
Rodney: I didn't know anyone could be more incompetent at being evil than you.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Me neither.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I am getting married again. (Snaps fingers) The Mechanical Mother explodes
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, come on, Rodney, the last event is about to-- Wait, what? Hey, that's my Make-Everything-Evil-Inator!

Rodney: No, Doofy, it's my Make-Everything-Evil-Izer! It's an -Izer!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You're a jerk, ya know that?
Rodney: You broke my Izer!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Inator! Inator!
Rodney: Shut it!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: No, you shut it!
Lawrence: Today Danville... tomorrow the world!
Phineas: So, how did it go Dad?

Lawrence: I'm not absolutely sure boys, but I think I just became the king of the pharmacists.

Phineas: Awesome!
Candace: (grunts) No! Not until Mom has seen it!

Delivery Man: Sorry, miss, I got a job to do.
Linda: Candace is right. Because it's not done yet.
(Camera shows a crazed-looking Candace while Linda climbs onto the flatbed. Linda then places a coat hanger on the sculpture.)
Linda: There. Take it away, guys. That junk sculpture should bring in big bids at the auction.
(climbs down the flatbed)
Candace: (in surprise) Junk sculpture? (stuttering)
(The flatbed truck drives down the driveway)
Linda: Honestly, Candace, it's not like lip-synching is my only talent.
Candace: (continues stuttering)
Linda: Well, now you're just being rude.

Candace: But...

That's the Spirit

Man: And if it isn't little Candace Flynn! Where's your costume?
Candace: "Where's your costume"?! I haven't worn my hair like this in two years!
Phineas: Nice fairy princess costume. Where'd you get it?

Isabella: Actually, I'm not wearing a costume.
Phineas: Oh, okay.

Isabella: (Frustrated Pause) I got it at the Googolplex Mall.
Buford: What kind of person hands out these weird orange peanuts? We gotta find a better neighborhood.

Phineas: That's strange. I've never seen this place before. You'd think we would have noticed it.

Buford: I'm gonna give those orange peanuts a second look.
Buford: The light under his chin makes his story pretty convincing.

Baljeet: Actually, there is no scientific evidence for the existence of ghosts.
Buford: What do you know? You're a daffodil.
Baljeet: Daisy!

Buford: Case closed.
Phineas: (to Russel) Maybe we can help you, Russell. (to Ferb) Got anything for ghosts, Ferb?

(Ferb opens his jacket and shows various kinds of tools)
Phineas: Wow! Looks like we're in business, let's bust us some ghosts.

Candace: Hold it there, fella! Nobody is doin' any busting around here without me.
Candace: Oh please.

Russell: Oh this always happens.
Phineas: Don't panic everyone.
Isabella: How can I panic when I'm holding your hand?
Buford: I think that's my hand.

Isabella: Ew!
Zombie: Brains.

Zombie: Spleen.
Russell: Did I mention the zombies?
Zombie: Kidneys!

Zombie with tea: I don't care for organs, but I do enjoy a cucumber sandwich.
Phineas: Isn't this the part where someone turns into a ghost?

The screen cuts to Russell, then Phineas, then Russell, then Phineas, then Russell again
Russell: DUDE, THAT'S IT!

Phineas: Okay, see you next year!

The Curse of Candace

Candace: Oh, look! He has no reflection in that mirror!
Jared: I can't see my hair!
Candace: Look, Stacy. He's cornered. Now he's really stuck.
Stacy: (referring to the purple goop her shoes are stuck in) Speaking of stuck, what's up with this floor?
Jared: We did and-- Wait a minute. Wasn't he just wearing a shirt?

Michael: You no longer drink the blood for those you love.
Jared: Wait, those drapes were a gift from my- AH! The hideous light of the day star! (Turns to dust and is blown away by a gust of wind) Ah...
Kristen: Where did that wind come from?

Michael: Oops, sorry. I opened the window, it was getting stuffy in here.
Lawrence watching television
Lawrence: Well, this isn't much of a horror movie. Where are the rock and roll musical numbers?
Major Monogram: (Playing Jump and Duck) Oh, Agent P, how long have you been sitting there? (chuckles) I guess I better get started. We've received a weird message from Dr. Doofenshmirtz this morning claiming that he will no longer seek to take over the Tri-State area. And he used a very unusual method for conveying his message. Carl?

Carl: He wrote a letter by hand, then put it in an envelope. And sent it through the regular mail, with a stamp and everything! Who does that? And it's scented. (sniffs) Mmm, Milbank Nights. One of the better perfumes to come out of South Dakota.

Major Monogram: When an evil scientist sends fragrant letters, wrongdoing can't be far behind. Dismissed, Agent P. Carl, let me, uh, smell that letter again, would you?
Phineas: I know what you mean Ferb. It does seem like more than one hundred and four days.
Stacy: Did Candace just jump over that fence?
Jeremy: You had to take her to the vampire movie, didn't you?
Beside expensive-looking sports car parked by the curb

Teenager 1: Yeah, my dad said I could drive it, just as long as I don't get a scratch on it.
A ray from the Gimmelshtumpinator hits the car, transforming it into a donkey.
Teenager 1: Oh, My dad's gonna kill me!

Teenager 2: Why dude? It's not scratched!
Jeremy (With a Drusselstienian accent): Vat about your music box mitt ze tiny cowboy?
The car had been transformed back from a donkey right as it had thrown its front legs in the air, and flips over. The roof is smashed.
Teenager 2: Well, now it's scratched.
Phineas: Why would marathoners chase anyone? Except you know, three runners from Kenya.
Phineas: Ferb, we're gonna need a dustpan and some glue.
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you Perry the plat... (Gimmelshtump-inator reverses his bathroom from the lightbulb and bucket back to reality) Ohh, never mind!

Escape from Phineas Tower

Carl: I bet he calls it the rude-inator.
Monogram: What does that make you? Nostradamus?
Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, my brother and I are here today to give you a thrilling display of escapement arts as we attempt to extract ourselves from this. The most complicated trap ever devised my man or child, a computer controlled tower, so fiendishly clever, that its blueprints had to be viewed in a smoked mirror to avoid driving its creators insane!
Isabella: Wow, he's really selling it hard.
Baljeet: (After Phineas and Ferb enter the escape tower) Legally speaking, what is our liability here?
(In Doofenshmirtz's flashback)

Young Roger: Sweet Aunt Bephy, you have always been my favorite.
Aunt Bephy: Roger, so polite. Heinz?
Young Dr. Doofenshmirtz: That's some mole!
(Flashback ends)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Heh, it takes a long time to clean out a chicken coop with a spoon.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (At city hall) Here we are, right up close. You sit here, Perry the... Catapus. Haha! I JUST came up with that. That totally makes up for missing the cat-got-your-tongue thing before.
Tower: I don't give a flying buttress.
Tower: I'm not done with you yet. (Seals Phineas and Ferb in a dome)
Buford: Wow. And I thought I had a bad attitude.

Lotsa Latkes

Isabella: (after finding out there are no potatoes left in the tri-state area to make latkes) What am I going to do? Have you ever seen senior citizens riot? It’s like a slow gray tornado of canes and false teeth!
Candace: Summer is boring. I am so-o-o-o-o bored.

Linda: Why don't you call Jeremy?
Candace: He's working.
Linda: How about Stacy?
Candace: Grounded.
Linda: Jenny?
Candace: Protesting.
Linda: What about busting your brothers?

Candace: Well, it's nice seeing you taking an interest but they're not even in the backyard.
Isabella: Oh, thank you! Now, I can--Uh, Phineas? Those potatoes have eyes.

Baljeet: All potatoes have eyes.
Isabella: Yeah, but these eyes blink!
Phineas: Buford, you didn't put that potato chip in your mouth, did you?
Buford: And if I did, would that be actionable?
Phineas: I think the DNA in Buford's saliva combined with the potato DNA to create some sort of Buford-potato hybrid. Let's get out of here!

Buford: Aw, look at the little guys! They're like little bullies! I am both proud and ready to soil my pants in terror!
After retrieving a Mongol army instead of his planned Spartan army.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz
: You don't look a gift horde in the mouth.
Phineas: Yes! If we reverse the back-up engine on the spuds-a-lot and attach those hoses, we can suck the potatoes into that soothing hot tub we built into the bulkhead.

Isabella: Hot tub? Why on earth would you build a hot tub on this thing?

Phineas: I'd like to think the real question is: why wouldn't we?
Baljeet: Buford, what are we going to do? Phineas wants us to stall. We gotta think of something!

Buford: Uh... I got something! (takes out a sock and puts it over his hand) Hi, I'm Mr. Sock! Hey, who turned out the lights?! (draws eyes on the sock) Thanks! (pause)
Old Lady: You stink!
Buford: Well, that wasn't very nice!
Baljeet: (takes out his own sock and also puts it on his hand) Technically, we are socks.
Buford: Hey, Mr. Other Sock, what are you doing here?
Baljeet: Just looking.
Buford: For what?
Baljeet: My sole mate! (both laugh)

Old Lady: You both stink!
Doofenshmirtz: I'm kinda low on funds right now. Do you take potatoes in trade?

Ferb Latin

Phineas: All the fun of Pig Latin but it's safe for vegetarians to use.

Isabella: Oh, Phineas, I think your new language is onderful-werb!
Phineas: By jove, I think she's got it! But there are also a lot of non-verbal cues. Like, if you want to say "Okay", you reach for the sky.
Buford: Yeah, and if you're hungry, you crack your knuckles! (cracks knuckles) Oh, baby, that's good!
Phineas: And if you've smelled something bad, you get to do jazz hands!
(Buford stares at Baljeet)

Baljeet: Stop looking at me! I am not going to do jazz hands! (to himself) Even though you have totally earned it.
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, we meet again! Only, this time, the advantage is mine! Hey, what are you waiting for, Norm? We've rehearsed this, like 1,000 times! When I say "Ah, Perry the Platypus, we meet again, only this time the advantage is mine", you go and get him.

