Disney's Phineas and Ferb: The Best LIVE Tour Ever!/Transcript

Act I
(Curtain opens, then scene opens up with Phineas and Ferb sitting under the tree in their backyard.)

Phineas: You know, Ferb, I cannot believe that this our last day of summer vacation. Where did those 104 days go?

(Ferb clicks pen open)

Phineas: Oh, right. The rollercoaster, Mount Rushmore, blab, blab, blah. Okay, we've done a lot of stuff, but it's too bad that the sun can't shine in the sky forever. We've gotta think of way to make this the best day ever. Don't you think? (looks at Ferb, who is staring at the audience) Ferb? Ferb? Ferb: Have you ever noticed that audience there before? (pauses) Phineas: No. (Phineas and Ferb runs towards to the audience) Phineas: There it is! An audience in a stage! Ferb, how do we get down there? (Phineas and Ferb jumps, smack, then realizes that there is a barrier) Phineas: Hm. Seems to be some kind of barrier. Okay, let's try this. We're gonna need two hydroic lifters, a small quantum fuel generator.... (Ferb points to Phineas, then Phineas turns with Ferb, revealing a slide right next to them while part of the slide slides onto the stage) Phineas: Or that giant slide might work. I wonder why we never saw that before. (Ferb shrugs) Phineas: Come on!

(Phineas and Ferb runs to the slide, climbs up the ladder, then slides down the slide revealing the reality versions of Phineas and Ferb on the stage) Phineas: Wow. Seems like the entire Tri-State Area is here. Wait a minute. Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! We're gonna put on the coolest live show ever for this audience. (Song: We're Gonna Put On A Show!) Phineas: Are you guys ready to rock? (The audience expected to answer "yes") Make some noise! (The audience expected to make noise)

Ferb, I think I know what we are gonna do,

{C We got this big live stage and this audience too.

????????

Dancers: (We're gonna put on a show!) Phineas: Spotlight, footlights, music, choreography Dancers: (We're gonna put on a show!) {C Phineas: It's all live, there's no cinematography. {C Dancers: (We're gonna put on a show!) {C Phineas: Costumes, sets, theatrical machinery {C Dancers: (We're gonna put on a show!) {C Phineas: Stagehands backstage moving all the scenery. {C Dancers: (We're gonna put on a show!) {C (wait)

Deep Voice Singer: Put on a show {C Phineas: It's the last day of summer, don't know where the time flew,  &nbsp {C But if you share it with us, we're gonna share it with you. {C If you've nowhere to go &nbsp {C For like an hour or so, sit back and relax {C Dancers: We're gonna put on a show! {C Phineas: Spotlight, footlights, music, choreography {C Dancers: (We're gonna put on a show!) {C Phineas: It's all live, there's no cinematography. {C Dancers: (We're gonna put on a show!) {C Phineas: Costumes, sets, theatrical machinery {C Dancers: (We're gonna put on a show!) {C Phineas: Stagehands backstage moving all the scenery. {C Dancers: (We're gonna put on a show!)

(The title sequence drops down) {C Phineas: Not bad, man. {C (The title sequence rises up, then stops at the top)

Diva #1: We take the top! {C Diva #2: And you're never gonna stop! D {C iva #1: We jump on the beat! {C Diva #2: To make this show steep! {C Diva #1: Diva 1! {C Diva #2: Diva 2! {C Both Divas: We're here for all of you. Have your fingers in the air and we'll be right there. {C Phineas: We're gonna put on a show! We're gonna put on a show!

Dancers: (We're gonna put on a show!) {C Phineas: Spotlight, footlights, music, choreography {C Dancers: (We're gonna put on a show!) {C Phineas: It's all live, there's no cinematography. {C Dancers: (We're gonna put on a show!) {C Phineas: Costumes, sets, theatrical machinery {C Dancers: (We're gonna put on a show!) {C Phineas: Stagehands backstage moving all the scenery. {C Dancers: (We're gonna put on a show!) {C Phineas & Dancers: We're gonna put on a show!

(Song ends, then holds for applause)

Phineas: That was a-mazing. And those random dancers really enhanced our production value. {C (The random dancers leave and return backstage)

Phineas: But you know, if we're going to put on the coolest live show ever, we might need some more help. {C (Isabella and 3 Fireside Girls wander onto the screen) {C Isabella: Hi Ferb. (dreamy look and voice) Hi Phineas. Whatcha doin'? {C Phineas: Oh hi Isabella, puttin' on a show. Wanna help? {C Isabella: You betcha'. Come on girls. {C (Isabella and the 3 Fireside Girls crashes into the screen like Phineas and Ferb did earlier) {C Phineas: Whoa, whoa! Hold up! That won't work! Try the slide. {C Isabella: Oh, that's much more convenient.

