The Lake Nose Monster/Transcript

Part I
(Scene opens up showing Lake Nose. The Flynn-Fletcher car drives by.)

Phineas: We're here!

Lawrence: Ah, Lake Nose.

Linda: This is just what i needed. A nice, relaxing family getaway.

Lawrence: Such beauty, such tranquility. A fisherman's paradise. Yes, of all the lakes in the world, I'm glad we picked the Nose.

(Phineas, Ferb and Candace laugh)

Linda: That's charming, dear.

Candace: (Looks out the car window) I still can't believe I get to be on the Lake Nose lifeguard squad with Jeremy. The lifeguards at Lake Nose are considered the coolest of the cool. All the other kids look up to them and have to do whatever they say.

Phineas: (With a Lake Nose guide) Or they'll get eaten.

Candace: Exactly. I-- Wait, what?

Phineas: It says here "Many believe these murky waters are home to Nosey, the ferocious Lake Nose Monster".

Candace: (Laughs) Nosey? Yeah, I'm so sure. There is no such thing as a Lake Nose Monster. Right, Dad?

Lawrence: Well, Candace there's no such thing as lots of things, and there's such thing as many other things. (Spins the steering wheel) Is Nosey such a thing? (The car stops turning) Well, you see, that's the thing, isn't it?

Candace: Dad, is this one of those cultural things again? Because I'm not sure they'd even know what the heck you're talking about in England.

(At Lake Nose, Linda, Lawrence and Candace are unpacking their stuff)

Phineas: Ooh! It's possible Nosey has survived (Camera zooms in on him) because Lake Nose is unusually rich in zinc, a common metal used in everything from sunblock to pennies. Cool.

Candace: Oh, of course! Nosey the vicious zinc-eating dinosaur. Now it makes perfect sense! Thank you, crazy people I live with!

Phineas: It doesn't say "Eats it". He probably just absorbs it through his skin. (Camera pans to him) Ooh, look! (Flips the guide) They have pictures of him.

Candace: (Reading the guide) Elephant, log, dolphin, driftwood, tire, driftwood, rhesus monkey wearing a powdered wig, driftwood, you aren't old enough to know what that is, driftwood, driftwood, it's usually driftwood. (Camera zooms out) So don't go humiliating me by, I don't know, building some boat (Picks up luggage cases) to find the Lake Nose Monster or something.

Phineas: Huh. Some boat to find the Lake Nose Monster (Camera zooms in on Phineas and Ferb) or something. (At Ferb) Ferb, are you not saying what I'm thinking? (Pause. The camera zooms out) Hey, where's Perry?

(Perry goes by the lake. His watch beeps)

Watch: Log in.

(A log boat sails to Perry. Perry hops into the boat, and sails to a cave with a sign that says "Danger! Keep out" sign. The sign opens up, and Perry sails into the cave)

(Log boat beeping)

(Song: Mission)

Animatronic Animals: You're gonna get a Mission

A Mission, a Mission

A brand-new Mission

What's it gonna be?

Go and get your Mission

Your mission, your Mission

A brand-new Mission

We can't wait to see!

Watch: Log out.

(At the lair)

(Perry exits the log)

Carl: Exit to your left, Agent P.

Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. I hope you enjoyed Lair Entrance: The Ride. The agency wanted to make coming into work more exciting. It was either that or a huge bonus check.

(Perry frowns)

Major Monogram: Well, in focus group tests, 6-year-olds overwhelming preferred singing animals to a piece of paper with numbers on it, so I-- (Clears throat) Anyway, your mission: We've tracked Dr. Doofenshmirtz here to Lake Nose where we intercepted part of this phone call.

(Scene switches to the phone call)

Delivery Guy: I'm sorry, sir. We do not deliver our hot wings to the bottom of a lake.

Doofenshmirtz: Come on! I'll tip 15%!

(Screen switches back to Major Monogram)

Major Monogram: Our analysts agree: Evil, chicken wings, underwater, 15%. It's a recipe for disaster. It's up to you to stop him, Agent P.