Phineas and Ferb's Quantum Boogaloo/Transcript

(The scene starts with Phineas, Ferb, and Baljeet in the backyard, building a superstructure)

Phineas: Okay, we finished the superstructure, but what we really need now is a tool that would fuse wood and metal out of a molecular level.

Baljeet: Technology like that is twenty years away; you will need a time machine. Luckily, I have been working on a design. I have no field about all the quantum physics yet, but if you give me a couple of days...

Phineas: Or we could just use the one at the museum.

Baljeet: There is a time machine at the museum?

Phineas: Yeah, we took it back to the Mesozoic Era.

Baljeet: You got to hang out with dinosaurs?

Phineas: Yeah, earlier this summer.

(Ferb shows pictures of them with the dinosaurs)

Baljeet: Hmm. (sarcastic) Well, thank YOU for inviting me.

Phineas: Ferb, I know what we were gonna do today. Or I should say... I know what we were gonna do twenty years from today.

Isabella: Hey guys! Watcha doin'?

Phineas: We're time-traveling.

Isabella: Can I come?

Phineas: Why not?

Candace: (on the phone) Yes, Stacy. They're building something out there. But I decided the problem is I always drop the gun. So I'm gonna wait 'til just the right moment...

Stacy: Hello? Hello?

Candace: They're on the move; I'll bust them now! I'll bust them now!

(in the museum, riding on the time machine)

Phineas: Twenty years forward, and away we go! (disappears)

Candace: So that's it! They're time-traveling again! And the best part is they have to return to this exact spot. And I'll be standing right here with mom to bust them when they do. Actually, right over here. I'll be, uh...crushed by the machine if I was standing there. And... I'm talking to nobody.

(twenty years after)

Phineas: Here we are, twenty years in the future. Isabella, wait. You're the only one we can trust to watch the machine. (leaves)

Isabella: (romanticizes) He trusts me... (leans over the lever and transports her in time) Oops!

Janitor: (sees it) Yeaah, I hate cleaning that thing anyway.

Phineas: Hey, I see the museum finally had that new wing. And would you look how Danville's changed... Hey, mobile homes, flying cars, jet packs... Hey, look at that! That looks like...it is! It's Candace twenty years older! I almost didn't recognize her -- she looks so relaxed! And those must be her kids in the yard.

Amanda: I can't believe you, Xavier and Fred. You two are so lazy; it's summer vacation and you're wasting it! You guys never do anything!

Xavier: Well, I'm sitting under this digital tree.

Fred: And I'm sitting next to him.

Amanda: (to Future Candace) Do you see your two sons out there doing nothing? They never do anything!

Future Candace: Oh honey, don't exaggerate. I wish you would just get along. Your uncles Phineas and Ferb and I were great friends as children.

(the backyard door opens automatically)

Phineas: The future... (sees Xavier and Fred) Hi guys. Whatcha doin'?

Xavier: I'm sitting under this digital tree.

Fred: And I'm sitting next to him.

Future Candace: (on the phone) Oh Stacy, every job has its problems. But there's gotta be an upside to being president of Uruguay. No, huh. Me? I'm fine, the kids are fine. Xavier and Fred are in the backyard with young Phineas and Ferb. (realizes) YOUNG Phineas and Ferb? Gotta go, Stacy. Good luck with that llama legislation.

(goes outside and peeks over the boys)

Xavier: ...and yesterday, I was sitting on the left.

Fred: And I was sitting next to him...

Xavier: ...on the right. We like to mix it up.

Future Candace: It IS them! I bet they traveled here from the past. (climbs up the tree) Ohh, look how cute and... BUSTABLE they look. Wait, isn't this just a digital tree? (falls down) AAH!

Xavier: Hey mom.

Phineas: Hi, Candace...

Future Candace: AAAAAHHH!!! I'm telling MOM!!

Phineas: Hey, that reminds me. Where's Perry?

(Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)

Future Doofenshmirtz: I finally got you, Perry the Platypus. The end game is finally he-ere. (plays checkers) Oh wait, I moved one piece. (sees Future Perry sleeping) I'll just put it back...

