Journey to the Center of Candace/Transcript

(Scene opens up showing the Flynn-Fletcher house.)

Linda: What a beautiful summer day. Do you boys have anything exciting planned?

Phineas: We're either gonna make this nuclear-powered submarine or this incredible shrinking ray, but for some reason, Ferb and I can't seem to make up our minds.

Linda: Well, I've made up my mind. You two have the most wonderful imaginations.

Candace: It's real, you know.

Linda: What's real, dear?

Candace: The submarine, the shrinking ray-- they're really gonna build that stuff.

Phineas: Well, actually we haven't decided--

Candace: Anyway, when I try to bust them, everything will just magically disappear. Always happens. you'll see. Well, you won't see. I'll see. Trust me.

Linda: As usual, the imagination in this room is astounding.

(Candace’s cell phone rings)

Candace: (With a spoon in her mouth) Hello?

Jeremy: Hi, Candace. It's Jeremy. I was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk today.

Candace: I would very much enjoy going for a walk. Wherever shall we go?

Jeremy: To my uncle's restaurant.

Candace: Yes. that sounds doable. Why not pick me up around noon? Okay. Good-bye. (Beep) Guess who just called and asked me out on a date!

Stacy: Who?

Candace: Jeremy!

(Both screaming)

Stacy: Hold on! Let's conference in Jenny!

(Beep)

(All screaming)

Phineas: Let's go outside!

Phineas: Submarine, shrinking ray. I just can't make up my mind.

Isabella: Whatcha doin'?

Phineas: Oh. Hi, Isabella.

Isabella: Hi, Phineas. You remember Pinky.

Phineas: Oh, yeah. Hi, Pinky.

Isabella: Hey, check out my new sash. It's got all my accomplishment patches sewn onto it. See?

Phineas: Wow. That looks totally irreplaceable.

(Just as Phineas said that, Pinky jumps up and swallows Isabella’s sash.)

Isabella: Oh no! Pinky, I need that sash for a Fireside Girls ceremony this afternoon.

Phineas: Don't worry, Isabella. We'll get your sash back.

Isabella: But how? It's in Pinky's stomach.

(Ferb holds up the blueprints.)

Phineas: Hmm... Ferb, you're a genius! Hey, where's Perry?

Major Monogram: Agent P, thanks for coming. It's Dr. Doofenshmirtz. He's been hiding out in the old abandoned vacuum cleaner factory. You know, at building across town with the giant vacuum cleaner on top? Man, I can't believe that place closed. I blame the Internet. But your mission, Agent P, is to find out what Doofenshmirtz is up to and then stop him.

Isabella: So, how are we gonna retrieve my sash?

Phineas: Here. Ferb made this multimedia presentation. We shrink the sub down with Ferb and me in it and put in Pinky's dog food. After he eats us, the sub extrudes 2 mechanical arms, which fold up the sash to microscopic size and pull it into the sash storage unit. Finally we pilot up into the mouth and have Pinky drool us out. Easy.

Isabella: Gross, but cool! But Pinky will eat anything but dog food. He likes grilled cheese sandwiches.

Phineas: Not a problem. You make the sandwich, we'll make the sub.

(Ferb imitates Pinky)

Man: Okay, a subatomic shrinking module, hydrostatic ballast tank, and a case of AA batteries. Sign here, please.

Phineas: Aren't you wondering if we're a little young to be building a submarine?

Man: Yes, yes I am.

Phineas: Yeah, we get that a lot.

Isabella: One grilled cheese sandwich hot off the--oh! Cool!

Phineas: Hey, Isabella. You're just in time.

Isabella: You guys amaze me.

Phineas: When we're inside, we'll activate the shrinkage. You take care of the rest.

Isabella: Check it out, Pinky. Your favorite.

Phineas: Ready? It worked!

Isabella: All right, Pinky winky, time for some cheesy weesy.

(A black cat yowls and Pinky’s ears perks up. The cat hisses then runs off with a barking Pinky in pursuit.)

Isabella: (While running after Pinky) No! Pinky! Chasing the cat is so cliche! You're better than that!

Candace: Listen up! Jeremy will be here any second. I wanna tell you-- (Notices the grilled cheese sandwich) Ooh! Grilled cheese! Might as well eat now so I don't look like a pig on my date.

Doofenshmirtz's Abandoned Vacuum Cleaner Factory!

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus? I-- you know, we always do the same thing. I have a scheme. you try to stop me. I trap you. I tell you my scheme. you escape. Then we fight, and I'm defeated. Let's mix it up a little. I will tell you my scheme first, and then I will trap you. what do you say? Huh? Okay, so here it is. The Make-Up-Your-Mind-Inator! You know, when you're waiting to order a pizza and the person in front of you can't decide on a topping. Ohh. I hate that. I hate it. I-- I will destroy anyone who can't make up their mind!

(Echoes) Destroy anyone who can't make up their mind!

(Flashback)

Phineas: Ferb and I can't seem to make up our minds.

(Flashback ends)

Doofenshmirtz: Should I go with Make-Up-Your-Mind-Inator, or is that too on the nose? It's funny. Now I can't make up my mind. Perry the Platypus, well, I-- well, I--I did not see that coming. Calling headquarters, huh? Yes, you-- you didn't even give me a chance to trap you. I was going to put you in that giant snow globe over there. Now I have to return it.

Major Monogram: Agent P, what's wrong? Oh. You caught Doofenshmirtz, huh? That's weird. Usually he traps you. Then you escape and—

Doofenshmirtz: We mixed it up a little.

