Candace Disconnected/Transcript

(The scene opens in the backyard)

Phineas: You know what Ferb, this is gonna be the most interesting thing we ever build.

Ferb: And the tallest.

Phineas: Yes, and the tallest.

Ferb: And the heaviest.

Phineas: Wow, we're chatty today, aren't we.

Candace: (on the "phone") I know, Stace. I can't believe I lost another one. I will go out of my mind without it.

Linda: Candace, I've got something for you.

Candace: Stacy, I gonna have to call you back. My new phone is here! (reveals her "phone" is actually her hand) Wee! Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme! (receives her phone) So, how many access can run? Can I play MP3s and send texts to Stacy the same time? How 'bout... Hey, wait a minute. All this phone does is... Make phone calls!

Linda: Sorry, Candace. You've lost four phones in four months, so I got you the cheapest replacement I could find. If you lose this one, it's "Life Without a Phone for Candace Flynn".

Candace: "Life Without a Phone for Candace Flynn"? But... But that's me!

Phineas: (outside) Fire in the hole! (explosion)

Candace: Phineas and Ferb, will you keep... (trips over and the cell phone flew outside) NOOO!

(the cell phone lands on a soft puddle of leaves)

Oh, well how about that? It's all right!

Contractor: Hey kid! Where do you leave this ridiculously heavy light bars?

Phineas: Just set them down over there somewhere.

(the contractor truck drops the box down over the cell phone)

Candace: NO! My phone!

Phineas: On second thought, bring 'em over here.

Contractor: Sure thing, kid.

(the truck drives over the cell phone, breaking it even more)

Phineas: Thanks a lot.

Contractor: No sweat, kid.

(drives over the cell phone again)

Candace: AAAAHH!! It's blinking... Maybe it's still okay!

Contractor: Oh, hey, I need you to sign these papers...

(drives over the cell phone again)

Phineas: Okay. And here...you go.

Contractor: Thanks kid.

(drives over the cell phone again)

Contractor: Oh, forgot my pen.

(drives over the cell phone again)

Phineas: Here you go.

Contractor: Thanks kid.

(drives over the cell phone again)

Contractor: And the cap...

Phineas: Oh, sorry.

Contractor: Take it easy, kid.

(drives over the cell phone again)

Candace: (runs down the backyard) Oh no, phonsey! Oh, what've they done to you? (picks up the phone's debris) Hello? Hello, can anyone hear me?

Phineas: I can hear you Candace.

Candace: Oh great, it still works. (at the phone's debris) Phineas, I was just telling you that... (realizes)

Phineas: Oh no, is that your new cell phone?

Candace: It used to be... Wait a second, you guys are doing wires and gadgets and stuff, can you fix it?

Phineas: Well, it took almost forty years to perfect the technology that makes the modern cell phone possible, so...give us thirty minutes. Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today before we do the other thing that we were gonna do today. Hey, where's Perry?

(at the headquarters)

Major Monogram: CARL!

Carl: What?

Major Monogram: Look, I'm getting messages from some diabolically clever hacker, who goes with the sinister initials TTYL.

Carl: Sir, that means Talk To You Later. If you scroll down, you can see that message was from me.

Major Monogram: No way, I see that's a...uh, very clever.

(Perry lands)

Oh, good morning, Agent P. Uh Carl, I'm on. (Carl leaves) Sources all reflect Doofenshmirtz's ROTFL. We don't know what that means, but it sounds dangerous.

Carl: Sir, ROTFL means...

Major Monogram: Not now, Carl. I'm briefing Agent P. (to Perry) So get out there and good luck. (Perry leaves)

Oh no! Carl, now it just says qqqqqqq.

Carl: It means your thumb is on the Q-key sir.

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

Doofenshmirtz: (on the phone) Charlene, now I'm waiting for my exercise show to start so I can't get Vanessa from class. Well, why can't you pick her up? Well... How long does the surgery take? What about afterwards? Okay, okay, all right. I'll do it. I'll figure something out. Yes, yes I promise. Good bye. (turns off the phone) Sheesh! Maybe I could build some sort of Inator that would pick her up for me.

(at the Flynn-Fletcher house)

Isabella: Hey, Phineas! Watcha doin'?

Phineas: We made Candace the best phone ever! (reveals the phone) All we've done here is revolutionized modern technology. We put all kids of features on it. My favorite is the voice-activated phone transporter-ap. Show 'em, Ferb.