(Future Perry wakes and throws his denture over him)

AAAAAH! AAAAHHHH!!

(Dooby Dooby Doo Bah... Haaahhh... Dooby Dooby Doo Bah...)

Phineas: So, what spectacular adventures have you got lined up this summer?

Xavier: I'm sitting under this digital tree.

Fred: And I'm sitting next to him.

Phineas: That's it? But it's summer vacation and you're free to do anything!

Xavier: Yeah, but this is the future and everything's already been done.

Phineas: The stone age was once the future, as was the middle ages. Creativity and inventions never end! There's a whole bunch of stuff you can do this summer.

(Bowling for Soup appears)

(Song: 2nd Verse of Today is Gonna Be a Great Day)

Like Maybe:

Crossing the tundra or building a rollercoaster,

Skiing down a mountain of beans,

Devising a system for remembering everything,

Or synchronizing submarines!

Racing chariots, taming tiger sharks, constructing a portal to Mars!

Building a time machine, stretching a rubber tree, or wailing away on guitars!

(Oh, man)

This could possibly be the best day ever!

(This could possibly be the best day ever)

And the forecast says that tomorrow will likely be a million and six times better,

So make every minute count, jump up, jump in and seize the day,

And let's make sure that in every single possible way,

Today is gonna be a great day!

Phineas: Thanks a lot, guys.

Jaret Reddick: No prob, we appreciate the gig.

Phineas: (to Xavier and Fred) Bowling for Soup. Ehh, before their time. So, what are you guys gonna make this summer? How about, uh... Bumper cars that move over five dimensions?

Xavier: Oh yeah. Okay, we'll do that.

Phineas: Fun! We'd love to stay and help, but we've gotta find a wood-and-steel-fusing tool.

Xavier: Fred's got one.

Fred: I'm sitting on it!

Xavier: I'm sitting next to it!

Phineas: Fantastic. Thanks guys! Have a good future! (leaves)

Xavier: I like that kid.

Fred: I like the kid standing next to him!

Future Candace: Mom, you gotta come with me right now.

Future Linda: I can't right now, dear. I'm getting ready for my tour. It's my come back, come back, come back, come back...

Future Candace: Mom.

Future Linda: ...come back, come back, come back...

Future Candace: Are you finished?

Future Linda: Wait. Come back tour. Two more come back tours and I get a free pie.

Future Candace: (pulls Linda) Come on.

(at the museum)

Phineas: That's funny. What happened to the...

(the time machine appears)

Isabella, I thought I said to stay on the time machine.

Isabella: I did, it's the time machine that moved. I brought back a woolly mammoth's tusk, a viking helmet, and smallpox. And the vaccine.

Phineas: Cool. Let's make like a banana and burn our molecules to the space time continuum.

Future Candace: They weren’t at my house so they MUST be here.

Future Linda: Honey, I can't move as fast as I used to.

Future Candace: There! No, wait... (time machine disappears) Too late. MOM!

Future Linda: I always loved this old bone.

Future Candace: Mom! You never saw them and you still never see them! It's unfair! It's unfair! It's unfair!

Future Linda: Candace, you're a grown woman. I really thought you had finally moved past all this nonsense.

(back at the PRESENT)

Candace: Come on, mom. Hurry!

Linda: This is great Candace, really. But I have lots to do today.

Candace: Here, see? The time machine is gone! Mom?

(the time machine appears)

Phineas: Oh hi, Candace.

Candace: MOM! Mom!

Linda: Look, Candace. They're putting a new bone on display.

Candace: Oh, you missed it again!

Phineas: Hi, mom!

Linda: Oh hi, boys.

Phineas: Wow, imagine the size of the creature that bone came from.

Linda: I know, huh?

(to Mesozoic Era, shows a dinosaur with that large bone as a foot get crushed)

Candace: No, can't you see? They're time-traveling!

Linda: This obsession with the boys has gone on too long. You need to stop.

Candace: I won't stop! Never, never, never!

(FUTURE)

Future Candace: I was so close to busting them.

