Invasion of the Ferb Snatchers/Transcript

Episode opens on a night sky. An asteroid flys by. The title appears on the screen in large, green letters. Camera pan down to the house.

Man's voice: Last night's meteor may not have been as innocent as we thought...

Camera cuts to the television. A black-and-white movie is playing

Man: ...look what happened to Dr. Zachary!

Pulls back curtains to reveal a man's head in a jar. Camera cuts to Phineas and Ferb on the couch watching the film.

Phineas: (High-fives Ferb) Cool!

Cut to Candace in her room. She hears the film playing.

Candace: Now what? (Walks to the living room) Alright, what are you guys up to?

Phineas: Watching the Invasion of the Human Overlords marathon; they're playing all five movies tonight!

Candace: Is that all? Pfft. Well enjoy your lame, colorless marathon, I'm heading back.

She starts to leave, then looks back at the screen

Candace: Wait, who's that?!

Phineas: That's Dr. Abanathy. He's a scientist!

...

Oh, my gosh, you guys, that was awesome.

Guys? Uh, guys?

Wow, it's tomorrow already.

I gotta find those guys and tell them how it ended.

Guys, guys, guys, ugh-- Sorry, Mom.

Have you seen the boys?

Yeah, I think they're upstairs.

Can you do me a favor and take the laundry up?

I'm late for an appointment.

Sure, Mom.

Thanks, hon.

I'll be back.

Oh, how cute.

Ferb's torso is so tiny.

Oh, there you are.

You know, that movie was so...

(man shouting indistinctly over computer) Oops, sorry. I'll just put these in your room.

Man: Oh, I wish you were there, Ferb.

So do I.

Tell Uncle Angus and Aunt Mora thanks for the candy.

Too right.

Scotland out. Peace.

Oh, hey, Phineas.

Oh, my gosh, you missed it.

By the end everyone got their heads back and everything went back to normal.

Well, sort of. The entire laboratory disappeared.

But I loved it.

I can't look at anything the same way ever again.

Cool, glad you liked it.

Ooh, I-- I almost forgot the coolest part.

Hey, guys. Guys. You're never gonna believe this.

At the end, they-- (ominous theme playing) ( gasps ): Ferb?

( screaming ) Oh, my gosh.

Ferb's an alien.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hang on a second.

I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason Ferb can remove his head.

I mean, it's not like he had any of the other telltale signs, is it?

Oh, no.

(speaking incoherently) Strange vocal patterns.

Oh, how cute.

Ferb's torso is so tiny.

Anatomically disproportionate.

( gasps ) They got to Ferb!

Phineas, Phineas!

I-- I know you're gonna think I've completely lost it, but I'm pretty sure that Ferb is an alien.

We've got to find his head and re-attach it.

My brother's an alien?

How cool is that?

But I think you may be letting your imagination get the best of you, sis.

Oh, a non-believer, huh?

Well, you know what?

I'm gonna get proof.

You'll see.

Ferb's an alien!

Hey, where's Perry?

Monogram: Sorry about the distraction, Agent P.

The ladies are helping to, uh, "net-roy-er the lair." Tré biens,Monsieur Monogram.

Trés bien.

( girls giggle ) BOTH:Bonjour,Carl.

Bonjour,madame.

So we're having a bit of a cleanup here, which coincidentally is what Doofenshmirtz is up to as well.

He's put some old "-inators" up for sale on an evil auction site.

If one of those devices were to fall into the wrong hands, it could be catast-- Could-- Could you please wait for me to finish, Mimi?

No "Mimi." Fifi.

Oui,Fifi.

Oh, now I've lost my train of thought.

Anyway, get out to Doof's place and put a stop to it.

How much is this costing us, Carl?

Une petite fortune.

"Petite."That means small, right?

Well done, Carl.

