This article is about the episode. You may be looking for the book or the sword.
Weilding the Sword Victoriously
Ferb-A-Lot holding the Excaliferb sword.
Season: 3
Production code: 320
Broadcast number: 143
Story by:
Scott Peterson
Written & Storyboarded by:
Aliki Theofilopoulos Grafft
J.G. Orrantia
Directed by:
Robert F. Hughes
Broadcast Information
Disney Channel US Premiere:
January 15, 2012
Disney XD US Premiere:
January 16, 2012
International Debut:
February 10, 2012 (Family Channel)
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It's a fantasy adventure of wizards and knights.

— Carl

During medieval times, Phineas and Ferb (or, Ferb-a-lot) set off on an epic quest to find the legendary sword, Excaliferb, so they can defeat the evil sorcerer, Malifishmertz.

Episode Summary

Major Monogram is sick in bed, so Carl comes over to read a fantasy story to him.

Medival Alchemists

Phineas and Ferbalot experiment with different elixirs

The story starts in the backyard of the cottage of the humble antique dealer, where wizards Phineas and Ferbalot are testing out some of their magic potions, which allow them to change into various mythological creatures, to the disapproval of their sister Candavere. Suddenly, the Lady of the Puddle emerges from a pool caused by the rain, and informs the two that they must go on a quest to find the legendary sword Excaliferb, and use it to defeat the evil Malifishmertz who is behind the "unearthly" rain. The magical water sprite Isabel arrives to guide them on their quest.

The boys' pet Parable the Dragonpus sneaks off to receive his mission from Monopunzel.

Monogram becomes excited as he felt that the character somehow resembles him. To his dismay, Carl informs him that the character is only in the story briefly at the beginning.

In the backyard, Candavere takes some of Phineas and Ferbalot's beakers to show to her mom, but accidentally spills the potions on her and grows a unicorn horn and a dragon tail. She decides to go after Phineas and Ferbalot in hopes they can restore her to normal, spilling more potions on herself in her haste to get to them.

Parable arrives at Malifishmertz's castle, but is trapped in a wicker cage by Gnorme. Malifishmertz explains that he plans to use his canned meat minions (which he brought to life with a reanimation spell) to take over the Tri-Kingdom Area; hoping that the rain will cause them to grow and become more menacing and "rampagy".


Parable is trapped

Isabel takes Phineas and Ferbalot to the Inn of the Prancing Platypus to recruit more members to the team, as well as to enjoy some taco salad. They successfully recruit Bufavulous the Wind Lord and his companion Baljeetolas of the Nerdling Realm before setting off.

Carl plays banjo music to accompany the questers, but Monogram criticizes it, giving descriptions of what questing music should sound like. Carl begrudgingly changes the music.

As the questers set off to appropriate questing music, Malifishmertz's shepherd spy informs him of the questers, so he catapults his meat minions off the castle to pursue them.


Poofenplotz trolling

The gang arrive at the Bridge of Comprehension, guarded by a troll. Baljeetolas concludes that the Raging River of Uncertainty is in fact shallow enough to cross rather than answering the troll's question to pass the bridge, though he answers her question anyway. They are then halted at a gorge. Turning around to find another way, they come face-to-face with the meat minions, who have grown by absorbing water. They prepare to fight, but Isabel tells them to jump into the gorge. Ferbalot does so without hesitation, and the others follow.

Carl stops the story to take a break, to Major Monogram's annoyance, and goes downstairs. When he comes back, Major Monogram asks him what he was doing. Carl explains that Monogram's wife had made two sandwiches in the kitchen, and that they were delicious. When Monogram asks Carl if he ate his sandwich, Carl quickly gets back to the story.

With the help of the other water sprites, Isabel creates a slide out of the river water to cushion the fall for Phineas, Ferbalot, and the others. They then arrive at the swamp. Isabel explains that to cross it, one must have a positive attitude. Phineas confidently proclaims that the swamp was made for him, crossing it with ease. However, Bufavulous says that he will not go. Baljeetolas tries to use logic to get Bufavulous to cross, but when that fails he tells him that Phineas has pie, causing Bufavulous to sprint after the others.

Malifishmertz spies on the questers with his magic mirror. The gang make their way to the Cave of Ten Thousand Monsters, where the sword Excaliferb can be found. Malifishmertz creates an avalanche, causing the questers to run inside the cave for cover. Parable uses his fire breath to break out of the cage and attacks Malifishmertz; but Malifishmertz zaps him with his magic staff, and he falls out the window. Inside the cave, The Lady of the Puddle guides Ferbalot to Excaliferb. As he pulls the sword from the stone, monsters creep out from the shadows.

