The Chronicles of Meap/Transcript

Narrator: The Chronicles of Meap. Starring Lorenzo Lamas as Meap. Episode 38, More Than Meaps the Eye.

(Scene cuts down to Phineas holding a baseball launcher)

Phineas: It's the bottom of the ninth inning, bases are loaded. It all comes down to this final pitch from Ferb the curve Fletcher. And the wind up.

(Ferb pitches with a baseball launcher, and manipulates the ball's path.)

Phineas: And it's a striiiyiiiiyiiike! And the crowd goes wild! (cheers) (Perry is wearing a baseball cap and a foam finger, looking as bored as he usually does.)

Phineas: Yeah, it looked way outside, but then it was right in the zone. There's a lesson, baseball fans: never judge a book by its cover.

(Candace, looking at a row of books, is apparently doing just that.)

Candace: Boring, dull, stupid, lame, heavy-handed and derivative.

Linda: Oh, thank you for those insightful reviews of books you haven't read.

Candace: Mom, that's why books have covers: to judge them. I mean, why did you choose these books from the library?

Linda: They looked interesting.

Candace: So...

Linda: Point taken. Okay honey, I'm off to help Dad at the antique store. Oh, hey, here's a package for you.

Candace: My Bango-Ru!

Linda: Your what?

Candace: My Bango-Ru. They're these adorable Japanese characters that are so in right now. Like in a kitschy way. The lead guitarist for The Bettys has one painted on her guitar. Stacy and I designed our own dolls online.

Linda: Well, assuming none of that is teenage code for something I should be worried about as a parent, I'm off.

Candace: Bye Mom. I got to call Stacy!

Stacy: Bango-Ru!!!!

Candace: Bango-Ru!!!

Stacy: I just got my little bunny-bear! It's a cross between a bunny and a bear! You get it? It's the most precious thing.

Candace: I just got mine too. He's a cross between a cow and a frog. I'm calling him 'Senor Frowwg'. He's gonna be the cutest thing, you're just going to...

(Candace pauses, seeing her doll)

Stacy: Candace? What's going on?

Candace: I just discovered why cows and frogs don't date.

Stacy: Well, We'll still have fun at the Bango-Ru Convention today.

Candace: (sighs) Yeah, I guess.

(Phineas and Ferb are still playing with their baseball launchers in the backyard.)

Phineas: Okay, Ferb, let's see what this bad boy can do. Go long! Pop fly!. (Phineas launches the ball into the sky) Cool! (The baseball hits a spacecraft, which starts falling toward Earth.) Oh, here it comes! (Phineas sees the spacecraft) Hey, Ferb I know what we're going to do today. Run for our lives! (the spaceship crashes in their backyard) Whoa, I think we may have just stopped and/or started an alien invasion. I hope he's not too angry, or hungry.

(The space ship opens revealing the alien inside...)

Alien: Meap!

Phineas: Wow, that is cute. Hey, are you okay? We're really sorry about your ship.

Alien: Meap!

Phineas: What's your name?

Alien: Meap!

Phineas: Hi Meap! I'm Phineas and this is Ferb.

Meap: Meap!.

(Meap pulls out a picture of another alien)

Phineas: Whatcha got there? Hey, this must be his father. Don't worry, Meap. We'll fix your ship, and you'll be with your dad in no time.

Candace: Hey Ferb, I know what we're going to do today, Let's get ourselves totally busted by crashing our stupid toy in the backyard.

Phineas: Oh, hi Candace. It isn't a toy. It's a real live alien spaceship!

Candace: Oh good! Because this isn't a cell phone. It's an inter-galatic little brother buster-izer. Which I'll use on you if you don't clean up this mess. What's with the spaceship anyway? Haven't you guys, you know, been there, done that?

Phineas: We weren't planning on going into space. But if we did, I'm sure there's still a ton of cool stuff left to do.

Candace: Yeah, well I'm all done with outer space. Never again! I'm going to stick with Earth, where I'm the one in charge of busting people who do things they're not supposed to do.

(Meap walks from behind the spaceship up to Candace)

Candace: Huh? Oh, that is the most adorable thing I've ever seen in my entire life! You guys made a Bango-Ru doll?

Phineas: That's Meap.

Meap: Meap!

Candace: He talks?

Phineas: Well, more than Ferb, but 'Meap' is pretty much the only thing he says.

Candace: Well you and your little Bango-robot better not show up at the convention and make me look bad. (Candace turns around and steps on a baseball launcher, launching a ball into somebody's window.) ...That's strike one.

