Phineas and Ferb: Mission Marvel/Transcript

Act 1
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, hello. I'm Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz. You might know me as a entrepreneur, inventor, power hungry platypus fighter, lactose intolerant evil scientist, with mild to moderate sibling jealousy issues. But you might not know that I recently drained the power from the world's greatest super heroes, and teamed up with a crew of notorious vilians, in my mission to take over the entire Tri-State Area. I don't want to be a name dropper or anything, but let's just say, they're kinda a big deal. You know what? Why don't I show you how it all began. It all started with an opening title sequence...

(Fade up on the opening title sequence. A light cracks out from the ground making a bigger crack. To heavy metal rock music, the opening logo rises from the ground. Zoom out on Phineas and Ferb wailing on their electric guitars as the logo rises up. When they finish, Spidey drops hanging upside down from a web.)

Spider-Man: Aunt May, Phineas and Ferb are making a crossover!

Phineas: Yeah we are!

(They play the last chord. Cut to black.)

(Open up on outer space where the Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet are surfing the asteroid belt.)

(Song: Surfin' Asteroids)

Grab a spaceboard and catch a wave,

The asteroid ocean is quite a rave.

We're gonna zoom-zoom-zoom through the stratosphere

There's a reason that they call it the final frontier.

Shoot the tube into the void,

We're surfin' asteroids!

Take my hand, we're gonna rock and roll,

Past a little red dwarf and a big black hole;

So grab a friend and come right over,

Pretty soon, this party's gonna supernova! (Supernova!) (Supernova!)

Past a big blue comet and a purple quasar,

You need a pressure suit and a surf guitar

Just shoot the tube into the void

We're surfin' asteroids!

(We're surfin' those asteroids)

Surfin' asteroids!

(We're surfin' those asteroids)

Surfin' asteroids!

Isabella: That was awesome!

Phineas: Yeah! The cosmic rays we collected through our satellite dish made a great power source for our surfboards.

Baljeet: Well, I, for one, need to get back to the space station.

Phineas: All right.

Buford: You know, these suits are equipped with—

Baljeet: I do not want to do it in the suit!

(The gang surf their way into a giant space station shaped like Phineas and Ferb's heads. Inside the space station, the gang have their suits off are talking with a floating screen with Irving on it.)

Irving: Hi, guys! How are the asteroid waves?

Phineas: They were totally crankin', dude!

(In the backyard where Irving is acting as mission control.)

Irving: (laughing) He called me "dude"!

(Cut back to Phineas)

Phineas: We're about to take the module down. Are we clear for landing?

Irving: One moment. (He gets up)

(Irving chases a butterfly off the ground.)

Irving: All clear! Hey, where's Perry?

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

(Inside the building Agent P is already trapped.)

Doofenshmirtz: Struggle all you want, Perry the Platypus, you're not getting out of that! It's hydraulic! I don't know if you're aware of this, but my brother, Roger, is the mayor. (Perry just gives him a look indicating that he was, in fact, aware of it.) Alright, I may have touched upon the subject from time to time, but, y'know, I figured why not mention it again just for clarity? Anyway, that job gives him all these cool mayoral powers. So I created the Power-Drain-inator to drain all his powers into this canister, and then I, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, get to wield them! Just think, I will have the power to raise taxes, pass legislation and even cut the ceremonial ribbon at openings! Where I'll finally be able to use (He produces a pair of giant scissors from behind his back) these! You like them? I-I got 'em at a garage sale. (He leans the scissors onto a hydraulic pump, which leaks and releasing Perry from his trap.) Ah, see? Th-th-that's one of those hydraulic lines that, uh, goes to your— (Perry flings himself at Doofenshmirtz, who falls backwards, and then takes the inator, smashing it to pieces.) Aw, come on!!! One kick and you destroy my inator? Right? W-W-And what? You're just gonna thwart and run? I thought this was going to be a special extended episode! Curse you, Perry the Platypus! (A piece of the broken inator zaps up to the sky.) Aaah! Uh-oh.