Listening to the List of Fears

Team Phineas and Ferb

Outside Malifishmertz's castle, Parable lies on a rock, defeated. As Malifishmertz is about to finish him off, Phineas and Ferbalot appear with their monster army. As Ferbalot holds up Excaliferb, the blade falls off the handle. Due to the potions, Candavere arrives as a giant monster that Malifishmertz dubs a "uni-whale-scorpio-pega-squid-icorn girl". A fight ensues between the monster army and the meat minions. Malifishmertz transforms himself into a multi-headed monster, and Phineas uses his potions to transform Parable into a winged monster to do battle with it, as well as to change Candavere back to normal. The battle becomes a one-on-one fight between Parable and Malifishmertz, with Parable eventually gaining the upper hand, however many times Malifishmertz refused to go down.

Carl tries to add himself to the story as the ultimate hero, but Major Monogram stops him, telling him to read the story as it was written. The story continues that the battle was decided by forming a peace treaty between each side.

At first, Monogram doesn't believe Carl but satisfies when he reads himself. Carl finishes the story by reading the epilogue:

The questers were cheered as heroes for stopping the rain, Candavere danced with Jeremiad and Malifishmertz escaped during the bonfire party, opening the possibility for a sequel.

Major Monogram asks Carl if he can read to him again tomorrow, but Carl says he can't because they have to work tomorrow.


For a full transcript of "Excaliferb", click here.


End Credits

Last verse of "Epic Monster Battle". Carl adds himself in the story again. Monogram tells him to stop that and Carl says that it's crushing his spirit.


Excaliferb title card
The image gallery for "Excaliferb" may be viewed here.

Running Gags

The "Too Young" Line

Carl: Sir, you're crushing my spirit.
Major Monogram: Yes. Yes I am.

What'cha doin'?/Ferbalot's Line/Hey, where's Perry?

Phineas: Whoa! This must be the sprite, Isabel.
Isabel: What art thou doin'?
Phineas: Apparently you are going to guide us on a quest.
Isabel: Yes, you must first cross the Raging River of Uncertainty by the way of Bridge of Comprehension. Then, you must brave toward the swamp of Spit-Poor Attitude. Then it's snack time, I brought along some apples. After that, you will enter the Cave of Ten Thousand Monsters, where the sword Excaliferb can be found. Ferb, only a warrior with a true hearten can draw the sword and wield it in battle against the evil sorcerer, Malifishmertz.
Ferbalot: Yeah. Okay, I'm down with that.
Isabel: Do you have any questions?
Phineas: Yeah, where's Parable?
Ferbalot: Behold, evil wizard Malifishmertz, I hold the sword Excaliferb. This mystical vorpal blade was given to me by The Lady of the Puddle. Get a good look at it, for it's the instrument of your demise! (The blade of the sword falls off the hilt) Well, uh, okay. So big deal, the end's come off.

Perry's entrance to his lair

Parable (Sir P) climbs through Monopunzel's over-sized mustache to reach the top of the tower, surprising the feather off his hat when he finds out, where he is briefed by Monopunzel.

Evil Jingle

Malifishmertz Evil Incorporated, but not really a corporation because corporations haven't been invented yet so it's more like a guild or a tradesman association!

The bird that runs into Phineas and Ferb's invention

A bird carrying Candavere's message that flies over a chimney and roasted from the fire.

Memorable Quotes

Candavere: This is a most inopportune time for your infernal hijinks, and for once our sad sweet mother will be heralded to your inpropri- Argh, I can't talk like this anymore! You guys are so busted! Mom!
Lady of the Puddle: Behold, I am the Lady of the Puddle.

Phineas: Don't you mean the Lady of the Lake?
Lady of the Puddle: No, that's my mom.

Lady of the Lake: Hey kids, you're getting a little quest of your own. Oh, that's so nice.
As the Lady of the Puddle vanishes a wave of water hits Phineas and Ferbalot.
Phineas: It's a good thing she isn't the lady of the hot coffee.
Referring to Monopunzel

Major Monogram: I really like that character, is there gonna be more about him?
Carl: I'm sorry sir, he just comes at the beginning. Shall I continue?
(Major Monogram mumbles)
Carl: Huh?

Major Monogram: Okay.
Malifishmertz: (walks down the tower) You see, I was bullfrog hunting down by the rat catcher's shack and came across a... (muffled sound from going around the back of the stairs) ...the biggest raspberry I've ever seen! It was the size of a cucumber! (muffled sound) what I said because I had a gag over my mouth. (muffled sound continues until he reached the bottom) ...and that's why I decided to take over the Tri-Kingdom Area! True story.
Major Monogram: Ho-de-ho-hold it, what's with the banjo?