Norm: Going and getting!

Doofenshmirtz: Note to self: Consider pulling off and replacing Norm's head.
Doofenshmirtz: So, Perry the Platypus, I bet you're wondering where my new inator is, huh? Huh? Come on. You're not gonna play? You're not gonna--Fine, don't play! It's Norm!

Norm: Let's hope there's no self-destruct button on this one!
Doofenshmirtz: You've always had one, Norm. I just didn't tell you where it is so you wouldn't pick at it.

Norm: (when he finds out about the self-destruct button, his pupils enlarge, and his mouth falls off in surprise)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, for crying out loud! You know what, Norm? Listen, here's a buck. Why don't you go get out of here and go get a haircut, or something?

Norm: Out I go!
Doofenshmirtz: Uh, Norm? Take the dollar, leave the platypus.
(Norm puts Perry down, then walks through the wall)

Doofenshmirtz: And when you come back, use the door! (to Perry) He gets that from you, you know.
Norm: (runs throug door as though it was part of the wall) I'm ack-berb!

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, great. Nice haircut, by the way. Where's my change?
Norm: (spits out tokens similar to an arcade game)
Doofenshmirtz: You're a weird robot, Norm.
Norm: Ank-Therb Ou-Yerb.
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, is that Swedish? You better not be broken, Norm. You still have to fly around the Tri-State Area and deliver leafelets. (sighs) Well, as long as you remember the code for "take-off", we can begin.
Norm: Aunch-lerb?

Doofenshmirtz: No, it's not "aunch-lerb". Talk normal! It's "launch". Launch.(Norm's rockets activate) NO, NO, NOT YET! NOT YET!
Random Guy: Xcuse-eerb e-merb?

Candace: Excuse me?
Random Guy: Ublic-perb estroom-rerb?
Candace: Um, sorry. (performs jazz hands) I no eak-sperb your languerb.

Random Guy: Azz-jerb ands-herb? I ell-smerb? (crying)
Candace: You there! Talk.

Random Guy: I don't think we have anything to say to each other. Not after the jazz-hands... (walks away crying)

Linda: Wow, he must really hate jazz-hands.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, that could've gone better!

Norm: (prints out a leaflet saying "slap yourself" to Doofenshmirtz, causing the latter to read the leaflet and proceed to do so)

Doofenshmirtz: Not funny, Norm!

A Phineas and Ferb Family Christmas

Candace: What is all this? Arrgh! Fake snow, fake house, and who are all these people?

Isabella: Extras.
Visitor in red outfit: Not me. I got a speaking part. But it's just this line so it's pretty much over now.
Candace: And where did you get those ugly sweaters?

Old Lady: Hey!
Doofenshmirtz: Wait wait. What's going on here? Is it Christmas already? What happened to Fall? I'm totally unprepared.
Visitor in red outfit: I had one line earlier.

Kelly Clarkson: And now you have two!

Visitor in red outfit: Oooh!
Doofenshmirtz: Wait. Aren't you Kelly Clarkson?

Kelly Clarkson: Why yes. Yes I am.
Doofenshmirtz: You're standing on my hand.
Kelly Clarkson: Oh sorry!
Doofenshmirtz: No no. It was a huge honor. Hey, since you're here, you wanna sing a song?
Kelly Clarkson: Uh, you know I would love to. Wait. What's that?
Doofenshmirtz: Oh that's my inator. It's probably just gonna blow up.

Kelly Clarkson: I'm out of here!
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus! And to a lesser extent, Kelly Clarkson - although I do love her work.

Tri-Stone Area

Monobrow: Mai-teenga, Bunkaquan. Gucka-lucka Doonkalug. Gucka-lucka.

(Gnarl swings onscreen and peels a banana, hooting)
Monobrow: GNARL! Gucka-lucka, gucka-gucka-lucka! Eh.
(Bunkaquan leaves)

(slipping on banana peel) AAH! GNARL!
Can-tok: Phinabunk and Gerb! Can-tok in charga!
Phinabunk: Can-tok in charga? Du mhakka satellakkah?
Doofengung: A Bunkaquan?

Perry puts on his head gear

Doofengung: Bunka da Bunkaquan?!
Can-tok: Phinabunk and Gerb! gu ganna busta. Me tella Mog, Mog!
Conk: Yay, Phinnebunk and Gerb! (camera cuts to full-body veiw to reveal that Conk's foot is stuck in a piece of ice) Aw, bunka!
Can-tok: Mog, Mog! Phinnebunk and Gerb gunka bunka du wha, du whah, DU WHA!

(short pause)
Bobbi: A wha?
Mog: Ni, Can-tok. Locka-woka.
(Can-tock growls, then leaves)
Bobbi: Can-tok, uh, enthuse-lacka?

Mog: Can-tok bunka-lunka.
Dan Povenmire: Oh, so Doof's going to poke the mammoths with his Stick-Inator and they'll stampede Roger and his friends away from their home, and Doof can live there.

Jeff "Swampy" Marsh: Now, wasn't that clear?
Dan Povenmire: No.

Jeff "Swampy" Marsh: Well, then it's a good thing we're doing this then.
After his plans have failed
Doofengung: Kooya, Bunka da Bunkaquan! (Seeing Bunka walking away)Aw, bunka!

Doof Dynasty

Phineas: There it is, the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness.

Buford: You know what I hate about the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness, just to get there you have to cross the Uncrossable River of Uncrossableness.
Baljeet: Who named all these things?

Buford: That guy over there, the Redundant Scribe of Redundantness.
Baljeet: Look, Chinese visirating fish! Although, here in China, I suppose they are called visirating fish. Candace: "Oh, but here, we just call them"- (falls over the river and screams)
Candace: Stupid mountain of stupidness!

Redundant Scribe of Redundantness: Actually, that was my original name for it!
(Candace falls off the mountain, screaming)

'Redundant Scribe of Redundantness: Oops, my bad, sorry, my apologizes, mea culpa!
Phineas: Master Perry, this is a great honor.

Buford: Can you believe he's a platypus?

Baljeet: Phineas pulled a jaou with giant, mechanical feet out of his backpack and that is what bugs you?
Phineas: Master Perry, are you sure you don't want to come with us?

(Perry begins rippling)
Buford: He's doing it again.
(they leave on another jaou, this one with a giant pogo stick attached to the bottom)
All: Good bye, Master Perry!
(Candace finally reaches the top of the mountain and is angry)

Candace: Where are they? (Perry resumes rippling) You know I can't see anything, right?
Phineas: Holy mackerel! how did you guys defeat all these soldiers?

Soldier: We're okay.
Buford: There was nothing to it. (Buford starts rippling)
Phineas: There's no time for flashbacks! We have to go!

Buford: What flashback? I'm just rippling! It relaxes me.
Regent Monogram: Doofus Khan, you barbarian!

Doofus Khan: I know I am, but what are you? Nah! Ha, you like the tongue? Set me back a week but totally worth it.
Regent Monogram: Carl, duck!

General Carl: No actually sir, it's a dra- (The mechanical dragon's tail hit him) Ow! Oh, that kinda duck.
Doofus Khan: (while the giant robot goes into a crane position) Oh, look he's doing that "crane" thing. (the robot karate punches the dragon robot) Y'know, four centuries from now, that movie is gonna be real cliché!
As Mechanical dragon and Terracotta warrior clash
Regent Monogram: They would love this over in Japan.
Baljeet: He has the key to our defeat!
Buford: You make puns when the other guy's down, dumbbell!
Doofus Khan: Allow me to put you to sleep!

(With his Mechanical dragon, Doof grabs a house and raises it in the air)

Princess Isabella: Ew! Who puts armpit hair on a mechanical dragon?


Candavere: This is a most inopportune time for your infernal hijinks, and for once our sad sweet mother will be heralded to your inpropri- Argh, I can't talk like this anymore! You guys are so busted! Mom!
Lady of the Puddle: Behold, I am the Lady of the Puddle.

Phineas: Don't you mean the Lady of the Lake?
Lady of the Puddle: No, that's my mom.

Lady of the Lake: Hey kids, you're getting a little quest of your own. Oh, that's so nice.
As the Lady of the Puddle vanishes a wave of water hits Phineas and Ferbalot.
Phineas: It's a good thing she isn't the lady of the hot coffee.
Referring to Monopunzel

Major Monogram: I really like that character, is there gonna be more about him?
Carl: I'm sorry sir, he just comes at the beginning. Shall I continue?
(Major Monogram mumbles)
Carl: Huh?

Major Monogram: Okay.
Malifishmertz: (walks down the tower) You see, I was bullfrog hunting down by the rat catcher's shack and came across a... (muffled sound from going around the back of the stairs) ...the biggest raspberry I've ever seen! It was the size of a cucumber! (muffled sound) what I said because I had a gag over my mouth. (muffled sound continues until he reached the bottom) ...and that's why I decided to take over the Tri-Kingdom Area! True story.
Major Monogram: Ho-de-ho-hold it, what's with the banjo?

Carl: Traveling music.

Major Monogram: Where are they going, Alabama?
Spy: (whispers to Malifishmertz)
Malifishmertz: Well, whaddaya know! My shepherd spy tells me that a band of heroes has come to stop me! (Spy whispers some more) Oh yeah, sure, it's just down the hall, past the sally port on your right. You can't miss it!
Bufavolous: My mother always told me that if all the other kids were jumping off a cliff, I should, too.

Baljeetolas: Your mother said that?

Bufavolous: She was not a nurturer.
Major Monogram: Carl, you- you stop?

Carl: I think we need to take a little break here.
Major Monogram: Wow, bad time for that. You totally left me hanging on that cliff scene.
Carl: That's kinda the point, sir.

