(Scene opens on a beautiful summer sky. Pan down to the Flynn-Fletcher house. Cut to inside. Perry is sleeping in his bed.)
Perry: (chatters)
(Suddenly, his bed goes and he ends up in his lair and lands onto Major Monogram's lap.)
Major Monogram: Oh, sorry, Agent P. I, uh... (clears throat) We're testing all the lair entrances while Doof is away on vacation.
(Monogram pushes some buttons. Cut to the kitchen. Candace is washing her hands in the sink while the countertop range, toaster, and fridge all open by themselves. Cut back to the lair. An entrance on the floor cover slaps Carl on the patoot.)
Carl: Ow! Sir!
Major Monogram: I'll be doing the heavy lifting monitoring the mainframe here and Carl will do the easy work of climbing through ten thousand feet of tunnel checking each opening.
(Carl looks at Monogram disparagingly.)
Major Monogram: Anyway, Agent P, you can take it easy and enjoy a Doof-free day.
(Perry salutes and leaves.)
Major Monogram: Tick-tock, Carl.
(Monogram kicks a button and sends Carl up a tube. Cut to Perry as his phone rings. He answers.)
Doofenshmirtz: (on phone) Perry the Platypus, whatcha doin'?
(Song: A-Prime Calypso) (instrumental)
(Cut to Doof lounging on the beech wearing a polo shirt and shades, talking on his phone and holding a cold drink.)
Doofenshmirtz: I'm on vacation! Ya miss me?
(Cut back to Perry, who hangs up and goes up a tube back to his house.)
(Cut back to Doof.)
Doofenshmirtz: Hello? Hello? Here, a selfie will make him jealous. (snaps a pic) Time to make my life look more glamorous than it is. Mmm! (sips his drink) Oh, cabana boy! What's his name? Benny? Ben? Benjamin? Benjamin!
(The cabana boy looks back at Doof bored.)
(Cut to the front yard. The gang are clinking glasses and pitchers of Arnold Palmers.)
Phineas: I know what we're gonna do today! It's the perfect day to make the perfect summer drink.
Isabella: Which is clearly a lemonady iced tea.
Baljeet: (laughs) Respectfully, I believe you are mistaken. It is a tea-y lemonade.
Buford: Okay, I agree. It's a combo, but it's gotta have quench! (slams pitcher on table)
(Candace enters.)
Candace: Wow, so this is your big project for today?
Buford: Quench!
Phineas: Yeah! We thought we'd do a taste test to find the perfect tea-to-lemonade ratio.
Candace: (yawns) Okay, this looks pretty low stakes. Insert yawn here. Proceed. (leaves)
Phineas: Come get a glass later.
(Candace looks back and watches Buford gulp the entire pitcher.)
Candace: Uh, no, thanks!
Phineas: Shall we take it to the vats?
Buford: (belches) Quench! Quench!
(Phineas and the gang enter the backyard, where a giant machine, a monitor, two tables, and a whiteboard are.)
Phineas: If we're gonna figure out the perfect beverage ratio, we gotta make enough for everyone.
Baljeet: Everyone in the neighborhood?
Phineas: Everyone in Danville.
(Zoom out to reveal the machine has several giant blenders attached to it as well as an ice bucket with a slide.)
Phineas: (gives Isabella scorecards) Isabella, you have an amazingly nuanced palate.
Isabella: I am the only Fireside Girl to secure the High Society Patch.
Phineas: Which is exactly why you'll be rating the satisfaction levels.
Isabella: Check.
Phineas: Baljeet, on chemistry balance?
Baljeet: (at the whiteboard) I have already started.
(Phineas goes to Buford, who is standing next to a treadmill.)
Phineas: Buford, you're testing quenchability.
(Buford rips off his shirt and shorts to reveal a blue and yellow tracksuit underneath.)
Buford: Quench!
(Buford climbs onto the treadmill and begins running.)
Buford: (starts sweating) I'm about to become very humid.
Phineas: First, a 50/50 blend. And taste!
Isabella: (sips) Hmmm. Five out of ten. Lovely bouquet, but unsatisfied.
(Split screen to Buford, who drinks as he runs.)
Buford: Un-quenched!
(Split screen to Phineas as he tastes the drink.)
Phineas: Hmmm, needs less lemon. Or more sweetener.
(Split screen to Baljeet.)
Baljeet: (sips and writes on the whiteboard) Let us try 37% more tea.