(a time machine with Professor Onassis appears)

Professor Onassis: Great buffers numerous (⁇), I've done it! I, Professor Onassis, have invented a time machine! Excuse me, future female of the species, have corn dogs been invented yet?

Future Candace: Yes...

Professor Onassis: Hot dog. I'm stayin'.

Amanda: (on the phone) Okay, so Sharron's internet feed conks out right in the middle of math class. Wait, my mom's calling. Hi, mom! What's the fuzz?

Future Candace: Amanda, I'm taking a short trip today. While I'm away, you're in charge.

Amanda: (to the boys) I'm in charge! Wait, what are you doing?

Fred: Nothing!

Amanda: I knew it! You never do anything!

(in the time machine)

Future Candace: Now where do I go? More importantly when? I know, I'll set it for a day I KNOW I can bust the boys. Back to the first day of THAT summer. The day they built the rollercoaster. (disappears)

Future Janitor: (sees it) Sometimes it's here, sometimes it's not. What do I care?

(The Day of the Rollercoaster)

Kid 1: Phineas and Ferb got a rollercoaster? Think we could get a discount if we bring the flier?

Kid 2: Mabye we better take it!

Candace: Here! Look, look, look, see? I told you I'm not crazy! I told you!

Linda: And you're not crazy because?

Candace: AAAAAHHH!!

Future Candace: The poster's missing, right? Follow me. (drags Linda out)

Linda: (sees the coaster) OH MY STARS! Phineas and Ferb made THAT?! It's horribly unsafe and dangerous! (on the phone) Hello, police? Fire department? Army? Air force? Marines? ANYONE?! Save my sons!

Doofenshmirtz: It's no use! It's no use; we are doomed!

(on the helicopter)

Intercom: This is Base to Chopper One, some kids built a rollercoaster through downtown.

Pilot: Roger that.

''(helicopter left, making Perry unable to aim his grapnel on it)  (the tin foil destroys the building, bringing Perry with it)  Doofenshmirtz: (jumps to safety)'' I'm ALIVE!

Intercom: Roger, got the kids, bringing 'em down now.

Linda: Phineas, Ferb! You two are in SO much trouble!

Candace: Yes! Yes!

Future Candace: My work here is done. (at the time machine) Back to the future. (disappears)

Janitor: (sees it) First day on the job, and I'm already seeing things.

(goes to the BAD FUTURE)

Future Candace: (becoming the BAD FUTURE Candace) Oh thank goodness, it's great to be back... Home? (sees the strange future) Welcome to Danville? (looks around) Uh-oh. I can't believe this is Danville. Hello? What happened to the museum?

Man: Didn't you get the new ShmirtzMail? It's the new doofen-law. Law number six million and seven: "All museums that aren't about Doofenshmirtz are to be dismantled." Hey, why aren't you wearing your lab coat?

BAD Future Candace: Uhh, I've gotta go see my children. (leaves)

Man: Children? There are no children allowed anymore.

Bad Future Candace: How long have I been away? That's strange. Joe's, Joe's, Joe's, Joe's...

Joe #1: Hello Joe!

Joe #2: Hello, Joe!

Joe #3: (to Bad Future Candace) Pardon me, Joe. You haven't seen my wife Joe, or my friends Joe and Joe?

Bad Future Candace: Uhh, no?

Joe #3: Thanks anyway, Joe.

Bad Future Candace: Why is everyone named Joe?

Joe #4: (laughs) Why else? So Emperor Doofenshmirtz need not bother remembering names.

Bad Future Candace: And who is...?

Joe #4: (Gasps) I said too much... I said too much! AAAAHHH!!

Bad Future Candace: Who the heck is Doofenshmirtz?!

(goes to a library)

That's odd. I've got to find out what happened in the last twenty years.

(activates a hologram projector)

Voice: Our glorious dystrophy began one summer afternoon when two local boys were caught building and riding a dangerous rollercoaster. The rightful reaction by concerned parents groups was to stop all creativity in young people before someone got hurt. Everything fun and unique was gleefully banned! Dangerous swing set were re-made into dismal hospital beds. Coloring books were colored in ahead of time... And inside the lines. Eventually children themselves were child-proof and stored away until adulthood. Yes, oppressive beauty and happiness were gratefully replaced by the glimmering cesspool we wallow in today. A demoralized Tri-State Area cried out to be oppressed, and that cry was answered by one hero...''  (Bad Future Doofenshmirtz appears on the hologram, laughing evil) '' ...Emperor Doofenshmirtz!

