Excaliferb/Transcript

(Scene opens up zooming in on Major Monogram's house and then showing the master bedroom)

Carl: Well, how are we doing today, Major? Feeling better?

Major Monogram: Carl? What are you doing here?

Carl: Your wife said that it'd be okay if I came up here and kept you company. Would that be alright? I brought a book!

Major Monogram: What kind of book...?

Carl: (Somewhat excitedly) It's a fantasy adventure with wizards and knights!

Major Monogram: Are there woodland sprites?

Carl: Well, there's water sprites.

Major Monogram: (After a short pause) Go ahead.

Carl: (Begins reading) Devote your mind to this tale of the distant past, and the adventures that did befall the most noble of nights. (Scene ripples into a scene of a medieval cottage) Where stood the cottage of the humble antique dealer...

Lawrence: Cheerio, dear! I'm off to hide these common objects for a couple'a hundred years, until they become valuable.

Linda: Don't forget to put hay in the ox! (goes inside and begins to do chores) Candivere! I need you to fetch me some more water! Candivere! Oh, where is that maid?

(Scene changes, showing Candivere's room, where she is writing a letter and reading it aloud)

Candivere: Stachilda, news have I upon this evening. At the harvest bonfire I shall be on the arm of Jeremiad. Signed, Candivere. (Finishes writing) There! And now to send off this missive. (Ties letter to pigeon's foot) The time has come to do your duty, my stout-winged messenger! (Releases pigeon out the window, and it flies off, and is burnt up as a column of fire shoots out of the alchemy stove)

(Scene shows Phineas and Ferb-A-Lot's alchemy set in the yard. Parable is being used to light the stove. Ferb picks up beaker)

Phineas: That should catalyze it. We'll add it to our inventory of magical elixirs. What say we try a couple of these out? (They both take a potion and Ferb-A-Lot pours his on himself, turning into a cyclops) Cool, a cyclops! My turn! (Pours his potion on himself) A manticore! With a lion's head. (Ferb-A-Lot takes another potion) A cockatrice!

(Candivere comes through the cottage door)

Candivere: (Singing) Oh yeah, getting some water, and (Slams into door) Yack! ...Gonna have a great Midsummer's Wood-Gathering Harvest Bonfire's Eve. (Sees Phineas) Good morrow, Phineas! (Begins singing again) ...With Jeremiad. (sees Ferb-A-Lot) Good morrow, Ferb-A-Lot! (Realizes what the boys are up to) Grr! What flaxen homespun have we swaggering here?!

Phineas: Careful, Candivere. Better not look at Ferb-A-Lot, or you'll turn to stone. (Ferb-A-Lot has turned into a Medusa)

Candivere: This is a most inopportune time for your infernal hijinks, and for once our sad sweet mother will be heralded to your inpropri- Argh, I can't talk like this anymore! You guys are so busted! Mom! (running into the house, she slams into the door again) Yack! (goes into house and slams door)

Phineas: I don't know about you, Ferb-A-Lot, but I didn't get any of that. (They both pour a potion on themselves and return to normal and it begins to rain) Hey, there's something fishy about this rain. It's...it's unearthly. Come on, we better get inside.

Lady of the Puddle: (Bursts out of a puddle) Behold! I am the Lady of the Puddle!

Phineas: Don't you mean the Lady of the Lake?

Lady of the Puddle: No, that's my mom.

(Camera pans to the Lady of the Lake)

Lady of the Lake: Hey, kids! You're getting a little quest of your own. Oh, that's so nice.

(Camera pans back to the kids)

Lady of the Puddle: Anyway...Ferb-A-Lot, you and Phineas must find the legendary sword Excaliferb and use it to stop the evil sorcerer Malifishmirtz, who is behind this unearthly rain.

Phineas: Yeah, Ferb and I were just talking about the rain. Unearthly--that's...isn't that the word I used? Yeah, I used--I just--

Lady of the Puddle: I will send the magical water sprite, Isabelle, to guide you on your quest.

Phineas: Great! Can't wait to meet her.