Phineas: Okay Ferb, let's fix us an alien spaceship.

Meap: Meap!

Phineas: Where do you want to start? Hey Ferb, have you seen Perry?

(Perry puts on his fedora and starts to run off, the quickly takes it off when he sees Meap)

Meap: Meap!

Perry: (chatters)

Meap: Meap!

Perry: (chatters)

Meap: Meap!

(Meap walks off, and Perry puts back on his fedora.)

(Perry enters his layer through a chute)

(Major Monograms arms are white, and he seems to be making more gestures than normal) Major Monogram: Good morning Agent P! I wonder what exciting mission we have for you today. (Major Monogram starts itching his nose) Excuse me my nose is really itchy. Doofenshmirtz has purchased a lot of carpet, he must be up to something bad. Because he's a bad, bad person... He's this bad. (Monogram holds up his arms to show how bad Doofenshmirtz is)(Major Monogram starts to laugh) I can't do this. Carl was doing my arms. See? (Major Major Monogram turns around to show Agent P.) Oh, too funny, anyway, stop Doofenshmirtz with the carpet thing.

(Phineas and Ferb are in the backyard working on Meap's ship)

Phineas: It seems to run on a quantum front loading system. Can the wew system support that? (Ferb gives Phineas a 'thumbs up') Hang on I'll bring you down. (Ferb is shown to be strapped to a table being controlled by Phineas's glove)

Isabella: Hi guys! What'cha Doin?

Phineas: Oh, hi Isabella. come over here and we'll show you. (Phineas realizes Ferb is still attached to the contraption) Oh, oops, sorry Ferb. We're fixing up this spaceship that belongs to our new friend Meap. Meap, he's the most adorable thing in the world.

Isabella: Really? Are you sure there's nothing, or no one thats more adorable?

Phineas: No, not a chance. (Isabella frowns dejectedly) Here, see for yourself...Meap? Meap?

(Stacy rides up on her bike and meets Candace)

Satcy: Bango-ru!!!

Candace:(Dejectedly) Bango-ru.

Stacy: (Seeing Meap, and mistaking it for Candace's Bango-ru) Oh, Candace! Look at it! It's so cute, I could die!

Candace: What? Oh no...

Meap: Meap!

Stacy: And it makes little noises. How did you do that?

Candace: Oh well, Phineas and Ferb, you know?

Stacy: Oh, they tricked it out for you, cool. Come on, lets go to the convention. (Stacy rides off)

Candace: Right behind you. Hmm. Your reign of terror has come to an ens Senor Frowwg. (Candace tosses him into a trash can and rides off. Meap sees Senor Frowwg and shoots a rainbow death ray from his mouth, defacing Senor Frowwg)

Phineas: Okay. I jury-rigged Ferb's old GPS device, to create a cute tracker. It locks on to the cutest thing in the area, so it should lead us right to Meap. Let's see if we can get a signal.(The cute tracker beeps) Got something!

Isabella: Oh, thats probably me. Sorry.

Phineas: No, it's three miles in that direction. Ferb why don't you stay here and finish the ship? (Ferb Salutes Phineas, and knocks himself in the head with a wrench) Isabella, want to come with me and help me find Meap?

Isabella:(Sarcastically) Sure, I still haven't gotten my 'You wouldn't know cute if it bit your legs off' accomplishment patch.

Phineas: Cool! Let's go.

Isabella: Grrrrr...

(The entire Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. building is covered with carpet)

Doofenshmirtz Evil is carpeted.

(Perry crawls through Doofenshmirtz's carpet and blasts a hole it in)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, just in time for your little lesson in static electricity! (A mechanical hand rubs Perry against the carpet, causing him to poof out, then flicks Perry onto a wall, trapping him) Looks like I rubbed you the wrong way, Puffy the Fuzzypus. You might ask; Why the carpet? What is he doing? What is going on? Why is he listing questions I might ask him? Well, I believe the answers are best expressed in backstory form.

(Scene fades into sepia-tone)

Doofenshmirtz: When I was a boy, the smell of pork emanating form me was so bad because of well, (Back in Doofenshmirtz's layer) well the reason's unimportant, it was part of a different emotionally scaring backstory. I'm not getting into... regardless the smell of pork was so bad (fades to backstory) that no one would come near me. So one day the carnival came to town and I needed money because of, (back in Doof's layer) well another backstory that, basically my parents disowned me, I was being raised by ocelots. (Fades back to the backstory) The point is, I had to get a job at the carnival, but the only work was at the dunking booth, and not as the guy who got dunked, I was what they threw to dunk him, which is again a whole other backstory. Okay, long backstory short, I got a balloon at the carnival, I drew a face on him, I sprayed him with special 'Life-Long-Lasting' spray I created, and I named him Balloony. He became my best friend in the whole world. Yadda Yadda Yadda. Then one tragic day, when i was protecting our garden as a lawn gnome, whatever you remember that backstory. Balloony started floating away. I tried to reach out and grab him, but...

