My Fair Goalie

Well, if you're all such crackin' footballers, then we challenge you and your friends to a football match.

When Ferb's cousins visit from England and challenge him to a soccer match, he and Phineas warp the walls of physics and build a high tech 3D stadium. Meanwhile, convinced that her relationship with Jeremy depends on her being more proper, Candace enlists the help of Ferb's British cousin, Eliza, to teach her the rules of etiquette. Back at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., Dr. Doofenshmirtz is sick in bed but forces himself to set off his "If-A-Tree-Fell-in-the-Forest-Inator", which causes any tree that falls to say his name.

Episode Summary
Ferb's cousins from England come to Danville to see the British football team, the Sniffleton Nostrils play against Danville's football team in an exhibition match. Lawrence introduces them to Phineas. Lucy and Adrian Fletcher are the parents of six children, three named Beckham, two named Pele and a daughter Candace's age named Eliza.

As Lawrence and Adrian take the opportunity to push their sibling rivalry with their wives watching and Eliza goes to meet Candace in her room, two of the Beckhams comment on Ferb living in America for so long and that he could have easily lost his British essence in exchange for being more of a "Yank". Phineas voices his disagreement, trying to reassure them that he's "as British as ever", only to be contradicted by Baljeet coming to return some of Ferb's things he had borrowed, including a cowboy hat, a baseball glove, banjo CDs, an American Flag shirt, and a bald eagle.



The blond Beckham bets that Ferb doesn't even play association football anymore, the sport known to most Americans as soccer. Isabella objects, mentioning having witnessed Ferb playing an entire game of football with a pumpkin, somehow avoiding breaking it open through the whole match. The Fletchers respond by challenging Phineas, Ferb, and the gang to a football match, to which Phineas adds by stating they should play by theoretical "Football X-7" standards much to the shock of of the blond Beckham. Phineas waves his cousin's doubt away and wonders if Perry would want to participate, only then noticing that the platypus is absent.

Major Monogram has reported for his regular duties but is in a poor shape, implied to have caught an illness from Carl. He proceeds to voice his rage at Doofenshmirtz for calling in sick since he and Carl had both taken the effort to show up for work in spite of their current conditions and that he would rather be "at home watching Ducky Momo". He tasks Agent P with making Doofenshmirtz feeling better so that he'd have a reason for stopping him from doing evil.

Candace and Eliza listen to Jeremy as he performs a song for them with his guitar. Eliza enjoys the song and Jeremy relates to her that most of his favorite bands are British and that he himself is an Anglophile. Shortly thereafter, he gets up, having to help his mother back at his house. He compliments Eliza's accent before leaving. Candace starts to panic, under the impression that her relationship with Jeremy depends on her being able to be like Eliza. She demands Eliza to train her in the basics of being a proper lady, to which the Englishwoman reluctantly approves. Meanwhile, downstairs, Lawrence and Adrian continue to pit themselves against each other in various odd competitions to prove who is the overall better sibling, including stuffing numerous layers of coats on and holding their breath.

A Video shown an informational video from the SMPG (Sweaty Man Playing Games) Network, "Football X-7: Theoretical Speculative Conjecture or Not That What We Just Said, with the Conjecture thing...?". It includes the background and history of the game, including its original theory from Professor Ross Eforp, and how it's played. It mentions the numerous failures until the discovery of Professor Ross Eforp's name being a palindrome. The anti-Palindrome atmosphere of the 1950s led to Professor Ross Eforp going into hiding. The video ends saying that Football X-7 is impossible. Phineas, however, begs to differ, and he decides to build the first functioning Football X-7 stadium. Beckham thinks they are "completely mad, the lot of them". Ferb is shown going into deep thought including a herd of emu.

In Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, Doofenshmirtz is sick on his couch with tissues everywhere. Perry brings him some chicken soup and notices an -inator. Doofenshmirtz mentions planning on doing evil today but doesn't think he will because he feels too sick. He takes his temperature, 103°, and shows Perry the pre-recorded rehearsal of his monologue. He talks about philosophers asking about trees falling in the forest and whether or not they make sounds. "The answer is, of course it does. What they should be asking is 'What sound does it make?'". He says the If-A-Tree-Fell-In-The-Forest-Inator will make anything it hits fall over and say "Doofenshmirtz" in a whispering tone. Doofenshmirtz pushes a button and a trap falls, not on Agent P, but on the other side of the room. He slowly gets up to activate his -inator.