(Ferb reveals a video projector) You just say the words "go to" and then specify the neighbor place you're trying to reach, and the phone will take you there. Allow me to demonstrate. Isabella, would you go stand over there on the driveway, please?

Isabella: Sure, Phineas! (leaves)

Buford: She's gone. Let's talk about her.

Baljeet: Focus, Buford.

Isabella: (on the driveway) Ready spaghetti!

Phineas: (to the cell phone) Go to Isabella.

Cell Phone: Isabella located.

(Phineas transports to Isabella)

Isabella: Hey Phineas, watcha doin'?

Phineas: I'm transporting. (to the phone) Go to garage.

Cell Phone: Garage located.

(Phineas transports back the garage)

Isabella: Dang it!

Buford: So that Phineas was all like... (Phineas reappears) I'll finish my story later.

Phineas: And that's how it works!

Candace: Okay Phineas! Thirty minutes is up.

Phineas: But Candace, you really should see our interactive tutorial.

Candace: The only thing that I wanna see is you later.

(drum beats on the cell phone) What was that?

Phineas: That was the rim shot up. Are you sure you don't wanna watch the tutorial?

Candace: I'm a teenage girl. Nobody has to teach me how to use a cell phone. Now if you'll excuse me, me and my little phonsey-wonsey have to make up our lost time. Okay? That'll do.

Phineas: O-kaay... Let's get back to what we were doing before.

Buford: Now we get there, let's talk about Candace.

Doofenshmirtz's BASEMENT.

Doofenshmirtz: Now, let's start down here. (hits over something) Uh, OHH! Turn on the light, Heinz. You're not a bat. (turns on the light) Hey, it's Norm's old head, the original prototype! I wonder if it still works.

Norm's Old Head: (sarcastic) Oh, great! Look who's here. It's Dr. Doof-the-great-perched-on-the-internet-with-my-wife's-money-and-shorts.

Doofenshmirtz: Well, I must say it's good to hear your voice again too after so long. I just came down here to get some parch for my new Inator.

Norm's Old Head: Hey, take me with you. I miss you blow yourself up for a long time.

Doofenshmirtz: All right, Mr. Smarty Pants. All right, let's go.

Norm's Old Head: Hey, on the way, let's swing by the store and get you some deodorant.

Doofenshmirtz: Quiet, you!

(The two hit over something again)

(back on the Flynn-Fletcher house)

Candace: (on her new phone) Yeah, so like then I have to go home like, 38 minutes without a phone, and I was like, "Hey there! Fix her off!" and they were like, "Candace, we're gonna make the best phone you'd ever had!" and I was like "Yeah." and they were like "WOOAHEEEHH!"

Stacy: Candace, I'd love to hear more, and I'm sure I will, but right now I'm trying to finish this documentary on Easter Island. Man, I wish I could go.

Candace: Why do you wish you'd ever want to go to Easter Island?

Cell Phone: Easter Island located.

Candace: Stacy, what happened to your voice?

(transports to Easter Island) Oh, how did I get here? PHINEAS AND FEEERB!

(at Doofenshmirtz's Building)

Doofenshmirtz: I've really got to hand it to myself, Norm's Old Head. I'm a genius!

Norm's Old Head: Ohh, is that what you see? 'Cause I'm looking on a lab coat filled with Doonkleberries on top of which someone has tragically placed a cabbage.

Doofenshmirtz: This is my new Inator. I call it the Pick-'em-up Inator.

Norm's Old Head: Hm-mm. So what's this one do and where can I hide when it doesn't do it and blows up?

Doofenshmirtz: All I have to do is enter the coordinates and launch...

(the Inator flies away)

Vanessa: Ugh. I should've known dad would be late. (the Inator landed over her and picks her up) Oh, what is this? Curse you, unknown bucket helmet transportation thing! (the Inator drops her at her house) Oh, sweet. I'm home. Never mind, unknown bucket helmet transportation thing!

Doofenshmirtz: Hey, look, Old Norm Head. It worked! It functioned properly! Vanessa's all picked up and taken home with three minutes to spare!

Norm's Old Head: That's great. We can spend the rest of the day working in your personality. Hey, this time let's try to bump on a C minus.

Doofenshmirtz: You know, I'm starting to remember why I replaced you and put you in storage.

(Perry enters)

Perry the Platypus?! What, I didn't do anything wrong today! I just built an Inator to pick up my daughter. But hey, as long as you're here, why don't you join me for my evil exercise show? I've got a spare headband.

(Song: Dance, Baby!) 

