(Scene opens on the Danville Today news program.)
Dink Winkerson: Dink Winkerson here for Danville Today. Temperatures surge as we hit record-breaking levels of heat. I was going to suggest you wear sunscreen and stay hydrated, but that seems inadequate now.
(Zoom out to show the program streaming on a tablet being watched in the backyard by Phineas and the gang.)
Buford: Man, it's hot! It is so hot!
Baljeet: (shvitzing) He is redundant, but he is right. I do wish we could luge the heat.
Isabella: (fanning herself) Wait, did you say "luge the heat"?
Baljeet: I mispronounced, okay? I am melting!
Phineas: Well, maybe we could lose the heat by lugeing. You know, hurtling down a big sledding track in the snow.
Buford: (sarcastically) Great, an activity that takes seventeen seconds, den I'm hot again!
Phineas: Fair, but what if we made a luge track that never ended? Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! Make the world's first endless luge track!
The gang: (cheers)
(Cut to Candace's bedroom. Candace is lying on her bed talking on her phone.)
Candace: (monotone) I dunno, Stacy. With the A/C on the fritz, I don't have the energy to move. I don't even feel like busting my brothers.
(Cut to Stacy's living room, where she's enjoying her various fans.)
Stacy: If it's this hot, your brothers could be taking it easy, too. (sighs) Perfect!
(Cut back to Candace. As she sits up, her bedsheets stick to her sweaty skin.)
Candace: Ugh, maybe you're right. (She puts her phone away from her ear to reveal it is flaming.) Okay, gotta go. My phone's overheating.
(The phone bursts into flames. Suddenly, a gust of wind blows in her direction.)
Candace: Ah, a cool breeze. Did someone fix the A/C?
(Candace goes over to her window, but she is pulled back to her bed by her sheets.)
(Cut back to the backyard. The gang are now holding sleds, standing on a platform in front of what appears to be a giant ice ring.)
Phineas: You were right, Ferb. Most people would scoff at the idea of building a frozen luge track on the hottest day of summer. And yet, here we are.
(Candace sticks her head out the bedroom window.)
Candace: Phineas and Ferb. Ironically, the coolness they created gave me the energy to bust them for the coolness they created! Hee hee hee! (backs away)
(Cut to the kitchen. Agent P approaches the fridge magnets that say "HOWDY CANDY". He takes some of those letters to make it saw OWCA. The fridge door opens. Agent P goes inside. Cut to a frozen slide. Agent P slides down. Cut to his lair. Perry is now frozen in ice and lands in a giant glass of lemonade.)
Major Monogram: There you are, Agent P. Hope you're enjoying that fresh glass of lemonade.
Perry: (chatters and shivers)
Major Monogram: It took us all morning to hand-squeeze those lemons. And by "us", I mean Carl.
Carl: My hands are still pruney. (He shows his wrinkled hand.)
Major Monogram: Anyways, Doofenshmirtz has been spotted outside the Danville Water Park with a preposterous amount of Doonkelberry oil. Water and oil don't mix. He must be up to something nefarious.
(Perry's ice cube melts and he finally breaks free.)
Major Mongram: Go stop 'im, Agent P!
(Agent P salutes and exits.)
Major Monogram: Keep fanning, Carl! Lunch isn't for another forty-five minutes!
(Cut to the kitchen. Mom is washing dishes.)
Candace: Mom! Backyard! Boys! Invention!
Linda: Just a minute, honey.
Candace: But the boys made a giant luge wheel and—
Linda: Is one more minute really gonna make that much of a difference?
Candace: Fine. Backyard. One minute.
(Cut to outside. Candace goes into the backyard to see the luge wheel rolling away with the gang on it.)
Phineas: Hey, Candace!
(Cut to the gang cheering and lugeing away.)
Candace: No, no, no, no, nooo!
(Mom enters.)
Linda: All done. Okay, what did you want to show me?
Candace: Yeah, Mom. One minute really is going to make that much of a difference.
Linda: Okay, I'm off to Charlene's to return her cake pan. You might want to stay inside. I'm worried the heat's making you see things.
(She exits.)
Candace: Is Mom right? Could this all be a temperature-induced hallucination?
