Phineas and Ferb Hawaiian Vacation/Transcript

Part I
(Hawaiian music playing in the background)

Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be touching down in Hawaii momentarily, but remember aloha means “hello” and “good bye”. Try not to get the two confused.

(Outside the hotel...)

Wahanies: Aloha!

Candace, Lawrence, Linda, Ferb, Phineas: Aloha!

Lawrence: I do hope that was hello.

Phineas: Wow, I’ve always wanted a vacation this close to a volcanic hot-spot. Do you smell what I smell, Ferb?

Ferb: (sniffs) Hmm-mmm. Magma.

Linda: Your father and I are looking forward to the Annual Couple’s Surfing Contest.

Lawrence: Oh, I can’t wait to wipe out!

Linda: Dear, "wipe out" means falling off the board.

Lawrence: Yes, I know.

Candace: Well, there’s only one thing I’m saying hello-ha to! Relaxing! And taking a break from trying to bust Phineas and Ferb.

(the rest of the family stares at her)

Candace: What? It’s hard work!

(Inside the hotel...)

Linda: Come on, kids. Let’s check out the gift shop while your father checks us in.

Lawrence: Well, I am a little rusty on my Hawaiian, but here goes. ''Buenas dias, senor. Me llamo Lawrence. (Good day, sir. My name is Lawrence.'')

Hotel Manager: Oh, no, no. That’s not necessary. We speak English here. Hawaii is part of the United States.

Lawrence: Is it really? (pauses) How remarkable. Well, we’re the Flynn-Fletcher family. Two adults, three children, (holding up a pet carrier with Perry in it) and our pet platypus, Perry.

Hotel Manager: Excellent. Why don’t you join your family while I get the bellhop to attend to your bags?

Lawrence: Wonderful.

Hotel Manager: (on the phone) Help desk. Can we get a bell person in to pick up the family’s bags and platypus. (pauses, then notices the now empty pet carrier) Oh, hey, where’s Perry?

Major Monogram: (via a screen on a Tiki statue) Aloha, Agent P. I see you’re able to subliminally persuade your host family to take their vacation in Hawaii. Still have no idea how you managed to do that.

(Flashback; Flynn-Fletcher home...)

Lawrence: Okay, I’ll decide where we go on vacation as soon as I clean out Perry’s litter box. (looks into the litter box with the Hawaiian islands drawn on it) Hey, how about Hawaii?

(End flashback)

Major Monogram: As you know, Doofenshmirtz is in the area of the Big Island. He’s obviously up to no good. Find out what’s he up to and put a stop to it.

Carl: Sir?

Major Monogram: Uh…. I promised Carl to get him one of those hula wigglers for his dashboard. He thinks it would be neat.

(Gift shop...)

Candace: Hey, what’s this? Pineapple scented serenity lotion with SPF. “Apply and feel instantly serene”. Mom! I totally need the serenity lotion!

Phineas: Check this out. “Aqua Primates”. A-Primes, Ferb. (flips the box over) The back of the box shows them crowning the queen, fighting robots, and designing websites. Ferb, we've totally got to get this! Hey, not to be redundant, but… Where’s Perry?

'' Perry! ''

(Pink Unicorn Island...)

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus? Well, first of all, I just want to state for the record that this island was not my first choice. I wanted Skull Island right over there, but it was already booked for Jacob Bernstein’s Bar Mitzvah, and so all there was available was…Pink Unicorn Island.

(pan flute)

So go ahead and laugh it up. (Perry smirks) I will say this was considerably cheaper than Skull Island and look! (holds up a pink bathrobe with a pink unicorn embroidered on it) I get to keep the robe! (drops the bathrobe) Oh, where are my manners! Aloha! (drapes a lei over Perry) That’s Hawaiian for… (the lei quickly binds Perry, who then glares) you’re trapped! And why am I here? you ask. See these little, mini volcanoes? They contain a certain primordial ooze I need for my latest evil device. Behold, the De-Evolution-inator! I… don’t know why it looks kind of looks like a giant fish bone. It’s just how it came in the kit. (pours the ooze into a pan, then tosses the bucket) When I unleash this baby on the Tri-State area, it will make every man, woman, and child moonwalk backwards down the evolutionary chain, finally stopping at a wimpy little plyopithicus. Ooo, I’m plyopithicus. I’m not evolved enough to stop a modern man like Doofenshmirtz. (laughs) And that’s when I swoop back into town and take over. Isn’t that just Darwin?

(Hotel...)