Bad Future Doofenshmirtz: (on hologram) Aagh, get back to work!

Bad Future Candace: So this is all my fault! I've got to stop this.

Librarian: Excuse me, Joe. Lab coat must be worn at all times.

(Bad Future Candace runs out, passing an Evil Doofenshmirtz statue)

Joe #5: Sir, a woman just ran past your statue there without basking in your awful glory.

Bad Future Doofenshmirtz: Aagh, come on. You're such a tattletale.

Joe #5: Well, yeah. It's my job description; a tattletale.

Bad Future Doofenshmirtz: Quiet! I need to address the populous. Attention, underlings! People often ask me: "Doof, how does it feel to wield such absolute power?" Well I tell ya.

(Song: Charmed Life)

It's been a charmed life,

Got all I ever wanted,

And I'm not too shy to flaunt it, you see!

It's been a sweet ride,

Everyone is genuflectin'

And erecting giant statues of me!

It's like a great lunch with all you can eat,

And I can leave my wallet at home,

And everyone pays for me,

Because it's compulsory,

Or into the stockade they're thrown,

Still, I'm a nice guy,

How many emperors would always remember your name?

How ya doing, Joe?

I must admit, I

May take quite a lot,

But I'll always give you plenty of blame,

It's been a sweet ride,

Life's a bowl of cherries, and nobody's merrier than me,

Because, everyone else is a proletariat,

And baby, I'm the bourgeoisie,

Look it up, Joe!

Baby, I'm the bourgeoisie!

Oh, yeah!

(headquarters)

Bad Future Major Monogram: Agent P, another failed mission. It's gotten really hard to defeat Doofenshmirtz ever since we swore that oath to obey him.

Bad Future Carl: Major Monogram, I've detected a temporal anomaly in quadrant four which means a time machine was recently used there.

Bad Future Major Monogram: That's it! Agent P, you've got to get to that time machine and go back to the past, right before that giant tin foil ball put you in a full body cast for eighteen months. That's when Doofenshmirtz got the upper hand and it's been downhill ever since. This is our chance to fix it.

(Bad Future Doofenshmirtz appeared on the screen)

Bad Future Doofenshmirtz: Oh wait, Perry the Platypus. Change your plans; instead of doing that, DON'T! All right, see you later. Remember the oath!

(Bad Future Perry loses hope)

Bad Future Major Monogram: Curse that oath!

(at the abandoned museum)

Bad Future Candace: What? Where's that time machine? Excuse me, where's everything from the museum?

Joe #6: It's all in the city dump, Joe. Let's go. (leaves)

(Bad Future Candace goes to the city dump and sees the time machine, still in one peice)

Bad Future Candace: (removes the stuff above the machine) Back to the past, back to the past, back to the past! (disappears)

''(On the day of the FUTURE ROLLERCOASTER)  (Bad Future Candace leaves the time machine) '' Man: Looks like this good a spot to start a dump.

Man #2: Yeah, works for me.

(Bad Future Candace stops Future Candace from going inside the market)

Future Candace: W-Wha? A-Are you me? But I have to bu...

Bad Future Candace: Change of plans! Come on, I'll explain later. We can't let Candace see us. (Pulls Future Candace into a parking lot)

Future Candace: But I'M Candace!

Bad Future Candace: So am I!

Candace: (sees the rollercoaster) Ooh, ooh, ooh, MOM! Mom!

Bad Future and Future Candace: Ohh, I was so cute.

Future Candace: Why did you stop me? I was just about to bust the boys!

Bad Future Candace: Well, that's just it. I'm from the future where we DID bust the boys.

Future Candace: Really? How was it? Was it great?

Bad Future Candace: No, it was awful. The future gets all messed up... Oh look!

(they see the helicopter carries the entire rollercoaster)

Bad Future and Future Candace: So that's how it happened.