Major Monogram: Oh, I see. Very clever.
Major Monogram: Gees Carl, what- what took so long?

Carl: Sorry sir, I was down in your beautiful kitchen and your wife was making two sandwiches and I got to tell you they were de-lish.
Major Monogram: Did she make one for me?
Carl: How about we get back to the book?
Major Monogram: Carl, did you eat my sandwich?
Carl: As our heroes fell doubt swept across them -
Major Monogram: Carl, you ate my sandwich.
Carl: Do you want to hear this or not, sir?

Major Monogram: Okay.
Baljeetolas: I have an idea. I think I have a way to get you across this swamp. I have been working on a way of solving problems by the process of deriving reliable generalizations from observation. I call it "logic."

Bufavulous: Logic? How come I've never heard of this?
Baljeetolas: Because it is the Middle Ages.
Bufavulous: Oh, is it anything like hysterical hearsay?
Baljeetolas: Yes, in that it is the exact opposite of that.
Bufavulous: Yeah?
Baljeetolas: Listen, here is how it works. By observing the swamp, logic tells me that it is too big to go around. And by gathering information about it from Isabel, I can logically make assessments about the best way to get across. Are you following me?
Bufavulous: Absolutely not.
Baljeetolas: (He sighs) Phineas has pie.

Bufavulous: Out of my way, runt! (He runs across the swamp)
Malifishmertz: (After forcing Parable out the window with staff) This thing really works when you put batteries in it.
Malifishmertz: (Laughs) Finally, my greatest nemesis vanquished. Now, Parable the Dragonpus prepare to meet your dim- doom, I mean doom. Prepare to meet your- Man, talk about blowing the moment.
Malifishmertz: Are you kidding me?! I am not afraid you kids or your monsters. In fact, I am not afraid of anything! Ha! Except, you know, unicorns, but other than that, nothing! Just unicorns and whales. That's a given. Everyone's afraid of whales. And squid. Unicorns whales and squid and Pegasuses. That's it! Pegasuses, whales, unicorns, squid, scorpions, barnacles-- You know, I should really make a list. And girls. I used to be terrified of girls but I sort of got over that one. Now it's just, you know like sort of a mild anxiety. So just to recap, girls, whales, squid-- (Notices that everyone is looking towards the sky) Hey, what's everyone looking at?"

(Sees the genetically twisted Candavere)
Candavere: Phineas and Ferbalot, you are so busted!

Malifishmertz: What do you know, it's a uniwhale scorpiopegasquidacorn girl. What are the odds? You know, taken all together, it's actually more ridiculous than scary. I guess it doesn't have a cumulative effect.
Carl: From the top of another hill, a figure appears, a shaft of light shining off his auburn hair. It was Carl, the Red-headed Paladin from the land of Internius. He--

Major Monogram: Carl, now you're just getting ridiculous!

Carl: I don't see why I can't be in this story. Besides, it's totally better this way.

Phineas and Ferb and the Temple of Juatchadoon

Doofenshmirtz: Tell that to the abominable snowman!

Ohio: That's an odd expression.

Doofenshmirtz: No, really. There's an abominable snowman right there, look!
Doofenshmirtz: (After Norm starts slow clapping) Way too soon for a callback, Norm.
Candace: There's a scoop here, and I can smell it! Or they haven't invented deodorant soap yet, but there's still a scoop!
Lawrence lookalike: Gentlemen please, there simply are no more maraschino cherries!!
Carl: Why are we wearing a fez in the middle of Central America anyway?
Major Monogram: You mean we're not in Egypt?! I thought those pyramids were kind of stair steppy.
Ohio: Care to come with us?

Baljeet lookalike: And spoil my carefully calculated air of selfishness and unconcern? Not until the last second, thank you very much.

Ohio: Wow, authentic riverboat gibberish
Ohio: There must be some trick to opening this case. A latch, or somewhere to twist it or...

Isabella: Or, we could hit it with a rock. (She hits the glass case with a stone and it shatters)

Ohio: Yeah, that works.
Isabella: Sorry boys.

Ohio: What?
Isabella: (Hands the amulet and map to Doofenshmirtz) Here you go.
Ohio: Isabella! You dirty double crosser!
Isabella: I forgot to give you this one.

(Hands him business card reading "Isabella: Dirty Double Crosser". Ohio grimaces.)
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, you totally one-upped my entrance!
Ohio: We've got to lead the Corn Colossus away from those backup singers!
Isabella: OMG! Coolest sentence ever! Somebody write that down! (Rhode Island writes it down)
Ohio: (as the corn colossus turns into popcorn) Oh, now he pops! How does that make any sense?
New Hampshire: That was very smooth of you rescuing us at the last moment.
Baljeet lookalike: That is just how I'm playing it, babe.

Monster from the Id

Candace: (Reaching for Jeremy's gift in the gutter) Ohh, almost got it. (A huge flow of water rushes through the gutter)

People: Woo Hoo! The Danville clean water flush off!

Man: One million gallons right to the ocean.
Phineas: We've already cured Irving's fear of the color lavender.
Irving: It can't hurt me anymore.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Eating cereal looks like this
Candace: Wait a minute. Why is that dweeb going into my subconscious?

Baljeet: Because this dweeb spent two weeks in psychology camp last summer.
(flashback to psychology camp)

All: So how did that make you feel?
Candace: Where are we?

Phineas: We're inside your subconscious!

Candace: OK, everyone take off your shoes. I don't want you tracking mud. Metaphorically speaking.
Baljeet: I cannot believe there is a whole valley in there devoted to your love hate relationship with ambivalence.
Candace: I have mixed feelings about it.
Candace: You can't come in here!

Buford: It's a free country.

Candace: No it's not. It's my head!
Phineas: Now, what's the last thing you remember?

Candace: The last thing I remember is saying "How will I find Jermey's gift?".
Phineas: Well, we shouldn't have to walk too far, since it's a recent memory. What's the last thing you remember?

Candace: Oh, I forgot it already!
Candace: That's it!

Jeremy: That's what?
Candace: Jeremy? Wait, are you real?
Jeremy: Yeah. I stopped by your house to bring your present and Irving just told me to jack right in.
Candace: My present? How could you? I lost it. But I found the memory. It's right over there!

Jeremy: That? That's not your present, that's my drain unclogger. I don't know why I carry that around with me.
Norm: Who wants lobster bisque? (gets hit with the Underwear-inator, revealing his underwear, and it falls off) Get it while it's hot!
Ginger: That's it, I'm dead meat.
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus. You know, those really work for you.
Buford: Yeah, she's real messed up.

Candace: Buford!? (Outside the subconsious)
Isabella: What's he doing?

Irving: He just showed up and jacked in.


Major Monogram: So, we need you to investigate, Agent P. Monogram out. Carl, fade out! (Carl pushes a button on a remote which turns the room pitch black, and the only things visible are the eyes of Agent P, Carl and Major Monogram) You can go now, Agent P. (he does so) Okay, Carl. You can turn the lights back on. Carl? (man laughing manically) Stop it, Carl!
Carl: That wasn't me!
Buford: Smells like my grandma's house.

Isabella: Why does you grandma's house smell like ant pheromones?
Buford: Have you met my grandma?
Isabella: Let's go see what the ant thinks of our new cologne.

Phineas: You know what I like about our friends? We say things like, "We're gonna douse you in ant pheromones." And they're just like, "Okay, whatever". They're so cool.
Doofenshmirtz: That is why I built the Turkey-inator! (pause) Wait, can you see it from that little door, or do I have to move the hat? You're good? You're good.
Doofenshmirtz: Won't that be trypto-fun? Get it, like tryptophan, but-- (sighing) I'm wasting all this word-smithing on a platypus!
Candace: Ugh, it tastes like Buford's grandmother's house.
Doofenshmirtz: This is great! With Perry the Platypus out of the way, I can finish my sentences without getting punched in-Perry punches him in the face
Baljeet: They are really into online gaming right now! Hey, who cast a sleep spell on me and stole all my gold? (scoffs)
Candace: Get back to work, you lazy ants! Your queen commands it!

(The ants kick Candace out)
Phineas: Wow, look at that! It looks like the ants have evolved the need of a monarchy!
Ant: (bangs gavel) Motion carried.

Candace: Fine, if I can't be queen then it's busting time!
Doofenshmirtz becomes tired due to a tryptophan effect from a giant turkey
Dr. Doofenshmirtz:(Groans) I feel like a giblet.

The Remains of the Platypus

Carl: It's not how it looks!
Linda: (returns Perry's fedora to Carl) Um, I think this is your... hat. I'll just go. (leaves Doof's apartment) Well, this day couldn't get any weirder. (her phone rings - it's Candace) Well, I'm about to be proven wrong.
Doofenshmirtz: I'm a genius!! (To camera) For realsies this time.
Doofenshmirtz: It's gonna get hot in here!!! (rips off lab coat, leaving him in just his underwear)
Carl: (closes his eyes) Happy place! Happy place!
Doofenshmirtz: Well now, it appears that fate has dumped our mysterious guest like an immense pile of assorted "cheeses" onto the "lawn" of my evil lab. Yeah, I know it's a strange metaphor, but I stand by it.
Carl: Major Monogram, we have a problem. Look!
Major Monogram: Well, that doesn't look good. You can clearly see your zipper in the costume.
Phineas: Just dump it there like a caged guy in a squirrel costume! (Ferb stares) What? I stand by that metaphor.
Phineas: And Buford, keep the cheese puns coming!

Buford: Sounds Gouda to me!
Phineas: Excellent!
Buford: (sniffing) Alright, who cut the cheese?
(Baljeet and Ferb are seen literally cutting the cheese)

Baljeet: Sorry!
Major Monogram: Check this out. (Draws details on the hand he traced) Look, it's Agent T! (Shows the drawing to Perry, who stares in shock) What? Too soon?
Candace: Mom Mom Mom! Cheese Cheese Cheese!
Buford: And, scene.

