Toy to the World/Transcript

(Song: Shimmy Jimmy)

''Doot do-do-do do do doo Doot do-do-do doo Shimmy Jimmy!''

''He can climb up a tree in nothing flat Grab a ripe coconut and shimmy right back He's a real wild monkey He can swing and dance You'd better watch what he's throwing He ain't wearing no pants ''

''Shimmy Jimmy Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh-ah! Shimmy Jimmy Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh-ah! Man this monkey is the coolest toy around Doot do-do-do doo Shimmy Jimmy ''

Announcer: ''Another gem from the Har D Har Toy makers! ''

Hyena: HA Ha HA ''

Store Manager: There, you see? It sells! It sells! Shimmy Jimmy is our number one toy! I hope you are ready to face the costumers, Candace.

Candace: (winks) You can depend on me.

(Candace's cell phone rings)

Candace: Hi, Stacy. Yeah, it’s so cool. The first day of my first job, and the best part is Jeremy works across the aisle! I can watch him make hot dogs all day. Any moment now Jeremy will look over and notice how cute I look.

Store Manager: Candace! You’re not wearing your Shimmy Jimmy hat.

Jeremy: Candace? Is that you?

Candace: (screams)

Store Manager: Candace, look! Your first costumers, and don’t forget to do the laugh. Go on!

Candace: Welcome to the Har D Har toy store. HA Ha HA.

Linda: Oh, honey. I’m so proud of you. I’m just going to leave the boys here to browse while I make some exchanges. Be back in a bit, working girl.

Phineas: Can we hear the laugh again?

Candace: Don’t bug me, you insects.

Store Manager: (clears his throat) Candace.

Candace: Let me introduce to you boys to Shimmy Jimmy. The must have toy of the century. It’s totally awesome.

Phineas: Seems like that will get old really quick.

Candace: (sarcastically) Like you geniuses can make a better toy.

Phineas: I know what we’re doin’ today.

(At Shermin’s Hardware…)

Phineas: (while writing on a notepad) Okay, then. What we need is a toy so stupidly simple… so basically bland… so idiotically uncomplicated… (Perry walks away) that it can do absolutely anything. Hmmm… Say, where’s Perry?

Ferb: (whistles to get Phineas’s attention)

Phineas: What’d ya got?

(action music)

(Perry’s lair…)

Major Monogram: Ah, there you are, Agent P. We suspect your nemesis Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been pilfering bricks from buildings across the Tri-State Area. Animals are rioting, convicts are escaping from the zoo! It’s chaos! You’ve got to stop him, Perry, (Perry salutes) before it all falls down.

Dooby dooby doo-bah

Dooby dooby doo-bah

Perry!

(Inside the Har D Har Toy Corp. building…)

Board Member #1: As you can see, our sales have plummeted. Kids just aren’t interested in climby toys anymore.

Board Member #2: But we’ve always made climby toys. I mean, who could forget Climbin’ Simon? Or what about Ascendin’ Brendan? And then of course, there’s Ladderman Larry. Or the classic Climby Jaimie (pronounced as “hi-me)?

Board Member #1: Stop it!

Board Member #2: Ow!

Board Member #1: (pushes the toys off the table) What we need is a fresh new toy!

Phineas: Greetings, movers and shakers! I’m Phineas and that’s Ferb. We have the toy for you.

J.B.: Hold on there, aren’t you a bit young to be toy designers?

Phineas: Well… I don’t think so. (pauses) And now… it’s fresh… it’s new… it’s incredibly hip. Soon to be the biggest hit of the new toy season.

(Ferb removes the cover) 

Phineas: Perry!

(fan fare, followed by a close-up of the Perry Inaction Figure)

Phineas: …the Platypus.

Board Member #2: Uh… What does it do?

Phineas: That’s the beauty part. It does absolutely nothing! Now it can be anything we want! Like an airplane… or a race car… or maybe a bucking bronco. You can even turn it into a Tango.

J.B.: Just a minute. We could promise the moon without really promising anything. (pauses, then chuckles) I love it!

(Agreement from the other board members)

Board Member #1: What, are you all crazy! It’s just… a stupid block of wood and it doesn’t… do anythiiiiiiiiing!

(splash!; growling)

Marketing Employee: I love it! What are we talking about?

J.B.: Glad we’re on the same page. Phineas and Ferb, we’re gonna produce your toy that does nothing. I’ll put both of you in charge, and double your salary! What’d ya say?

Phineas: Actually, we never made a salary.

J.B.: Well, then. I’ll triple it.

(Factory…)

J.B.: Here’s the factory, boys. This is where it all happen.

Phineas: Wow. Somehow I never pictured it a toy factory being this… boring. (pauses) Time for a makeover.

(Quirky Worky Song playing in the background)

Marketing Employee: Boys, I’ve got an angle on our new toy. You’re going to love… (reveals poster #1; Perry dressed a super hero) “Perry the Atomic Super Platypus”!

Phineas: He’s just a platypus.

Marketing Employee: Right! Got it! Just a platypus!

……

Marketing Employee: You’re going to flip for this! Are you ready for… (reveals poster #2; Perry as…) “The Mad Marauding Marsupial of Death”!

Phineas: He’s just a platypus.

…….

Worker #1: I don’t get why we have to wear these silly outfits.

Worker #2: I like it. It gives me purpose.

…….

Phineas: Huh? This is a toy factory. How did this chocolate river get here? Who the heck are you guys?

The Ba-dink-a-dinks: We are the Ba-dink-a-dinks! A Ba-dink-a-dink: You set us free when you remodeled the factory. We'd been trapped in there for years, making foam peanuts and snipping the tabs off of plastic. The Ba-dink-a-dinks: We will now lay waste to the surface dwellers!