Candace watches her brothers build their Football X-7 stadium, but Eliza tells her that tattling isn't ladylike. Eliza also mentions how ladies have to be completely vertically straight. She proceeds to tell her more and more about being a lady, in song. Finally, Phineas and Ferb have constructed their Football X-7 stadium. Now it's all down to the actual game. Phineas notes Ferb's disappearance and they all gasp. Phineas and Isabella look directly at the viewer while Phineas says "We'll be right back".

Phineas explains Ferb having a soccer problem that began right before Summer began. He shows a flashback of the morning it happened, on the soccer field. The other team had kicked the ball out of bounds, and Ferb grabbed it. Suddenly, a herd of emu charge through and carry off the assistant coach. Ferb simply drops the ball and walks away. Ferb hadn't played football since. Tall brown-haired Beckham doesn't blame him, because of the Emu Curse, which states that if you're holding the ball, and a herd of emu carries off your assistant coach, you're cursed to never be on a winning team again. The only way to break the curse is to have a boy in a Sunday bonnet sing the note E flat over high C in front of the cursed one. Phineas asks Buford for a piccolo, to which Buford responds "Aah! Someday, someone's gonna ask me for some obscure musical instrument, and it ain't gonna be there. What's gonna happen then?" then plays the note on his piccolo.

Back at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, Perry is thwarting Doofenshmirtz's scheme even though he's sick. Inside the Football X-7 stadium, Phineas shows everyone around it. He explains how you can literally walk on walls. However, Ferb is still missing and they can't play. The door opens and there is a cloud of smoke and a vaguely Ferb-like silhouette. It turns out to be Irving in a referee uniform with a bucket of dry ice on his head. He also brought Ferb with him. They play the game, scoring a tied total of 4-4.

Jeremy goes to the Football X-7 stadium dressed nicely and pushes the elevator button, to be greeted by Candace dressed like a proper lady. They go into the high tea room. Jeremy is interested in the kids' game of Football X-7. Candace is shown to have no interest at all in their childish games. Eliza walks in and asks Jeremy if Candace looks lovely, to which he responds "I can't say I've seen better posture". Jeremy and Candace go to have some tea at a table. Jeremy comments on Candace's lack of desire to bust Phineas and Ferb.

Back in the living room, Adrian and Lawrence are both shown wearing a large amount of shirts. Lawrence is having trouble putting on his last shirt, and eventually gives up. Adrian gloats that he can wear more shirts than Lawrence can. Linda talks to Lawrence and tells him that he has seen him put on more shirts than that. Lawrence explains that he lets his brother win because it makes him so happy. Linda tells him to completely defeat him in the next contest. Lawrence challenges Adrian to "Keepy-Uppy".

Doofenshmirtz is ready to activate the If-A-Tree-Falls-In-The-Forest-Inator. He coughs and falls over. He hits the button and it knocks over something, causing it to say "Doofenshmirtz". He pushes a button and it begins to spin around. Doofenshmirtz grabs onto it as it spins and just hangs on it. He begins to blather. The inator hits a tree, which falls over, landing in front of the Nostrils' bus. Nostril #3 asks if it actually said "Doofenshmirtz" and #8 thinks they've been on the bus too long. The bus takes a detour. The fans follow the bus. The inator hits random things randomly until Doofenshmirtz falls off and lands on the ground, falling asleep. Agent P comes out of the bathroom with a mirror and makes the If-A-Tree-Falls-In-The-Forest-Inator hit itself, causing it to say "Ztrimhsnefood" as it falls. Perry the Platypus takes a teal blanket out of his hat and places it on Doofenshmirtz, who is sleeping on the floor. Agent P proceeds to walk out after turning out the lights.

In the front yard of the Flynn-Fletcher home, Lawrence and Adrian are playing keepy-uppy. Lawrence kicks the ball really high in the air and falls over. Adrian stops kicking the ball and grabs it, thinking he won. Lawrence gets up and continues to kick the ball once it comes back down, giving Lawrence the victory. Nostril #8 looks out of the window on the bus, thinking he sees a Football X-7 stadium. It's just a mailbox, but there is a real one on the other side of the bus.

