Phineas and Ferb Wiki
Phineas and Ferb Wiki

"How We Make Phineas and Ferb" is an unused song sung by Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Major Monogram for promoting the show.


Doofenshmirtz: Okay; we're going to tell you how we make Phineas and Ferb

First you need some paper and some pencils
And some artists, writers, and production crew.
Then you sit around and think up stories
And funny things for [characters] to do.

Monogram: [uhm]

Doofenshmirtz: What?

Monogram: Um, well...

Doofenshmirtz: What? You said 'um'. I know you. What?

Monogram: Well. Not to be pedantic, but really? First you need pencils and paper?

Doofenshmirtz: Well sure, I wanted to start at the beginning, [because I didn't know how much] information [everybody had.]

Monogram: [I see so...] [So,] paper and pencils is the beginning. You don't need anything before that.

Doofenshmirtz: Well... Well, I mean. I guess first you need to have your own show [to make and...]

Monogram: [ha ah yes,] and on what do you plan to show this show.

Doofenshmirtz: What do you mean, on... it'll be on television.

Monogram: Television! Exactly.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh. Oh okay. So first you need television to have been invented!

Monogram: Yes you do. And it will be watched by whom?

Doofenshmirtz: Uh, people, ob.. ah.. I guess you need.. people. You need lifeforms with a sense of humor [and] opposable thumbs [to invent television].

Monogram: [Yes,] [yes you do.] Where would they be living? In a vacuum?

Doofenshmirtz: Ok. If you want to be a stickler!

Monogram: I do.

Doofenshmirtz: I guess first you need a planet capable of sustaining life.

Monogram: That's it. I think you've got it. Off you go.

Doofenshmirtz: You want me to start with a planet capable of sustaining life.

Monogram: Exactly.

Doofenshmirtz: Not a very... very... poetic phrase, and there's a lot of steps in between.

Monogram: Well I have complete confidence in you.

Doofenshmirtz: Alright. ahhh... ok.

You need a planet that has gravity and breathable air.
Human beings who'd laugh at things should also be there.
After TV is invented you come up with a show.
You sell it to a network and away you go.
And then you need a paper and a pencils and such
You have to hire actors so you pay them too much.
Of course every good production has an artist named Herb.

And... and we've got one. Here he is.

Monogram: Lovely man.

Doofenshmirtz: Salt of the earth.

And that's how we make Phineas and Ferb!

All: That's how we make Phineas and Ferb!

Monogram: Oh! we uh.. better mention the songs.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh that's right.

All: And we write some songs!

Monogram: Pencil sharpeners.

Doofenshmirtz: Shut up.

Background Information

Here is a little lost "Phineas & Ferb" treasure. This is a live demo of Dan and Swampy singing in character as Doofenshmirtz and Monogram about how we make "Phineas & Ferb". The origin of it, as with most "Phineas" related gems, was just us (in this case Dan, Swampy, Martin and I) goofing around in the writing bullpen in 2009, when we came up with this little regressive ditty. It is just a one-take, partly improvised couple minutes of absurdity that we all laughed over and then promptly forgot about. Enjoy!

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