Candace: Preparing to relax. (walks out of the hotel) Boy, do I need this. …. Ooh, why is there so many people here? …. Wait! Wait! One last chair! Excuse me! I was here first!

(Candace struggles to get herself unstuck from a beach chair, then sighs) 

Relaxation. …. Come to me, serenity.

Phineas: Okay. Well, the A-Primes hatched, but they’re really tiny. And it looks like they only do one trick: moving toward a light source. As impressive as it is, I bet if they were human sized, they can do all this stuff on the box. Hmmm. Ferb, do we have any more of that growth elixir?

(Ferb nods his head)

(Outside the hotel)

Phineas: Hey, Candace.

Candace: Phineas, I don’t care if it’s a Ferris wheel to Jupiter or a bionic meatloaf. I’m going to relax. Now go ahead. Run along.

Phineas: Okay, Ferb. Time to dump them in.

Lifeguard: Hey, what are you two kids doin’?

Phineas: We’re putting our A-Primes in the pool before they outgrow their container. Is that against the rules?

Lifeguard: Well, let’s see. “No running, diving, pushing, or modern expressionism”. Nope, nothing here. You guys are good to go.

Phineas: Cool. (to Ferb) Let’s add the A-Primes.

(Song: A-Prime Calypso) 

Come along with me my friends

We're going where the party never ends

Here underneath the sea

An aquatic jubilee!

Well, my hands are like prunes

Eatin' mussels from a spoon

Do the A-Prime Calypso with me

We're underwater kin

A maritime simian

Do the A-Prime Calypso with me

Now, don't you be a wimp

Grab some dried, brine shrimp

And mix it with some H2O-o

Then put it in a beaker

Or maybe in a sneaker

Watch the aqueous prime-time show!

Well, my hands are like prunes

Eatin' mussels from a spoon

Do the A-Prime Calypso with me

We're underwater kin

A maritime simian

Do the A-Prime Calypso with me

Now, here's a real rocker

Straight from Davy Jones's locker

Do the A-Prime Calypso with me

Do the A-Prime...

Calypso...

With meeeeeeeee!

Candace: Alright, Candace. You’re finally doing it. Relaxing. It’s all good.

Yoga Instructor: Aloha, molihini, or guests. In the spirit of lalauea, or peaceful relaxation, let me be your kumu, or teacher, in an outdoor yoga class free for hotel guests.

Candace: Pathetic, isn’t it? Some people don’t have the discipline to relax on their own. They need to take a— Oh, who are you kidding? You're taking the class. A little extra serenity can’t hurt. (covers herself with the serenity lotion) Oh, this stuff is slippery!

Yoga Instructor: Everybody, find a mat. So, let’s start with a gentle standing back bend.

Candace: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! (falls backwards into the pool)

(Candace and the A-Primes scream. The A-Primes jumps out of the pool then runs into the hotel.)

Phineas: Uh, oh! Improbable creature wrangling time.

Candace: I knew it! I knew my obnoxious brothers would ruin my relaxation!

''(Pink Unicorn Island...)  Doofenshmirtz: (shooing some cats away) ''Shoo, shoo! Get out of here! It’s not a real fish! (to Perry) As I was saying, the De-Evolution-inator will blast past the Pacific Ocean, bounce off the satellite, and completely blanket the Tri-State area, de-evolving everyone!

(Perry glares)

How are we doing in the back row? Can you see okay? Alright; away we go! (turns the knob on a controller to “de-evolve”, but nothing happens) Oh, for badness sake! What now? (climbs up to the lens) Oh, I see. It’s… it’s a little smeared on the lens. I just… (wipes away the smear)

(Hotel...)

Hotel Manager: (to the A-Primes) Oh, um, excuse me. Excuse me!

Phineas: Hey, mister. Have you seen a group of giant, wet aqua primates running through here?

Hotel Manager: (pointing to the right) Elevator!

Phineas: Thanks!

Hotel Manager: Hey!

Candace: You two are so busted!

Hotel Manager: Hold it right there, young lady! I’m the manager of this hotel, and if there’s going to be any busting to do, I’m going to do it.

Candace: But… but… but… but… Wait, a minute. I’m on vacation, he is working. I pass the bust baton to you, sir! Aloha! (sighs)

Phineas: (while he and Ferb case after the A-Primes) Come back here! …. Stop!

Hotel Manager: Stop right there, young men! What is the meaning of this?

Phineas: Uh… I’m not sure I understand your question.

Hotel Manager: (to the A-Primes) Stop! Come back here!

Phineas: Wow. For someone living in Hawaii, he’s awfully stressed.