(Cut to Ferb at the machine. He pushes down on a plunger. Cut to Buford still running.)
Buford: And I want 137% more quench!
Baljeet: That is not how math works, Buford.
(Cut to inside the house as Carl tests the entrances.)
Carl: Bookcase entrance, check.
(Cut to Monogram wearing headphones and reading the latest issue of Mustache Mode magazine.)
Major Monogram: Bookcase entrance. (puts down magazine) Got it. Keep it going, Carl. That's, uh... 1% done. We got a lot more to do.
(Cut to Carl in a tunnel.)
Carl: "We"?
(Song: Lair Entrance System Check)
♪ You got one in the garbage can ♪
♪ And twelve on the floor (Check!) ♪
♪ Between here and the hallway ♪
♪ We got twenty-seven more (Check!) ♪
♪ One in the mushroom ♪
♪ And one in the hose (Check!) ♪
♪ If you want some in the bathroom ♪
♪ We got plenty of those (Check!) ♪
♪ One in the printer ♪
♪ That is pretty high-tech (Check!) ♪
♪ Two behind the paintings ♪
♪ That you'd never expect (Check!) ♪
♪ One in the rathole ♪
♪ Under the deck ♪
♪ It's our lair entrance system check ♪
♪ It's our lair entrance system check, come on! ♪
♪ We got one in the neighbor's house ♪
♪ It's down the block (Check!) ♪
♪ Feel free to use it ♪
♪ Just remember to knock (Check!) ♪
♪ One in the flower bed ♪
♪ Under this rock (Check!) ♪
♪ One in the fusebox ♪
♪ That'll give you a shock (Check!) ♪
♪ You might not be aware ♪
♪ But there's one here and here ♪
♪ And here and here and here and there ♪
♪ It's our lair entrance system check ♪
♪ It's our lair entrance system check, come on ♪
♪ There's one underneath that ceramic duck ♪
♪ There's seven in the patio ♪
Carl: Sir, I think I'm stuck.
(Cut to Monogram, who is pouring himself a cup of joe.)
Major Monogram: We've all got our own problems.
(Cut to the bathroom. Candace is washing her hands.)
Buford: (offscreen) Still not quenched!
Candace: (gasps)
Isabella: (offscreen) Needs more ice!
(Candace goes up to the window and sees the giant juice maker.)
Candace: Ahhh!
(Cut to the backyard as Ferb slides down the ice bucket dressed in a parka and riding a giant ice cube like a sled. He waves to Candace before dismounting. Cut back to the bathroom.)
Candace: Hmmm. The low stakes have definitely been raised. But, as always, it would be pointless to get Mom because, as always, the Mysterious Force would just take this all away.
(Cut to Carl still wedged in a tunnel.)
Carl: (grunts) This tunnel is a force to be reckoned with.
(Cut to Monogram.)
Major Monogram: (echoing) I'm a force to be reckoned with!
(Cut to the bathroom as Candace hears what Monogram says coming out of the bathtub drain.)
Candace: Wait. Hello? Mysterious Force? Is that you?
Major Monogram: Yes.
Candace: I'm listening!
Major Monogram: You're... You're really stuck?
Candace: Yes. Yes! I am really stuck in my life! Omigosh, Mysterious Force, you really understand me!
Major Monogram: Well... wiggle around a little.
(Cut to Carl.)
Carl: Okay.
(He attempts to wriggle out of the tunnel, but to no avail.)
(Cut to the bathroom, as Candace follows the "Force's" instructions and wiggles.)
Candace: Okay, yes, I'm doing it!
Major Monogram: You'll find you'll have more room than ya think, Carl.
Candace: Uh, actually, it's Candace, but I guess you can call me "Carl". There's a zebra that calls me "Kevin". Mysterious Force, if this is really you, I need you to show me a sign!
(Cut to Carl, still stuck.)
Carl: Wiggling's not working.
(Cut to Monogram.)
Major Monogram: Hold on. Let's see if this does it for you.
(He pushes a button. Cut to the bathroom, the overhead light turns blue. Cut back to Monogram as he pushes some more buttons. Cut back to the bathroom as the overhead light flashes different colors.)
Candace: (gasps) A sign!
(Cut to Carl.)
Carl: Well, whatever you're doing, sir, none of it is dislodging me.
(Cut to Stacy's house. She is writing something when her phone rings. She answers. Split screen to Candace.)
