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...Because the worst part of the party is the cleanup, am I right?
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(Scene opens up outside the Flynn-Fletcher house. Baljeet gets out of his car and runs for the frnt door)
Baljeet: We're going to the circus! We're going to the circus!
(Cut to the kitchen)
Baljeet: I am here and ready to go to the world-famous Cirque de Lune.
Phineas: Have a seat. We're goin' in a minute.
Baljeet: Ok. We're going to the circus! We're going to circus!
Lawrence: Hold your horses, kids. It says here that the lead of Cirque de Lune has a severe allergy. They're canceling today's performance.
Isabella: Well, that's a bummer!
Linda: If it's anything like Candace's parsnip allergy, I don't blame them for not wanting to appear in public.
Phineas: (at Isabella) She gets blotchy. Red, weird voice thingy. (whispering) Not good.
Linda: Well, honey, looks like that frees you up to join me at the mall. Our trio is recording our first album today: Live at the Squat 'n' Stitch.
Lawrence: Mmm mmm, should be swinging.
Linda: Cheer up, guys. I'm sure you'll have a fun day anyway. Bye, kids, be good. Have fun!
(Linda and Lawrence leaves the kitchen)
Isabella: It must be so cool to be in the circus.
Phineas: Yeah. (snaps his fingers) Hey, Ferb, let's put on our own Cirque. This'll be great! Ferb can set up the tent, I'll be the ringmaster.
Isabella: We can sew up some arty costumes.
Django: Hey, for a trick, I can put my leg over my head. .... Ow. I'll work on it.
Phineas: Even Perry can have an act! The Amazing Perry!
(trumpets sound)
Baljeet: Ooh, I have a mystical, magical art I would like to perform. It's stupefying!
Buford: I have another act that'll bring the house down.
Phineas: Ferb, get the tools!
Isabella: Let's do this!
(Cut to Candace's room)
Candace: (yawns) Good morning, Jeremy. (fake boy voice) Good morning, gorgeous. (normal voice) Oh, Jer! (giggles; kissing sounds)
(power tools whirring, thumping)
Candace: I'll be right back, Jeremy. (she looks out of the window) What's going on? A circus? Can't they give me a break for one day?
(Cut to the backyard)
Phineas: This looks great, Ferb.
(machinery hissing)
Phineas: Hey, have you seen Perry? I put on his costume.
(action music; beeping)
(Cut to Perry's lair)
Major Monogram: (clearing his throat) Okay, Agent P. Dr. Doofenshmirtz is buying bio-mechanical equipment and... (chuckles) ...elocution tapes. (laughing) We-we don't know why. Where are you going, Agent P? Wait, wait, wait. Don't go. I'm not laughing at you. I just heard a funny joke earlier this morning. Please-please, Agent P. Turn around so we can conclude our meeting. (camera phone snaps) Carl! Carl! Carl! What's your e-mail? Gonna send this to you.
♪ Perry! ♪
(Cut to the backyard)
Buford: Hey, twerp, I brought the props for my act.
Phineas: Buford, what exactly is your act?
Buford: I fly into mud with a paper bag on my head.
Phineas: Okay, then.
Buford: The peeps are gonna love.
(Cut to the driveway)
Candace: I'm not even gonna call Mom. No, not gonna call!
(elephant sound)
(phone ringing)
Linda: Candace, honey, listen. I can't talk. We're recording. Is it life or death?
Candace: Well, no, but...
Linda: I gotta go! Bye!
(Candace growls in frustration)
Jeremy: Hey-ah, Candace.
Candace: Oh! Hi, Jeremy.
Jeremy: My mom told me to bring over these homegrown veggies for your family. You know; she and your mom are doing that jazz thing today.
Candace: Thanks!
Jeremy: So, circus, huh? Cool. Cool. I guess it’s more of a cirque than a "circus". (laughs)
(chorus)
♪ Aaahhh ♪
(romantic voice) Good morning, gorgeous.
Candace: Oh. (giggles)
Jeremy: Don't you think?
Candace: What?
Jeremy: Don't you think we should sit together to watch the show? If-if you want to.
Candace: Yeah, yeah. (hacking cough, wheezing)
Jeremy: Uh, Candace, are you okay?
Candace: Say, are there any wild parsnips in here?
Jeremy: Uh, I think that's all that's in there.
Candace: (choked gasp) Later.
(Cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated)
Man: I'm dancing with your wife, pal. You got a problem with that?
Doofenshmirtz: I'm dance... (clears throat) "I'm dancing with your wife, pal. You got a problem with that?" Oh, yes, that does sound tough.
Man: Yeah, I ate your last nectarine. You got a problem with that?
Doofenshmirtz: Yes, I ate...
(crashing; coughing)
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, look. Could-could you use the front door from now on? Could you just do that for me? I mean, yes, "I ate your last nectarine. You got a problem with that?" Sounds tough, huh? But not tough enough! (He pushes button on a remote and Perry gets trapped in a net) You see; ever since I was a child, I had a high, squeaky voice! But not anymore. Behold: the Voice-inator! It bio-mechanically transforms normal air into Doofelium, which'll make everyone else's voice higher, making my voice deeper by comparison. I was going to lower my own voice, but, you know, it seemed like too much trouble.
(Doofenshmirtz's air-craft launches out of the building; debris shatters all about and a crashing sound is heard; in the launch door-ways is a gaping hole where the air-craft flew through)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, come on!!!!
(Cut to Candace's room)
Candace: Of course, it had to be wild parsnips. Allergy pills, allergy pills. Aha! Quick! Before my voice goes through the reaction. (She finds there are no pills left. She now has in a deep, manly voice) NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Girl: Hey, Jeremy. Wanna sit together at the show?
