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This is a song article.

"I Really Don't Hate Christmas" is sung by Heinz Doofenshmirtz in "Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation!" about how he hates the other holidays but he doesn't hate Christmas.


Heinz Doofenshmirtz: You see Valentine's is torture, and my birthday is a mess,
New Year's is a lot of noise, and Arbor Day's a pest.
Halloween's a horror but I guess I must confess
That I really don't hate Christmas.

You see Flag Day is infernal, April Fool's is just a bore,
Mardi Gras's a waste, unless you own a candy store,
All these other holidays I can admit that I abhor,
But I really don't hate Christmas.

Now, it isn't that I like it, at the most I feel ambivalence,
But should I really just destroy it? I'll admit that I'm still on the fence,
It makes me tense!

From the evil scientists' community I'm sure to get ejected,
But for Christmas I can't seem to summon any true invective,
Because what is there to hate? I mean, it's really so subjective.
No, I really don't hate Christmas.

I hate puppy dogs and kittens, I hate flowers in the spring,
Heck, I even hate the sunshine and the birdies when they sing,
I can work up animosity for almost anything.
Tell me why I don't hate Christmas.

Though my childhood was atrocious, Christmas never was that bad, you see,
So the most that I can muster is complete and total apathy.
What's wrong with me?

How can I prove that I'm an evil villain worth his salt
When with a holiday so jolly I can't even find a fault?
If I didn't feel ambiguous I'd launch a big assault.
But I really don't hate Christmas.

Oh, what the heck. Kickline!

No, I really...
No, I really don't hate Christmas!

I have an intense BURNING indifference!


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Background Information

  • This song is similar to the chorus of the song I don't like Mondays by the Boomtown Rats as well as the Twisted Christmas song The Chimney Song.
  • This song is much like "Model Major General" from Gilbert & Sullivan's Pirates of Penzace, especially in that both are patter songs.
  • When Doofenshmirtz sings that he hates kittens, it's as if they are ignoring his affection for Mr. Cat, the kitten Doofenshmirtz cared for and loved. (Though it is entirely possible that the trouble Mr. Fluffypants put him through has lead to this new-found hatred)
  • The song is similar to "Charmed Life", "My Goody Two-Shoes Brother", and "Impress My Professor". Doofenshmirtz even makes a reference to them when he says "Oh, what the heck. Kickline!"
  • When it shows a picture of him and his family, it shows Doofenshmirtz wearing a dress. ("Gaming the System")
  • This song's dancers are similar to the Radio City Rockettes.
  • Doofenshmirtz says that his birthday is a mess. ("Raging Bully")
  • This song is voted number 9 for the "Funny Christmas Song Countdown".[2]
  • This song has background vocals by Laura Dickinson. [3]


  • When Doofenshmirtz starts singing "Halloween's a horror..." the blue Halloween background instantly changes to the purple Mardi Gras background after just one short second.
  • In the line "Mardi Gras a waste unless you own a candy store", he should hate Mardi Gras, but he was in the Mardi Gras party in "Love at First Byte", and was enjoying himself. This episode happened after "Love at First Byte" so he may have developed the hate after.


BMI Work #11314945

See Also


"Twelve Days of Christmas"
Songs Next:
"That Christmas Feeling"
"Winter Vacation"
Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation! (soundtrack) Next:
"That Christmas Feeling"
"That Christmas Feeling"
Phineas and Ferb Holiday Favorites Next:
"Where Did We Go Wrong?"