Mom's in the House

Candace: There is a madness to my method.

Stacy: You've got three seconds.
Candace: Everything Phineas and Ferb build -- disappears when they're finished. So if I can keep them from finishing the thing they're building, it will never disappear! I call it Busy Bee Busting. B. B. Busting, for short.

Stacy: You know what? I'll see you, La-La-Later.
Candace: Now preliminary test his heap, and back to work. And what is this thing, anyway?

Phineas: Don't worry! The theme song will explain everything!

Candace: Theme song?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: All my live I've been a zero, but with two heads I'll be twice that!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz head: Oh look what you've done you Dummkopf!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz head gets punched by Perry arm.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, who's the Dummkopf now, Dummkopf?
Perry sends duplicate hand towards Duplicator-Inator-2's Self Destruct button.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: No! (Hand vanishes) What? It just vanished? What's wrong with this thing? (Turns Duplicator-Inator-2 around) Oh, the microwave was on the baked potato setting. So I guess everything's just going to last for three minutes. My bad.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz head: Ah! Ow! ow! ow! ow! ow! Oh, why couldn't I have disappeared before I hit the ground? Curse.. (disappears)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz What? Now we'll never know what he was going to say. (Duplicator-Inator-2 explodes and Perry flies off on jetpack.) Oh, yeah, yeah that.
Doofenshmirtz blasts his head.

Original Doofenshmirtz: Heads I win! Tails You Lose!
Doofenshmirtz head 1: Really Thats the best you got?
Doofenshmirtz head 5: Kind of obvious.
Doofenshmirtz head 6: Juvenile.
Doofenshmirtz head 3: I liked it.
All Doofenshmirtzs except the original and 3: You would!
all Doofenshmirtz heads look at the original

Original Doofenshmirtz: You know, you guys are annoying too.

Perry The Actorpus

Major Monogram: Agent P, Doof found Agent S's weakness. We need you to drop everything and return to duty. I know that we gave you some time off, but would you please come back to work, please? (Major Monogram is seen with puppy eyes) I can't hold my eyes like this much longer.
After being thrown at a wall by Sergei the Snail
Doofenshmirtz: Ow! That snail is dynamite!
Carl: Uh, sir, you're playing with your lip again.

Major Monogram: Oh, I can't help it, Carl. I miss the old duster.
(A ray from the Mustache-inator zaps the monitor and his trademark mustache appears on it) What the..? (to Carl) Hey, Carl! It's back! Look how great it--

(moves; realizes the mustache isn't on his face) Oh. (taps the screen) OH, DOGGONE IT!
Linda: (at Candace) Now, I gotta get inside before your father blows up another pair of- (inflatable legs explode off-screen) Whoops, too late.

Let's Bounce

Buford: (With a tear in his eye) It's beautiful!

Baljeet: Buford?! You are crying!

Buford: (Removes the tear off his eye and puts it on Baljeet) No, I'm not, you're crying!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh no, he's going to John Wilkes my Booth! (beat) What? Too soon?
After Perry shoots the Tell-the-Truth-inator at Doofenshmirtz.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Secretly, I'm very lonely. Where'd that come from?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: He's going to emancipate my proclamation!

Bully Bromance Breakup

Baljeet: Buford, how did you find me?
Buford: (Holds up tracking system monitor) Let's just say the initials were "G", "P" and "S".
Baljeet: My quest lies ahead of me like an unpeeled potato.
Major Monogram: You know, I once put in a request for some muscle. Got Carl.

Carl: And how many attacks since I came on board?
Major Monogram: Well, none, but come on, you could at least look the part. You look like a kindergarten crossing guard.

Carl: No need to be hurtful, sir.
Doofenshmirtz: After all these years, would've thought that all I need to destroy the Tri-State Area was a grammar-school goon. A ham-handed halfpint. A knee-high ne'er-do-well. A pint-size palooka. A pushy prepubescent.

Buford: Are you done?

Doofenshmirtz: Nah, hold on, I've got one more. A pipsqueak pugilist. Okay, now I'm done.
Buford: Dude, what's with the playset?

Doofenshmirtz: Playset? No, no, this is a model of the Tri-State Area.
Buford: So, you play with dolls?

Doofenshmirtz: Maybe... But they help me visualize my evil schemes. They don't always have to require dolls.
The kids reach the top of Danville mountain.

Isabella: Okay, that's enough triumph for one day, are we done here Baljeet?
Baljeet: Yes...
Isabella: Phineas go!

Phineas: ICE CHALET!
Buford: I just don't know what to do. There's a nerd-shaped hole in my heart. There's a nerd-shaped hole...

Baljeet: A bully-sized hole...
Both: A big, honkin' hole in my heart!

Doofenshmirtz: Wait a second! You're singing?! I-I know what this means! You're leaving, aren't you?
Phineas: Okay we got to melt out the inside.

Isabella: You know, you really ought to pace yourself.
Phineas: Mudroom first. Ferb start carving the bearskin rug.

Isabella: You're gonna get The Bends or something.
Baljeet: (after giving Buford a wedgie) Well, I feel so much better. Do not you?
Buford: Wow, I had no idea this was so painful. I am so sorry.
Buford: (while the rest of the gang dangles from his underpants) Do you ever get used to this?

Baljeet: Nope.

Isabella: I'm totally gonna wash my hands after this. Twice.
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus. Whatever.
Baljeet: I am sorry for my outburst earlier.

Buford: No, I'm sorry for putting the GPS on you; Consider it gone!
Buford pulls off one of Baljeet's overall buttons and they fall down.
Baljeet: Oh yes, this is much less humiliating.
Buford: Don't worry, I'll get the duct tape.

Baljeet: He meant on my pants, right?

Quietest Day Ever

Buford falls and makes a loud noise.

Candace: Knock it off!
Linda: Candace, I don’t know what you kids are doing, but I taking a online knitting test in a few minutes, and I need it to be quiet around here. to Candace in a serious but in a sarcastic tone. You might remember quiet, I’m not sure you two ever met. Anyway I’m putting you on noise patrol, You’re in charge.
Candace: I’m in charge! Woo-hoo!! Yeah!!!
Mom: Use a muffler.

Candace: (Candace grabs and puts a cushion over her face.) Oh, yeah. Woo-hoo!
Doofenshmirtz: This is horrible! I can't be handsome, it's everything I despise! You see, Perry the Platypus, handsome people get all the good stuff! Watch this. Hey lady, Nice baby.

Unnamed mother: You want him? I think he likes you better.

Doofenshmirtz: NO, I DON'T WANT YOUR BABY!
Phineas: By pressing the "on "button, the outfits puts themselves away. (Everybody presses the button on their ninja outfit and the outfits flip away from outer sight.)
Doofenshmirtz: See, this isn't me. (looking at picture)

(Perry holds up mirror during his rant after seeing picture.)

Doofenshmirtz: *Gasp*
Buford: Whoa Phineas, which way are you facing?

Phineas: Good question.
(Phineas turns his eyes to the other side of his head)

Phineas: Left.
Mom: Oh hi kids. I want to thank you for being so quiet all afternoon, unlike someone I know.

Candace: But but-but...
Phineas: Hey Mom, how your test go?
Mom: Well lucky for Candace I just passed. Anyone for pie?
The kids:(Everybody jump for joy except Ferb) ME!
Mom:(In a stern tone.) Mush Candace.

Candace:(Pushes Mom away who is still in the computer chair.) Sigh.

The Doonkelberry Imperative

Linda: You boys ready for pie tonight?

Phineas: Doonkelberry Pie, our favorite!
Linda: No, not doonkelberry pie. Everybody is out of doonkelberries, you can't find them anywhere lately.
Phineas: Really, let me check.
Phineas on his laptop checking.
Linda: I'll be berry interested to see what you find.

Phineas: Good one mom.
Vanessa: Yes?

Candace: Vanessa?
Vanessa: Doofenshmirtz is my last name, Heinz is my Dad.
Candace: Doofenshmirtz, what's that like Chinese?
Vanessa: It's Drusselsteinian.
Candace: Right, from Drusselsteinia.
Vanessa: I'm heading over my dad's house if you want to look for your book.

Candace: Cool.
Zengle: In our culture, turning your goats around is the mark of a coward! Neither side will back down. So it is, such as it has ever been, in Drusselstein, Land...of...the Shaft! I am done, now.
Man with the red hat: Henceforth we shall call this day; "Phineas and Ferb" day.

Man with the mustache: You mean "Ferb and Phineas" day.

All of the demonstrators began arguing about the name of the day.

Meapless in Seattle

Stacy: Yeah, I guess if you're going to have an unhealthy mind frame, it might as well benefit me. Now, the mall is waiting!
Candace: I mean if I did half the things they do, I'd get so... busted.

Stacy: (Stacy opens the Flynn-Fletcher's front door) Uh-oh. I just lost you, didn't I?
Candace: Stacy! If I do what Phineas and Ferb were doing, I will get busted and them along with me! It's a sacrificial bust!
Stacy: I almost got you...
Candace: I can take the hit-
Stacy: ...out the door...
Candace: -but they'll never see it coming!
Stacy: the mall.

Candace: Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Phineas: Wow, cool ship. Is that yours?

Meap: Meap!
Phineas: Say what now?

Meap:(Meap puts on the universal translation mustache and clears his throat.) RUN!
French Audio Teacher: The spaceship is right behind you. Le vaisseau spatial est juste derrière vous.

Phineas: Hey look, there's Mom!
French Audio Teacher: Your children are climbing in the spaceship now.
Phineas: Hi Mom!
French Audio Teacher: Vos enfants sont à la hausse dans le vaisseau spatial aujourd'hui.
Phineas: We're going to outer space!
French Audio Teacher: Oh for the love of, would you turn around?
Phineas: See ya!
French Audio Teacher: Oh pour l'amour de, serait que vous tournez autour?

