Phineas and Ferb Hawaiian Vacation/Transcript

Part I
(Hawaiian music playing in the background)

 

Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be touching down in Hawaii momentarily, but remember aloha means “hello” and “good bye”. Try not to get them confused.

Wahanies: Aloha!

Candace, Lawrence, Linda, Ferb, Phineas: Aloha!

Lawrence: I do hope that was hello.

Phineas: Wow, I’ve always wanted a vacation this close to a volcanic hot-spot. Do you smell what I smell, Ferb?

Ferb: (sniffs) Hmm-mmm. Magma.

Linda: Your father and I are looking forward to the Annual Couple’s Surfing Contest.

Lawrence: Oh, I can’t wait to wipe out!

Linda: Dear, wipe out means falling off the board.

Lawrence: Yes, I know.

Candace: Well, there’s only one thing I’m saying hello-ha to! Relaxing! And taking a break from trying to bust Phineas and Ferb.

(the rest of the family stares at her)

Candace: What? It’s hard work!

Linda: Come on, kids. Let’s check out the gift shop while your father checks us in.

Lawrence: Well, I am a little rusty on my Hawaiian, but here goes. ''Buenas dias, senor. Me llamo Lawrence (Good day, sir. My name is Lawrence.'').

Hotel Manager: Oh, no, no. That’s not necessary. We speak English here. Hawaii is part of the United States.

Lawrence: Is it really? (pauses) How remarkable. Well, we’re the Flynn-Fletcher family. Two adults, three children, (holding up a pet carrier with Perry in it) and our pet platypus, Perry.

Hotel Manager: Excellent. Why don’t join your family while I get the bellhop to attend to your bags.

Lawrence: Wonderful.

Hotel Manager: (on a phone) Help desk. Can we get a bell press to come to pick up the family’s bags and platypus. (pauses, then notices the now empty pet carrier) Oh, hey, where’s Perry?

Major Monogram: (via a screen on a Tiki statue) Aloha, Agent P. I see you’re able to subliminally persuade your host family to take their vacation in Hawaii. Still have no idea how manage to do that.

(Flashback)

Lawrence: Okay, I’ll decide where we go on vacation as soon as I clean out Perry’s litter box. (looks into the litter box) Hey, how about Hawaii?

(End flashback)

 

Major Monogram: As you know, Doofenshmirtz is in the area of the Big Island. He’s obviously up to no good. Find out what’s he up to and put a stop to it.

Carl: Sir?

Major Monogram: Uh…. I promised Carl to get him one of those hula wigglers for his dashboard. He thinks it would be neat.

Candace: Hey, what’s this? Pineapple scented serenity lotion with SPF. “Apply and feel instantly serene”. (to Linda) Mom! I totally need the serenity lotion!

Phineas: Check this out. “Aqua Primates”. A-Primes, Ferb. (flips the box over) The back of the box shows them crowning the queen, fighting robots, and designing websites. Ferb, we totally need to get this! Hey, not to be redundant, but… Where’s Perry?

Perry!

 

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus? Well; first of all, I just want to state for the record that this island was not my first choice. I wanted Skull Island right over there, but it was already booked for Jacob Bernstein’s Bar Mitzvah, and so all there was available was… Pink Unicorn Island.

(pan flute)

 

So go ahead and laugh it up. (Perry smirks) I will say this was considerably cheaper than Skull Island and look! (holds up a pink bathrobe with a pink unicorn embroidered on it) I get to keep the robe! (drops the bathrobe)

 

Oh, where are my manners! Aloha! (drapes a lei over Perry) That’s Hawaiian for… (the lei quickly binds Perry, who then glares) you’re trapped!

And why am I here? you ask. (points to the right; camera pans to a mini volcano) See these little, mini volcanoes? They contain a certain primordial ooze I need for my latest evil device. (picks up a bucket then carries it to a giant fish bone) Behold, the De-Evolution-inator! I… don’t know why it looks kind of looks like a giant fish bone. It’s just how it came in the kit. (pours the ooze into a pan, then tosses the bucket)

 

When I unleash this baby on the Tri-State area, it will make every man, woman, and child moonwalk backwards down the evolutionary chain, finally stopping at a wimpy little (???). Ooo, I’m (???). I’m not evolved enough to stop a modern man like Doofenshmirtz. (laughs) And that’s when I swoop back into town and take over. Isn’t that just Darwin?

Candace: Preparing to relax. (walks out of the hotel) Boy, do I need this. …. Ooh, why is there so many people here? …. Wait! Wait! One last chair! .... Excuse me! I was here first! …. (struggles to get herself unstuck, then sighs) Relaxation. …. Come to me, serenity.

Phineas: Okay. Well; the A-Primes hatched, but they’re really tiny. And it looks like they only do one trick (turns on a flashlight) moving toward the light source. As impressive as it is, (holds up the A-Prime box) I bet if they were human sized, they can do all this stuff on the box. Hmmm. Ferb, do we have any more of that growth elixir?

(Ferb nods his head)

 

(Outside the hotel…)

 

Phineas: Hey, Candace.

Candace: Phineas, I don’t care if it’s a Ferris wheel to Jupiter or a bionic meatloaf. I’m going to relax. Now go ahead and run along.

Phineas: Okay, Ferb. Time to dump them in.

Lifeguard: Hey, what are you two kids doin’?

Phineas: We’re putting our A-Primes in the pool before they outgrow their container. Is that against the rules?

Lifeguard: Well, let’s see. “No running, diving, pushing, or modern expressionism”. Nope, nothing here. You guys are good to go.