(Isabella and the 3 Fireside Girls went up the ladder and goes down the slide revealing reality versions) I {C saIbella: Wow, you have a real audience and everything! What do you want us to do? {C Phineas: Umm, I know! You can be our band! {C (Instruments conveniently come out of nowhere) {C Milly: Look everybody! Instruments! {C Phineas: How serendipitous.

(Isabella plays a rocking tune on the electric guitar) {C Phineas: Okay! Let's rock!

(Gretchen taps the drum sticks 3 times. Everyone starts playing the music of Follow the Sun')'' '' {C Phineas: Nice!

(Everyone keeps playing and eventually, Baljeet and Buford wanders onto the screen)

Baljeet: Phineas? Ferb? Hello? I hear music. {C Phineas: We're doing a live show! {C Buford: Oh! I love musicals! {C Baljeet: YOU like musicals? {C Buford: You don't know everything about me! {C Baljeet: Alright! Here we go! {C (Baljeet is about to bump into the screen but is stopped and grabbed by Buford) {C Buford: No! Don't run through the screen! You'll embarrass us both! There's a slide right over there! {C Baljeet: Oh yes. It seems obvious in retrospect.

(Buford drops Baljeet and they climb up the slide ladder, but Baljeet stops.) {C Baljeet: This slide is a very steep incline. I do not know. {C Buford: Various choices. {C (Buford kicks Baljeet down the slide causing Bajeet scream going down, revealing him in reality. As Buford goes down, he gets stuck. Phineas and Ferb help him get unstuck, revealing him in reality too.) {C Buford: Hey, who built this thing?

(Isabella and the Fireside Girls finish playing and the audience cheers.) {C Buford: Alright, let's do this thing! What is this? '???????' or 'Jazz Hands in a great ?????' {C Phineas: Actually, we were thinking something like this. ( {C Song: Phineas and Ferb Theme) {C Phineas: There's 104 of summer vacation 'till school comes a long just to end it &nbsp {C So the annual problem for our generation &nbsp {C Is finding a good way to spend it. &nbsp {C Like maybe!

Building a rocket or fighting a mummy or climbing up the Eiffel Tower! &nbsp {C Discovering something that doesn't exist. {C All: Hey! Hey! Hey! {C Phineas: Or giving a monkey a shower!

Others: Surfing tidal waves! &nbsp {C Creating nanobots &nbsp {C Or locating Frankenstein's brain. {C (A green brain is tossed to Phineas and he catches it) {C Phineas: It's over here! {C All: Finding a Dodo bird &nbsp {C Painting a continent &nbsp {C Or driving your sister insane!

(Phineas tosses the brain away)

Phineas: As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do before school starts next fall! {C All: So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna, do it, all! &nbsp {C So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna, do it, all! {C Phineas: Yeah!

(Song ends, then holds for applause) {C (Candace suddenly walks on the screen talking on her cellphone) {C Candace: I don't know, Stacy. {C (Candace turns to the screen and sees Phineas, Ferb, and the others on the stage) {C Candace: Hey, Phineas! {C (Candace gasps) {C Stace, I'll call you back! {C (Candace runs to the screen, then slams into it) {C Phineas? Ferb? How did you get down there and where is there? {C Phineas: To answer your first question we use that slide over there. As for the second, we're not sure, but it's cool. {C Candace: How long has this been there? Wait right there, I'm coming down. {C (Candace slides down the slide, revealing herself in reality) {C Candace: Alright, what are you two up to? {C Phineas: Well,...we're gonna put on a show to all these live people in the audience. {C Candace: Audience? {C (Song: Busted) {C Candace: I can see the things you're doing &nbsp {C And you think that I'm naïve &nbsp {C But when I get the goods on you &nbsp {C She'll finally believe

Well, she says it's all just drama &nbsp {C But every bubble's got to pop &nbsp {C She's gonna see just what you're doing &nbsp {C And then you're finally gonna have to stop

Don't think you're gonna win this time &nbsp {C Cause you better believe I'm gonna drop a dime on you &nbsp {C I’ll get you, I'll get you &nbsp {C And when I do, you're gonna be busted! (Busted!)