Lady of the Puddle: And to you, Ferb-A-Lot and Phineas, I bid thee good fortune! (turns into a wave of water and splashes on the boys)

Phineas: Wow, good thing she wasn't "Lady of the Hot Coffee". (at Linda) Mom! Ferb and I are going on a quest.

Linda: (from inside the cottage) Don't forget to goad the geese on your way out!

Phineas: Sure thing, mom. (at a goose) Get in there, Gertrude!

(The goose flaps into the yard, honking angrily.)

Phineas: (opens the gate door) Whoa! This must be the sprite, Isabel!

Isabel: What art thou doin'? (curtseys)

Phineas: Apparently you're going to guide us on a quest.

Isabel: Yes. You must first cross the Raging River of Uncertainty by way of the Bridge of Comprehension. Then you must brave the Swamp of Spit-Poor Attitude; then it's snack time--I brought along some apples. After that, you will enter the Cave of Ten Thousand Monsters, where the sword Excaliferb can be found. (at Ferb-A-Lot) Ferb, only a warrior with a true heart may draw it from the stone and wield it in battle against the evil sorcerer Malifishmirtz.

(Phineas glances at Ferb-A-Lot)

Ferb-A-Lot: (after a short pause) Yeah, okay, I'm down with that.

Isabel: (at Phineas) Do you have any questions?

Phineas: Yeah, where's Parable?

(Scene shows Parable walking through the forest then puts on his hat and runs to the tower where he climbs what looks like hair. When he reaches the top it turns out to be a king with a long mustache.)

Monopunzel: Good morning Sir P. (the feather in Parable's hat shoots out) The tempest we're experiencing was conjured up by the evil Malifishmertz, we need you to fly up too his evil fortress and put the kibosh on his evil masination.

(Parable flies off)

(The scene shifts back to Major Monogram's room)

Major Monogram: I really like that character, is there going to be more of him?

Carl: I'm sorry, sir, he just comes in at the beginning. Shall I continue? (Major Monogram mumbles under his breath) Huh?

Major Monogram: OK.

Carl: Meanwhile, back at the cottage of the humble antique dealer.

(Scene changes to inside the cottage with Candivere and Linda)

Candivere: But Mom I'm telling you they're gallabanding around conjuring things with magical elixirs.

Linda: Candivere I've never see them gallaband before.

Candivere: (sighs in frustration) When are you going to believe me? What if I got you some proof?

Linda: I gathered you get me some more grulewood.

Candivere: Fine. (leaves the cottage, talks to herself) Candivere get me grulewood, Candivere rake the roof-thatch, Candivere go accuse the neighbors of witchcraft. If only I have some (sees the potions and takes two of them) proof. All I have to do is show some of these to Mom and (trips causing the potions to spill on her) woah. ugh! What is this stuff? (a unicorn horn appears on her head) Ahh, stupid potion I know maybe this will get rid of it. (pours another potion on her head) That didn't work. I'm going to tell Mom. (turns around and sees a tail) Oh, great a tail! Phineas and Ferb-A-Lot you are so bu.. (breaths fire) I can't go to the wood-gathers harvest bonfire like this, what will Jerimiad think? I'm just gonna have to find Phineas and Ferb and make them tell me which one of these elixirs will change me back. (grabs some potions and runs, but trips again causing all of them to spill on her making different colored smoke to appear) Oh no this is not, oh no oh no.

(scene changes to Malifishmirtz's fortress)

Malifishmirtz's evil incorporated, but not really in incorporated because incorporation haven't been invented yet so it's more like a gilded-retreat association.

(Parable flies to Malifishmertz's fortress and breaks down the door)

 Malifishmirtz : Ah-ha Parable the Dragonpus, welcome to your doom! (aims his staff to shoot magic at Parable but doesn't work) Hey wait a minute, what's the matter with this thing? Hey Gnorme, can you come out here and give me a hand?

Gnorme: Of course. (drops a cage on Parable)

Malifishmirtz: Do you like him, Parable the Dragonpus?