Phineas: Cool. (to Ferb) Let’s add the A-Primes.

(Song: A-Prime Calypso)

''Come along with me my friends We're going where the party never ends Here underneath the sea An aquatic jubilee! ''

''Well, my hands are like prunes Eatin' mussels from a spoon Do the A-Prime Calypso with me ''

''We're underwater kin A maritime simian Do the A-Prime Calypso with me ''

''Now, don't you be a wimp Grab some dried, brine shrimp And mix it with some H2O-o ''

''Then put it in a beaker Or maybe in a sneaker Watch the aqueous primetime show! ''

''Well, my hands are like prunes Eatin' mussels from a spoon Do the A-Prime Calypso with me ''

''We're underwater kin A maritime simian Do the A-Prime Calypso with me ''

''Now, here's a real rocker Straight from Davy Jones's locker Do the A-Prime Calypso with me ''

''Do the A-Prime... Calypso... With meeeeeeeee! ''

Candace: Alright, Candace. You’re finally doing it. Relaxing. It’s all good.

Yoga Instructor: Aloha, malihini, or guests. In the spirit of lalauea, or peaceful relaxation, let me be your kumu, or teacher, in an outdoor yoga class free for hotel guests.

Candace: Pathetic, isn’t it? Some people don’t have the discipline to relax on their own. They need to take a— Oh, what are you kidding? I’m taking the class. A little extra serenity can’t hurt. (covers herself with the serenity lotion) Oh, this stuff is slippery!

Yoga Instructor: Everybody, find a mat. So, let’s start with a gentle standing back bend.

Candace: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! (falls backwards into the pool)

 

(Candace then the A-Primes scream. The A-Primes jumps out of the pool and runs into the hotel.)

Phineas: Uh, oh! Improbable creature wrangling time.

Candace: I knew it! I knew my obnoxious brothers would ruin my relaxation!

Doofenshmirtz: (shooing some cats away) Shoo, shoo! Get out of here! It’s not a real fish! (to Perry) As I was saying, the De-Evolution-inator will blast past the Pacific Ocean, bounce off the satellite, and completely blanket the Tri-State area, de-evolving everyone!

How are we doing in the back row? Can you see okay? Alright; away we go! (turns the knob on a controller to “de-evolve”, but nothing happens) Oh, for goodness sake! What now? (climbs up to the lens) Oh, I see. It’s… it’s a little smeared on the lens. I just… (wipes away the swear)

Hotel Manager: Oh, um, excuse me. Excuse me!

Phineas: Hey, mister. Have you seen a group of giant, wet aqua primates running through here?

Hotel Manager: Elevator!

Phineas: Thanks!

Hotel Manager: Hey!

Candace: You two are so busted!

Hotel Manager: Hold it right there, young lady! I’m the manager of this hotel, and if there’s going to be any busting to do, I’m going to do it.

Candace: But… but… but… but… Wait, a minute. I’m on vacation, he is working. I pass the bust baton to you, sir! Aloha! (sighs)

 

Phineas: (while he and Ferb case after the A-Primes) Come back here! …. Stop!

Hotel Manager: Stop right there, young men! What is the meaning of this?

Phineas: Uh… I’m not sure I understand your question.

Hotel Manager: (to the A-Primes) Stop! Come back here!

Phineas: Wow. For someone living in Hawaii, he’s awfully stressed.

Doofenshmirtz: Okay. This I don’t even get.

Candace: Alright, Candace. We’re finally doing it. Relaxing.

Hotel Manager: Come back here! Stop!

Phineas: How are we going to round up the A-Primes?

(Ferb picks up a phone)

 

Ferb: Hello? Room service?

Hotel Manager: Please? I’m going to call your mother!

Candace: 555-0142.

(Linda’s cell phone rings)

 

Linda: (via recording) Hello, you’ve reached Linda Flynn-Fletcher, and if this is Candace, I’m sure that what ever the boys are doing, is nothing.

Hotel Managers: (growls in frustration)

Linda: Hon, Doc. Folberg and his old lady are trying to drop in our wave.

Lawrence: Ooo, those crazy coots! I’ll just do an old-school drop de-turn on them, cut back on the face, through the sloop, do a tail slide, and into the green room for some tube time.

Linda: You got that off the Internet, didn’t you?

Lawrence: Yes, yes I did.

Linda: Cowabunga!

Doofenshmirtz: What? What is it? Oh, great. Now I’m a single-celled organism. Now how am I going to drive home?

Delivery Man: You boys ordered a giant flashlight from room service?

Phineas: Yep.

Delivery Man: You’re in luck. We’re just about to take that off the menu.

Phineas: Here. (to Ferb) Let’s switch this baby on. Hopefully the A-Primes haven’t forgotten their one trick. …. It’s working! They’re moving towards light.

Hotel Manager: You’re Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher?

Linda: Yes.

Hotel Manager: Your boys are doing something in the back, and you have to see it.

Doofenshmirtz: No, wait! Don’t throw that out! No! Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

Hotel Manager: Perfect. They’re still here. (to Linda) Come quick! Come look! See? Look at the slimy, disgusting creatures.

Linda: Well, that’s not a very nice thing to say.

Phineas: Hi, Mom.

Linda: Hi, boys.

Candace: (giggling) Yeah.

Hotel Manager: But… but… but… but there were all these…

Linda: My apologies if my daughter put you up to this. (to the boys) We’ll be upstairs, kids.

Hotel Manager: (groans)

 

Candace: Oh, dude. I know, right?