Linda: Well when is that ever going to come up in conversation?
Meap's spaceship's computer: Autopilot engage.

Meap pushes the emergency translation mustache button
Meap's spaceship's computer: Emergency translation mustache activated.

Meap:(With a southern accent.) I beg your pardon for the hustle and bustle kids, it's just that my planet needs your help!
Phineas: No problem, Ferb and I can build another cute-tracker with these parts. (Ferb goes through the box of parts.) Of course, this time, we have to adjust the setting to ignore Meap's cuteness.

(Screen pans right and Isabella is shown frowning.)
Phineas: Oh, and yours too, Isabella!

Isabella: I don't need your charity.
Candace: (Into cell phone) Mom, look! I'm in mortal danger! (Points phone toward Ferb) Say hi, Ferb.
Meap: Well, my little friend, it looks like we're about to fall into our untimely demise.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, speak for yourself! I'm gonna try and land on you, so you'll break my fall!
Meap: My word, we've been fallin' for a long time!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, a joke about the commercial break, yeah, that's how I want to spend my last few seconds!
Phineas: Big Mitch grabbed the Cutonium. Do you know where's he's going?

Meap: Meap. (Meap breaking the glass of the back up emergency translation mustache and putting it on and then spoke in a British accent.) He's heading back to my home planet! I must warn them! Red alert! Red alert! Mitch has the Cutonium and he's on his way there. You must rally the troops and head him off at the evil fortress, this is war.
Meapian Female Operator: (Confused) Meap?
Meap: Oops, pardon, forgot I have this silly thing on.(Takes off the back up emergency translation mustache.) Meap!

Meapian Female Operator: (Gasp) Meap.
Isabella: Meap, why are you taking the mirrors?

Meap: Better safe than sorry.

Isabella:(Confused) Okay...
Meap: Hold it right there Mitch!

Mitch: Meap! How'd you get here?
Meap: With the help of Team Phineas!

Candace: I never agreed to that name.
Phineas: Aww, look at the little guy. What's the fastest way I can transfer all my assets into his name?.
Phineas: Aww, they're blasting away at each other with really cute death rays.
Phineas: Is... Isabella. Hey wait a minute, Isabella we had the secret cute weapon all this time. You!

Isabella: Me?
Phineas: Don't you see, you can take him. He's only cute on the outside, but your cuteness goes right to your core.
Isabella: So what you saying is; you think I'm cute?
Phineas: It's a scientific fact.(Picking up the Cute-tracker 2.0) I had to put an 8000 Ohm resistor in the cute-tracker just to keep you from burning it out.
(Long pause, than Phineas fidget and pushing buttons on the Cute-tracker 2.0)

Isabella:(Slightly frustrated) Close enough. I'm on it!
Meap: Good work, Candace. He's going to get a serious time out now. Fifteen... sixteen minutes.
Meap: Friends, I can never thank you enough for helping me save my planet.
Phineas: Our pleasure, and I think we all learned a valuable lesson today- but we all know what it is, so why waste our time restating it?

Delivery of Destiny

Paul: Oh, here's my next delivery.
(Evil Jingle plays.) What a weird looking building.
Paul: I think your little—what is that, a Dachshund?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Platypus.
Paul: Looks like he doesn't want to be in that cage.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, him? No, no, he likes it.
Paul: I mean, just look at those kids!

Love Händel: Look at those kids!
Danny: Hey, we know them! Hey, Phineas! Hey, Ferb!

Phineas: Hi, guys!
Paul: I mean, what is it that you guys really want?

Love Händel: We're hungry and we wanna eat!

Paul: Alright, fine.
Jeremy: Candace, I'd really like to help you with your latest busting endeavor, but I have customers waiting.
Love Händel: We're hungry and we want to eat!
(Paul is tired from climbing up the many flights of stairs in Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated)
Woman: (coming out of elevator, then sees Paul on the floor) You know, they fixed the elevator.
(Love Händel comes up the stairs)

Paul: Hey, why don't you just take the elevator? (he walks into the said elevator) Got a song for that? (the elevator closes)
Danny: Actually, we do!

Love Händel: We just climbed up 65 flights!
Carl: (with high-pitched voice) Uh, I'm gonna go sign for the package.

Major Mongram: Carl, your voice just got squeaky! I know that squeaking!
Carl: Where do I sign?
Carl: (with normal voice) Sir, Agent P doesn't have his tools. I took them out to clean and repair them.

Major Monogram: Something inside me just... broke.
Bobbi: Hey guys! We're covered in juice and packing tape! What does that remind you of?
Swampy: Detroit, 1984!
Major Monogram: Excellent work, young man, excellent. You know it's unprecedented you being human, but I would like to offer you a job with the agency. What do you say, son? You want to fight evil?

Paul: Thanks, but no thanks. I found how I can contribute to the world, by being a mobile logistics technician.
Carl: That's a delivery guy, sir.

Major Monogram: I know what it is. (Perry picks up the pen.) Huh, nice pen.

Buford Confidential

Isabella: I'm Isabella, and these are...

Brigitte: Phineas et Ferb! (Holds up newspaper) I've read all about you in Le filles en coin de feu Gazette.

Isabella: (Humbly) I'm syndicated.
Baljeet: Hey wait a minute, you speak Latin?
Baljeet: Buford, what are you doing?

Buford: The forest is filled with patch-crazed Europeans and I'm a bear in the woods. What do you think I'm doing?
Phineas: Ooh! Ooh! I know!

Buford: Am I on speaker phone? GET ME OFF OF SPEAKER PHONE!
Isabella: She is really serious about getting this patch.
Josette and Collette: Oui.
Brigitte: Buford?
Buford: No! I'm not me! I'm somebody else!
Baljeet: You okay buddy?
Buford: She said she was vaguely interested in me. (Buford smiles in context.)

The Mom Attractor

Candace: What are you guys doing?

Phineas: Well, you know how we do something new everyday?
Candace: Noooo!
Phineas: Oh, well, we try to build some big project or do something—
Candace: I'm aware of the concept, Phineas. I was just being sarcastic.

Phineas: Really? Hey, that was pretty good. Wow, I totally fell for it
Candace: I'm trying to think of things that Mom likes.
Dad: Oh, so many things, really. Music, hobbies, you kids. Ooh! You know, what she really likes, is my famous Rhubarb Crème Brulee. I used to make it for her all the time when we were dating. Oh, it made her so happy. (Candace gets up and leaves) You know, I should get out my toque and blowtorch and make one for her today. What a good idea Candace. Thank-you.(The sound of the door opens and closes) Candace? Well, all right then.
Doofenshmirtz: Wow, this place has never looked neater than this! (Perry puts on his tropical hat) Aw, no! I've just had this place cleaned! (The gorilla comes out through the floor, picks Perry up and walks away with him) Curse you, Perry the Platypus! And your destructive, fruit-loving simian friend, who obviously doesn't know how to use a door! Curse him, too!

Cranius Maximus

Baljeet: Clever, but not clever enough.
Isabella: I was so looking forward to junior high.
Buford: No you should not, I created the world's largest wedgie machine.

Baljeet: Uh, you tried to eliminate the atmosphere, one time.

Buford: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Agent Doof

Doofenshmirtz: Wow, my own cubicle. (Agent Kitty joins him and Perry) How nice! I'm gonna put a poster, right here, with a kitten that says, "Hang in there." (Doofenshmirtz turns and sees Agent Kitty; chuckles awkwardly) No offense. It's not like I think that's all you guys do, or anything. (Agent Kitty walks off) Oh, great, now he's going to Human Resources.
Candace: (After she puts baby Phineas and Ferb in a stroller) That's it, go right to sleep. You'll be busted in just a little bit.
Major Monogram: Enter. Agent P, we have a situation.

Doofenshmirtz: Is this about that grape joke? Who told on me? Was it the duck?!
Major Monogram: That's not why I called you in. Get a look at this! This is Newton the Gnu. He was assigned to Dr. Diminutive, but it appears that some bonehead blew his cover on the blogosphere. We still haven't found out who it was. In the meantime, We need you to bring him in. Get on it, Agent P! Oh, and, uh, take Doofenshmirtz with you.
Doofenshmirtz: A ride-along? Sweet! I can wear my new fedora!
Major Monogram: Get out of here! (Doofenshmirtz and Perry leave, then Carl is seen with a mail cart) Carl, get in here! When you're done delivering the mail, I want you to wash and wax my car. You know, a little wax on, wax off? It'll teach you karate.

Carl: No, it won't.
Doofenshmirtz: I am loving this! We're all like partners, now! Like Jack and Jill, or Alice and Wonderland! And with a super-cool vehicle!

Major Monogram: Be careful out there. Washing my car. Don't scratch it.
Doofenshmirtz: Ooh, look at all these neat buttons! Hey, what does this one do? (he presses a button, which launches a missile) Whoa! Oh yeah, this is way cool!
(The missile hits Major Monogram's car and blows it up)

Major Monogram: DOOFENSHMIRTZ!
Robber: Suckers! (laughs) Oh, my bike. (the police show up) Oh, good the cops are here! Maybe they can report this vandalism to--

Police: (in megaphone) PUT YOUR HANDS UP!

Robber: Oh, that's right.
Major Monogram: It's humiliating! I'm stuck in this crummy, little cubicle while my office gets repaired! Anyway, Agent P, due to your quick action and decisive action, you were able to rescue Agent Silent G. Doofenshmirtz, you're fired.

Doofenshmirtz: Is it because I blew up your car?
Major Monogram: No, it's because I have a list of complaints from Human Resources.
Doofenshmirz: So, it was the duck!
(Doofenshmirtz, dog agent and crocodile agent look at the duck agent as he backs away in his chair)
Major Monogram: Let's face it. You've done more damage inside the agency than you ever did outside.

