Phineas and Ferb and the Temple of Juatchadoon/Transcript

(A map of India with the overlaid date of 1914. Scene opens up on a snowy mountain, into which a cave is set. Ohio Flynn and Rhode Island Fletcher climb up the mountain and into the cave. Rhode Island slides their toboggan near the mouth of the cave as they enter)

Ohio: This is it. Giant Cannibal Cave! According to the map, Beserk Magurk stashed it here. No one ever saw him again. This way! Up these Giant Cannibal Stairs!

(They climb up a set of two gigantic steps to find themselves overlooking a a a giant table set several feet below them. On the plate rests a skeleton wearing a fedora, clutching a golden talisman in his bony fingers)

Ohio: There it is - the Amulet of Juatchadoon! And that must be Magurk, down there on that Giant Cannibal Dining Set! (Grins) How much rope do you have? (Rhode Island gestures to several hundred feet of rope) As always, you are prepared.

(They attach the rope to a rocky bridge, scaring away hundreds of bats. Rhode Island quickly rappels down and grabs the amulet. He shakes off the skeletal arm still attached to it as Ohio pulls him up)

Ohio: So, the markings on this amulet should lead us to the lost Temple of Juatchadoon!

(As they run across the bridge and into the next room, Norm steps out and picks them up from behind)

Norm: Who wants cocoa?

Ohio: Hey, let us go, you big galute!

(The pair hear someone slowly clapping and look over as a parka-clad Doofenshmirtz emerges from the shadow.)

Ohio: (With disdainful recognition) Doofenshmirtz.

Doofenshmirtz: Well, well, well. Ohio Flynn and Rhode Island Fletcher. What are you doing here?

Ohio: That depends - why are you slow clapping?

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, I don't know - I thought it would make my entrance more dramatic. And it totally worked!

Ohio: (At Rhode Island) You know, he's right. It was more dramatic.

Doofenshmirtz: Now, hand over that amulet!

Ohio: No way! (Rhode Island holds the amulet away from Doofenshmirtz) We retrieved it, fair and square!

Doofenshmirtz: (Laughs) Tell it to the Abominable Snowman!

Ohio: Well, that's a weird expression...?

Doofenshmirtz: No, I mean tell him right now-- LOOK!!

(Camera pans back to show a giant Abominable Snowman standing behind Norm. It roars, and squashes Norm accordion-style as Doofenshmirtz runs in terror. The squashed Norm drops the boys, and they run out of the cave)

Norm: (Wobbling around after the boys) I'll just run ahead!

(Ohio and Rhode Island rush out to the cave's mouth and hop on their toboggan, sledding down the hill. Back in the cave, the Snowman is still chasing Doofenshmirtz)

Doofenshmirtz: Maybe the "Giant Cannibal" thing was a mislead! I think the dining set was his! (He hops behind Norm onto their rocket-powered sled.) Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!! (The Snowman makes a huge snowball and tosses it down the mountain after them. It crashes into their sled and they roll with it down the hill.)

Doofenshmirtz: (Wincing) Oh, mama!

(Ohio and Rhode Island jump in their biplane at the mountain's base and take off, barely missing the sled-filled snowball. They sail off into the distance as the ball careens into a cliff face, revealing Doofenshmirtz and Norm)

Norm: (Starts slow clapping)

Doofenshmirtz: Way too soon for a callback, Norm.

(On the map, we see a red line come in from the left, circle the Pacific Ocean, and ends in Panama. In the jungle, a monkey swings on some vines. The camera follows him, settling on a building labeled "The Rusty Pickaxe Trading Post". Inside, Lawrence, dressed as a waiter, approaches the boys, who are seated at a table)

Lawrence: Hello, gents! What's your fancy?

Ohio: Well, fame, glory, money, and the preservation of semi-mystical historical treasures... but, we'll settle for hot fudge sundaes!

(Candace is shown walking up behind Ohio in a journalist's outfit)

Candace: They're here! (She giggles, runs to a nearby telephone booth in the saloon, and then dials a number)

Chief Linda: (On phone, voice-only) Daily Tableaux?

Candace: Chief! Who do you think just showed up in Panama?

(Chief Linda cross-cuts the screen, sitting in an office)

Chief Linda: If you're gonna try and sell me another fairy tale about Ohio Flynn and Rhode Island Flet--

Candace: There's a scoop here, and I can smell it! (A fly-ridden hick walks through the saloon doors, carrying a pig) Or they haven't invented deodorant soap yet, but there's still a scoop!

Chief Linda: Fine. But I wanna see pictures!

Candace: I won't let ya down!

Ohio: (Back at their table, to Rhode Island) Someone around here is bound to know someone about the lost Temple of Juatchadoon! (Isabella enters in a purple dress, holding a fan to obscure most of her face)

Isabella: (Said in the same manner as her catchphrase) Juatchadoon?

Ohio: (Without looking at her) Exactly. We don't even know if it really exists!

Isabella: (Sitting down at the table as the boys remove their hats) Oh, it exists all right! And I know where to find it!

(A man with spiders all over him is seen walking nonchalantly behind them)

Ohio: (Intrigued) Go on...

(Isabella lowers her fan and starts handing business cards to Ohio as she lists each one)

Isabella: Isabella Garcia-Shapiro. Femme fatale, ingenue, amateur archeologist, and licensed tile and grout installer. (A Tarzan-like figure in a loincloth swings from a vine behind them) A girl has to earn a living!

Ohio: Pleased to meet you! Do you know anything about...this? (Removes the amulet from around his neck)

Isabella: (Gasps) The Amulet of Juatchadoon! The legend says it can awaken a evil corn colossus with the power to destroy the world!

Ohio: Makes you wonder why ancient people were always making stuff like that...I mean, what's the upside? (A number of arrows fly behind them)

Isabella: My mother, New Hampshire Garcia-Shapiro, was searching for the Temple when she disappeared! I'm afraid something terrible has happened to her! You've just gotta help me! (Hands Ohio another card) I'm also a certified Damsel in Distress.