( girls giggling ) ♪ Something weird's Going on 'round here ♪

♪ Gotta get me some evidence ♪

Happenin' on the back lawn ♪

♪ And it's gettin' Too intense ♪

♪ 'Cause you're not Ferb ♪

♪ No, and I'm disturbed ♪

♪ 'Cause you're not Ferb ♪

♪ You've got the same colored hair ♪

♪ And the savoir-faire♪

♪ And his zany serenity ♪

♪ Though it's not conclusive Something elusive ♪

♪ Says you stole his identity ♪

( screaming ) ♪ 'Cause you're not Ferb ♪

♪ No, you're not Ferb ♪

♪ No, you're not Ferb ♪

( screams ) ♪ You're not Ferb ♪

♪ You're not Ferb ♪

♪ You're not Ferb ♪

♪ You're not Ferb ♪

♪ You're not Ferb ♪

♪ You're not Ferb ♪

Chorus: ♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated ♪

( doorbell chimes ) Oh, hello.

You must be here about the ad, right?

Well, come on in.

It's right over here.

Behold the wrapped-up-in-a-nice- little-bow-inator.

I bet you're wondering what it does, huh?

Well, let's say your nemesis is arriving sooner than expected and- And your place is a complete mess.

Tidying up is a snap with the press of this large, red button.

See?

Wrapped up in a nice little bow.

You can also use it to hang your clothes on.

Just like a treadmill.

So although my ad said firm, I am flexible, so make me an offer.

Wow, you're a good negotiator.

Okay, half price.

And I'll throw in my Druselstein minor-league baseball collection.

(action theme playing) Perry the Platypus?

Well, it's a good thing I still have my Druselstein minor-league bat.

Have at you!

(action theme playing) ( growls ) Doofenshmirtz: Aw.

( giggling ) Well, Phineas, what do you think?

Wait. Before you say anything, look at these photos.

I stalked "Ferb" all day.

See?

Proof positive.

Ferb is an alien.

Um, well-- No, no, no, no, just wait till you see.

Here, here.

But-- Here, here.

But-- Here and here.

And listen to this: (whirring) See? That is an entirely different silence than the Ferb silence we're used to.

Here, I'll pay it backwards.

Um...

Fine.

Here, here, wait, what about this hideous ball of goo?

Listen, Candace, as cool as it would be for Ferb to be an alien, that's sadly not the case.

Here, follow me and I'll show you.

Wait, show me what?

Ferb, old pal, our dear sister here thinks you may be a sinister extraterrestrial visitor.

I saw Ferb's head ripped off by a hideous alien monster.

Oh, you must mean this reverse power coupling unit we're repairing.

Reverse power coupling unit?

Sure.

That's all it was.

Ferb's no more alien than you or me.

But-- But what about all this evidence I've been collecting?

Well, even though Ferb's not an alien, we are fixing a spacecraft for a friend of Meap's.

Wait, what?

We just finished and we're about to launch.

Ferb, you're not an alien.

Uh, you're about to launch?

You guys are so busted.

I'm getting Mom.

Go. Go.

You're free, little skin bird.

Mom.

Oh!

Candace, you scared the bejabbers out of me.

Come on, I've got something to show you.

Seriously, Mom, I've waited for this moment a long time.

All right, you two.

Let's get this show on the road.

Yes!

Ooh, how cool is this?

♪ So busted, so busted So busted ♪

Mom, are you seeing this?

I-- I can't believe this is happening.

You guys are so busted.

And I busted you.

For once Mom is right here to see it.

( giggles ) Right, Mom?

Yes.

She sees it!

All right!

♪ So busted, so busted So busted ♪

You two have done a great job repairing my ship.

So busted-- Huh?

"Your" ship?

( speaks in alien dialect ) No problem, Garr-bagg.

I hope you finished your study on the habits of the human female parental unit.

( speaks in alien dialect ) ( sputtering ): I-- i-- ( sobbing ) It's Mom.

The real mom.

And I still have proof.

Crud.

But the launch pad is still there.

Uh-oh.

Curse you, Perry the Plat-- ( groans ) Why did I ever order such a large bedroom set?

(action theme playing) ♪ Agent P ♪

Doofenshmirtz: Ow! Wow, you know, it's quite a bit roomier in here than you'd think.

Mother, is that you?

I mean, real you?

Candace, I don't have time right now.

I have frozens.

Yep. That's you.

Come on, Mom, quick.

Nice design on that rocket gantry, by the way.

And it folds up for easy storage. Cool.

Please, please, please, please be there.

And I'm seeing...

the back yard.

No!

Oh, there you are, Perry.

But it was all right here.

Oh, why did I think anyone would believe me?

I was a fool!