Rollercoaster/Transcript

(Scene opens up with the camera zooming into the backyard.)

Phineas: So, Ferb, what do you wanna do today?

(Ferb shrugs)

Phineas: What about Perry? What does he want to do?

(Perry chatters)

Phineas: Well, he's a platypus. They don't do much. I for one, am starting to get bored, and boredom is something of up with which I will not put! The first thing they're gonna ask us when we get back to school is "what did we do over the summer?". I mean, no school for three months. Our life should be a roller coaster! And I mean a good roller coaster, not like that one we rode at the state fair.

(Flashback on a roller coaster at the state fair. It goes over one tiny hill then ends)

Fair Worker: Please exit to the left.

(Flashback ends)

Phineas: Man, that was lame. Why, if I built a roller coaster, I would... That's it! I know what we're gonna do today!

Linda: Phineas, Ferb! I'm gonna go pick up a few things. You boys stays out of trouble, okay?

Phineas: Okay, Mom. (At Ferb) We're gonna build a roller coaster!

(Linda gets into the car)

Candace: I'm in charge, right? You did tell them I'm in charge.

Linda: Relax, Candace. Nobody has to be in charge.

Candace: But what if there's a emergency?

Linda: Like what?

Candace: What if, uh... What if a satellite falls out of orbit and crashes into the house? (smiles)

Linda: If that happens, you're in charge.

Candace: Yes.

Candace: (enters backyard) Mom says I'm in charge, conditionally.

Phineas: Whatever.

Candace: Wait a minute. What are you doing?

Phineas: Homework.

Candace: It's summer.

Phineas: That's cool, you wait till the last minute then.

Candace: Well, I'm watching you. And I'm in charge...conditionally!

(Candace walks into the house and the phone rings, which she answers)

Candace: Hello? Oh, hi, Stacy! No, I can't get to the mall right now. Mom just went to the store, she left me in charge, well, you know, conditionally.

(Phineas and Ferb walk past with lots of wooden planks)

Candace: Oh, if you go, can you see if Jeremy is there? No, no, he's the cute one that works at Mr. Slushy Burger.

(Phineas and Ferb walk past again, with steel beams)

Candace: Yeah, he totally smiled at me the last time I was there. I just about died! No, I told you I can't, I'm watching my brother and step-brother.

(Phineas and Ferb walk past with sinks and toilets)

Candace: Yeah, and they never get into trouble, 'cause Mom never catches them. One of these days though, I'm going to see that she catches them red handed.

(Phineas and Ferb walk past again, with a flamingo and a lion that roars loudly.)

Candace: Will you hold it down? I am trying to use the phone! (To Stacy) Mom left me in charge, so there will be no shenanigans today. What are doing right now? Why do you ask? What do you mean you can see it from your house? See what?!

(Candace runs out to the backyard)

Candace: Phineas, what is this?

Phineas: Do you like it?

Candace: Ooh, I'm gonna go tell mom, and when she sees what you're doing, you are going down! Down, down, down! D-O-W-N, down!

(Phineas and Ferb look blankly while she walks away)

Phineas: We're gonna need a blowtorch and some more peanut butter.

(Candace takes her bicycle and rides away)

Isabella: Hey Candace. Is Phineas... home?

Candace: Down, down, I say!

(Isabella walks into the backyard. She has hearts in her eyes.)

Isabella: Hey, Phineas.

Phineas: Hey, Isabella.

Isabella: Whatcha doin'?

Phineas: Building a roller coaster.

Isabella: In your backyard?

Phineas: Some of it.

Isabella: Wow. Isn't that kind of impossible?

Phineas: Some might say.

Isabella: Hey, Ferb.

(Ferb waves with the hammer)

Isabella: Does your step-brother ever talk?

Phineas: Ferb? He's more of a man of action.

(Ferb hits the nail and then his nose)

Isabella: I was gonna go to the pool, you wanna go swimming?

Phineas: Kind of in the middle of something here.

Isabella: Oh, right. Okay, I'll see you later then.

Phineas: Okay. (To Ferb) Hey, Ferb, you got enough rivets up there?

(Ferb gives a thumbs up showing they have rivets.)

Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?

(Perry walks around the corner of the house. He jumps up, puts on a fedora and walks into a hole in the wall. He goes down a lift, into a lair, where he gets an "Incoming Message".)

Major Monogram: Good morning Agent P. The evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks. For reasons unknown to us, he bought up 80% of the country's tin foil. I want you to get over to his hideout right away, find out what he's up to, and put a stop to it. As always Agent P, it is important that your cover identity as a mindless domestic pet remains intact. Now, get out there. We're all counting on you.

(Agent P jumps into a platypus-themed hovercraft, and flies tough a tunnel. He leaves through a stone and holds his fedora down to hide from Phineas and Ferb.)

Phineas: So, the way I see it, the fuel rockets kick in at the mall's parking lot. Then we release the snakes during the corkscrew at the interstate. I'm gonna go get the snakes.