''(Pink Unicorn Island...)  Doofenshmirtz: (noticing the size of his right ear) ''Okay. This I don’t even get.

(Hotel...) Candace: Alright, Candace. You’re finally doing it. Relaxing.

Hotel Manager: Come back here! Stop!

Phineas: How are we going to round up the A-Primes?

(Ferb picks up a phone)

Ferb: Hello? Room service?

Hotel Manager: Please? I’m going to call your mother!

Candace: 555-0142!

(Linda’s cell phone rings)

Linda: (via recording) Hello, you’ve reached Linda Flynn-Fletcher, and if this is Candace, I’m sure that what ever the boys are doing, is nothing.

Hotel Manager: (growls in frustration)

(Annual Couple’s Surfing Contest...)

Linda: Hon, Doc. Folberg and his wife are trying to drop in our wave.

Lawrence: Ooo, those crazy coots! I’ll just do an old-school drop de-turn on them, eh? Cut back up on the face, through the sloop, do a nice inner tail, and drop into the green room for a bit of tune time.

Linda: You got that off the Internet, didn’t you?

Lawrence: Yes, yes I did.

Linda: Cowabunga!

''(Pink Unicorn Island...) '' Doofenshmirtz: What? What is it? Oh, great. Now I’m a single-celled organism. Now how am I going to drive home?

(Hotel...)

(A male hotel worker comes outside, pulling a dolly with a giant flashlight on it)

Hotel Worker: You boys ordered a giant flashlight from room service?

Phineas: Yep.

Hotel Worker: You’re in luck. We’re just about to take that off the menu.

Phineas: (signs the form then hands it to the hotel worker) Here. (to Ferb) Let’s switch this baby on. (switches the giant flashlight on) Hopefully the A-Primes haven’t forgotten their one trick. …. It’s working! They’re moving towards the light.

Hotel Manager: Are you Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher?

Linda: Yes?

Hotel Manager: Your boys are doing something in the back, and you have to see it.

''(Pink Unicorn Island...) '' Doofenshmirtz: No, wait! Don’t throw that out! No! Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

''(Hotel...) '' Hotel Manager: Perfect. They’re still here. (to Linda) Come quick! Come look! .... See? Look at the slimy, disgusting creatures.

(sees the slimy creatures from before turn into humans)

Linda: Well, that’s not a very nice thing to say.

Phineas: Hi, Mom.

Linda: Hi, boys.

Candace: (giggling) Yeah.

Hotel Manager: But… but… but… but there were all these…

Linda: My apologies if my daughter put you up to this. (to the boys) We’ll be upstairs, kids.

(Hotel Manager groans)

Candace: Oh, dude. I know, right?

Part II
(Hawaiian music playing in the background)

Linda: I’m starting to get the hang of it. I think this motion refers to the swaying of the palm trees.

Lawrence: Oh, yeah; and this motion says this Britt can move it! I wonder how the boys are doing.

(Upbeat Hawaiian music; chanting)

Phineas: Nicely done, bro. We’re becoming quite the islanders.

Candace: (to a sand sculpture of Jeremy) Oh, Jeremy. I must be the luckiest girl in Hawaii.

(Sand sculpture gets run over by a wave; she then notices a tiki charm.) 

What is that? (picks up tiki charm and puts it on) Ooh, a good luck charm! (mysterious music plays and the tiki charm glows) With its own theme music.

Doofenshmirtz: Who could’ve guessed my De-Evolution-inator would backfire on me?

(Other single-cell organisms raises their hands.)

Alright! Put your sudopods down. Hey, what’s that? My De-Evolution-inator. Right there on the ocean floor. If it’s still working, I can throw it in reverse, fast forward, and evolve back to my former wickedness! It’s a good thing I installed this molecular scale control panel. It seemed frivolous at the time, but I’m glad I did it. And… (evolves back into his old self, then swims to a nearby island) Ugh. Phew. It’s strange that my underwear and socks evolved with me.

Candace: Aloha, bros.

Phineas: Hey, Candace. Cool necklace. Where did you get it?

Candace: Ah, you like it? It’s my lucky charm. It was delivered to me by tranquil, Hawaiian waves. What are you up to?

Phineas: Well; we done our share of terrain-based activities, so we’re going to try some semi-aquatic endeavors.

Candace: Speaking of semi-aquatic…. Where’s Perry?