(The beam hits the satellite on top of Phineas and Ferb's space station, it bounces back, headed towards New York City. At Statue of Liberty, a caption is seen saying "New York: Moments earlier...")

Hot Dog Vendor: Hey, Vinnie, do you want the usual?

Vinnie: Yeah, same old, same old.

(A building sign falls to the ground. We hear a generic hip hop song playing in the background Spider-Man web slings his way around.)

(Song: These are My Streets)

Alright, smart guy, think you must have made a mistake

But I'm feelin' kinda generous I'll give you a break

Spider-Man: Woo!! (He gets splashed by a fire hydrant) I didn't know this was gonna be a pool party. I woulda brought my trunks!

(Cut to another part of New York, where Thor, Iron Man, and the Hulk are battling with Venom and Whiplash. Iron Man zaps Venom. Whiplash whips a fire escape. Hulk attempts to run at him but gets trapped by the fire escape remains. He roars his way out of them and pulls a lamppost from the ground, flinging it at Whiplash, who takes a couple of pieces of it and flings them at Iron Man, who zaps Whiplash. Venom gets a jump on Hulk, who smashes him. Thor flies into Venom. Spidey finally arrives.)

Iron Man: Oh, hey, kid! Glad you could make it!

Spider-Man: (while webbing Venom) I'm just fashionably late.

(Hulk throws the tied up Venom and Thor hammers Whiplash. Two big doors open revealing MODOK riding some big vehicle with Red Skull at the wheel.)

Iron Man: Back off, fellas! If that thing firing anti-matter blasts, it's gonna pack a big punch!

Hulk: I pack a bigger punch!

(The anti-matter blasts into Hulk.)

Red Skull: MODOK, take zem all out!

(Spidey flings a web at MODOK ravelling his hands.)

MODOK: Fool! Your webs cannot stop my mind! (He laughs)

(One of the guns fires anti-matter at Spidey, but misses.)

Spider-Man: Missed me!

(Iron Man fires a blast from his chest, breaking the wheels of the vehicle. Thor hammers the vehicle and Hulk lifts it up and flings it into the Hudson River.)

Iron Man: That's it for you creeps!

Spider-Man: Ooh ooh! Can I web 'em up?

(The -inator beam blasts the heroes.)

Red Skull: Let's go! (The villains all flee but Red Skull bumps into MODOK.) Move, you big tin schnitzel!!!

Thor: What was that?

Spider-Man: I dunno. But they're getting away! (He attempts to climb a wall, but falls.) Whoa! Well, that's new.

(Iron Man's suit powers down.)

Iron Man: Something's wrong. I can't move!

Thor: Sit tight! Mighty Mjolnir will bring them down! (He attempts to throw the hammer, but it crashes into the ground.) My strength, it's gone!

Hulk: I'll go. (Hulk tries to smash, but nothing happens.)

Iron Man: Somehow our powers have been drained. I need to get to JARVIS and figure this out. Let's get back to S.H.I.E.L.D. (The heroes all walk away, except for Iron Man who attempts to move, but remains immobile.) Hey, guys! My power's down and my suit's frozen! Could somebody get me a hand?

Spider-Man: Hulk, can you carry him?

Hulk: My power's gone, too.

Iron Man: Oh, for— Well, can somebody find a furniture dolly?

(Back in Danville the gang are being lowered onto a drill-like dome.)

Buford: That was the best thing we've done this morning!

(They lower into the ground and the dome disappears. Candace makes her perfectly timed busting entrance with her Mom.)

Candace: Mom! Hurry! Here! Look!

Phineas: Hi, Mom!

Linda: Hi, kids!

Candace: Why aren't you in space?

Buford: Eh, we got hungry.

Linda: Oh, that's my cue! I'll make you guys some snacks before I leave!'' ''

(At the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier.)

Spider-Man: Well, this stinks! Without my spider-powers, I'm just a guy in a body stocking!

Thor: And I had to leave Mjolnir in the street!

(Cutaway to New York where a female traffic cop is giving a ticket to Mjolnir for standing at a "No Stopping Anytime" sign. Cut back to the helicarrier.)

Thor: It just became too heavy.

(Hulk comes in carrying Iron Man on a dolly.)

Iron Man: At least you guys aren't locked inside this metal suit. Man, do I regret having that second cup of coffee this morning. Now we have to find out where that beam came from.

Nick Fury: Danville. Danville, USA.

Spider-Man: Have you been standing there this whole time?

Nick Fury: Yes. Yes I have. (He Walks to a screen which shows the inator beam hitting the space station satellite) The beam that hit you originated from the Tri-State Area, bounced off a space station satellite dish, and hit you in New York City during your fight.

Spider-Man: Is that one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s?

Nick Fury: No. It's theirs.

(The space station image fades to Phineas and Ferb's images.)

Spider-Man: Man, that kid's got a weird-shaped head.

Iron Man: (jumping) Hey! Hey! Guys, I can't see with the— (falls down) Little help here?

Hulk: I got him.

Doofenshmirtz: (Norm is busy vacuuming up the debris from Doofensmirtz's -inator) Make sure you get all these little pieces over here, too. No no no, y-you're missing the big one.

Norm: Okey-dokey!

Doofenshmirtz: Y'know, Norm, the Power-Drain-inator did get one shot off before it died. I wonder if it hit anything.

Gordon Gutsofanemu: (on television) Dateline: New York City. A mysterious ray has drained the power from four of our beloved superheroes. We now return you to Horse in a Bookcase, already in progress.

Doofenshmirtz: That was me! Th-Th-That was me! I drained the power from those superheroes! Winning! Ooh, ooh, I should update my evil blog on the L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. site! (sits down at the computer and types) OMG!! I drained all the powers from a group of superheroes in New York, and those powers belong to me now! Happy Emoticon (Typed out as >:D >:D >:D) And send!

Phineas: Something's gone terribly wrong, Candace! (Cut to Thor wall crawling.) Obviously, Thor's had Spider-Man's powers. (Cut to Spidey lifting up something heavy.) Spider-Man's got Hulk's powers.

Baljeet: I have a fear of heights. Could you please put us down?

Phineas: Iron Man must have Thor's powers. Everyone has their superpowers except Hulk. He must have Iron Man's powers. But without the suit, there's not much there.

Hulk: I am feeling entrepreneurial.

Phineas: At least his vocabulary's improved.

Iron Man: So give me the hammer. I just stick out my hand right? Come on, baby, come to papa!

Thor: That is not how it works.

Iron Man: Whadaya mean? I got your powers.

Thor: Wielding Mjolnir is about worthiness, not power.

Iron Man: Really?

Thor: It's a fine distinction, but an important one.

Iron Man: Potato, potahto.

(pause)

Thor: I do not know what that means.

Iron Man: Nevermind. What about the lightning? How do I control that?

Thor: Actually that only works with the hammer.

Iron Man: What about flying? I've seen you fly.

Thor: Well, yes. But not without the—

Iron Man: Not without the hammer. Right?

(Cut to three television screens with the words "RELEVANT NEWS BROADCAST" on them.)

Gordon Gutsofanemu: (voiceover) Alert! (The gang and the Avengers and Spider-Man walk up to the TVs.) Disaster in Danville! (Image of the Googolplex Mall appears on screen.) Chaos at the Googolplex Mall! (Image of Venom, Whiplash and Red Skull in the mall appears on screen.) An evil entourage of three supervillains (file photo of Doof appears on screen) and what appears to be a pharmacist (image of MODOK appears on screen) and a giant chicken egg with a face are bustin' up the place somethin' fierce!

Thor: We are needed!

Phineas: But you can't! Your powers! They're not fixed yet! We just need more time.

Iron Man: I know, Phineas, but we're heroes. This is what we do.

(They leave.)

Phineas: Wait, can we help?

Iron Man: Not unless you can fly.

(Phineas and Ferb look aside. Cut to the Beak suit. Cut to above the Tri-State Area. The Beak flies up taking the heroes with him.)

Phineas: Ba-caw! Woohoo!!