Major Monogram: Hang tight, Agent P. Backup is on the way. I mean, it would be if we had some. Uh, I'm gonna make some calls.

Candace: Oh, yeah. This is good.

Phineas: It worked. Pinky's chewing. Prepare for swallowing.

(Doorbell)

Candace: (Gasps) Jeremy’s here!

(Swallows)

Phineas: Whoa! Whaah! (Sonar pinging) Wow. Pinky's neck is really long.

Jeremy: Hey, Candace.

Candace: Hi, Jeremy.

Phineas: Whoa!

Candace: (Belches) Heh heh. Heh. Excuse me.

Phineas: We did it, Ferb. We're inside Pinky. How about a little road trip music?

(Song: Hemoglobin Highway)

Just the two of us

In an esophagus

It's time to get this mission rollin'

Don't wanna make a fuss

But that was the pancreas

Slow down before we reach the colon

On the Hemoglobin Highway

(Hemoglobin...)

In a mini submarine

(Mini submarine...)

If you're goin' my way

You'll see what I mean

Hang a left at the spleen...

Phineas: Now to find that sash. Hey, tacos! Ah, tacos. You know who makes the best tacos? Mom. These kind of remind me of the ones we had... For dinner last night. Hey, Pinky didn't have dinner with us. Wait a minute. Candace's favorite cereal?

(Phineas’ cell phone rings)

Phineas: Hello.

Isabella: Pinky ran away, and when I came back, the sandwich was gone!

Phineas: Okay, let me call you back. Yeah, we're inside Candace's stomach.

Ferb: That's creepy on so many levels.

(Chorus harmonizes)

Doofenshmirtz: (Looking at his watch) This backup of yours is taking forever. (Points to the left while Perry gets up and stretches) I have a travel chess set in my bag over there. (Perry walks in the opposite direction) Do you play chess? (Still pointing to the left) Over there, actually.

Ha ha ha ha! I tricked you, Perry the Platypus. (Takes a hairpin from his hair then uses it to pick the lock on the handcuffs) Do you like my any-flat-surface magnet belt? It sticks to any flat surface. Hee hee hee hee.

Guess what? There's no travel chess set in this bag either. There was one of these in both bags, so whichever one you chose you would be stuck. Just like I’m... Stuck... Right now. What, uh--wh-what time is that backup getting here again?

Phineas: Oh, here we are. Let's tap into Candace's nerve center so we can see what she sees. Ears. Eyes. Look, we're getting an image. She's on her date with Jeremy. That means we're on a date with Jeremy.

Ferb: Again, creepy on so many levels.

(Candace’s cell phone rings)

Candace: Oh, excuse me. My phone is ringing. Hello.

Phineas: Candace, I know this sounds weird, but Ferb and I shrunk down in a submarine. We were in that sandwich you ate, and now we're in your stomach.

(Candace chuckles nervously)

Candace: Are you wacko? Don't call me!

Phineas: Wait. We can prove it. (At Ferb) How do we prove it?

(Laughing)

Candace: (Whispering) What is going on?

Phineas: Hey, monkey bars. Do you still get sick when you hang upside down?

Candace: Yeah. Why?

Phineas: Sorry, Candace. We have to help Isabella. So, arms and legs!

Jeremy: Candace, are you okay?

Candace: Heh heh. Heh. Never better. Never better. (Stammering) Phineas, I am going to-- (Gulps)

Phineas: It's working! All right! Yeah! What happened?

Jeremy: Candace, are you sure you're okay?

(Candace gulps)

Come on. My uncle's restaurant is right over here.

Phineas: Any other ideas?

Candace: (Coughs, clears throat) I have a tickle in my throat. (Clearing throat)

Jeremy: Stay right here. I'm gonna go get some water.

(Candace coughs)

Phineas: We did it!

Candace: You guys are so busted.

Phineas: Oh, hey, Candace.

(Speed dial)

Linda: Hello. Candace: Mom, Phineas and Ferb built a shrinking submarine.

Linda: Candace, I'll see it later. Right now I have to swing by Jeremy's uncle's restaurant and pick up some sandwiches for your father.

Candace: Perfect.

Doofenshmirtz: Farewell, Perry the Platypus.

Candace: Mom, mom, mom! Submarine! Submarine!

Doofenshmirtz: (Screams)

Perry!

(Whirring)

Candace: See? It's a submarine.

(Candace growls in frustration)

Linda: So imaginative.

Isabella: Hey, I been lookin' everywhere for you guys. Pinky threw up, and I got my sash back.

Phineas: Hmm. Gross, but cool. Speaking of pets...

(Perry chatters)

Phineas: Where you been, Perry?

Jeremy: Candace, I have a surprise for you. Check it out.

Candace: Sandwich menu? "The Candace Special"? Oh, you had a sandwich named after me?

Jeremy: Grilled cheese, 'cause I know it's your favorite.

(Beeping)

Jeremy: Shall we eat inside?

Candace: This is the end of a perfect day-- my very own sandwich. I can't wait to try it.

(Pinky whimpers, jumps up, eats Candace’s sandwich, and then belches.)

Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

Credits roll

(Pinky’s in his basket, sleeping and snoring)

Doofenshmirtz: Hello? Where am I? Oh, it's all gastrointestiny in here. Hmm... Brain. (Gasps) I'm inside a dog!

(Pinky wakes up with surprise then glares)

Doofenshmirtz: Perfect. Now I can pee all over the Tri-State area. Ha ha ha ha ha! (Sighs) Oh, what am I doing with my life?