(action music)

Major Monogram: Agent P. We still don’t know the current whereabouts of Dr. Doofenshmirtz, but we’re picking up a strange signal from the island of Wa Ta Lot Ta Hoie. It could be a (???) for the missing De-Evolution-inator. (folds up the map) You better investigate. Good luck, Agent P. (to Carl) Carl, more ice!

Carl: Coming, sir.

Doofenshmirtz: With the De-Evolution-inator back in my hands, I can reverse the settings, and I’ll have the most highly evolved brain on earth! (hits himself with the De-Evolution-inator) Now that I’m so smart, I don’t think it was such a good idea.

Candace: Oh, my precious, little good luck charm. I’m so glad I found you. (trips over a tackle box) Whoa! (face plants into the sand) …. Well. AAAAAAAHHH!!

Single Guy: If this wasn't meant to be, someone give me a sign?

Candace: (background voice) No, no, no, no, no! (slams into the window)

Single Guy: Well that's good enough for me. This single guy is out, peace!

Candace: Oh, my gosh. I could’ve been killed. I’m so glad I have my lucky charm. You totally saved my life.

Waiter: (screams)

Candace: Agh! Well; that could’ve been a lot worse, but thanks to my lucky charm I can-- …. No worries! I got my lucky charm on. (screams) …. Well, I guess it could’ve been worse. …. Okay, that does it. This thing is totally bad luck. …. Well; little amulet, this girl doesn’t any more misfortune. So bye-bye, bad luck! …. Over it!

Hotel Manager: Ooh, nice necklace.

Candace: What?!? How’d this get back on! (screams) …. (to a native) Please help me! How do I get rid of this?

Native: You must take it to the island of Wa Ta Lot Ta Hoie to the top of the volcano, and….

Candace: Of course! It can only be destroyed if the first which it was formed. Hold on, volcano! I’m a-comin'!

Native: We work for tips, you know! …. And, she’s gone.

Candace: Hey, I need a ride to Wa Ta Lot Ta Hoie?

Man: Sure, just grab that tow line.

Candace: Tow line? Do you mean… this? …. Hey, wait! Why is this happening to me? No more bad luck!

(sirens; explosion)

Candace: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

Phineas: Wow, sis. Way to hang loose!

Laird Hamilton: Cowabunga, kids!

Phineas: Laird Hamilton?

Laird: Last I checked. Say, aren’t you dudes a little young to be riding this kinda surf?

Ferb: No worries, bro. We’re just gonna hot dog this hunk of plastic bone up to the sand.

Phineas: You got that off the Internet, didn’t you?

Ferb: Yes, yes I did.

Laird: Alright, then. Hang loose, coots. (to Candace) Later, wahanie.

Phineas: Hang ten, water man! (to Candace) See you on shore, Candace!

Candace: I’m doomed. (ends up on shore with a manta ray stuck to her head) I’m cursed. (to the boys) Phineas, Ferb, I need your help. I can't get rid of this tiki charm.

Phineas: Um, personally I’d be a little more worried about that manta ray stuck to your head.

Candace: What? (looks up) Ugh. You know, after the day I’ve been having, I didn’t even notice.

Phineas: Here, Candace. Let’s us get rid of it for you.

Candace: That won’t work. Every time I try to get rid of it, my luck gets even worse.

Phineas: No worries, Candace. (tosses the tiki charm away) See? Nothing! No bad luck. Perfectly fine.

Candace: But… but… but… but…

Laird: Wow, you got pounded. Let me give you a hand. …. Looks you could use a little luck. .... Here, I found this on the beach. (to the boys) Later, dawgs.

Phineas: Later, brah!

Candace: See, it’s back.

Phineas: What can we do to help?

Candace: We need to get to the top that volcano and throw it in.

Phineas: Alright then. I know what we gonna do to today!

Doofenshmirtz: Being stranded on a deserted island is much easier with a normal sized head. Oh, I got something. …. It works! I found a platypus!

(Perry removes a crab from his fedora, then puts it on)

Doofenshmirtz: (gasps) Perry the Platypus!?!

..........

Doofenshmirtz: Just because we’re stranded on deserted island, doesn’t mean we should abandon our normal lives, don’t you think? Because then the Tiki gods would win! (pauses) So, I made myself supreme ruler of the Tri-Coconut area when no one was looking. It stretches all the way from the big rock over there where I’m drying my socks and undies to those three coconut trees at the end of the beach. And I have my minions. Look, if they don’t obey, I eat them. What’s that look? …. Oh, you’re looking at the De-Evolution-inator. Is that why you’re here? Well, don’t worry about that. I had to disable it. It was doing bad things to my head, man. I keep it around for the crabs. They really seem to like it. …. I know. Weird, huh? They get all (???) on it.