Talking Zebra: Oh, I don't think so, Kevin.
(Beat.)
Candace: Yeah, you're right. Thanks, Talking Zebra!
(She exits as the Zebra sips some boba tea. Cut to Candace putting on her helmet on her bike.)
Candace: The squeaky wheel may get the grease, but that frozen wheel is so getting busted!
(Candace wheels away to the strains of her Wicked Witch theme.)
(Cut to Perry on his jetpack. Cut to Danville Aqua Adventure Park. Pan down to Doof hauling a giant oil drum on a dolly. Perry lands with a three point landing.)
Doofenshmirtz: Ah-ah-ah, Perry the Platypus. Park policy states that you can't enter without a wristband. Luckily, I always carry extra wrist-oriented ornamentation. Here, admission for one.
(Doof hands Perry a wristband, which he takes.)
Doofenshmirtz: Into my trap!
(The wristband grows and traps Perry.)
Doofenshmirtz: (laughs) Also, you owe me $40. (wheels into the park) Now, you may be confused about why I have an industrial-sized vat of Doonkelberry oil. Back in Drusselstein, we used Doonkelberry oil for everything: skin care, verb conjugation, making scented candles, but strangely not Doonkelberry-scented candles, vanilla mango for some reason. Anyway, so when I saw it on sale, I may have gone a little overboard.
(Pull out to reveal a Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. truck filled with oil drums.)
Doofenshmirtz: But where to store it all? Obvious answer, the water park.
(Perry gives him a look.)
Doofenshmirtz: No, no, stay with me. It makes sense. Back in Drusselstein, the kids would all go to the local oil park, like a water park, but slipperier.
(Flashback to Young Doof looking sadly behind a gate.)
Doofenshmirtz: (voiceover) I never got to go in myself, but I remember looking through the fence when my brother, Roger had his birthday party there.
(End flashback.)
Doofenshmirtz: But it looked like fun! So with this dry-inator, I'll zap away all the water, and then I can replace it with my Doonkelberry oil. Then I can finally have fun at the oil park, and Roger's not invited! (He dumps Perry into the recycling bin, but the oil drum accidentally steps on his foot.) Ow! Oh! I use that foot for walking!
(Cut to the luge wheel going down Danville.)
Buford: Someone dare me to lick this thing!
The gang: Don't lick it, Buford!
Buford: Fine. How does this work anyway?
Baljeet: Well, the slowly melting ice of the wheel creates a slick surface, eliminating friction. (Close-up on Baljeet.) Gravity converts into angular momentum, giving us perpetual mo—Hello?
(Zoom out to reveal Buford no longer behind Baljeet.)
Isabella: He licked it.
(Buford with his tongue on the wheel spins past.)
Buford: I licked it! (yelps)
Baljeet: (laughs) Such is the karmic cycle of angular momentum!
(Buford bumps into Baljeet, sending him flying off the sled. Baljeet is now stuck on the wheel and yelps as he passes by the gang.)
Phineas: Wait, where'd he go?
Baljeet: I'm up on top! I do not know how I got here!
Phineas: Don't worry! Ferb's got ya!
(Ferb uses a grappling hook to get Baljeet back down.)
Baljeet: Whoo! (grunts) Thank you!
Ferb: No problem.
(Cut to Candace pursuing the gang on her bike.)
Candace: Not... getting... away... that... easily!
(Candace's bike ends up in some fudge on the street.)
Candace: What the?
Ice cream truck man: The heat has gone and melted our comically oversized fudge pops. Probably shouldn't have put it on the roof. Or made it out of fudge.
Candace: (grunts) Fine, I'll have to go on foot.
(She dismounts her bike, but her shoes get stuck in the fudge.)
Candace: Wait a sec. Hmmm, maybe.
(She gets the popsicle sticks from the top of the truck down and sticks them onto her shoes, turning them into makeshift skis.)