Doofenshmirtz: So what you're saying is that I'm good at being evil after all! (calls Norm) Norm, dust off the old inators! We're back in business! (hangs up, brief pause) Later, chumps!
Candace: Okay, I get it, lesson learned. Toddlers aren't easy. The irony is not lost in me! A little help here? This had better wear off before the next episode.

Minor Monogram

Phineas: Boy, it seems like summer flies by so fast sometimes.

Isabella: Yeah, before we know it, it'll be autumn.

Baljeet: YES! BACK TO SCHOOL, BABY! (everyone stares) Oh, you meant that as a bad thing.
Vanessa: A video game is more important than me? That's it! I'm done! We are so over, Johnny!
Vanessa: Hey, guys, it's such a beautiful day. I thought maybe we could put the top down?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, okay.
Vanessa: See, you are the best--
Doofenshmirtz: No tattoo!

Vanessa: Shoot.
Doofenshmirtz: How does it feel, Perry the Platypus? (Perry chattering while making hand gestures) Yeah, I thought so.

Rodrigo: Wait, you can understand him?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, heck no! I just like to think he's talking about recent movies I've seen.
Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to S'Fall!
Monty: Uh, Dad? This looks pretty serious.

(Major Monogram and Carl are doing acrobatics. Both of them do not notice the alarm and are too focused on doing acrobatics.)
Major Monogram: Nonsense! The Zoondilini under swing is child's play.

Carl: Uh, should both my shoulders be dislocated from their sockets, sir?
Doofenshmirtz: Hmm. Well, that went well.

Rodrigo: Extremely well. (He pushes a button that activates a hidden trap that immobilizes Dr. Doofenshmirtz.)
Doofenshmirtz: Is this like a robot hug for a job well done?

Rodrigo: No, it's a trap! What does that even mean, a robot hug for a job well... Who would even consider that a possibility? I'm taking over your evil scheme, you fool!
Vanessa: Dad, look out! (She tries to help Dr. Doofenshmirtz but couldn't because she is wearing Perry's initial trap, which is the boot-like trap.) Oh, you have got to be kidding me!

Rodrigo: (Explains his plan using the blackboard that Dr. Doofenshmirtz used earlier.) You see, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, I'm going to manipulate your propellers at precise angles and literally tear the Tri-State Area apart!
Doofenshmirtz: But, hey, dummy, if you destroy the Tri-State Area, what will you have left to take over? Hmm?
Rodrigo: The world.
Doofenshmirtz: (gasps) Take over the world?! That's crazy! That's almost left-boot-trap crazy!
Vanessa: Oh, would you get off that? Making matching boots is normal! You with the one boot, that's what's crazy!
Rodrigo: Join me, Vanessa, and together we will take over the world. I'll let you get a tattoo. I think boots should come in pairs, like people.
Vanessa: Join you? I don't work for him. That's my father, you dweeb!
(awkward pause)
Rodrigo: Well, yeah, I just thought we had a moment.
Vanessa: (scoffs) A moment?
(Perry chatters)

Vanessa: Yeah, I know. What a dip, right?

What A Croc!

Irving: Hello Candace, are Phineas and Ferb here?

Candace: Yes. (Candace closes the door and Irving knocks) Yes?
Irving: Can I see them?
Candace: Probably not from there. (Candace closes the door and Irving knocks again)
Irving: I would like to visit my friends, Phineas and Ferb. Can I please come in?

Candace: Well why didn't you say so?
Irving: Yes, Candace. After we have found the crocodile, I would be delighted to show her to your mother.

Candace: So, we'll show her to--Wait a minute, did you just call it a her?

Irving: Yeah, her. "Hi, Candace! I'm the UPAFDS, and I'm a girl!"
Doofenshmirtz: Can you believe it? My goodie-two-shoes brother is about to be voted Mayor of the Year! For the second year in a row! And he's only been mayor for one year!
Doofenshmirtz: Things are about to change, thanks to my brand new Chicken Replace-inator!
Buck buck bawwwwwk!
Doofenshmirtz: I hope you're noticing this, Perry the Platypus. Chicken, laugh! Chicken, laugh! See, I told you.
(Baljeet and Buford stop with a hotdog vendor)

Baljeet: Come on! She's getting away!

Buford: Give me a second, if I eat nine, the tenth one is free.
Doofenshmirtz: A rubber chicken? What are you gonna do with that?

(Perry shoves the rubber chicken up the Chicken-inator)

Actually, that's kinda funny. No matter! Prepare to make your chicken!
Farmer's Wife: I can't believe it. I go to the store for 15 minutes and when I get back, I find you've turned our nearest chicken farm into a swap meet.

Farmer: What did you buy, dear?

Farmer's Wife: Frozen lasagna. They were on special. Two for one. So I bought two. I figured we can have one tonight, we can have the other one when your sister and her husband—and don't change the subject!
Candace: You ate my evidence, you overgrown lizard!

Phineas: There you are, Perry!
Candace: I just can't believe it's gone!
Irving: Aw, don't be blue. All we gotta do is wait for couple of hours and-
Candace: Ew! Disgusting!

Irving: What? My brother will be here with my back-up. What were you think -- (Realizing what Candace said) Oh! That is disgusting!

Sleepwalk Surprise

(Candace's cell phone rings)
Candace: (thinking) Ooh, it's Jeremy! I know who it is!
Candace (thinking) Now, that's bustable behavior! You should tell Mom! Stop telling me what to do!
Doofenshmirtz: (eating cake) Ah, chocolate. Such an evil flavor for-- (sighing) Who am I kidding? This is delicious.
Doofenshmirtz's inner self: That's it, just a little more. Not so hard, you'll over-tighten it! Like your brain! Now, let's get a glimpse at what this baby can do.

(Cake-inator fires)
Skateboarder: Ugh, dude, what happened? Dude, is this cake?
(Hug-inator fires)
Woman: The cake is hugging us!
Man: Don't worry, it's not so bad! We can eat our way out!
(Confetti-inator fires)

Ugh! I can't eat it now, it's covered in paper!
(Doofenshmirtz is seen walking in his dream with a platypus tail and a fedora)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, man. This had better be a dream because I don't like where this is going.
(After Doofenshmirtz's inner self explains Doofenshmirtz about the inators)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wait a minute. Now, was that just a fantasy inside a flashback inside a dream?

Doofenshmirtz's inner self: Well, let me put it this way. (He slaps Doof in the face as he wakes up)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Why don't you just throw the third one over?

Norm: If you insist! (he does so)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: NO!
Candace: (thinking) Nice going! You busted yourself! Quiet, you.

Sci-Fi Pie Fly

Buford: I don't believe in space ships!

Isabella: But Buford, you've been in a space ship. Several, actually.

Buford: I'm a skeptic.
Buford: His words confuse me.
Phineas: Dad can be like that.
(a knock at the door)
Doofenshmirtz: (slowly glides feet along door, checking watch while doing so) I'm coming. (knocks) I'm getting there. (knocking continues) Almost there. (knocking) Gonna be there soon. (opens door, pizza man holds out hand) Can you believe he made me pay, anyway?
Farmer: Well, what do you know? I'm not crazy after all! (to backhoe) Oh, yeah?! Well nobody asked you, Farm Utensil Bob!
Candace: (sighs) Listen, Stacy. Me day. No bust, no blow up in face! FACE!!!
Stacy: (on phone) Well, now that you've put it crazy...
Pizza man: You must be very fun at the parties, huh? (with American accent) But seriously, don't order my pizzas again, okay?
Candace: (after the pizza has blown up in her face) So, that's what they mean by exploding pizza.

Sipping with the Enemy

Lawrence: Hello lads!

Phineas: Hi Dad!
Lawrence: What are you boys doing?
Phineas: I was just telling Buford about phone booths.
Buford: And I'm not buying it!
Lawrence: Oh no Buford, they were real. They were tiny rooms where you could talk on the phone in private.
Phineas: Yeah! And you'd have to put coins in them to make calls.
Buford: You guys are blowing my mind!
Lawrence: Speaking of coins... What's this here? Behind your ear? (Reaches behind Phineas's ear.) It's a quarter!
Buford: How did you do that?
Lawrence: A magician never reveals his secrets. (Walks away)
Buford: Your dad's really great at tricks!

Phineas: Not really, I just keep a bunch of quarters behind my ear 'cause he enjoys it so much. (Pulls a handful of quarters from behind his ear.)
Monty: Well what I meant is that my dad spends all his time dealing with your father's schemes.

Vanessa: I'll have you know, my father is a misunderstood genius.
Monty: Genius? I have three words for you: Self. Destruct. Buttons.
Vanessa: And yet, in spite of all that, there's my dad free to do it all over again the next day. Whoa, really effective bunch of spies you've got there major. (Perry pushes Monty and Vanessa into the back alley behind Steam Noir)
Monty: At least my dad's spy network isn't funded by monthly alimony checks.

Vanessa: You do know that what he calls a "spy network" is actually just a petting zoo. With hats.
Candace: Phineas and Ferb built a really dangerous magic show in the backyard! You've gotta bust them!

(Linda and Lawrence get hit by the Cool-inator ray)
Linda: Really Candace? Busting? That's so beginning of summer.
Lawrence: There's a Luciano Rigatoni festival at the art house.
Linda: Let's go.

Candace: But Rigatoni's work is passionless! With minimal importance! Every piece betrays its own lack of interest in the subject matter!
Doofenshmirtz: No, no, you guys are nerds! I'm cool! Well, at least I would've been when I hit myself with the inator, which is now destroyed. CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!

Tri-State Treasure: Boot of Secrets

Salesman 2: He broke the arms off my armoire! Now it's just a -oire!
Judge: And please join me in welcoming the winners of the Danville Young Film Makers contest, Phineas and Ferb!
Doofenshmirtz: Aw, crud.
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, can anyone give me a ride? I can't drive.
Linda: You didn't tell me you were good with special effects.