Inside the tea room of the stadium, Jeremy realizes Candace is doing this only to get Jeremy to like her more. He messes with her by saying he likes her so much better that way. She eventually realizes it, and goes back to just being normal. Then she tries to bust her brothers. She throws off her hat, which lands on Baljeet. He kicked the ball, which hits him right in the crotch. That hit causes him to howl in pain at the exact note E flat above high C. Since he is wearing a Sunday bonnet and Ferb is there, the curse is broken. Phineas tells Baljeet to pass it to Ferb. Isabella does it instead, since Baljeet is in too much pain. Ferb kicks the ball toward the goal and it goes directly over it. Phineas thinks the curse isn't broken, but Ferb reassures him because "sometimes you just miss". The Nostrils walk into the stadium. Nostril #8 tells Ferb that it's not whether or not you make the goal, it's how good you look while doing it. The coach reminds him that it is about making the goal.

When Lawrence is doing his victory dance, Candace runs in and tries to get Linda to come see the stadium. Phineas and Ferb give the Football X-7 stadium to the Nostrils, and mention the time they gave a monster truck arena to Buck Buckerson. The Nostrils tell their fans to help them get the stadium on the bus, to which they happily oblige. Professor Ross Eforp, now a lot older than shown in the video, happens to be there and removes the bag he used to go into hiding. He sees the football X-7 stadium and yells "I knew it could be done! Professor Ross Eforp can now come out of hiding!". He goes back into hiding, however, because people apparently still do not like palindromes. The Nostrils drive away with the stadium. Candace finally brings Linda into the yard, but the stadium is gone that Candace wants to do something unladylike that Jeremy and Eliza says "That's our girl".

Songs

 * Lady Song
 * Football X-7
 * Nostrils on the Bus

End Credits
Blond Beckham apologizes for calling Ferb a Yank, and saying he's an exceptional footballer, and a Brit through and through. Ferb says he's not a Brit or a Yank, but just Ferb. After that, the song Nostrils on the Bus was played.

The "Too Young" Line
None

Perry's entrance to his lair
None.

Evil Jingle
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

The bird that runs into Phineas and Ferb's invention
Not Phineas and Ferb's invention, but in the informational video on Football X-7, a bird hits Professor Ross Eforp's original prototype Football X-7 stadium.