I don’t wanna put the hurt on you &nbsp {C But you better believe you when I tell you &nbsp {C That I finally got the dirt on you &nbsp {C You’re busted! (Busted!)

Yes, she's finally gonna see the light &nbsp {C This is how it's gonna be &nbsp {C When she finds out that I was always right &nbsp {C You're busted!

There's a new cop on the beat &nbsp {C And I'm bringing down the heat &nbsp {C My eyes are wise to all your lies &nbsp {C Cause you're not that discreet

And I don't care what you heard &nbsp {C Cause there's one 6-letter word &nbsp {C It’s gonna set me free (Gonna set me free) &nbsp {C Starts with a B (Starts with a B) &nbsp {C Goes B-U-S-T-E-D

You are busted! (Busted!) &nbsp {C I don't wanna put the hurt on you &nbsp {C But you better believe you when I tell you &nbsp {C That I finally got the dirt on you &nbsp {C You're busted! (Busted!)

Yes, she's finally gonna see the light &nbsp {C This is how it's gonna be &nbsp {C When she finds out that I was always right &nbsp {C You’re busted!

(Song ends, then holds for applause)

Candace: Mom! Phineas and Ferb are putting on a live stage show! {C (Jeremy strides onto the screen, stopping to talk to Candace. Romantic music starts playing) {C Jeremy: Candace? {C Candace: Hey Jeremy, where you going? {C Jeremy: Wow, I don't know what you guys are doing out there, but whatever it is, I'm in! {C (Jeremy climbs up the slide ladder, going down revealing a reality version) {C Phineas: Hi Jeremy! We're puttin' on a show! Wanna join us? {C Jeremy: Sure, sounds like fun! Don't you think? {C (Candace bumps Phineas out of the way to talk to Jeremy) {C Candace: Well of course I do! Hey, we're all in this together. You know me.... team player. {C Linda: (in background) Candace? What did you say the boys are doing? {C Candace: Uhh, nothing! Everything's good here! Just spending some quality time with my brothers. {C Linda: (in background) Aww, that's so sweet.

'' Busted! ''

Candace: Alright Phineas, now that we're all here, "Working as a team".... {C Phineas: Wait! We're not all here! Where's Perry?

(Stage goes dark and Perry walks onto screen, puts on his fedora and chatters. He knocks on the tree and goes inside it) {C (Song: Perry the Platypus) {C Backing scat: Dooby, dooby doo-bah (X4) {C (People from backstage come out with lights and Perry comes out from the right side of the stage going around the audience, saluting as the song plays with the people shining lights on him.) {C Female Singers: Perry! {C Male Singer: He's a semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal of action! {C Backing scat: Dooby, dooby doo-bah) (X2) {C Male Singer:  He's a furry little flatfoot, who'll never flinch from a fray-ay-ay! &nbsp {C He's got more than just mad skill, {C Female Singer:  (Wah-ah-ah) {C Male Singer:  He's got a beaver tail and a bill {C Female Singer:  (ah-ah) {C Male Singer:  And the women swoon, whenever they hear him say... {C (Perry chatters and women faint) {C Male Singer:  He's Perry! {C Major Monogram: You can call him Agent P. {C Male Singer:  Perry the Platypus! {C Major Monogram: I said you could call him Agent P! {C Male Singer:  Perry... Perry the Platypus! &nbsp {C Agent P! {C (Perry does a back-flip and holds out his fists as the song ends and holds for applause)

(Song: Everything's Better with Perry)

(Phineas and Ferb comes from backstage and Perry and the people with lights goes away)

Phineas: You know, Ferb, Perry really is something special.

Ferb: He's the finest semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal on the Earth. {C Phineas: We consider everyday a plus &nbsp {C To spend it with a platypus &nbsp {C We're always so ecstatic

'Cause he's semi-aquatic

Ferb: Our Ornithorhynchus anatinus

Brings smiles to the both of us

Life's never fuddie duddy &nbsp {C With our web-footed buddy

(Phineas and Ferb go back to back and go backstage when Perry is running through a alley, jumps over a trash can, punches some trash can lids out of the way and beats up 2 ninjas, and salutes to the audience) {C Women: Perry! {C (Perry runs backstage as Phineas and Ferb return with Baljeet, Buford and Jeremy and holding microphones)

All: When we're brushing our teeth... it's better &nbsp {C Tying our shoes... it's better

Combing our hair... it's better {C Phineas: Like we're a cheese sandwich and he's the cheddar {C All: Blinking our eyes... it's better

Breathing in and out... it's better &nbsp {C Sitting in a chair... it's better

Ferb: And taking a bath, just a little bit wetter

(All of them run backstage as Perry comes back out, in front of a building, kicks the ninjas out of the way, climbs up the ladder of a small structure making it look like he's climbing the building. Once he gets to the top, he grabs onto a hanging rope and swings down to the bottom and kicks the ninjas again, wounding them. Phineas, Ferb, Baljeet, Buford and Jeremy return again with the microphones again)

All: Everyday is such a dream When you start it with a monotreme &nbsp {C He's duck-billed and he's beaver tailed and hairy Buford: You know that he's hairy!