Candace: No, no, Mindy can't sit with Jeremy. Gotta stop this, gotta tell Mom! Can't go out looking like this!
(The camera pans to a paper bag on the floor.)
Mindy: So, how about us sitting together?
Candace: (Now wearing the paper bag and a grey jacket, she runs past them) 'Scuse me.
Jeremy: Oh, it's good, bro. (at Mindy) Thanks, but I promised Candace.
(Candace runs off down the street)
(Cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated)
(engine firing)
♪ Doo-dooby-doo-ba ♪
♪ Dooby-doo-ba-doo-dooby-doo-ba ♪
♪ Doo-dooby-doo-ba ♪
♪ Dooby-doo-ba-doo-dooby-doo-ba ♪
♪ Agent P! ♪
(Cut to the cirque tent)
Phineas: We’re moments away from Ferb and The Amazing Perry! (at Ferb) Hey, Ferb. You guys are up next. Where's Perry?
(Perry, back in his cirque outfit, walks towards the boys)
Phineas: Oh, there you are.
Baljeet: And now, for my final trick, I will reattach my thumb! Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, come thumb, it's healing time.
(wild cheering)
Phineas: Let's hear it for Baljeet the Stupefying! But now, prepared to be astounded when The Amazing Semi-aquatic Perry, aided by Ferb, attempts to jump through that hoop into the Shallow Pond!
Audience: Ooh!
Phineas: Yeah! Let's hear it for the Amazing Semi-aquatic Perry!
(Cut to the Squat 'n' Stitch)
Candace: Psst. Mom.
Linda: Candace, have you been near the wild parsnips again?
Candace: Yes, but you gotta see what Phineas and Ferb are doing.
Linda: What is it now?
(Song: "E.V.I.L. B.O.Y.S.")
Candace: ♪ Those boys are always up to something ♪
♪ And it's bringing me to tears ♪
♪ 'Cause just before you get home ♪
♪ It always just magically disappears ♪
♪ Those boys are evil! ♪
♪ But before you get home they somehow always clean up the mess ♪
Vivian: Testify, Candace, testify!
Candace: ♪ Those boys are evil ♪
Let me spell it out for you, Mom
♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! ♪
♪ They built a roller coaster ♪
♪ And a beach in the backyard ♪
♪ Drove cattle through the city ♪
♪ And messed up the boulevard ♪
♪ They took me back in time ♪
♪ When we went to that museum ♪
♪ They built 50-foot tree house robots ♪
♪ But still you didn't see them ♪
♪ Those boys are evil ♪
♪ Their crazy shenanigans cause me all kinds of distress ♪
♪ Those boys are evil ♪
♪ Sing it with me! ♪
♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! ♪
♪ I know you think they're saints ♪
♪ But Mom, I'm here to tell ♪
♪ Those B-O-Y-S, they're just E-V-I-L ♪
♪ Those boys are evil ♪
♪ They're making me feel like my head's in a hydraulic press ♪
♪ And that don't feel too good! ♪
♪ Those boys are evil ♪
Everybody!
Women: ♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! ♪
Candace: That's what I'm talking about!
Women: ♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! ♪
Candace: ♪ That's right those boys are ♪
♪ Evil little boys!
(applause, cheering)
Candace: Okay, Mom, so you gonna come home with me?
Linda: Are you kidding, hon? Let's do another!
Candace: (groans)
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, but you are too late. .... Wait! Wait, don't touch that! .... Stop it! Stop it! (chuckling) Stop it, I told you! Stop it! I said, keep your hands off of that.
(Cut to the cirque tent)
Buford: Hey, I got my costume all set. Be sure to introduce me as The Amazing Baggo.
Phineas: You know, we've been thinking about your act and have some suggestions. Modify your torque and reverse the angle of trajectory.
Buford: I still get to land in the mud, right?
Phineas: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Buford: I want the mud.
(audience cheering)
Phineas: Thank you, Django, the Human Pretzel!
Django: (moaning)
Phineas: That's gotta hurt. And now, our next act will catapult through the heavens, and land in a pit filled with the mysterious Aztec mud of doom!
Audience: Ooh! hoo!
Candace: Jeremy! Jeremy! Jeremy! (gasps) He saved me a seat.
Phineas: I give you The Amazing Baggo!
Buford: Taa-daa! Hey!
Candace: Guys, cut it out. Let go!
Buford: That dude's stealing my act!
Candace: (grunting; screaming)
Ferb: (whistles)
Phineas: Hmm. He must have been lighter than we calculated.
Buford: No, no! This is Buford's moment to shine! (jumps into the pit of mud) Hey, everybody, over here!
(all cheer)
Phineas: Wait. How'd he get down there?
Ferb: Perhaps Buford truly is amazing.
(shouting, grunting)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, great, now this thing's broken.
(Cut to the cirque tent)
Phineas: And now, ladies and gentlemen, (voice-pitch rising) I give you our entire cast in our grand finale, featuring The Amazing Perry!
(high-pitched cheering)
Doofenshmirtz: (Voice rising) Curse you, Perry the Platypus!
(Cut to the backyard)
Kids: Thanks, Phineas. You're the coolest.
Boy: That was the best circus I've ever been to.
(kids talking)
(machinery hissing)
Linda: Hi, guys.
Phineas: Mom, Dad, you missed our cirque.
Linda: Well, it sure looks like you had fun.
(Perry chatters)
Linda: Who wants to hear my CD?
Phineas: Ooh, I do.
Lawrence: All right, come on!
Phineas: Cool.
Candace: (moans, back to normal voice) Oh, well, at least I'm back to normal.
Jeremy: Hey, Candace. My mom played me some of their CD. Your singing is awesome! How'd you get your voice to sound like that?
Candace: Oh, same as all the great blues singers: wild parsnips.