Lawrence: It was mostly them.

Doofenshmirtz: Seriously, I need a ride!


Phineas: I'm just saying that as a non-sequitur, a talking zebra seems a little...

Isabella: Forced?

Phineas: Yeah, forced.
Baljeet: But Buford, your postcard said that she had a pool.

Buford: She has a patio.
Isabella:(Whispering to Phineas and Ferb) Tomorrow, we should work on Buford's penmanship.

Baljeet: Actually, most would consider dragon-fruit to be that exotic, indeed. (Buford mocks Baljeet with his hand) Known for its dazzling flowers, it is the several.. (Sees Buford mocking him) What are you doing? Stop. Stop that. Stop. Stop it. Stop. (Baljeet starts drinking his smoothie, and Buford mocks him as well) Stop that.
Major Monogram: Come in. Sit down, Agent P. We have a serious problem. It seems that someone, and I'm not saying who, someone has spilled on the couch in the lobby.

Carl: Sir, I--
Major Monogram: A very expensive couch when we bought it in 1985.
Carl: Sir, all I did was turn the cushion over, the stain was already...
Major Monogram: If the responsible party is present...
Carl: Sir, it was Agent M. He spilled a latte in 1990.
Major Monogram: Ugh. We were hoping to get him here a couple of years out of that couch...
Carl: Any who?
Major Monogram: Any who, our surveillance operatives have been getting some mixed signals from Doofenshmirtz. He was observed at the Danville Library, checking out books on Eastern Australia and hydrostatic cell fusion. We haven't come up with any ideas about what he's up to.
Carl: Maybe he's trying to recreate Pangaea, sir.

Major Monogram: Like I said, we haven't come up with anything yet.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, hello Perry the Platypus! Over here. No, here. Look a little more this way. (Poorly imitates Perry's chatter) What do you think? Huh? I've joined you in the genus Ornithorhynchus. That's right, I am a platypus! (Evil laughter) Yeah, hang on. Let me turn off the dramatic lighting. (claps twice)
Phineas: Isabella, you wanna go next?

Isabella: Why yes, how about a romantic dinner for two. (The device hits the romantic dinner food) Wanna sip, Phineas?
Phineas: Oh, no thanks.
Isabella: Oh, okay I understand. You know you want to keep yourself open to other drink options. I get it.
Phineas: Actually, I didn't want to say anything in front of everybody, but it's I don't like zucchini.

Isabella: Oh.
Linda: Oh, laundry. Sometimes, I feel like our first president because I'm washing a ton. (rimshot) Ah, yeah.
Buford: I don't know, I kinda like her like that. She looks like Cand-berry sauce.
Phineas: We gotta get her back into the right shape before we solidify her. And we're gonna need to adjust the contour in... (realizes what Buford meant and laughs) Cand-berry sauce.
Baljeet: Tell me again, why you have a life-size mold of Candace?

Buford: I've got life-size molds of all my friends.

Isabella: I'm not so sure how I feel about that.
Candace: I'm me, glorious me. You did it, you guys are so... (gasp) o... busted!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus! Even though I'm also a platypus at this point, and-- (sighs) I hope this wears off soon. The novelty has worn thin.
Candace: I'm sorry, Mom, but you've gotta see this! Feast your eyes on...puddles.

Linda: Yeah, I saw them earlier.
Candace: But Mom, they had a machine that would turn things into smoothie and--
Linda: I didn't see it, Candace.
Candace: And Buford had a mold, of me!

Linda: Buford's got molds of all of us, Candace.
Doofenshmirtz: Well at least I'm back to normal.

Doof Double: Me, too.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, good for yo—Whaaaaaaaaaaaa?

Norm Unleashed

Candace: Mom! Mom! Phineas and Ferb are making a giant tape dispenser, but it's also a rowboat, and a baseball hat, and a light bulb, and a gingerbread-man with a fist for head, and a pig face, and --

Linda: Stop. Okay, your stories are always full of holes, but it usually just one story. Here, let me demonstrate - I'll be the Candace and you be the beautiful mother. (clears throat) "Mom, Phineas and Ferb have brought Genghis Khan back from the past, and he's teaching the neighbors how to throw hatchets from horseback!" You see, one story.

Candace: They'll probably do that, you know.
Judge: Juror number 9 state your occupation

Juror 9: I'm between jobs at the moment
Doofenshmirtz: Ha! you'll never get out of jury duty with that story!
Judge: Dismissed.

Juror 9:(sad) Aww, I could've used this on my resume
Doofenshmirtz: I've never seen him before in my life.
Diminutive: He lies!
Doofenshmirtz: Try not to be a complete disappointment.
Doofenshmirtz: I mean, you destroy the Tri-State Area and what are you ruler of? Rubble. And where's the panache? The je ne sais quoi?

Dr. Diminutive: He's an amateur.

Doofenshmirtz: I'm not talking to you!
Doofenshmirtz: You know, in a few seconds, something should blow up on me, and then we can go home. (Dr. Diminutive playing harmonica) Yep. Any second now. (angrily) Would you quit it with the harmonica?!

Where's Perry?

Baljeet: You know, you can not solve every with your muscles, sometimes you need brains.
Buford: Yeah, like for dinner. Little bit of garlic, a little bit of butter, brains are delicious.
Isabella: Did you know that African chapter of the Fireside Girls has its own special edition survival patches? (Listing some of the patches) Identifying Fauna and Flora. Easy. Finding Water. Child's play. And, eating a grub?

Buford: Little bit of garlic, a little bit a butter... (Gets interrupted by Baljeet)
Baljeet: Do not worry Isabella. You do not have to have every patch.

Isabella: I don't have to have every...! Do you even hear the words coming out of your mouth?
Baljeet: (to Candace) Do you have an international calling card?

Candace: Oh, no I don't. Give me yours.
Baljeet: I do not have one.
Buford: I got a card. Pick a card, any card.
Candace: Don't magic me. This is serious.
Buford: Who's magickin'? I'm just givin' away cards.
Baljeet: May I have one?

Buford: No.
Betty Jo Flynn: What do you say when a platypus sneezes?

Clyde Flynn: I'll go check my monotreme manners book.
Betty Jo Flynn: You have a book on monotreme manners?

Clyde Flynn: You don't know everything about me.
Doofenshmirtz: Aw man, you know I made a Move-A-Bunch-Of-Inator-inator at one point, this would have been really good time to use it. I don't know how that slipped my min-

Carl: Enough of you mindless prattle minion. Show me my -inators.
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, okay, sheesh. Testy. First of all is the disintegrator-inator which-
Carl: Weak.
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, then we also have the Galaxy-inator which-
Carl: Weak.
Doofenshmirtz: The Deresinator
Carl: Weak.
Doofenshmirtz: The Over-Hang-in-
Carl: Weak.
Doofenshmirtz: The Upper-decker-
Carl: Weak.
Doofenshmirtz: The Pickle-slicer-
Carl: Weak.
Doofenshmirtz: The stand-and-
Carl: Weak.
Doofenshmirtz: The Boar-
Carl: Weak.
Doofenshmirtz: The-

Carl: Weak.
Doofenshmirtz: The-

Carl: Weak.
Doofenshmirtz: (Inhales)
Carl: Weak.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh come on! I was just inhaling.
Maitre D: Flynn-Fletcher. I am sorry, you have no reservation.
(Both Linda and Lawrence gasp)
Carl: Yeah! I'll have a vast army of interns do my bidding, each one of them paid!

Major Monogram: You're mad!

Doofenshmirtz: Hey, cool it man. I think I'm getting a raise.

Where's Perry? (Part Two)

Carl: You fool! Without Agent P.'s paw print, I can't unlock the computer. And without the computer, I can't take over the Tri-State Area.

Major Monogram: Nice recap.
Carl: Quiet back there! You! Which -inator zapped him?
Doofenshmirtz: You know, ah... I really am clueless.
Carl: About the -inator, or just in general?

Doofenshmirtz: I'm not sure I understand the question.
Buford: I don't get it. How were you able to hold me up?

Baljeet: I tempt your mind to my own. But how did you fall in slow motion?
Buford: Nah, it's a brawn thing.

Baljeet: Oh! Here we go again!
Major Monogram: Now, come on. We've got a world to save. (Monogram puts on a pair of sunglasses)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wait a minute, wait a minute. How did you get the sunglasses to go on one side of your face? Who made these, M.C. Escher?

Major Monogram: He was a family friend. Now get on the plane, we've got a Tri-State Area to save.
Doofenshmirtz: (The plane shakes) Just wondering, does this thing have a lifeboat?

Major Monogram: We're in a plane.

Doofenshmirtz: I knew that.
Phineas: Platypuses always head west when they're lost. At least I think they do. And I think this is west. I think.
Isabella: Uh, Phineas, we've been thinking too, and isn't it time we, you know, find our way back?

Phineas: And stop looking for Perry? Are you kidding? He's our pet! He's more than our pet. He's our friend. And, I know he's out there. (shows reactions of Buford, Isabella, and Baljeet respectively)
Baljeet: We are in Africa.
Isabella: Yeah.
Buford: Pretty much sums it up.
Ferb: Well, has he been wrong before?

Buford: How wide are we willing to open this up?
Isabella: Wait, look!

Phineas: Perry's footprints, come on gang! Perry's alone and helpless in a strange jungle! We've gotta find him before anything else does. (Phineas and Ferb leave following the footprints)

Buford: You know, that could be just a duck.
Doofenshmirtz: See? See, one day you're gonna look back on this and laugh.
Major Monogram: I assure you, for the rest of my life, every time I look back on this I will personally drive over to your house and smack you.
Monogram Robot: (to his doppelgänger) Put 'em up, handsome.
Major Monogram: Heinz, hold down the fort!