(Ferb puts on his mask and starts using the blowtorch.)

(Candace runs into the store)

Candace: Mom, you gotta come home, right now.

Linda: Did a satellite crash into the house?

Candace: No, no, no! You gotta see what Phineas and Ferb are doing!

Linda: Seems like we've had this conversation before.

Candace: What do you mean?

Linda: I seem to recall you telling me that the boys were training monkeys to juggle bicycles. And when I come home, there was a stunning lack of monkeys.

Candace: I still don't know how they cleaned that up so fast.

Linda: So, what's the emergency this time?

Candace: They're building a roller coaster!

Linda: Candace, seriously, isn't Phineas a little young to be a roller coaster engineer?

(Phineas talks to a man in a car factory)

Factory Manager: Aren't you a little young to be a roller coaster engineer?

Phineas: Yes, yes I am.

Factory Manager: Well, I must say, I'm very impressed, the forms all seems to be in order, although I'd never seen them filled out in crayon before. So, if there's anything I can get you, anything at all, just let me know.

Phineas: Do you think we could borrow one of those gadgets?

(A robot arm fixing a car is shown)

(Phineas and Ferb is riding the roller coaster that builds by the robot arm.)

Phineas: Now, this is the life.

(The camera zooms in on Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated.)

(Agent P swings into the building)

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, what an unexpected surprise. And by unexpected, I mean: completely expected!

(Doofenshmirtz presses a button, which activates arms that grabs Agent P.)

Doofenshmirtz: I, Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz, have covered the entire eastern seaboard in tin foil. And when I put my giant magnet, next to my genius, Magnetism Magnifier, I will pull the East, in westerly direction, thereby reversing the rotation of the earth! You may ask yourself, why would he do this? What could he possibly have to gain? Well, let me just answer that question, I haven't really worked on all the bugs yet. I mean, tin foil alone costs a lot.

(Back at the store)

Candace: But Mom, I'm telling you, they're building it, and it's huge!

(Ferb puts up a poster)

Candace: "Phineas and Ferb present the Coolest Coaster Ever now open"? Mom! (runs off)

Pedro: Phineas and Ferb got a roller coaster? You'd think we get a discount if we bring the flier?

Another kid: Maybe we better take it. '(takes the poster)

Candace: Here, look look look, see? I told you I'm not crazy! I told you!

Linda: And you're not crazy because? (Candace turns toward the post where the poster was and screams)

Linda: I see your point, Candace. No crazy person would scream at a post like that. I'll be at the dairy section if you wanna come yell at some cheese or anything.

(At the Flynn-Fletcher house, where the start of the coaster and a stage is. Ferb walks onto the stage up to the microphone as if he's about to speak, then steps out of the way as Phineas walks in.)

Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! May I present to you a spectacle most of the morning in the making! The Coolest...Coaster...EVER!

(Ferb reveals the coaster. A bird files into it.)

Phineas: So, who wants to go first?

(Everyone raises their hands)

(on the rollercoaster...)

Phineas: To fasten, insert the tab inside the metal buckle. To release, just pull back on the- Oops.

(Phineas drops the safety belt)

Phineas: Well, you get the picture. Well, that's about it. Enjoy the ride.

(The car goes over the top, and stops, viewing the long drop.)

Phineas: You guys all signed the waivers, right?

(The car goes around the coaster, on the track. Everyone screams.)

(Going through the drop of snakes)

Phineas: Relax, they're just rubber.

(The car goes into a bucket of mud, then exits. Later, it goes through a car wash, to be cleaned from the mud.)

Phineas: Hey, look, there comes the A-A-A-A!

(The track is going up and down repeatedly, creating four "A"s.)

(Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated building)

Doofenshmirtz: ...really make my money back, I-I-I could by a bunch of east-facing real estate, and sell it again with an (unknown)-

(Agent P sends a screw at Doofenshmirtz, which he ducks for.)

Doofenshmirtz: Ha! You missed!

(The screw flies to the roof and hitting a line, which throws it back at Doofenshmirtz's foot.)

Doofenshmirtz: Aaahh! Ow, ow, ow, owwwww!

(Doofenshmirtz jumps around and accidentally releases Agent P, who quickly attacks him. During the fight, Doofenshmirtz activates the Magnetism Magnifier.)

Doofenshmirtz: Now, you are too late! Quake in your boots and watch helplessly, as the unimaginable electromagnetic forces, pull the eastern seaboard, thereby reversing the rotation of the--

(All the tin foil releases from the buildings)

Doofenshmirtz: Well, that didn't work.

(The tin foil forms into a giant ball, flying through the air)

Doofenshmirtz: And now, we have a two ton ball of tin foil traveling 200 miles per hour directly at us! Quickly, we must separate the magnet from the Magnifier before it's too late!

(At the store)

Linda: Now I know I have that club card in here somewhere. I always have it with me, but my purse is a disaster area, you know how it is.

(Candace goes outside and sees the coaster)

Candace: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Mom! Mom!

(Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated building)

Doofenshmirtz: It's no use! It's no use, we are doomed!

(Agent P sees a helicopter. He jumps onto the magnet and fires a grappling hook at it. He quickly wraps some of the rope around the magnet. The helicopter flies off, taking the magnet with it.) 

Doofenshmirtz: You did it! You saved us, Perry the Platypus... Aah! (The call of tin foil crashes through the building.) Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

(The magnet pulls a piece of the Magnetism Magnifier onto it, and gets stuck on the coaster, which then follows the helicopter into the sky.)

(Candace pulls Linda into the parking lot to reveal that the coaster has been removed.)

Candace: Look, look, look, see?

Linda:  (pause) Okay, I give up. What am I supposed to be looking at?

Candace: (turns to see the empty parking lot) No! It's not possible!

Linda: I'm gonna go get the cart.

Candace: It was right here, and it was huge! (sees the rollercoaster fly away) MOM!

Linda: Time to go. I've got frozens.

Candace: Okay, so you think that Phineas and Ferb are still under that stupid tree in the backyard, right?

Linda: Well, yes. That would be my guess.

Candace: Fine. Then lets go home, now!

(Agent P sees that the helicopter is smoking and cuts the rope. He drops down onto the coaster and in the cart, right behind Phineas and Ferb.)

Phineas: Oh, there you are Perry.

(Perry chatters)

Phineas: Nice hat, Isabella.

(Isabella takes off Agent P's fedora and looks at it, confused.)

(The car goes to the end of the track and flies onto a construction area and flings into the air.)

Phineas: Funny, I don't remember this in the blueprints.

(An airplane picks up the car by the tail)

Phineas: And I'm sure this is new.

(Candace sees the airplane from Linda's car and laughs chaotically, and blinks with one eye at a time.)

Linda: I worry about you sometimes, Candace.

(The coaster car drops down and onto the Statue of Liberty, bending and throwing it to the woods. It lands on a pine tree which bends so they end up in front of Mr Slushy Burger.) Employee: Welcome to Mr. Slushy Burger. May I take your order?

Phineas: Anyone want fries?

(Before taking any orders, the tree bends back and throws them to France, Paris)

French Man: Croissant?

Phineas: Anyone wants a croissant?

(The car gets flung into orbit)

Singing Voice: Aahh-Aahh-Aaahhh

(A satellite flies by)

Phineas: You know, if that thing crashes into earth, Candace is in charge.

(The car suddenly falls down towards earth, towards the Tri-State area)

Phineas: We should have charged more.

(Linda pulls the car on the driveway and Candace jumps out)

Linda: Okay, we're here. Are you happy now, Candace?

(Horror sting, Candace opens the gate to the backyard and doesn't see Phineas or Ferb)

Candace: Yes!(At Linda) See Mom? I told you they weren't there!

(Candace opens the gate and gestures toward the tree with her eyes closed. Linda pokes her head through the gate opening and sees the boys)

Linda: Oh, hi boys. (At this point, Candace opens her eyes and her mood changes to shock)

Phineas: Hi Mom.

Linda: Come on Candace, help me with the groceries.

Candace: But but but but but but but... (Continues under)

Linda: Let's go. (Pulls Candace with her, who tries to struggle)

(On the backyard, kids drops down from the tree)

Kid: Hey Phineas, that was great.

Pedro: Way too cool.

Third kid: That was awesome! Can we do it again?

Phineas: Sorry, only one ride per customer.

Isabella: That was great, Phineas. So, what are you gonna do tomorrow?

Phineas: Don't know yet.

Isabella: Maybe you could teach Perry some tricks.

Phineas: Well, he is a platypus, they don't do much.

Ferb: They're the only mammals to lay eggs.

Phineas: ...Maybe he'll lay an egg.

Isabella: Cool, see you tomorrow. It really was the coolest coaster ever. You guys makes a great team.

Phineas: Well, a brother is a brother. (He claps Ferb on the shoulder.) But I couldn't have asked for a better one than Ferb. You know what I mean?

(Ferb burps)

Phineas: Oh-ho-ho, man! I could smell the peanut butter!

Isabella: Well that was impressive. See you guys. (leaves)

Phineas: So, what should we do tomorrow? There's a world of possibilities. Maybe we should make a list.

(The coaster car explodes in the tree, a car alarm and a dog barking can be heard)

Candace: Mom!

Linda: Give it a rest, Candace!

(The tin foil ball rolls in the background)

End Credits
(Song: Perry the Platypus Theme)

Male Singer: He's a semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal of action

Backing scat: Dooby dooby doo-bah

Dooby dooby doo-bah

Male Singer: He's a furry little flatfoot, who'll never flinch from a fray........!

He's got more than just mad skill,

Female Singer: Wah-ah-ah

Male Singer: He's got a beaver tail and a bill

Female Singer: Ah-ah

Male Singer: And the women swoon whenever they hear him say:

(Perry chatters, women faint)

Male Singer: He's Perry! Perry the Platypus!

Cast
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