(notices that Perry escaped from the trap)

Hey! …. Okay, fine! Go ahead along! See if I care, but your little webbed away from my… (a crab pinches his finger) Ow! Oh, you’re so going to be a crab cocktail.

(Song: Bad Luck)

 When the day began you had the wind in your sail, Things were going your way, you thought you just couldn't fail, Now you're walkin' around, like you're under a curse, And you don't know how this day could get any worse

 Bad luck A dark cloud you're standin' under Bad luck (bad luck) Wait, do I hear thunder Bad luck (bad luck) Well you can try and try, but bad luck is gonna get you and ya don't know why

 Bad luck Could it be any clearer Bad luck (bad luck) Like you just broke a mirror Bad luck (bad luck) Did you walk under a ladder? 'Cause your luck was just bad, but it's just getting badder

 Bad luck!

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Perry the Platypus! I'm drawing a line in the sand. You are not allow to cross this line. ….

(A coconut falls from a palm tree. Perry, holding a tray of fruit, comes to pick it up.)

Ooo, refreshments!

(Perry picks up the coconut then places it on the tray)

Where you get that? Could I… Could I have some? (pauses) What, the line? (erases part of the line) Oh, look, I was just kidding about it. Look! Look! Look! It’s not a real line.

(Perry ignores him as he walks away)

It’s not a barrier. Aw, come on!

….......

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Perry the Smarty-pus! (Perry quickly looks up) Feast your eyes on this! Behold, the Sand-inator! (Perry glares) I bet you’re wondering what it does, huh? Huh? Well… Well, it's easy. It causes great, irritating sand to wedge itself into your swim trunks, causing it to chaff, get a rash, and have a lousy day at the beach. How do you like…?

(Perry stands, revealing that he isn't wearing any swim trunks)

Hah, you don’t wear trunks. What is that? An European thing? (gets hit by an incoming wave) Oh, hey it works. I have sand in my trunks and it’s really irritating.

.....….

Doofenshmirtz: I may be starving and dying of thirst, but at least I got my hovel. What does he got? Nothing! He’s a platypus. They’ve... got like... webbed fingers and no opposable thumbs. Practically flippers.

(Caribbean music)

But… but… What? Those are my minions! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Traitors!

Candace: Are we there yet?

Phineas: For safety sake, I think Ferb and I should check out the scene before you go up.

Candace: Oh, yeah. Whatever you say. I’m not taking any more chances.

(Sunset…)

Candace: What’s taking them so long? Phineas? Ferb? Oh, no. …. Uh?

(Hawaiian music)

Linda: Hey, Candace.

Candace: Mom?

Phineas: Check it out, Candace. There’s tons of these.

Native: Hey, wahanie. Looks like you took the long way. Most people take the escalator, you know.

Candace: No! No! I can’t handle any more bad luck.

Native: It’s not bad luck. That just means your table is ready. Let’s see what other luck it brings you. …. Ah, looks someone’s getting a free dessert, huh?

Candace: No way, I don’t want anything of that necklace brings me. Goodbye, good riddance, Candace is out, peace!

Laird: I’ll take that free dessert if you’re not going to eat it.

Candace: No thanks. I just glad I got rid of… that… bad… luck.

Doofenshmirtz: I’ve got to get off this island. What I need is a BO-AT, or boat as I now been told how it’s been pronounced. …. Oh, look! A BO-AT! … A boat! (to Perry) Ah, Perry the Platypus. I’ve decided that our efforts would be better spent if we work together to get off the island. Here, let me help with it.

(picks up one of the nets, throws it on Perry, and then steals the boat)

You don’t mind if I borrow your boat. (laughs)

Major Monogram: (emerging from the sand) Nice work, Agent P. Agent W will take it from here. ….. Rubber ducky is in the water. Over. …. Uh… What do you say we get something to eat? I hear there's this great restaurant on the other side of the island. I found one of these. Maybe we’ll get a free dessert.

Candace: Oh, there you are, Perry.

End Credits

Doofenshmirtz: Ha, ah! So long, Perry the Sucker-pus! Look after my minions! (to himself) Those little traitors! (pauses) Oh, for crying out loud!

Agent W!

Doofenshmirtz: (muffled) Curse you, Perry the Platypus! (to a coconut and a pelican) Listen up, both of you. Let’s get one thing straight. I am supreme ruler of this place and don’t you forget it!

(The pelican bites Doofenshmirtz's noise, who then screams in pain)