Bad Future Candace: Get down!

Candace: Look, look, look, see?

Linda: Okay, I give up. What am I supposed to be looking at?

Candace: (sees no rollercoaster) No! It's not possible!

Linda: I'm gonna go get the cart.

Candace: It was right here and it was huge! MOM!

Future Candace: Wow, the future sounds so horrible!

Bad Future Candace: It was, trust me.

Future Candace: Okay, but coming from anybody but myself, I wouldn't listen.

Bad Future Candace: They're gone! Let's get back to the time machine and get out of here.

(they both go to the time machine which was just rolled over by the giant tin foil)

Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

Future Candace: Okay, that was weird.

Bad Future Candace: Now when the machine is shot, how do we get back?

Bad Future and Future Candace: Phineas and Ferb.

(at the Flynn Fletcher house)

Linda: Okay, we're here. Are you happy now, Candace?

Candace: (goes at the backyard) Yes! See mom? I told you they weren't there!

Linda: Oh hi, boys.

Phineas: Hi, mom!

Linda: Come on Candace, help me with the groceries.

Candace: B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B...

Linda: Let's go.

Candace: ...B-B-B-B-B-But...

Kid #1: Hey Phineas, that was great.

Kid #2: Way too cool.

Kid #3: That was awesome! Can we do it again?

(Bad Future and Future Candace arrive)

Phineas: Sorry, only one ride per customer.

Isabella: That was great, Phineas.

Bad Future Candace: Oh, wait, wait, wait. Remember? Three, two, one.

(the railcar on top of the tree explodes)

(the two Candaces laugh)

Phineas: Wait, Candace! You're grown up, and there's two of you!

Future Candace: Phineas, we're from the future -- two alternative futures. One that's good...

Bad Future Candace: ...and one that's terrible.

Phineas: Someone should really fix that.

Bad Future and Future Candace: We did.

Phineas: So the bad future no longer exists?

Bad Future and Future Candace: Right.

Phineas: Well if it doesn't exist, shouldn't Candace from the bad future cease to exist too?

Bad Future Candace: Oh darn. (disappears)

Future Candace: Guys, I need your help. The time machine I arrived in is smashed to pieces. I'm stuck here unless you guys can build me one.

Phineas: Ferb, isn't there an old time machine in the Museum of National History?

Future Candace: Yes, that's what you'll fix later this summer when we go to the museum. It's the one I took back from the future but now it's destroyed.

Phineas: Okay... So the future time machine gets destroyed, that means the one here in the present is rarin' to go! We'll fix it, take you to the future, bring back the time machine, and we'll unfix it again. So we'll be ready to fix it when we go to the museum again.

Future Candace: Phineas, I'm a fully grown woman and I didn't understand any of that.

Phineas: Just trust me. Come on! (drags Future Candace)

Isabella: Wow, rollercoaster ride, and now this! Bonus.

Candace: (sees them gone) Wait a minute.

(in the museum)

Future Candace: Are you sure you can fix this time machine?

Phineas: Don't worry, Candace. We're almost done.

Candace: (hiding) Candace? Time machine? (approaches Future Candace) A-ha!

Phineas: Candace, meet Candace.

Candace: Awesome! I finally have proof! I'll take my older self, bring her to mom, mom will see the boys have invented some kind of time machine, and they'll be busted! Oh I love you, Me! Come on, let's go! Let's get see mom! Come on! (laughs frantically as she tries to pull Future Candace)

Future Candace: Wow. Was I always this nuts? Candace, honey, get a hold of yourself. I have no interest in busting the boys anymore.

Candace: What? But you're me! You have to want to bust them 'cause I'm never gonna stop wanting to bust them.

Future Candace: You know, sometimes getting what you want isn't what you need. You'll find out as you mature.

Phineas: Ready?

Candace: (mimicks Future Candace) "You'll find out as you mature".

Future Candace: Candace, just relax. Everything works out.

Phineas: Twenty years into the future, here we come!

Candace: UGH! ''(climbs up on the time machine as it disappears) ''

(to the FUTURE)

Candace: A-ha! If you won't show MY mom what's going on, I'll show YOUR mom! I'm all the proof I need!