Carl: Traveling music.

Major Monogram: Where are they going, Alabama?
Spy: (whispers to Malifishmertz)
Malifishmertz: Well, whaddaya know! My shepherd spy tells me that a band of heroes has come to stop me! (Spy whispers some more) Oh yeah, sure, it's just down the hall, past the sally port on your right. You can't miss it!
Bufavolous: My mother always told me that if all the other kids were jumping off a cliff, I should, too.

Baljeetolas: Your mother said that?

Bufavolous: She was not a nurturer.
Major Monogram: Carl, you- you stop?

Carl: I think we need to take a little break here.
Major Monogram: Wow, bad time for that. You totally left me hanging on that cliff scene.
Carl: That's kinda the point, sir.

Major Monogram: Oh, I see. Very clever.
Major Monogram: Gees Carl, what- what took so long?

Carl: Sorry sir, I was down in your beautiful kitchen and your wife was making two sandwiches and I got to tell you they were de-lish.
Major Monogram: Did she make one for me?
Carl: How about we get back to the book?
Major Monogram: Carl, did you eat my sandwich?
Carl: As our heroes fell doubt swept across them -
Major Monogram: Carl, you ate my sandwich.
Carl: Do you want to hear this or not, sir?

Major Monogram: Okay.
Baljeetolas: I have an idea. I think I have a way to get you across this swamp. I have been working on a way of solving problems by the process of deriving reliable generalizations from observation. I call it "logic."

Bufavulous: Logic? How come I've never heard of this?
Baljeetolas: Because it is the Middle Ages.
Bufavulous: Oh, is it anything like hysterical hearsay?
Baljeetolas: Yes, in that it is the exact opposite of that.
Bufavulous: Yeah?
Baljeetolas: Listen, here is how it works. By observing the swamp, logic tells me that it is too big to go around. And by gathering information about it from Isabel, I can logically make assessments about the best way to get across. Are you following me?
Bufavulous: Absolutely not.
Baljeetolas: (He sighs) Phineas has pie.

Bufavulous: Out of my way, runt! (He runs across the swamp)
Malifishmertz: (After forcing Parable out the window with staff) This thing really works when you put batteries in it.
Malifishmertz: (Laughs) Finally, my greatest nemesis vanquished. Now, Parable the Dragonpus prepare to meet your dim- doom, I mean doom. Prepare to meet your- Man, talk about blowing the moment.
Malifishmertz: Are you kidding me?! I am not afraid you kids or your monsters. In fact, I am not afraid of anything! Ha! Except, you know, unicorns, but other than that, nothing! Just unicorns and whales. That's a given. Everyone's afraid of whales. And squid. Unicorns whales and squid and Pegasuses. That's it! Pegasuses, whales, unicorns, squid, scorpions, barnacles-- You know, I should really make a list. And girls. I used to be terrified of girls but I sort of got over that one. Now it's just, you know like sort of a mild anxiety. So just to recap, girls, whales, squid-- (Notices that everyone is looking towards the sky) Hey, what's everyone looking at?"

(Sees the genetically twisted Candavere)
Candavere: Phineas and Ferbalot, you are so busted!

Malifishmertz: What do you know, it's a uniwhale scorpiopegasquidacorn girl. What are the odds? You know, taken all together, it's actually more ridiculous than scary. I guess it doesn't have a cumulative effect.
Carl: From the top of another hill, a figure appears, a shaft of light shining off his auburn hair. It was Carl, the Red-headed Paladin from the land of Internius. He--

Major Monogram: Carl, now you're just getting ridiculous!

Carl: I don't see why I can't be in this story. Besides, it's totally better this way.

Background Information

  • When Isabel states that they should pass the swampy marsh, the name was based on Jeff "Swampy" Marsh, one of the co-creators of the show.
  • Major Monogram refers to the banjo playing being from Alabama where co-creator Dan Povenmire grew up.
  • Disney Television Animation
    First episode to end with a logo identifying the production studio as "Disney Television Animation" as opposed to "Walt Disney Television Animation"; the studio had been referred to as such in-credits since "Nerds of a Feather".
  • The infamous Wilhelm Scream can be heard when the canned-meat bunnies grow into monsters.
  • Linderella's name was not said in the episode (was only addressed as "Mom"), but it was revealed in the end credits.
  • In the Spanish version, the characters speak in old-spanish, including Candace calling Linda "mother" instead of "mom".
  • This is one of the few episodes in which Baljeet uses contractions.
  • This is the only one of the Time Shift episodes that is confirmed not to have happened, as it is simply a story Carl told Major Monogram when he was sick.