Doofenshmirtz: We have a fort? What am I doing out here?

Major Monogram: Agent P, I need you to get evil Carl in front of that "X". And yes, I wear a leotard under my Nehru jacket
Carl: Sir, there's something I still don't get. I'm absolutely positive Agent P got hit with the Go Home-inator. So, why did he end up in Africa of all places?

Major Monogram: His family.
Carl: Sir?
Major Monogram: They were here in Africa. Home is where the heart is, Carl.
Carl: True, sir.
(loud crash)
Major Monogram: Don't touch anything!

Doofenshmirtz: I didn't!

Ferb TV

Norm: Space is cold and unforgiving, like my father!
Narrator: Buford Van Stomm, world renowned chef, winner of the Palme de Mouton, runner-up of the Tri-State Area chili cook-off, and master purveyor of cuisine to the crowned heads of-

Buford: Hey, get that camera out of my face!
Narrator: He's also kinda mean.

Buford: You bet your boots.
Man: Ducky Momo needs to get to the other side of the Dumbledown River. Can you help him find the Butter-Berry Bridge?
Kids: It's behind you, Ducky Momo! Behind you! Yes, right there! It's right there, Ducky Momo! Right behind you! No, over there! Look the other way! OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE!
Girl 3: Uh-oh, Dr. Baljeet! Who are they?

Baljeet: Just some old friends. In post-apocalyptic battle gear. Okay, maybe "friends" is stretching it a bit.
Girl 3: Jeepers!
(A boat is seen passing through a drawbridge)
Baljeet: GI hope you have got your carry on stowed, because we are ready for take-off.
(He skillfully jumps over the bridge with his motorcycle, flying into the sky. The band of truckers attempt to duplicate Baljeet's actions, but only get to the other side of the bridge)
Trucker 1: Dude, you are so lucky.
Trucker 2: Yeah, I know. I gotta slow down.
Girl 3: (Now dangling by Baljeet's hand, who is dangling on a from a helicopter skid) Whoa, that was close!
Baljeet: As long as we are up here, how about we fly to a little island I know?
Girl 3: Oh, thank you, Dr. Baljeet.
Baljeet: Ninja.
Girl 3: What?
Baljeet: It is Dr. Ninja Baljeet. You forgot the "ninja" part.
Girl 3: Really?

Baljeet: I did not go through 6 years of ninja school just to be called Dr. Baljeet. It is Dr. Ninja Baljeet, okay?
Man: Poor Ducky Momo. He still can't find the bridge. Can you help him find the bridge?

Ducky Momo: (quacks)

Kids: Behind you! It's behind you! Oh, for crying out loud! Why can't you just turn around?! Just turn around! No, not that way! Where are you going?! Why can't you just find the dang bridge?! You can see it from here!
Jeremy: Hey, Suzy. What are you doing out here, and what's with the lumpy table?

Suzy: Oh, uh, it's my lemonade stand.
Jeremy: Lemonade stand? Where's the lemonade?
Suzy: I... drink-ded it.
Jeremy: Holy guacamole! You sure are a handful. (leaves)
Norm: I made more lemonade!

Suzy: About time! We just lost a customer! Now help me fix this lumpy table!
Roger: Thanks for your help, Katt Karr!

Katt Karr: (meows and releases a hairball)

Roger: You know, let's just pretend we didn't see that.
Kids: What are you looking at?! That's not a bridge! What is that? That's a candy wrapper, not a bridge! Look at him! Now, where's he going?! Where's he going?! Where did he go? Where did he go? How has he survived this long?!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I'm sorry. Is this Studio A?

Narrator: No, this is Studio--Hey, wait a second. You just wanted to get into this episode, didn't you?
Doofenshmirtz: What?! No! No!
Narrator: Yes, you did!
Doofenshmirtz: Yes, I did.
Narrator: Get out!
Doofenshmirtz: Alright. But, I can totally read that faster than you.
Narrator: Out!
Doofenshimrtz: Okay, okay, grumpy.
Narrator: Batteries not included.
Doofenshmirtz: Batteries not included!

Narrator: OUT!

When Worlds Collide

(After Agent P get stuck and tied up in the Double Dutch Machine)
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, how did you get stuck in my Double Dutch Machine? It's not even a trap!
Major Monogram: Agent P, we just got word that Doof may have fired tomorrow's inator, today. This is a major breach in protocol. So, give yourself a good slap in the face, and get over there!
Baljeet: Based on my calculations, the planet will be here by midnight!

Buford: That's great news!
Baljeet: Our planets are going to collide! You do know what that means?
Buford: Sure, it's like when you have two sets of keys, and you keep one in the car.

Baljeet: No, it means - (realizes what Buford just said) NO! (facepalms)
Buford: Guys, we've got to save Tristain!

Baljeet: Anything else, Buford?

Buford: (annoyed) And the Earth.
(Candace running down that stairs)

Candace: Hurry! Let's go! Let's go!

Linda: Clearly we need a thirteenth amendment to The Bust Accord.

What'd I Miss?

Debater: (to Perry) You're right. (to judges) Judges, he's right. He's changed my entire world-view. And I thought that British kid was persuasive.
Phineas: (voiceover) It all started simply enough. I got up early to help Isabella earn her surf patch.

Isabella: Thanks for helping me earn my surf patch!
Phineas: (voiceover) And I told her it was no problem.
Phineas: No problem!
(Isabella looks annoyed at something)

Phineas: (voiceover) It was at that point that I decided to stop narrating.
Isabella: What's Rochambeau?

Phineas: Rock, Paper, Scissors.
Isabella: Why didn't he just say that?

Buford: (Angrily) In what universe would a piece of paper ever beat a rock?
Candace: (points at Phineas) Now, don't say another word until we get back. (she points at Ferb) And that goes for you, too.

(Candace walks away)
Phineas: That was ironic, because Ferb doesn't usually talk.

Candace: (off screen) Duh!
Linda: (waves) Hi, kids! (to Candace) All right, what's this all about?

Phineas: We're telling Ferb the story of what we did yesterday.
Linda: Oh, I love stories!
Candace: Oh, oh, it's not just stories, but full...dis-cloh-siah!

Linda: Okay.
Candace: No, you can't! I want justice! I want-(a ray from Doofenshmirtz's Peach-Cobbler-inator hits Candace) Peach Cobbler.

Road to Danville

Doofenshmirtz: I guess it is summer and we're in the desert, but I feel like it's unseasonably warm out here. I feel warm. Do you feel warm? Why do we always see cow skulls in the desert? And why do you only see the skull? Did the body die somewhere else? It makes no sense. (Perry walk away) Oh, I'm sorry, am I talking too much for you? Fine. I'll be quiet. I can shut up. I don’t have to talk all the time. It's not like I have to fill the space.... If you want silence, I'll give you silence! You watch!... And it's gonna be deafening! Mark my words!

(Later, he is seen walking alongside Perry)

Why do they say "Mark my words?" I mean, they just mean listen to my words, why don't they just say "Listen to my words"?
Doofenshmirtz: (to the tune of "Perry the Platypus") Doofy Doofy Doofy

Doofy Doofy Doofy

Rodney: Pizza- (screams)

(loud crash as Agent P's jetpack crashes in the theater, sending the woman and Rodney flying off the stage)
Doofenshmirtz: Pizza delivery!

(crowd claps and cheers as the curtain closes)

This Is Your Backstory

Doofenshmirtz: Whatever, I'm so over it.
Doofenshmirtz's father: Bewegen Sie nicht! (Doofenshmirtz stands straight up as though he was a lawn gnome)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Don't let your ego hit you on the way out!
Doofenshmirtz: He was always kicking sand in my face. When I was in the sandbox: sand. My first date: sand! Balancing my checkbook: sand! The beach-- Oddly enough nothing. But I couldn't relax, because I kept waiting for it.

Norm: Well, Boris owns a car dealership now, and declined to appear on this show. But he did send some sand! (A huge mound of sand falls on Doofenshmirtz)

Doofenshmirtz: Well, at least he cared enough to do that.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Balloony, I missed you so mu- (Balloony pops) BALLOONY!

Norm: (Laughs) We're just having fun with you! That wasn't the real Balloony.
Doofenshmirtz: (Crying) It wasn't?

Norm: No, of course not. The real Balloony popped three weeks ago. (Doofenshmirtz resumes crying)


Doofenshmirtz: It's a pitiful existence I lead, Perry the Platypus. Do- Do you pity me? You should because I am pitiable. Everyone should pity me. Eh, you don't have to say pity too many times before it stops sounding like a word. Pity. Pity. Pit- See? That is only like two times and it's already just gobbledygook. Gobbledygook, too. I can't- I can't even get through that once. Gobbledy- Now see, I am not even consider the last syllable and it's already... (sighs) Great. Now, I am forgetting what I was talking about... Which is another reason to pity me! YEAH! Back on topic, baby!
Phineas: Okay guys let's get to work.

Candace: Hey, hold it right there. Who else is back here. Roll call.
Phineas: Well there's Ferb, Isabella, Buford, Baljeet and Me. Oh, and there's that kid in the corner with the eyepatch.

Kid with one green eye: But, is it my left eye, or my right eye? You don't know.
Buford: Hey Baljeet.

Baljeet: Hey Buford, your voice is so raspy. It sounds as if sandpaper and a washboard had a baby.

Buford: See, closet time's paying off.
Candace: Phineas and Ferb made a dangerous...thing in the backyard, in the dark. Oh this stupid fence! Why do we have this stupid fence? Dad, tear down this fence!

Linda: What do you think, should we tear down this fence?

Lawrence: That's that sarcasm I like.
Roger: So why is it that you think I'm just going to hand over my mayorship to you?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, because I've got these big sad eyes.(shows Roger his eyes, which are sticking out of his head, and bloodshot)

Roger: Yeah, and they're kind of freaking me out.


See also

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