Phineas: Okay, then. Carry on.

Marketing Employee: This one is dynamite. (reveals poster #3; Perry in secret agent mode) “Secret Agent Perry the Platypus”! Huh!

Phineas: You have anything else?

Marketing Employee: Uhm, no, no I don’t.

(He crumples up the poster then hides it behind his back.)

Marketing Employee: (reveals poster #4, which Ferb gave to him) “Perry the Platypus Inaction Figure.” It does… nothing?

Phineas: (as balloons and confetti falls) That’s it!

…….

Doofenshmirtz Evil Annex!

(Perry gets caught in a brick trap)

Doofenshmirtz: (chuckling) Well, if it isn’t Perry the Platypus! You’ve arrived precisely on cue. ….. Allow me to display… (removes a cover, revealing a replica of the Tri-State Area) A precise 1/100th scale replica of the Tri-State Area! You’ll be surprised how much free time I have. Now, with all the bricks that I’ve… eh… (chuckles) collected, I’ll construct the great wall of the Tri-State Area! By cutting off the citizens from the rest of the world. …. (chuckles) How people get in and out the city, you ask? With this! …. Official Doofenshmirtz-approved toll booth. I… haven’t really worked out a price for them, but it won’t be cheap, I can tell you that.

(At the Har D Har Toy Store…)

Store Manager: Here you go, little angel.

Kid: Yay! My own inaction figure.

Store Manager: Candace, come on out.

Candace: (wearing a platypus suit) You’re kidding, right?

Store Manager: Fantastic! You look like number one!

Candace: I feel like number two.

Store Manager: That’s the spirit! Now, go out there and bring us some customers.

Candace: Oh, this is so embarrassing. I’m just so glad that Jeremy’s on break. If he saw me in this thing, I think I’ll blot.

Jeremy: Excuse me, sir? (pauses) Candace? Wow, in that outfit, I couldn’t even tell you’re a girl.

Candace: HA Ha HA.

Jeremy: See you later, Candace.

Candace: This isn’t worth $3.15 an hour.

TV Reporter: I’m here live with Phineas and Ferb, creators of the international toy phenomena, Perry the Platypus Inaction Figure.

(Commercial)

Announcer: Assorted backgrounds not included.

TV Reporter: Simply amazing! (to the boys) What was your inspiration?

Phineas: Well, we have a pet platypus named Perry. (to Candace) Oh, hi, Candace. Nice suit. (to the TV reporter) Now, as I was saying. He’s a platypus. He doesn’t do much.

Candace: I should’ve known those two were behind this. (pulls out her cell phone) Time to call mom.

(cell phone rings)

Linda: What is it, Candace?

(chipmunk-like noise)

Linda: Okay, Candace. Calm down. I’ll come by and see you as soon as I’m done with the exchanges.

(Instrumental version of Perry’s theme starts playing in the background)

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus? How did you escape? Hmmm… Probably should’ve used cement. Ah, no matter. You’ll never catch me. (laughs)

(Doofenshmirtz runs on the rooftops with Perry in pursuit)

Doofenshmirtz: You can’t stop me, Perry the Platypus! You can’t stop me with a million Perry the Platypuses! Because I’m unstoppabbbbble! Oof!

(Doofenshmirtz falls from a skylight and into a container of Perry inaction figures)

Doofenshmirtz: Ha, ha! Finally! I lost you, Perry the Platypus! I’m free of you! (notices the Perry the inaction figures, then freaks out) Get them off of me! Get them away! Get them away!

Worker #1: So, you see the game on Saturday?

Worker #2: Yeah, a real nail biter.

Doofenshmirtz: Shoo! Shoo! Go away! …. Wow, that was just disturbing. (screams) Get them away from me! (falls into a box)

Agent P!

(Perry uses a rope to lower himself into the factory)

Phineas: So, Ferb.

(Perry freezes when he hears Phineas’s voice)

Phineas: I think the sale projections are…

(record scratch; Phineas looks at Perry, who’s standing perfectly still)

Phineas: Hey, people! (picks Perry up) I thought we agreed we weren’t gonna do this. (tosses Perry from behind his back) How many times I have to say it. (Perry lands in a dumpster with all the rejections) He’s a platypus. They don’t do anything.

Doofenshmirtz: (trapped in one of the boxes) Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

(Perry looks around, trying to find where the voice is coming from. He finally shrugs then leaves; deciding that the mission is over.)

(Instrumental version of Perry’s theme)

Doofenshmirtz: Wait! Wait! Where we’re going? Is that sea water I smell? I hope I’m not on a boat ‘cause I get sea sick.

J.B.: So, how’s everyone likes my new suit?

(Agreement from the board members)

Ferb: Um, that man isn’t wearing any clothes.

J.B.: There you are, Phineas and what’s-his-name? Perry the Platypus is a smashing hit! So, what’s your next big idea?

Phineas: We’re going home.

J.B.: But… but… but… why? You’re top of your game. You’ve got your whole career ahead of you.

Phineas: It’s supper time. Mom’s makin’ fried chicken, but thanks for a great day.

J.B.: Oh, that’s just great! Any of the rest of you geniuses have an idea?

Marketing Employee: I found this in my office with a pile of shattered glass, J.B.

J.B.: What’s this? A brick? (pauses) That’s brilliant!

''Brick, Brick, Brick, Briiick, Brick, Brick, Brick, It's Fun. (honk)''

Phineas: Now, who would buy a brick for a toy?

Ferb: It does absolutely nothing.