Phineas: Everything's better with Perry Others: (Everything's better with Perry)

(Perry returns into the background, then runs through a construction site.)

Ferb: Everything's better with Perry Others: (Everything's better with Perry)

(Perry starts swinging on the bars as if he's climbing a construction bar)

Phineas: Everything's better and we just want to tell you Perry...

All: Everything's better with you!

(Perry drops off bar and one more ninja comes and picks him up)

Phineas: ''I wonder what Perry is doing right now. Well, he is a platypus, they don't do much.''

Phineas and Ferb: Everything's better with you!

(Phineas and Ferb leave and Perry flips out of the ninja's arms and kicks him causing the ninja to run off. Perry runs towards the left of the stage, jumps on a small trampoline, doing a flip onto a pad and chatters as the song ends and holds for applause)

(Secret agent music goes on and Perry starts searching and does a cartwheel, followed by 2 back-flips and his lair chair comes out of nowhere and he sits on it. An animated screen with Major Monogram pops up)

Major Monogram: Good morning Agent P. We learned from one of our secret operatives, actually it was that kid in row three there, that Dr. Doofenshmirtz might be building some sort of Audience Control-Inator. We're not sure but we think it might have something to do with controlling that audience. The implications could be catastrophic or they might be relatively harmless, but we can't take any chances. So get out there, find him and stop him. Uhh, hold on Agent P, something looks, different about you. Have you put on some weight or maybe volume?

(Perry looks towards the audience and shrugs.)

Major Monogram: Hmm, maybe it's just me. (Major Monogram stares at the adience) By the way, I don't know if you've noticed but there's like a thousand people sitting behind you, watching us. Weird. Anyway, get out there and find Doofenshmirtz.

(Screen goes static and Perry gets out of his chair and pushes it away and starts searching for Doofenshmirtz. He does a cartwheel and 3-in-a-row back-flips. Doofenshmirtz suddenly comes out of nowhere pushing the incomplete Audience Control-Inator.)

Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.!

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus. You found me!

(Perry continues looking for Doofenshmirtz as if Doofenshmirtz isn't even there) {C {C Doofenshmirtz: How does he not know I'm here? Hello? They been played my theme song. Play it again louder, please!

Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.!

(Perry finally hears the theme song and spots Doofenshmirtz and holds out his fists)

Doofenshmritz: Ah, Perry the Platypus. You found me! I suppose you're wondering what delightfully evil device I built today. Well, let's jump right to the "Behold" then, shall we? Behold! The Audience-Control-Inator!

(The sound of crickets are heard in the background)

Doofenshmirtz: You know that would sound better with an echo effect, one more time, Okay. Behold! The Audience-Control-Inator-inator-inator!

(The audience is still not terrified by the beholding)

Doofenshmirtz: It's still not saying "evil" yet, how about lighting and thunderbolts, okay, you guys ready, lighting, thunderbolts, and the echo, here we go. BEHOLD! (lighting and thunderbolts appear on the screen) THE AUDIENCE-CONTROL-INATOR-inator-inator! (the audience is now terrified, and the lighting and thunderbolts disappear) Aww, there we go, much better. So Perry the Platypus, I bet your wondering why I want to control this audience? Well, there's a simple explamation, let's tone to the dramatic lighting, and heart wreaching music. (Heinz Doofenshmirtz pushes his inator aside and the sad music starts playing when the spotlight in on Doofenshmirtz) All my life i've had a dream, a simple dream, a dream to be the biggest musical theatre star in the entire Tri-State Area, but alas, there's just one teeny miniscule obstacle to achiving my dream, (the music scratches and stops playing) it's my complete and utter lack of talent. (the screen shows a big thumb down) But with my Control-Inator-inator-inator, (the lighting and thunderbolts re-appear on the screen, then disappear again) they will love everything I do, and all of my dreams will come true,

(Song: Dare to Dream-Dobdinob)

Doofenshmirtz: