Candace Gets Busted/Transcript

(Scene opens up in the Flynn-Fletcher home.)

Linda: Well, I think that's it. You have both our cell-phone numbers, all emergency contacts and the number of the hotel we'll be staying in at the antique shower-head convention. What do you plan on doing tonight?

Candace: I thought I'd have a few friends over like Stacy and Jenny. Is that okay?

Linda: Sure. But no wild parties.

Candace: Well, I guess I'll have to cancel the death metal band and the fire dancers. (Linda frowns) I kid!

Linda: Lawrence, you're not wearing that on the plane.

Lawrence: I'm not on the plane yet.

Linda: We'll be back this time tomorrow.

Phineas: Mom and Dad, your cab is here.

Linda: (To Candace) Bye Hon! You're in charge.

Lawrence: Mind your sister boys.

All: Bye!

Candace: Hey, Stace. What're you doing tonight? Do you and Jenny want to come over and just hang out?

Phineas: Do you need help with entertaining or snacks?

Candace: Listen, under no circumstances do I want you to do anything crazy. Or anything at all for that matter. Just go up to your room and get out of my hair. Vamoose.

Phineas: Are you sure? We can make a nacho launcher, or a dip fountain.

Candace: No.

Phineas: How about a wasabi slide?

Candace: No. (To Stacy) Sorry about that, Stace. Come over around... Oh wait, I have another call. Hello?

Phineas: How about a mustard-go-round?

Candace: Phineas!

Phineas: Okay. Hey, where's Perry?

(Perry puts on his fedora and opens a drawer where he slides through a tube)

Major Monogram: Come in, Agent P. We've been having trouble with our pipes getting mixed up with the city's dump system. We aren't one hundred percent sure where you'll end up.

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus?!

Major Monogram: Where are you, Agent P? (Perry points his wrist communicator at Doofenshmirtz) Great googly moogly! Well, hang tight, I'll give you your mission. Doofenshmirtz is up to no good. He has been seen snooping around-

Doofenshmirtz: Around the neighborhood apartment. Yes, I've; yes, I've been doing that.

Major Monogram: He's also been buying-

Doofenshmirtz: Buying electrical equipment.

Major Monogram: And checking-

Both: -movie starting times online.

Major Monogram: Let me tell it!

Doofenshmirtz: I want to tell it! I want to tell it! Doofenshmirtz... that is... wait... (he is cut off by Major Monogram; exclaims in frustration)

Major Monogram: La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. (clears throat) So, get him, Agent P, and good luck.

Doofenshmirtz: Thank you.

Major Monogram: Not you.

Doofenshmirtz: Too late, I'm lucky now. (laughs; traps Perry) You like that? I call it the trap-a-lounger, because it's loungy and trappy all at the same time.

(Scene shifts to the Flynn-Fletcher house, where the door bell rings. Candace answers it and Stacy and Jenny arrive, squealing in excitement.)

Stacy: Yeah!

Jenny: Whoo-hoo!

Stacy: (she and Jenny walk in) I took the liberty of bringing some DVDs for our party viewing pleasure.

Candace: Uh, it's not a party.

Stacy: For our not-a-party viewing pleasure. (Jenny's cousin, Sara, walks in)

Jenny: Candace, this is my cousin, Sara.

Sara: Hello.

Jenny: She's visiting for the weekend. Is it okay if she hangs out with us, too?

Candace: Well, my mom said I could have a couple people over. Sure, come on in.

Sara: (Candace closes the door) Hey, are you Phineas and Ferb's sister? That must be awesome for you.

Candace: Yeah, you'd think so, wouldn't you?

Stacy: So my mom told me to clean up my room and I didn't have any shoes on, so I started picking stuff up with my feet, and I turned it into a game with myself, like, "Can I Clean Up My Whole Room With My Feet?" And I did. (her cell phone rings) Oh, it's Coltrane. Hello?

Coltrane: (indistinct chattering over phone)

Stacy: (To Candace) Coltrane and Jeremy's gig got cancelled. Can they come over?

Candace: Over here? Uh, Coltrane and Jeremy? Hey, what's two more?

Stacy: (to Coltrane) Bring it! (she hangs up) Awesome!

(Scene shifts to D.E.I.)

Doofenshmirtz: So, let me tell you my evil scheme. Not too long ago, I used to sit right over there and watch free movies on the drive-in movie screen across the street. Of course, I didn't get the sound, so I'd make up my own dialogue. It was fun. (in deep voice) Sheila, I love you, but now I have to defuse this bomb. (in normal voice) See? Good stuff! Gripping! But now look! They made a giant condominium blocking my view. I tried to make up dialogue for it... (in deep voice) I'm a condominium. I'm just standing there. (In normal voice) See? Where's the fun in that? "I'm a building." There's no story. I know what you're thinking, why not just move my armchair over to that window with the unblocked view? Well, then I would have to move this little table and the lamp, and this is the only electrical outlet. It seems easier to get rid of the building. So, that's why I invented this: the Go-Away-inator! One blast of this ray, and that building, and everyone in it, (snaps his fingers) will instantly be transported somewhere else. Here on this wheel, I've written many undesirable locations. With a pull of this string, a site is randomly chosen, and good-bye low-rent condo, hello Hollywood high-budgets! (laughs maniacally)

(Scene shifts back to the Flynn-Fletcher house, where Jeremy and the Incidentals have arrived.)

Jeremy: Hey, Candace. Thanks for having us over to your party.

Candace: Oh, it's not a party, and I'm glad you and your entire band could make it over.

Jeremy: We wrote a new song. I'd love to test it out on you guys.

Stacy: Aww.

Jenny/Sara: Ooh.

Candace: Uh, as long as we agree that it's just a test. This isn't a "party" with a "band" playing, it's just a small get-together, and you're just gonna lightly strum a test song.

(Song: Breath)

Jeremy: It's funny how words

Are never what's heard

'Cause still I don't know what you're thinking

We park and we talk

We talk and we talk

And I get this feeling I'm sinking

Press play and record at the same time

And capture us both so uneasy

But all in good time

On eternity's dime

I'll lose this breath I've been holding

Cupid's in knots

All our nerves are shot

I'll lose this breath I've been holding

(During the song, Stacy, Jenny, and Sara dance along. They cheer Jeremy and the Incidentals as they play. Candace snaps her fingers to the song nervously. Then the door bell rings. Candace walks to the door, answers it, and three girls walk in.)

Girl #1: Hey, we were just walking by and heard the music. Isn't this Phineas and Ferb's house?

Candace: Well, yes, but...

Girl #1: Awesome!