Future Candace: Candace!

Phineas: We better go and get her. You know, that space time continuum thing.

Candace: Mom has an antique store... Yes! It's still here! (the door opens automatically) Wow, future. MOM! It's me, Candace from the past! I came here from the time machine that Phineas and Ferb borrowed from the museum. You gotta bust them!

Future Linda: Honey, what are you talking... Candace! You're so young!

Candace: Mom! You're so ooollll....

Future Linda: Don't say it.

Candace: ...lllllllddd....

Future Linda: You don't have to say that word.

Candace: ...ddddd...

Future Linda: I mean it!

(Phineas, Ferb and Isabella entered)

Phineas: MOM! You're so old!

Future Linda: (sighs) Hi boys. Aren't you a little young to be time-travellers?

Phineas: Yes, yes we are.

Future Linda: A time machine, huh? Does this mean that all those times you told me the boys were up to something, they really were?

Candace: Yes! Yes, yes!

Future Linda: Oh, honey. I am so sorry I didn't believe you.

Candace: Woohoo! I finally caught them! (silence) Hellooo?

Future Linda: What?

Candace: Aren't you going to bust them?

Future Linda: Candace, MY Phineas and Ferb are thirty years old now. Well, I suppose I could call them, but Phineas is in Switzerland for the award ceremony and Ferb is in Camp David for...

Candace: Bust THEM! YOUNG Phineas and Ferb!

Future Linda: I don't think I have jurisdiction on these guys anymore.

Candace: Grrrrr! Ugh, okay. But officially, on record, they ARE busted. Right?

Future Linda: Sure, Candace. They're busted.

Candace: Yes!

(at the museum)

Future Candace: Guys, we see how time travel can mess things up big time. So promise me you won't go to the future again.

Phineas: Yeah, maybe it is a bad idea. Just think: It all started because we needed that steel-and-wood fusing tool.

(Isabella leaves)

Hey Candace, you never told us. How do Ferb and I turned out?

Future Candace: Fantastic. Just keep doing what you're doing and be nice to your sister.

Candace: Yeah, be nice to your sister.

(the time machine appears with Isabella)

Isabella: Are you guys coming or what? (drinks soda)

Candace: Where'd you get that?

Amanda: So that's Uncle Phineas and Ferb as kids?

Future Candace: That's right.

Amanda: And that girl looks like Aunt Isabella.

Isabella: Did you hear that? Aunt Isabella! That means I'm gonna marry Phineas!

Candace: Or Ferb.

(Isabella turns blank in shock as Ferb winks)

Phineas: Let's go.

Future Candace, Linda and Amanda: Bye!

Future Candace: Looks like everything is back to normal.

Amanda: Wow mom, your brothers are so cool. Meanwhile, I'm stuck with... Hey! Where'd they go?

(Xavier and Fred appear with their bump cars)

Xavier and Fred, what are you doing?

Xavier: Nothing?

Amanda: See Mom? They never do anything!

Future Candace: Give it a rest, Amanda.

Future Linda: Ah, memories.

Future Candace: I know, huh?

(to the PRESENT)

Candace: Oh man, in twenty years, you guys are SO busted! I guess that's a hollow victory, but it proves you CAN be busted. So I'm never gonna give up. Never, never, never! Did I say never? Yes, I did! Never, never, never! Never! Never! Never!

Ferb: Well, at least we know she mellows with age.

(End Credits:)

Baljeet: You got to hang out with dinosaurs?

Phineas: Yeah, earlier this summer.

(Ferb shows pictures of them with the dinosaurs)

Baljeet: Hmm. (sarcastic) Well, thank YOU for inviting me.

Phineas: Ferb, I know what we we're gonna do today!

(Isabella in the time machine appears)

Isabella: No you don't. Here's the wood-and-steel fusing tool you need.

Phineas: Thanks! Hey, want a soda?

Isabella: Thanks! (disappears)

Phineas: Well, looks like we don't have to go to the future after all.

Ferb: Some other time, perhaps.

Candace: I'm watching you!