Production Information

  • This episode was aired in Disney Channel On Demand on January 8, 2012.

International Premieres

  • February 10, 2012 (Family Channel)
  • February 25, 2012 (Disney Channel Brazil and Latin America)
  • March 3, 2012 (Disney XD Canada)
  • March 24, 2012 (Disney XD Spain)
  • March 10, 2012 (Disney XD Italy)
  • April 1, 2012 (Disney Channel Australia)
  • April 9, 2012 (Disney XD Scandinavia)
  • April 14, 2012 (Disney XD Poland)
  • April 16, 2012 (Disney Channel India)
  • April 22, 2012 (Disney Channel Bulgaria)
  • April 30, 2012 (Disney XD Latin America and Brazil)
  • June 16, 2012 (Disney Channel Portugal)
  • June 20, 2012 (Disney Channel Asia)


  • When Malifishmertz attempts to trap Parable, he is up 3 stories. But, when he descends the stairs, he goes down 4 stories.
Phineas's eyes!

What happened to Phineas's eyes!?

  • When Phineas is talking about the unearthly rain, he blinks and his eyes disappear for a small moment.
  • Coffee wasn't invented in medieval England that time.
  • When milifenshmirtz was looking at Candavere when she was a monster , his staff's crystal ball blew off but when he turned himself into a monster to fight Parable his staff had the crystal ball.
  • When Parable is trapped in the cage by Malifishmertz, the meatlings seem to be comparable to Parable in height but when shown on Malifishmertz, they are roughly the same size as his hands.
  • When the gang departs from the Inn of the Prancing Platypus no one else can be seen in the restaurant, though there were many people before they left.
  • Phineas is heard saying "Ferb" instead of Ferbalot when Isabel told them to jump in the river (maybe because he wanted to use a short version).
  • The buttons on Carl's shirt constantly disappear at the end of the episode.
  • When everyone is in the Cave of Ten Thousand Monsters, Buford isn't wearing pants.
  • The feather on Parable's hat disappears and reappears randomly throughout the episode.
  • A stool appears next to Carl's chair after he takes a break from reading, then disappears later on in the story.
  • When Parable is laying on the rock and looks to see the monsters approaching his hind feet are colored blue.
  • When Phineas, Ferbalot, Baljeetalus, Bufavolus, and Isabel are in the Cave of Ten Thousand Monsters, Ferb-a-lot's hat is gone and doesn't reappear until the rest of the episode Phineas has no hat when everyone is saying "Oh", but when Phineas sees Ferb-a-lot with Excaliferb his hat reappears when he says that wasn't there something they had to do first.
  • Phineas warns Candavere not to look at Ferbalot when he's a gorgon but not when he's a cockatrice which also has a petrifying or a fatal gaze in some legends.
  • When Candavere is using Phineas and Ferb-a-lot's potions she pulls the blue one out of her pocket when she only stole the yellow and green ones which she carried by hand.
  • When the gang jumps off the cliff, Baljeetalus's right eye disappears.
  • The monsters in the battle, some of them are repeated.
  • At the Rocky, Shallow River of Nevermore, FerbaLot, Phineas, Bufavolous and Baljeetalus all jumped down at separate times. But few seconds later later, they are seen to be at approximately the same height, which should not be possible since free-falling objects fall at the same rate.
  • In the end credits, Bufavolous's name is misspelled as "Bulavolous".