Dance, baby, dance, baby, hands in the air

Go down to the store and buy a wicker chair

Sweat, baby, sweat, baby, wave your feet

Throw off your shoes and dance to the beat

Just dance, baby (dance, baby)

Dance, baby (dance, baby)

Wave your arms in the air (ooh, ooh, ooh)

Wear sunglasses for the glare, yeah, yeah

Shake your feet to the beat (ooh, ooh, ooh)

Make sure you get a window seat, yeah

Sweat, baby, sweat, baby, soak your hat

Wring it out, take it to the laundromat

Dance, baby, dance, baby, wave your feet

Throw off your shoes and dance to the beat

Just dance, baby (dance, baby)

Dance, baby (dance, baby)

Dance, baby, dance, baby, shake your hips

Go down to the pier and get some fish and chips

Groove, baby, groove, baby, motivate your limbs

Never eat a cactus if you're out of shape

Shake your feet to the beat, get a window seat

You can feel the heat and you feel complete

You're poppin' it, lockin' it, round-the-clockin' it

Everybody's talkin' it 'cause you're rockin' it

Just dance, baby!

(at Easter Island)

Candace: Easter Island? Who makes an appetence for people in Easter Island? (a bird grabbed her cell phone) Hey, come back here! I need that to get home! (runs over a cliff) Aaaah! Oh, that was close. Talk about a cliffhanger.

(drum beats on the cell phone)

Doofenshmirtz: Can I get you a sports drink, Perry the Platypus? No? All right, suit yourself. Say, as long as you're tied up, I'll tell you the evil plan I just thought of while we were working out. See, I figured my Pick 'em up Inator works so well; I could mass-produce them and pick up everyone in the Tri-State Area! (drinks the sports drink) Then, they would have to do what I tell them. Man, what is in this stuff?

Candace: Okay, bird. You better give me my phone or I'm gonna rock you to sleep... With a REAL rock!

(drum beats on the cell phone again) UGH!

(A turtle heard Candace and becomes Agent T, contacting Carl)

Carl: Yes? What is it, Agent T? (Agent T shows him) Oh no, that's Candace Flynn of the Flynn-Fletcher family.

Candace: (on the cliff) PHINEAS! Aaaaah!

Carl: I better notify Agent P. Good work, Agent T!

Doofenshmirtz: (reading the label) ...Fourteen other yellows, sucrose...

(Perry sees Candace on Easter Island on his watch)

Doofenshmirtz: ...acetate, isoleucine...

(Perry hits his foot with a barbel)

Aaah! What was that about? Man! If I only got foot spa here for no reason...!

(Perry activates the Pick 'em up Inator)

Norm's Old Head: Hey, Perry the Platypus. Could you do me a favor and leave that remote here?

Doofenshmirtz: Urgh... There, I'm better. Perry the Platypus, that's it? You're just gonna thwart and run?

(Perry leaves)

Curse you, Perry the... (his phone rings) Hello? Oh hi, Vanessa! Yes, that was my Inator. Listen honey, I'm in the middle of something, hold on one second. (to Perry) ...PLATYPUUUS!! (to the phone) So, how was class?

Candace: Oh, give me the phone, bird! (the bird pecks her) Aw, aww! Give me a break! (the twig breaks; drum beats on the cell phone again) AAAAAHHH!

(The Inator picks her up) AAAAHHH!!

(she passed across the ocean, across a flock of birds, a giant wave, and outside the earth) AAAAAAAHHHH!!

Phineas: Well, you were right, Ferb. The most interesting thing we ever build was tall and very heavy. And the guy from the museum seem very appreciative.

Ferb: I still can't believe it fit in his truck.

Candace: AAAAAAHHH! (lands beside them)

Phineas: Hey Candace. Buford was just talking about you.

Candace: You guys are SO busted! I'm calling mom right now! Oh no... I don't have the phone! (car honks) That's mom! When she finds out I lost it, my life is ruined!

Phineas: Relax, Candace. We made two just in case.

Candace: You did that for me?

Phineas: Well, sure.

Candace: Thank you! You do realize I'm still gonna have to bust you for making me go to Timbuktu.

Cell Phone: Timbuktu located.

Candace: Meap! (disappears)

Phineas: She's gonna miss pie.

(Candace transported to Timbuktu)

Candace: PHINEAS AND FEEEERB!

(Norm's Old Head lands on Easter Island by the Inator)

Norm's Old Head: Finally, a place where a head can be a head. When's the bunny get here with all the eggs? Huh? Yeah, Easter Island? Huh? Huh? Oh man, where's the barnacle rim shot up when you need him.