(Song: All Downhill From Here)
♪ When you think about getting from place to place ♪
♪ You don’t usually think of a luge ♪
♪ But it’s a practical means of transportation ♪
♪ If you’ve got an icy wheel that’s huge ♪
♪ Some people stare in disbelief, ♪
♪ Others may point and scoff ♪
♪ But not only does it give us locomotion, ♪
♪ It also really cools us off ♪
♪ As a way around town, it’s counterintuitive ♪
♪ It kind of depends on how you do it ♪
♪ If you’re gonna get dizzy, if you get dizzy ♪
♪ Then you best stay clear ♪
♪ But if you want a real cool unconventional ride ♪
♪ Just grab yourself a sled and hop inside ♪
♪ Even though it’s still summer, we know it’s still summer ♪
♪ But we’re shifting gears ♪
♪ It’s all downhill from here ♪
Salesman: I'd usually charge you for that, but I see you're in a song sequence!
Candace: Thank you!
(Cut back to the water park. A parkgoer throws his cup in the trash bin. Cut to inside, the heat from the plastic cup burns the garbage. Perry moves in the heat's direction to make it burn off his wristband. He emerges out of the bin, and correctly throws the cup into the recycling. Cut to the Hammerhead waterslide. Doof brings his inator to the top, when his phone vibrates. He answers.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, hello, Vanessa. I'm so glad you called.
(Split-screen to Vanessa in the bathroom with a towel over her hair.)
Vanessa: Have you seen my hair dryer?
Doofenshmirtz: Uh, well, I may have enlarged it a little to make it a dry-it-off-inator, but—
Vanessa: Dad, what did we agree after the vegan rodeo incident?
Doofenshmirtz: (begrudgingly) "We don't make inators out of Vanessa's things."
Vanessa: (sighs) Whatever. (hangs up)
(Doof looks at his phone as some kids in line look at him.)
Doofenshmirtz: (pretending Vanessa is still there) Oh, uh, yeah, thank you. I am the greatest dad ever. Thank you for noticing. ("hangs up") Okay, first things first. Use my dry-it-off-inator to remove all the water, so I can then replace it with my Doonkelberry oil.
(He shoots the inator at the water on the slide.)
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, baby!
(Some kids on the slide stop short when the water stops. Doof removes some water from the pool and more slides. Cut to a kid with a spilled ice cream cone crying.)
Mother: Oscar, please stop crying.
Oscar: I can't! (He gets zapped by the inator.) Oh, I guess I can.
(Cut to Perry. He dodges some pool floats.)
(Cut back to Candace skiing on the water.)
Candace: Woohoo! (dials phone) Mom, Mom, Mom!
(Split-screen to Mom in the car.)
Linda: What is it?
Candace: No time to explain! I need you to head down to 4th Street!
Linda: Oh, well, I have to take 4th anyway.
(Cut to the gang's luge wheel going past City Hall, with Candace still skiing behind.)
Isabella: Hey, isn't that your sister?
Baljeet: She appears to be skiing down the frozen wake left by the wheel.
Phineas: Oh, hey, Candace! If you want to grab a luge, we'll pick ya up on the way back.
Candace: I do not want to grab a luge!
(A news van follows her and the door opens.)
Dink Winkerson: Dink Winkerson here. We've caught up to the mysterious summer skier. What's your secret to keeping cool?
Candace: Uh, I guess it's this giant wheel of ice. Wait, am I on TV?
Dink Winkerson: You will be at 4:00, when we'll find out who is she, where did she come from, and what's up with her neck? Stay tuned!
(Candace skis past the news van and sees Mom's car. She dials. Mom picks up.)
Candace: (on phone) Mom, look left! Now!
(A donut truck blocks the view of the ice wheel.)
Linda: Oh, donuts! Want me to pick some up?
Candace: No! I mean, sure, chocolate glaze! Then get to the water park!
(Linda stops short.)
Linda: Oh, my goodness! Would you look at that?
Candace: You actually see it? Phineas and Ferb made that!
Linda: Oh, honey, even you can't think the boys made a tortoise.
(Cut to Mom's windshield to reveal a crossing guard stopping traffic so a tortoise can cross.)
Linda: The heat is getting to you.
Candace: Aaaaah!
(Cut back to the Hammerhead slide.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, come on in. The Doonkelberry oil's fine. (He drops some oil drums.) And slippery, baby!
