Lost in Danville/Transcript

Phineas: It's a mystery, Ferb. A riddle. Whispering a secret to an enigma while driving down a lost highway in an Escher painting. How do they get the toothpaste into the tube?

Ferb: Sometimes, if you're lost, it's best to just go along for the ride.

(Candace is listening to her MP3)

(Song: Ordinary Day)

Candace: New Paisley Sideburn Brothers album, don't make me bust.

Phineas: And how do they get the red and blue toothpaste to swirl?

(an invention falls from the sky)

Phineas: Whoa. Hmm. Apparently, it just fell out of the sky.

(Ferb puts up an umbrella)

Phineas: Well, I guess it's the only one. Let's open it up and see what's inside.

(Ferb puts down the umbrella and walks up to the invention. He attempts to open the invention.)

Phineas: Wow. It's a day full of questions. First the toothpaste, and now this.

Ferb: And of course, "where's Perry?"

Phineas: Yeah! See what I mean? We're up to our armpits in enigmas!

(cut to Perry's lair)

Major Monogram: Ah, Agent P. Glad you're here. Doofenshmirtz has been incommunicado for far too long. Either's he's up to something big or he's met with some sort of foul play. (Perry leaves his seat) Man, that was rather abrupt. You know, sometimes, I feel like he just comes here to get his assignments.

(cut to Phineas and Ferb's backyard. There's a banging sound.)

Phineas: Aw, crud. It's the third battle ax I've broken on this thing. Sorry about that, Dumpy.

Dumpamir: The name is Dumpamir!

Baljeet: Wow! The fact that we cannot open it makes discovering the contents that much more tantalizing!

Phineas: I know, right? Luckily, Ferb has been working on a special z-ray machine that can see through any substance on the periodic table. It's highly experimental so you might want to encase yourself in this lead body armor.

(machine fires)

Ferb: Well, we can't see into the capsule, but your second molar has a cavity. And it looks like Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro is making kreplach tortillas.

(cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated)

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

(Perry walks in. Dr. Doofenshmirtz is missing)

(black and white flashback starts. Doofenshmirtz is on his evil blog.)

Doofenshmirtz: (Professor Mystery grabs him and he screams)

(Perry notices a new -inator. Doofenshmirtz is put in blindfold. Perry realizes Doofenshmirtz's foot tracks.)

Doofenshmirtz: Hey! That's my lunch!

(cut to Phineas and Ferb's backyard. A piano is dropped on the invention.)

Phineas: I think I'm actually running out of ideas here.

Isabella: And pianos.

Baljeet: Shall I get a ?.

Buford: I know the secret of how to open that hatch!

Phineas: You do?

Buford: I do! You see, for generations and generations, the Van Stomm family has been the guardian of the secret knowledge and protectors of the mystery capsule. ? a bunch of wusses. And throughout the ages, our family has pledged our lives to conceal it from the unenlightened. And ? doing so, we're entrusted with the only key that can unlock the capsule secrets.

Baljeet: Really?

Buford: Nah, just messin' with ya. I found it on the other side of the fence. I saw it fall out of the ? the capsule ? the sky.

Phineas: It's worth a try.

(cut to Perry)

Major Monogram: Nice work, Agent P. Carl's analyzing the footprint sample you pulled from Doof's living room as we speak.

Carl: We've analyzed the mud and there seems to be a large number of caffeine molecules in there. Along with some rain water.

Major Monogram: So our only leads are coffee and the rainy climate. That could be anywhere!

(cut to Seattle, WA. Doofenshmirtz is in a dark room in barrel-shaped furniture)

Doofenshmirtz: Uh, hello! Anyone there? Marco! Y-you're supposed to say Polo! There better be a satisfying explanation for this when it's over or I'm gonna be merciless on my blog!

(cut to Phineas and Ferb's backyard. Ferb inserts the key in the capsule.)

Phineas: Yeah, baby!

Baljeet: What mysteries does it contain? (gasps) Perhaps dozens of strange ? cats!

Buford: But I ain't cleaning that litter box.

(capsule opens)

(all gasp)

Baljeet: Why is it smoking like that?

Buford: And why are we all tilted?

Irving: Whoops, sorry!

Bernie: You understand what you've done?

Phineas: Who are you?

Denise: I'm you! From the future!

(all gasp)

(cut to Doofenshmirtz. Professor Mystery takes off his blindfold)

Doofenshmirtz: (gasps) Peter the Panda? Oh, that was a good shot of me. Oh, and that one. That one, too. And that one, that one was terrible, my nose looked all crooked, ? scribbling on it.

Professor Mystery: Hello, Doofenshmirtz!

Doofenshmirtz: Hello, inky shape hovering in the darkness, what gives?

Professor Mystery: It is I. Professor Mystery.

Doofenshmirtz:' Okay.

Professor Mystery: Peter the Panda never mentioned me?

Doofenshmirtz: No, be he doesn't actually, you know, talk. So, you gonna tell me why you kidnapped me? Um, hello! I know you're still out there. I can see your eyeballs. What's with all the silence? It's very off putting.

Professor Mystery: Mystery. It is my allure.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh. This is gonna be a fun conversation.

(cut to Phineas and Ferb's backyard)

Phineas: Wait a minute. You're me from the future? What happened to my nose?

Bernie: Never mind about a nose. Listen to that. If that hamster stops running, the black hole will break containment, reality will collapse, and now you've exposed my hamster to atmosphere! It's only a matter of time before he weakens!

Baljeet: Wait, you have a hamster that's allergic to air?

Bernie: You must believe me!

Baljeet: Why?

Bernie: Because I'm you from the future!

Baljeet: Wait, I am not Indian in the future?

Bernie: Correct, (in reference to Isabella) I'm you from the future.

Isabella: That doesn't even make sense.

Denise: Stop telling people you're them from the future!

Phineas: Who's that?

Bernie: That's just Denise. Ignore her. She no one from the future.

Denise: I heard that! Hi, kids. Sorry for the interruption.

Bernie: There's no time to lose!

Denise: Settle down, Bernie! Remember your blood pressure!

Bernie: What did I tell you? It's happening. He's slowing down!

Denise: Oh, let him! I'm so tired of that hamster runnin' on ?.

(The capsule is beeping.)

Phineas: What's that flashing?

Baljeet: That cannot be good.

Buford: Well, you did hit it with a lot of pianos.

(Cut to Doof in a capsule carried on furniture dolly by Professor Mystery.)

Doofenshmirtz: Seriously though, what's with the kidnapping? And why do you have an obsessive shrine to Peter the Panda?

Professor Mystery: Because I am Peter the Panda's nemesis.

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