  • Arthurian legend
  • Hercules - The naga version of Ferb bears a striking resemblance of Panic, one of the two imps who serve Hades in the 1997 animated film.
  • America Online - Malifishmirtz's mirror says, "Thou hast mail." This is a reference to an internet service provider called America Online. After logging connecting to the internet, America Online would tell you about any new e-mail messages by playing an audio file of someone saying, "You've got mail."
  • A Midsummer Night's Dream - Candavere's line, "What flaxen homespun have we swaggering here?" is based on the line, "What hempen homespuns have we swaggering here, so near the cradle of our fairy queen?" (Act III, scene 1) spoken by Puck in this Shakespearean comedy.
  • The Fellowship of the Ring - "The Prancing Platypus" is a play on the name "The Prancing Pony" which was the name of the Tavern/Inn in Bree.
    • Also when the group is at the tavern, they notice a shady figure, who was one of Millifishmertz's spies, just like Aragorn notices one of Sauron's spies in Bree's tavern.
    • Buford's character looks very similar to Gimli in The Lord of the Rings movie, and Baljeet's character is similar to the elf Legolas.
      • Ironically, Gimli and Legolas never traveled together prior to The Fellowship of the Ring.
    • Ferbalot is seen on a Griffon, similar to Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings film.
    • Malifishmertz's Evil "Incorporated" is referred to as Mount Doof, a reference to Mount Doom in Mordor in The Lord of the Rings.
    • Malifishmertz has a "shepherd spy" similar to Bill Ferny
  • Monty Python and the Holy Grail - When they attempt to cross Professor Poofenplotz bridge, she requires them to answer three questions, just as in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, where King Arthur and his knights have to cross the Bridge of Death, where each Knight is forced to answer three questions by the bridge-keeper before they can cross the Gorge of Eternal Peril. The use of a Spam-like can also be considered a reference to Monty Python and the Holy Grail, as it's referenced in the song sung during the Camelot scene. "We eat ham and jam and spam a lot!" In turn, Spamalot is the name of the stage musical adaptation of said movie. The Lady of the Lake is also a character from Spamalot.
  • Sleeping Beauty - Malifishmertz's name and attires was based on the villain of the story, Maleficent.
  • Godzilla - When the final battle is about to start, one of the monsters roars like Godzilla.
  • The Princess Bride - A fantasy story is read to a sick person in bed. At the end of the episode, Monogram asks Carl if he can read the story to him again tomorrow. This is very similar to the ending of the film The Princess Bride, although Carl ruins the moment between him and Monogram.
  • Legends of the Hidden Temple - Isabella's extremely detailed directions for the quest is similar to Olmec's directions from the Nickelodeon game show. Coincidentally, Dee Bradley Baker was the voice of Olmec.
  • Jabberwocky - Ferb refers to his sword as a "vorpal blade" referring to the vorpal sword mentioned in this famous poem.
  • Rapunzel - When Parable (Perry) reaches the top of the tower to obtain his mission, he does so by climbing up Major Monogram's very long mustache - an allusion to fairy tale Rapunzel where her long and magical hair is one of the many ways to get up and down her tower. Also, Major Monogram's character's name was Monopunzel, similar to rapunzel. 
  • Stonehenge - When Malifishmertz's stone meat minions fall down the hill, they form a structure similar to Stonehenge.
  • SPAM - The canned meat resembles the well-known canned meat product both in packaging and shape/color.
  • Gargoyles - A green gargoyle resembling Goliath with a beard is one of the monsters that carries Phineas and Ferb to the final battle.
  • Cinderella - Linderella is a play-on of the name Cinderella.
  • The Legend of Zelda- Isabel the water sprite is similar to Navi, Tatl and Ciela from the Legend of Zelda games.
  • Mr. Bean - When Major Monogram gets mad that his fantasy character does not appear in the story again, he grunts a bit like Mr. Bean. He also has a teddy bear like Mr. Bean's "Teddy".
  • The NeverEnding Story - The Swamp of Spit-Poor Attitude is a possible allusion to the Deadly Swamps of Sadness; whereas in The NeverEnding Story, you sink in the swamp if your attitude is depressing or negative in general.
  • Robin Hood: Men In Tights - Baljeet discovers that the river below the Bridge of Comprehension is not very deep and can be crossed on foot. In the film, the character Atchoo points out the same thing about the creek below the bridge.
  • Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs - Phineas and Ferb's house is in the style of the Dwarfs' cottage in the movie.
  • Adventures in Odyssey - At one point Phineas and Ferbalot "Goode the goose on the way out." and the goose is named Gertrude. In Adventures in Odyssey Wooton has a pet duck named Gertrude.
  • Quest for Camelot - This episode is very similar to the 1998 Warner Bros animated movie, in which that Phineas, Ferbalot, Bufavolous, Baljeetolas and Isabel on a quest searching for Excaliferb is very similar to Kayley, Garrett, Devon and Cornwall on a quest finding Excalibur.  Also, Malifishmertz acts very similar to Baron Ruber, and his magic potions and Phineas and Ferb's potions are very similar to Ruber's magic potion to turn normal men into minions, and Malifishmertz going down is very similar to Ruber being destroyed with Excalibur in his hand.  Also the bonfire party is very similar to the ending scene from the film.
  • Monty Python's Flying Circus - Malifishmertz does a take on the "Spanish Inquisition" sketch when he lists all the things he's afraid of.
  • The "shepherd spy" gag goes back at least as far as an episode of The Goon Show, a 1950s BBC Radio series that is often cited as a major influence on the Monty Python team.
  • The Sword in the Stone - Under the sword Excaliferb, there is a sign that says "One yanketh per customer". This is a reference to the attraction in Fantasyland in Disneyland.




"Doof Dynasty"
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