Background Information

 * If this episode takes place exactly after "Skiddley Whiffers", then this was Perry's 1000th entrance to his lair.
 * This episode reveals that Lawrence has a brother who looks very similar to him.
 * This episode proves that Ferb has lived in the U.S.A more than in England. If he has been living in the U.S. for six years ("Skiddley Whiffers"), Ferb is likely less than 12 years old (baring the possibility that he lived outside of the US and England).
 * Phineas breaks the fourth wall by saying "We'll be right back" before a commercial break, and fixing the time of day of the flashback. He and Ferb also breaks the fourth wall by staring in the camera after some dramatic music plays and zooms in.
 * This episode reveals Jeremy's family is from Wisconsin.
 * This episode reveals Jeremy is an Anglophile.
 * The "dun-dun-dun" sound is heard a total of six times in the episode.
 * Ferb's cousins' names are Beckham, Beckham, Pelé, Beckham, Pelé and Eliza (her middle name is Beckham).
 * Ferb's cousin's name, Pelé, is a nickname of a real soccer player. The player's actual name is Edson Arantes do Nascimento.
 * Two real soccer players played members of the Nostrils. Former Tottenham Hotspur and FC Barcelona star Gary Lineker, who is now a presenter on the BBC in the UK, and Darren Bent, who as of 2012 plays for Aston Villa in the English Premier League lent their voices to this episode.
 * This episode marks the first time Ferb says his own name.
 * According to Doofenshmirtz's message, this episode takes place on a Tuesday.
 * While Lawrence introducing Ferb's cousins to Phineas, he starts from the youngest to the oldest.
 * Major Monogram is a fan of Ducky Momo.
 * Ferb's uncle revealed that Ferb has a blog.
 * First time Perry is seen sitting cross-legged.
 * When Phineas says "Pass it to Ferb! Pass it to Ferb!" he appears to mimic one of Candace's bust poses.*At least one line from My Fair Lady has been used before in "Phineas and Ferb Summer Belongs to You!". Also, music from "Phineas and Ferb Summer Belongs to You" was played in this episode.
 * This is the third time Isabella is seen wearing yellow. Previously were in "Mom's Birthday" and "At the Car Wash".
 * This is the second time any one of Ferb's cousins appear in an episode. The first was in "Invasion of the Ferb-Snatchers".
 * Second time Candace wears a British-style clothes. She previously wore Birtish-style clothes in "The Flying Fishmonger".
 * Third time that Candace changes something in her appearance because of Jeremy. Previous occurrences were in "One Good Scare Ought to Do It!" and "Boyfriend From 27,000 B.C.".
 * Fourth time Phineas and Ferb make a sports event. They made other sports events in "Got Game?", "Put That Putter Away", "Crack That Whip".
 * This is the second time Isabella puts her hair in a ponytail. Previously was "Jerk De Soleil".
 * Sixth time Isabella's ears are seen. The ears were also seen in "Got Game?", "That Sinking Feeling", "Robot Rodeo", "The Secret of Success", and "Rollercoaster: The Musical!".
 * Second time that Doofenshmirtz makes an inator related to his name. He first made an inator related to his name in "Ain't No Kiddie Ride".
 * Seventh over all time Ferb gets interrupted mid-sentence, third time he is not given a chance to speak at all. ("Get That Bigfoot Outa My Face!", "Vanessassary Roughness", "Undercover Carl", "Nerds of a Feather" and "We Call it Maze")
 * Second time a member of the Flynn-Fletcher family is cursed. The first was Candace in "Hip Hip Parade".
 * Ducky Momo is mentioned again. ("Nerds of a Feather", Phineas and Ferb Hawaiian Vacation", "Run, Candace, Run", "Mommy Can You Hear Me?", and "Tour de Ferb")
 * The boys also mention the time they gave Buck Buckerson their monster truck rally stadium in "It's a Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud World".
 * Monogram, Carl and Heinz get sick, like Candace and Stacy did in "Put That Putter Away", and the kids in "Brain Drain".
 * Second time Jeremy says "That's my girl" after Candace says that she is going to bust the boys. He said it once in "A Real Boy".
 * This is the third time a nose-theme is related to the Fletcher family; the first time is when the Flynn-Fletcher Family went to the Lake Nose for vacation in "The Lake Nose Monster" and the second time when the kids play Skiddley Whiffers, when Ferb choose the nose in "Skiddley Whiffers", also all involves with picking the nose.
 * Second time Baljeet is seen playing soccer. The first was in a flashback in "That Sinking Feeling".
 * This is the third episode where someone is hit in the groin, the others were "Cheer Up Candace" and "Moon Farm".
 * Doofenshmirtz rings Monogram again ("Hide and Seek"), the scene in which Monogram shows Perry their conversation is similar to the scene of "The Lake Nose Monster".
 * Second time Perry shoots Doofenshmirz's inator to itself. ("Fireside Girl Jamboree")
 * If one looks closely at Doofenshmirtz, one can see that he is in his underwear, making this the sixth overall episode Doofenshmirtz is in his undergarments. Previous were "Lights, Candace, Action!, "Tip of the Day", "Bubble Boys", "Nerds of a Feather" and "Run, Candace, Run".
 * Second time Phineas and Ferb it says "Da-da". ("Tri-Stone Area")
 * Second time Ferb likes for an ice ("S'Winter")
 * Second time Ferb it say "Not taking a change". ("Greece Lightning")
 * Third time Candace gets "Ew". ("Candace Loses Her Head", "The Fast and the Phineas")

Production Information

 * This is the 2nd half-hour episode of Season 3, after "Phineas' Birthday Clip-O-Rama!".
 * This episode was aired on Disney Channel On Demand on September 3, 2011.

International Premieres

 * November 4, 2011 (Family Channel)
 * November 16, 2011 (Disney Channel Latin America and Brazil)
 * November 17, 2011 (Disney Channel Australia)
 * November 28, 2011 (Disney XD Spain)
 * December 10, 2011 (Disney Channel Portugal)
 * December 15, 2011 (Disney Channel Scandinavia)
 * January 27, 2012 (Disney Channel Israel)
 * March 23, 2012 (Disney Channel Asia)