Doofenshmirtz's Father: Bewege sich nicht!

Doofenshmirtz: And I never saw Balloony again. (End Backstory) He's still out there, somewhere. Not to put to fine a point on it, but I put that Long Lasting spray on him. So he's still out around. And I plan to bring him to me! Balloons, you see, are attracted to static electricity, so I created this. Behold the Static-Electro-Amplifinator! Keep beholding, keep beholding, beholding, and we're still beholding, and scene.

Isabella: La-la-la-la-la-laa-la-la-la

Phineas: I keep getting some kind of cute interference...

Isabella: It's me! I'm Endangering the mission, I shouldn't've come!

Phineas: No. Now it's cleared up. I wonder how Ferb is doing.

(Ferb in the backyard putting Meap's ship back together)

(Quirky Worky Song)

(Man) Suitty-up, Bootty-up, Billa-be-do-do-da, (x3)

Do-da be-de-da, da-da, da-da-da<br?

(Repeat verse over and over, approx. 6 times)

(Man) Bom-bicka, Bom-bicka, Bom-bicka-bicka-bicka

Bom-bicka, Bom-bicka, Bom-bicka-bicka-bicka

(Ferb get's into Meap's spaceship, and turns it on)

Computer Warp-Drive signature detected.

Alien: He He. I have you now.

(Song: My Ride From Outer Space)

When I light my afterburners, I'm a bullet whizzing by.

I'm zero-to-60 light-years in the blink of an alien eye.

I'm in a shaking, baking, staking, smoking, light speed vertical climb.

If I was going any faster I'd be going back in time.

Leaving nothing but a vapor trace,

In my ride from outer space.

Yeah...

(Ferb's spaceship whips past Buford and Baljeet, tearing off all their clothes, except for their underwear)

Buford: We must never speak of this again.

Baljeet: Agreed.

I can bang shift through a nebula and slingshot around the sun.

Don't look no further baby, 'cause you know I'm number one!

I'm chopped and flamed and bobbed and filled, you got to trick it out.

When I burn through your dimension, you'll know what it's all about.

I can tell, girl, from that look there on your face,

Ferb: You're digging my ride from outer space.

You know you're digging it, baby.

My ride from outer space.

My ride from outer space.

(At the Bango-Ru convention. Bango-Ru (song))

Make a new friend, it's... Bango-Ru

Cuddly little bug-eyed... Bango-Ru

Fine, battery-powered... Bango-Ru

I love you, I love you, I love you Bango-Ru.

Stacy: This is so weird.

Candace: It's like a strange alien world.

Stacy: Ooh! Bango-Ru Purses!

Candace: No way! Let me see! Let me see!

Stacy: Look how cute!

Candace: I think I saw this on the on the red carpet the other night.

(Meap looks at the picture an alien, and see someone who looks like him from behind.) Guard 1: What? Hey! Guard 2: I got it. (He picks of Meap) Irresponsible kids. Candace: I'm totally going to have to get some Bango-shoes to go with this! Guard 2: Hey, is this your doll, young lady? Candace: Yeah. Guard 2: We found it abandoned on the floor over there. Candace: Oh, sorry. Guard 2: Your irresponsibility makes our job as security guards a million times harder! Someone could have stolen it. Or tripped over it. Guard 1: Thats right. Injuries. Lawsuits. Stolen property. Guard 2: Even death! Guard 1: That's right, you could have killed me. Guard 2: Me too! Yeah, you're in big trouble. (Meap fires his rainbow death ray at the guards, leaving them in their underwear.)

Phineas: The cute signal's getting stronger. Isabella: Phineas...? Phineas: Yes? Isabella: How come you think Meap is so cute. What does that even mean anyway? Cute. Phineas: I can't define cute. I just know it when I pick it up on my cuteness meter. Although, I keep getting this weird cute interference from somewhere. (Ferb pulls up in the spaceship) Phineas: Whoa! Sweet you tricked it out! Isabella and I are hot on Meap's trail, let's bounce.