(Some kids go down the slide. One girl slips right into a beach chair. A kid tries to apply sunscreen but it keeps escaping his grasp. A couple approach two banana peels, but the oil makes them slip instead.)
Kid: I regret nothiiiiiiiiing!
(Cut to the parking lot where a bed of nails is on sale. Pan left to a cactus farm. Pan left to a truck carrying mattresses. The kid lands safely on it.)
Kid: I'm okay!
(A few more kids land on him.)
Kid: I'm less okay now.
(Cut to the slide. Agent P climbs up the fake mountain. Doof dumps some oil on him and laughs. The oil spills onto Perry.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, looks like oil and platypuses don't mix either! Ha ha! There's no way for you to get up here!
(Cut to Perry in the oil. He uses his tail to float up to Doof and kicks him.)
Doofenshmirtz: What are you, part-salmon?
(Cut to below. The luge wheel rolls into the water park. Cut back to Doof and Perry's fight. The wheel goes into the oil.)
Baljeet: Something is interfering with the friction of the wheel! We are losing control!
(Ferb gets out his grappling hook and the gang grab onto him.)
Buford: Abandon wheel!
(The wheel heads in the direction of the Hammerhead. Doof starts shooting the inator at Perry. Cut to Mom at the entrance on the phone.)
Linda: Okay, honey, I'm here with your donuts.
(Cut to Candace at the Hammerhead.)
Linda: (on phone) What part of the park are you in?
Candace: Let me see.
(Cut back to Doof still firing the inator at Perry.)
Doofenshmirtz: Prepare to dry!
(Doof fires the inator. Perry dodges the blast, and the blast narrowly avoids the ice wheel. Cut back to Candace.)
Candace: There! I'm right by the...
(The inator hits Candace's lips.)
Candace: Wuh? Whuh thu...?
Linda: Candace, are you still there?
(Cut back to Doof and Perry.)
Doofenshmirtz: Stand still.
(Doof fires the inator again. Perry dodges it again, it hits the rope, causing the shark entrance to plummet.)
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, the shark jumped us!
(The shark keeps falling until it crashes into the luge wheel, which rolls up to the slide. Perry exits.)
Doofenshmirtz: Wait, where are you going?! Oh, crud.
(The luge wheel crashes into Doof.)
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus!
(The luge wheel melts when it reaches the sun, causing it to rain and for the water to return to the slides and pools, making the oil splash away.)
(Cut to our favorite henpecked farmer and his nagging wife.)
Farmer's Wife: You're telling me we only got vinegar for this giant salad? What are we gonna tell all these hungry vegetarians?
(The Doonkelberry oil splashes onto the giant salad bowl. The vegetarians cheer.)
Nerd: Uh, I aksed for mine on the side.
(Cut back to the water park. Mom approaches Candace.)
Linda: Oh, there you are. So what exactly am I supposed to be seeing?
Candace: The boys!
(The gang, now suddenly in their swimsuits, float in the pool on their pool floats.)
Phineas: Hi, Mom!
Linda: Hi, kids!
Candace: But, but, but...
Linda: Candace, honey, why are you dressed like that? I told you, you're going to get heat stroke.
Candace: Wai-wa-wa-wait, what time is it?
Linda: It's 4:00, but why—
Candace: Turn on the news!
(She runs left pulling her mom with her.)
Linda: (yelps)
(Candace and Mom run toward a cabana with a TV. Candace turns it on.)
Dink Winkerson: (on TV) Dink Winkerson here. It's a hundred and four degrees, and one local resident wants to hit the slopes.
Candace: (chuckles)
(Cut to the TV to reveal not Candace's interview with Dink, but the tortoise now going downhill on the popsicle sticks.)
Candace: But, but, but, but...
Linda: Hey! It's the tortoise I saw earlier. Isn't that the most outrageous thing you've ever seen?
Candace: (dryly) Not even today.
(Cut to Phineas and Ferb. Perry floats in on a float with his hair oiled up like Elvis.)
Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry!
Ferb: Look like Perry's bringing his own version of cool.
Perry: (chatters)
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Episode transcripts | Next: "Deconstructing Doof" |