Errors

 * A floating mustache and mouth is seen in the crowd of fans when the Nostrils' bus turns to go around a fallen tree.
 * Professor Ross Eforp's name technically isn't a palindrome, since "Professor" is a title and his real name is Ross Eforp.
 * The ball goes through the goal post in the background when it shows the narrator when it shows the reporter talking about Football X-7
 * Buford doesn't know that Ferb's British in this episode, but he did in "Not Phineas and Ferb" (this might mean that this episode took place before "Not Phineas and Ferb"). It's more likely, however, that it was part of the gag about Ferb not being considered British by his cousins anymore.
 * Doofenshmirtz has noticeable beard stubble when ill, however, in "Crack That Whip" he says that he's unable to grow facial hair.
 * Before Eliza starts singing and during the song Lady Song:
 * She has four buttons on her shirt. The book she is holding goes in front of one of the buttons. When she moves the book, the button disappears, but reappears once it changes camera views.
 * She is holding one book, but when the song starts she puts three on her head.
 * Candace's leg is ahead of her skirt.
 * The garment that Baljeet returns to Ferb is not a unitard but a leotard because it doesn't have long legs.
 * When Eliza is explaining to Candace what "Anglophile" means, the end of her left arm is missing.
 * There's no reason for Carl's nose to be red. If he doesn't have nostrils then he wouldn't be able to blow his nose and make it sore from tissues.
 * There are only seven Sniffleton Nostrils players on the bus when there are eleven players on a professional soccer team. However, some of them may have traveled separately.
 * When the nets first appear they have four antennas but when Phineas kicks the ball into the net there is only two.
 * When Ferb is standing next to Phineas, and he is holding the soccer ball, he has four legs.
 * When Baljeet calls for a pass the socks that of the person who passes the ball to him are blue, when Baljeet's team was wearing yellow socks, meaning the other team passed it to him.
 * While Phineas and Ferb and the other is the timer moves backward: in fact, in soccer, the timer goes forward.
 * Right when Phineas says "Ferb! The E-flat above high C!" His eyes are bigger than usual but in the next shot his eyes are normal.

Continuity

 * Second time Buford is asked if he has an instrument. The first was in "The Ballad of Badbeard".

Allusions

 * My Fair Lady - The title, as well as the concept of a woman becoming "proper," are taken from the famous Broadway musical. Candace's role is similar to that of Eliza Doolittle, the Cockney girl who Professor Higgins tries to "improve." Coincidentally, here the Higgins role is played by a girl named Eliza.
 * Rhetorical - Doofenshmirtz's If-A-Tree-Fell-in-the-Forest-Inator plays on a famous rhetorical question: "If a tree fell in the forest and no one was around to hear it, would it still make a sound?", which also parodies the boys' expression at the start of "Tree to Get Ready."
 * Soccer - The name of the kids are Beckham (British) and Pelé (Brazilian), the name of the two soccer players.
 * The Sex Pistols - Eliza's punk rock song about being ladylike sounds much like this legendary punk rock band; specifically, her vocal style resembles John "Johnny Rotten" Lydon.
 * The Blue Danube - This famous composition by Johann Strauss II plays when Doofenshmirtz rides around on his If-A-Tree-Fell-In-The-Forest-Inator.
 * Mecano: Ferb says that he is not brit or yank, just Ferb like a Mecano song in which someone says that he was not a man or a woman... just a person.
 * Beauty and the Beast - During the "Lady Song", Eliza and Candace are seen eating soup at a table, and the scene is very much alike the scene where Belle teaches the Beast manners in the Disney Classic.

Cast

 * Vincent Martella as Phineas
 * Ashley Tisdale as Candace
 * Thomas Sangster as Ferb
 * Alyson Stoner as Isabella
 * Bobby Gaylor as Buford
 * Maulik Pancholy as Baljeet
 * Jack McBrayer as Irving
 * Caroline Rhea as Mom
 * Richard O'Brien as Dad, Additional Voices
 * Mitchel Musso as Jeremy
 * Dan Povenmire as Dr. Doofenshmirtz
 * Jeff "Swampy" Marsh as Major Monogram/Narrator (uncredited)
 * Dee Bradley Baker as Perry
 * Phill Jupitus as Adrian Fletcher, Additional Voices
 * Helen McCrory as Lucy Fletcher, Additional Voices
 * Jane Horrocks as Eliza
 * Django Marsh as Beckham (blond), Additional Voices
 * Daniel Roche as Beckham (half-moon glasses)
 * Gary Lineker as Soccer Player #1
 * Darren Bent as Soccer Player #2
 * Additional voices: Asher Oyelowe, Joseph Wise