Candace: Stacy, you gotta get over here! I think the Mysterious Force is contacting me through the bathtub!
Stacy: Well, that's a new one. (She marks a spot on her Candace Bingo card.) Oh, Bingo! And yet, this is not the strangest call I've gotten from you, even this week! Be right over.
(Cut to three trucks labeled "Sugar", "Lemon" and "Tea". Ferb connects a hose to the sugar truck, and turns the nozzle on as sugar is added to the drink. Cut to Baljeet looking at the data on the monitor.)
Baljeet: Careful! Only 2% more sugar, Ferb!
(Ferb turns the nozzle off and thumbs up. Cut to Isabella tasting.)
Isabella: Hmmm, a fine vintage, but I'm still not satisfied. (Holds up a "four" score card.)
Phineas: Hmmm. Yes. Am I detecting a coarseness on my palate?
(Pan right to Buford.)
Buford: My tongue's still like sandpaper. Pass!
(Cut to Stacy approaching the gate as she looks up from her phone. The gang greets her as she slowly enters the house.)
(Cut to the bathroom. Candace is wearing a shower cap and bathrobe and holding a scrub brush.)
Candace: Mysterious Force...
Stacy: Have you seen what the boys are doing out th—Oh, wow!
(Cut to reveal the bathroom has been transformed into a shrine to the Mysterious Force surrounded by candles, Christmas lights, flower strings, graffiti and Mr. Miggins.)
Candace: (quietly) Stacy, come in here! Listen!
Stacy: What am I listening for? Your sanity saying, "Candace, find me"?
Candace: (puts her finger to Stacy's mouth) Mysterious Force? Hmmm, nothing. Wait, I also heard over here.
(Candace runs into Dad's office and opens a file cabinet drawer.)
Candace: Mysterious Force, reveal thyself! Nope, it's not here.
(She runs out and listens to the plant vase.)
Candace: It was in here before, I swear! (looks in plant) Are you there?
Stacy: Candace, I'm getting really worried.
Major Monogram: (from fireplace) Don't worry, I'm still here!
Stacy: Uh, does this Mysterious Force have a low, commanding voice?
Candace: Yes!
Stacy: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I hear it, too!
Candace: Mysterious Force, what do you want?
(Split screen to Monogram, who is enjoying his lunch.)
Major Monogram: Oh, I do love ham sandwiches. (takes a bite)
Candace: (exclaims) You hear it! Stacy, d'you know what this means?
Stacy: The Force eats luncheon meats?
Candace: No. If it can tell me when it will take the boys' stuff away, I can get Mom to show up right before so she can bust once and for all! O Great Mysterious Force, when will thou takest away what the boys hath built?
Stacy: What's with the "Ye Olde English"?
Candace: I dunno. It's probably ancient. I'm respecting my elders.
Major Monogram: Um...
Candace: (gasps)
Major Monogram: Gimme ten minutes, Carl!
Candace: It's coming in ten!
Stacy: It's coming in ten! Wait, who's "Carl"?
Candace: It's me, I'm Carl. It's my "Force Name". Keep up, Stace!
Stacy: Wait, what?
(Cut to Mom and Dad in the car, when Mom's phone rings. She answers and Candace shouts through it.)
Candace: (on phone) MOM!!! You have to be home in nine minutes or less! It is very important!
Linda: A specific timeframe. Keepin' it fresh. Nice! We're on our way.
(Cut to Monogram, who puts his lunch down and gasps as he sees on the monitor a red dot approaching a house.)
Major Monogram: Carl, the Flynn-Fletchers are on their return route home! Stop your tomfoolery and wrap it up!
(Cut to the still stuck Carl.)
Carl: I'm still stuck, sir. It's hot and I'm so thirsty!
(Cut to Doof on the beach trying to get the attention of the pool boy.)
Doofenshmirtz: Benjamin? Benjamin? Benjamin? Ugh! Fine, I guess I'm gonna hafta work on vacation. What have I got to work with here? Hmmm.
(Doof takes a grill, a lifeguard paddle, a boogie board, a little girl's sand bucket, and a boombox to make an inator.)
Doofenshmirtz: Wait til Benjamin gets to behold my Bring-Me-a-Drink-inator! Man, there is no grievance so petty that an inator can't fix it.
(Cut to the backyard.)
Phineas: Still not right.
Buford: (weakly) Not quenching... fading... (He falls down and tumbles on the treadmill.) But, y'know, this is kinda fun, too.
(Isabella takes another taste and holds up "6" and "5" score cards.)
Baljeet: Huh, maybe satisfaction should be rated by someone less picky. Respectfully?
Isabella: Are you calling me picky? Respectfully?
Baljeet: Well, if the pink bow fits.
Phineas: I think the heat's gotten to you guys. With all due respect. But we're so close! We can't give up now.
(Isabella and Baljeet flip over their table and whiteboard and argue incomprehensibly.)
Phineas: It's just lemonade!
Baljeet: |
Buford: |
(Ferb stops their arguing by holding up a mint leaf. He climbs up the ladder and drops it into the mixture. Crossfade to the drink in Isabella's glass. She sips.)
Isabella: (sighs) 10.0!
Phineas: (sips) Mmmm, the perfect summer beverage.
Buford: (gulps his drink and rips off his tracksuit revealing his usual clothes) QUENCH!!!
(Cut to Ferb approaching Baljeet as he drinks and circles the phrase "1 mint leaf" on the whiteboard.)
Ferb: There's nothing a hint of mint can't improve.
(The gang clink their glasses as Ferb pulls the hose into the front yard. Cut to the car pulling up. Mom and Dad exit the car. Candace looks from the bathroom and looks at the clock.)
Candace: (gasps) Two minutes! We just have time! Hee hee hee hee hee!
Stacy: So, what's my Mysterious Force name? Am I a Frederick, or am I a Dave—
Candace: C'mon, Stacy!
(Cut to the lair. Monogram sticks his arm in a hole with a grabber tool.)
Major Monogram: Carl? I can't even see you!
Carl: There's an entrance flap by my head. Maybe you can get into it to dislodge me.
(Monogram goes to the console and pushes some buttons.)
Major Monogram: Which one is it?
(Cut to the house. Several lair entrances open and close. Candace and Stacy run down the stairs unaware of the chaos around them.)
(Cut to the front yard. Phineas and Ferb have opened an Arnold Palmer stand with a long line of kids waiting. Mom and Dad approach them.)
Linda: Oh, look at you kids with your little stand.
Phineas: Have a glass, Mom!
(Cut to the front door. Candace and Stacy run out. Candace grabs Linda and pulls her away.)
Candace: No, this is nothin'! Wait till you see in the back!
(Pan down to Perry's lair.)
Major Monogram: Who's this big boy? Hmmm.
(Monogram pushes a big red button. It causes the backyard to open up a big entrance lair, causing the mixing machine to fly out.)
(Cut to Doof at his inator.)
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, devastatingly aloof cabana boy whose name I don't quite remember, (He activates the inator.) but I'm pretty sure it's in the Benjamin family!
(Zoom in on the pool boy's name tag to reveal it's actually...)
Dan and Swampy: ♪ Chris! ♪
Doofenshmirtz: Prepare yourself to bring me a drink!
(Phineas and Ferb's machine crash lands on top of Doof and pours him a drink.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, finally! (drinks) Quenched!
(Cut back to the lair. Monogram is still having trouble.)
Major Monogram: Great googly moogly! That last entrance isn't closing!
(Cut to Perry looking out the window. He sees an emergency release switch at the entrance, puts on his hat, and flips out the window to release it. Cut to Candace, Stacy and Mom running to the backyard, unaware they are too late. Cut to Perry, who buffs up to flip the switch and make the entrance close. Cut to Carl, who is beginning to unwedge.)
Carl: Whoa! Incoming, sir!
(Cut to the backyard as Candace, Mom, and Stacy arrive just in time for...)
Stacy: But... But...
Candace: What?! (The backyard is empty except for Perry.) NOOOOOO! (She runs to the drainpipe.) Why, Mysterious Force, why?!
Linda: (going inside) Honey, the heat's gotten to you. Come get something cool that the boys made.
(Cut to the lair. Carl slides out of the hole, bumping into Monogram.)
Carl: Phew! All entrances examined, sir!
(The monitor shows 100% completion.)
Major Monogram: Adequate work, Carl! Now for the international entrances.
(Monogram zooms the image out to show entrances all over the world. Carl faints.)
(Cut to Candace in the backyard.)
Candace: I was so close!
Major Monogram: (from the water spout) Next time you're stuck, I don't wanna hear about it, Carl.
Candace: Curse you, Mysterious Force!
Stacy: Tell 'im, "Carl"!
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