The Ballad of Badbeard/Transcript

Scene opens up showing camp.

Grandpa Clyde: [Playing bugle]

Phineas: It sounds like someone strangling a cat. It must be Grandpa! Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!

Baljeet: [Coughing] I cannot believe we ate the same food.

Buford: [Burps] Believe it.

Candace: Grandma, would you show me where the shower is?

Grandma Betty Jo: Shower? Why, sure honey. Would you like a massage and a fruity drink too? How about a manicure and a mud facial while you lay by the pool eating crab cakes?

Candace: I can do without the sarcasm.

Grandpa Clyde: Chow time's over, campers. Time for our nature walk to Badbeard Lake.

Phineas: Why do they call it Badbeard Lake?

Grandpa Clyde: Well, it's a body of fresh water surrounded by land.

Phineas: No, the Badbeard part.

Grandpa Clyde: Oh, right. It was named after Badbeard, the most ruthless freshwater pirate ever to plunder a lakeside community.

Kids: Cool!

Grandpa Clyde: And in the middle of Badbeard Lake lies Spleen Island, where Legend has it Badbeard buried his bountiful booty. Heh!