Lawn Gnome Beach Party of Terror/Transcript

(The scene opens with Phineas and Ferb lying under the tree, listening to their radio)

Stanky Dog: This is Stanky Dog comin' to you on the hottest of the summer! Unless you live in the beach, I say take it easy and do nothin' today. Yup, just find yourself a shady tree, and maybe an aquatic mammal of some sort, and blow the whole day off!

Phineas: Come on, Ferb. If we let a little heat stop us from having the best day ever, then the morning DJs win.

Linda: Ooh! Boy, it's hot today! (approaches the boys) So what are you up to?

Phineas: We're making our own beach, right here in the backyard!

Linda: Oh, how cute! Well, I'm off to my spa day. You boys behave yourselves and don't bother your father. He's finally cleaning out the basement.

Candace: Bye, mom! (to Phineas and Ferb) Yes, you heard her! We can't break dad which makes me in charge... By default. (waits a little longer) Carry on. (leaves)

Phineas: We're gonna need more sand. Hey, where's Perry?

(Perry enters his hideout in a mushroom)

Major Monogram: Agent P, lawn gnomes across the Tri-State Area are disappearing, leaving thousands of gardens unprotected from the evils of black magic. We suspect Doofenshmirtz. Get right on it!

(Perry salutes)

(back in the Flynn-Fletcher house)

Contractor: Aren't you a little too young to be a landscape contractor?

Phineas: Yes, yes I am.

Isabella: Hi, Phineas.

Phineas: Oh, hey Isabella.

Isabella: Watcha doin'?

Phineas: Building a beach. Check it out.

(turns on the faucet and huge mass of water comes out)

Isabella: Can me and the Fireside girls be lifeguards? We need to earn our Aquatic-Safety patches.

Phineas: Sure.

Candace: (on the phone) I mean, I've been afraid of Suzy longer than Katie, so I should've been invited to that party first! Who cares if they're lab partners? We're longer neighbors! And longer neighbors turn lab partners at that. (notices the boys) Sorry Stacy, got to go!

(in the backyard, Phineas introduces a sandbox)

Phineas: Welcome to our beach.

Candace: Hah, you call that a beach? This is WAY below your usual standard. This isn't even worth a "call-the-mom". You know, if you guys ever want to be popular, you're gonna have to stop playing in sandboxes.

(Ferb reveals the beach)

Candace: (been hit by a beach ball) Hey! (she sees the beach)

Phineas: So Candace, what do you think?

Candace: That's it! (threateningly) I'm calling mom.

Stacy: Candace!

Candace: Jenny? Stacy?

Jenny: You never told us you have a beach in your backyard!

Stacy: You're going to be the most popular girl in the neighborhood!

Candace: I will?

Stacy: I just saw Jeremy and his buddies with their surf boards.

Candace: Jeremy's here? (panics, drops her phone) Gotta go!

PERRY!

(shows Perry disguised as a lawn gnome and gets sucked underground)

(underground)

Doofenshmirtz: (chuckles) Yes, yes! Just look at the variety of gnome riches! (saw Perry in a lawn gnome suit) Ooh, this is a strange one!

(Perry hits Doofenshmirtz)

Wait! Who are you?

(Perry removes the suit)

A platypus?

(Perry puts his fedora on)

PERRY THE PLATYPUS? You are mine now!

(brings out a control and presses the button, and the garage door opens)

Oh no, wait, wait, wait... That was the garage door opening. (brings out another control) You are mine now!

(the large monitor activates) That was the TV remote... I should start labeling these things.

(brings out another control) YOU are mine NOW! (a trap captures Perry, Doofenshmirtz laugh)

Finally! I will rid myself of you! (brings out another control) But first, turn your redemption to the giant screen and... (the garage door closes)

Hmm, maybe I need to turn the cable on first?

(at the Flynn-Fletcher "Beach Party")

Phineas: Let's get this beach party started!

(Song: If Summer Only Lasted One Day) 

Well we'll wake up early and wax our surfboards down

(we'll hit the beach, yeah we'll hit the beach)

Throw our board shorts on and head for surfin' town

(we'll hit the beach, yeah we'll hit the beach, We'll ride the pipeline)

Phineas: (on a surfing parachute) Hey, look! I can see our house from up here!

(scene turns on Jeremy waxing his surfboard and Candace peeks, trying to approach him with tropical smoothie with her)

(a coconut then suddenly fall from a tree and hits her unconscious, lying over a crab which walks away with her)

Crowd: Halo, Katie, go! Halo, Katie, go!

Man: Look!

(the crab with Candace over passes by, going through the limbo rack game and everyone cheers)

Man: So that's how low you can go. We've been searching for generations!

(Candace wakes up, not knowing what happened)

Candace: What? What are you looking at?

Man: You won the limbo contest. You are now officially crowned Queen Wahini of the beach! (suits her up with a queen costume) All hail Queen Wahini!

Candace: (overjoyed) I can't believe it!

(Song: Backyard Beach) 

Ferb: Listen up people and I'll teach ya

'Bout Phineas and Ferb

And the backyard beach, yah

Every morning, Phineas, he gonna say

Singers: Say!

Ferb: "Brother, whatcha gonna do today?"

Now you see we're having fun

Playing under the sun,

And get in line, get in line

Cause the wet ski's running

A backyard beach, a backyard beach

Nothing's outta reach,

we got the backyard beach

You can change in the broken hut,

Drink out of a coconut,

Three games for a token, but the rest is free

You got skiing, parasailing,

Surfing and a-flailing,

Your contacts need saline,

Or else you can't see

Got the backyard beach, a backyard beach

Nothing's out of reach, we got the backyard beach

Got the backyard beach, a backyard beach,

Don't fall into the breach, got the backyard beach!

Candace: I've never been happier of my entire life!

(on the spa)

Linda: Something is very wrong. Not a single call from Candace, not even a text message. Oga, hose me down, I'm going home.

(underground)

Doofenshmirtz: (scanning through a variety of remote controls) Okay, I think I finally got the right one. Now, Perry the Platypus, you will finally understand MY PAIN...

(activates the monitor screen, flashbacks Doofenshmirtz's childhood)

Back in Gimmelschtump in the days of my youth, the Doofenshmirtz is one a proud family. But across we came lean times our father had our beloved lawn gnome, was reposessed. Who would protect our zatzenfruit garden from those witches, spells and wood trolls?

From a tender age, my father decided that it would be me...

(in the flashback)

Mr. Doofenshmirtz: Bewegen Sie nicht! ("Don't move!")

Doofenshmirtz: While the other children played Kick-the-Schtumpel and eat Doonkleberries, I would stand for hours.

(in the flashback)

(Heinz was about to grab a Doonkleberry when...)

Mr. Doofenshmirtz: Bewegen Sie nicht!

Doofenshmirtz: All through the cold night as the spitzenhounds howled, my only companion was the moon. And my neighbor Kenny.

(flashback)

Mr. Doofenshmirtz: Bewegen Sie nicht!

Doofenshmirtz: And since my lawn gnome was taken away from me, I will destroy every lawn gnome in the entire Tri-State Area! Behold, the Destruct-inator! And now, Perry the Platypus, to activate my creation...

(pushes a button and opens Perry's trap)

NOOOO!!

(a fight emerges)

(back at the Flynn-Fletcher backyard beach)

Announcer: Off-quarter!

Buford: Out of my way, Dinner-bell.

Phineas: Hello, Buford. Perhaps you missed the sign.

Buford: (reads the sign) "No Bullying, No Yodeling"?

Random man: I don't think this has any more than you do.

(the surfing contest began)

Announcer: First up in the surf contest: Bobby Nelson. Oh! He falls and gets eaten by a five-footer!

And there's Django Brown shooting a girl, and here comes Buford Van Stomm! OHH! He pummels Brown with professional wrestling stunt! Now he's got him in a half-thousand, now full-thousand, OH! Now he's just beating him with Bobby Nelson! Here's the scores from our judges...

(shows the judges holding a 1, 0 and a 1/8)

...And Buford doesn't like it one bit.

(throws Bobby Nelson over the judges)

Next stop is Phineas Flynn, and it's great to see a young surfer showered with confidence. Uh-oh, what's this?

(Buford tries to leap over Phineas, but shows that he falls over a holographic one and reveals the true Phineas beside)

Ohh, those kids today and their holographic projector.

He's in a pipeline, now he's hangin' ten! He's hanging twenty! He's hangin' thirty-two! Now he's just hangin'! The crowd loved it!

(Phineas runs over his surfboard) I don't think there's a need for that!

(Phineas surfs over the crowd) The crowd is doing the wave, and Phineas is surfing it! Let's go to the judging.

Ten to the fifth power, infinity, and oh! It seems Phineas Flynn's radical surfing has made judge #3 re-think Einstein's theory of relativity! Cala-bango, laws of nature!

(Candace and Jeremy dances with loud music)

Candace: SO! Are you having fun?

(Loud music suddenly turned to a love song)

(Song: The Moment Has Arrived (Our Song)) 

Girl...

The moment has arrived...

I can see, although there is no light,

The music, beats throughout the night

And our love's in sight...

(in the middle of the song)

(Jeremy offers his hand to dance with Candace, but Ferb came and brings her ringing cell phone)

Candace: Heh, just one second. (answers the phone, romanticizing) Helloo?

Linda: (on the phone) Uhm, Candace? Is everything okay?

Candace: (romanticizing) Ohh, everything is just wonderful.

Linda: And... Phineas and Ferb? What are they doing?

Candace: Ohh, such wonderful things.

Linda: Candace, honey, I'm coming home.

(needle scratches)

Candace: Wait, WHAT?

Linda: I'm right around the corner; I'll be there in two minutes.

Candace: No, wait! No mom, you can't!

(Linda turns off the phone)

Wait! Wait! Uhh... (to Jeremy) Stay right there! (runs off) I've got to stop her!

No, no, no, no... (Linda arrives) Mom, mom, pleeaaasee, mom! Go away! Don't come in!

(underground, the fight resumes)

(Perry kicks Doofenshmirtz and heads toward a lever, turning it to "blow")

(it causes the Destruct-inator in a volcano form to rise over the Flynn-Fletcher backyard beach)

Isabella: Is that a volcano?

(the "volcano" blows all the lawn gnomes over the whole town)

Announcer: GNOOOOOMES! (gets hit by a gnome)

Man: Run for your lives! It's gnome-ageddon!

Another Man: Who's protecting our gardens?

Linda: Candace, tell me the truth. What is going on here?

Candace: (takes a deep breath and begins to talk rapidly) Phineas and Ferb built a beach in the backyard, just like they said they were going to. But instead of just a cute little beach in a sandbox, it turned out to be this absolutely huge beach, with a coastline, and palm trees and a pier, and hula dancers and water skiers and tiki heads and dolphins and dancing and surfing, and everybody from the neighborhood showed up...

(underground, Perry kicks Doofenshmirtz again and the lever turned into "suck", sucking the volcano down again including the ocean water)

Candace: (rapidly) ...and I was just about to share a smoothie with Jeremy when a coconut swat on my head, and when I...

(the ocean water slowly disappears from the beach)

Candace: (rapidly) ...and just for a moment, it seemed the wily Buford would steal away the coveted surfing trophy from under the noses of our heroes...

(the water continues to disappear)

Candace: (rapidly) ...but I can only continue my benign reign and spread love, happiness and ultimate popularity throughout my kingdom! If you would just let me have my moment!

(the water then finally disappears on a hole, and Perry appears from it)

Phineas: Oh, there you are Perry.

(Perry chatters)

Well everybody, looks like that's all for today!

(they return to their backyard as the crowd cheers)

Crowd: Phineas and Ferb! Phineas and Ferb! Phineas and Ferb!

(the backyard fence arises, hiding the beach)

Candace: If you don't believe me, go see it for yourself.

(Linda enters the backyard)

Phineas: (to Ferb) That was great.

Linda: Hey, boys.

Phineas: Hey, mom.

Linda: So how was your day at the beach?

Candace: Wait, Wait! My kingdom, my Jeremy, it was all so beautiful...! (panics) WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY PARADISE?!

Linda: Candace, honey, I think it's time to get you out of the sun for a little while... (leaves)

Phineas: I think she had fun!

(Song on the radio: Continuation of If Summer Only Lasted One Day) 

If Summer only lasted one day

(Summer only lasted one day)

(Phineas and Ferb proceeds to sit under the tree while listening over the radio)

Stanky Dog: Stanky Dog here with a special shout-out to my two new pals, Phineas and Ferb, for hosting a beach party that was hot, hot, hot. And speaking of hot, slather on the sunscreen listeners, cause tomorrow's weather calls for another scorcher.

Ferb: With a slight chance of scattered lawn gnomes.

(Phineas laughs)

(End Credits:)

He's a semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal of action!

(Dooby dooby doo-bah) X2

He's a furry little flatfoot, who'll never flinch from a fray-ee-ay-ee-ay!

He's got more than just mad skill,

(Wah-ah-ah)

He's got a beaver's tail and a bill,

(ah-ah) And the women swoon whenever they hear him say:

(pause; Perry chatters and women faint)

He's Perry, Perry the Platypus!