Where's Perry?/Transcript

(Scene begins at the Danville Airport where Linda, Lawrence, Betty Jo Flynn, Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Buford, Baljeet, and Perry are waiting for the flight to Africa to depart)

Linda: Mom, don't forget to water the plants. We'll be back before you know it.

Betty Jo: It's so exciting, I remember our trip to Africa.

Grandpa Clyde: That was Arkansas.

Betty Jo: Oh that's right. You have fun in Africa.

Lawrence: Ah, my university chummy has been trying to get us to visit his animal research station for years now.

Phineas: I bet Perry's looking forward to meeting all the wild animals.

(Perry's wrist communicator beeps)

Major Monogram: Oh, there you are Agent P. We've intercepted a text from Doofenshmirtz, and we need you. I'm sorry Agent P. you know we wouldn't do this if it weren't an emergency. I'm afraid you're going to have to miss your family vacation. Use host escape diversion technique B17.

(Perry pretends that he is sick)

Phineas: Hey! You okay, boy? Oh no, I think he's sick.

Linda: Oh, he doesn't sound well enough to travel hon. Maybe we should leave him at home.

Man: Sorry kids, your Mom's right. The airline forbids transport of animals who are ill.

Phineas: Are you a pilot?

Man: No, I'm a dentist. I just like wearing these hats.

Lawrence: The dentist is right boys, your mother is right.

Phineas: You know if Perry can't go, then Ferb and I will stay home with him.

Betty Jo: Don't be silly sweetie. You enjoy your trip. Grandpa and I will take good care of him.

Airline Announcer: Flight 4311 now boarding.

Phineas: ...Well okay, we're sure going to miss you little fella. Feel better soon. Eat all your food and get plenty of rest. We'll see you in no time.

(Candace's cell phone rings)

Candace: Hey.

Stacy: Hey world traveler. Ready to go?

Candace: No. Jeremy said he would see me off, but he's not here yet.

Stacy: Oh, I'm sure he's got a perfectly good reason.

Candace: But he said he had something to tell me...

Airline Announcer: (In the background) Final call for Flight 4311!

Candace:...something important.

Airline announcer: Final call for Flight 4311!

Candace: (Talking to an airline personnel, with a bull horn announcing the final call) I heard ya'.

Airline Personnel: Well.

(The airplane is on the tarmac, waiting for clearance to take-off)

Linda : I still can't believe you got dinner reservations at Chez Afrique. The travel guide says it's the top romantic destination restaurant. Five star service. Panoramic views.

Lawrence: Well I'm looking at the most amazing view right now.

Linda: Oh, honey...

Lawrence: No, no really. Look how many suitcases they have in that tiny truck.

Linda: Ooh, that is amazing.

Buford: Move over.

Baljeet: But I got here first. Why should I sit in the middle seat.

(Buford picks Baljeet up, and places him in the middle seat next to Isabella who has the other isle seat.)

Buford: There's your reason.

Baljeet: You know, you can not solve every with your muscles, sometimes you need brains.

Buford: Yeah, like for dinner. Little bit of garlic, a little bit of butter, brains are delicious.

Phineas: (sighs dejectedly) Perry would have loved sitting on the tarmac for no reason. (sighs again) And he would have loved his visual gag. (referring to Ferb wearing five neck pillows)

Flight Attendant: (at Isabella) Couldn't help but notice your sash. I was a Fireside girl myself. Enjoy your complimentary orange juice.

Isabella: Thanks. Gentlemen.

Baljeet: Networking is everything.

Isabella: Did you know that African chapter of the Fireside Girls has it's own special edition survival patches? (Listing some of the patches) Identifying Fauna and Flora. Easy. Finding Water. Child's play. And, eating a grub?

Buford: Little bit of garlic, a little bit a butter...

Baljeet: Do not worry Isabella. You do not have to have every patch.

Isabella: I don't have to have every...! Do you even hear the words coming out of your mouth?

Candace: Jeremy and I are cool. Stacy's right. I mean there's a good reason he didn't show up. And he probably want's to tell me he wants us to... Start wearing matching sweaters or something cute like that. (Her cell phone rings) It's him! Jeremy? Hello? Jeremy? You wanted to tell me somethin- Oh we got cut off.

Flight Attendant: Miss, we're taking off, please hang up your phone.

Candace: I need to call my boyfriend back. He has something important to tell me.

Flight Attendant: Not until we land I'm afraid.

Candace: How long is this flight?

Flight Attendant: Eighteen hours.

Candace: Ugh, eighteen hours, with no phone.

(At the Flynn-Fletcher house)

Betty Jo: Make sure he's nice and comfortable, Clyde. (Perry coughs and sneezes) What do you say when a platypus sneezes?

Grandpa Clyde: I'll go check my monotreme manners book.

Betty Jo: You have a book on monotreme manners?

Grandpa Clyde: You don't know everything about me.

(Perry springs up, and makes a imitation of himself with a tissue box, then sneaks to his lair via an old radiator)

Major Monogram: Ah, Agent P. turns out the text we intercepted, didn't actually warrant you missing your family vacation. My bad. But in my defense, his text was written in all caps, but upon farther investigation, it looks as though he just hit the caps lock by mistake. Anyway, he's up to something, go check it out.

(At the airport in Africa)

Airport Announcer: Jambo, and welcome to Jomo Kenyatta International Airport. (The announcement continues to go on in Swahili)

(A man goes to grab Candace who just came out of the luggage chute, in the fetal position, clutching her cell phone)

Woman: No, dear, our daughter's blond. Here she is!

Daughter: Eighteen hours, with no texting.

Phineas: (Referring to Candace) This one's ours.

Lawrence: Welcome to Africa Candace.

(Candace dials a phone number)

Operator: We're sorry, your call cannot be completed.

Candace: Not be completed! What is that?

Baljeet: Do you have an international calling card?

Candace: Oh, no I don't. Give me yours.

Baljeet: I do not have one.

Buford: I got a card. (He pulls out a stack of cards) Pick a card, any card.

Candace: Don't magic me. This is serious.

Buford: Who's magicin'? I'm just givin' away cards.

Baljeet: May I have one?

Buford:No.

Ignatius: Hairy Larry.

Lawrence: Hello, old friend.

Ignatius: How are you?

Linda: Hairy Larry?

Lawrence: Well you know how there are no photographs of me between nineteen seventy-six and to nineteen seventy-nine?

Linda: Yeah.

Lawrence: Well, there you are. (at Ignatius) Um, I'd like you to me my wife Linda, and our kids and their friends. Everyone this is Ignatius Ukareamü. My old college chum.

Candace: Hey Iggy. How are ya'?

Ignatius: Well hello young lady, I have-

Candace: So you got a phone at that research station of yours?

Linda: Candace...

Ignatius: Ahh, teenagers are teenager anywhere in the world.

Lawrence: Of course they have a phone Candace. Africa isn't as primitive as you think.

Ignatius: Your father's right. Now come on, the giraffe is waiting outside. ...I kid you

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated (sped up)

Doofenshmirtz: (Speaking rapidly) Ah, Perry the Platypus, come in. Get trapped. (A pair of mechanical arms grabs hold of Perry) Listen to my back-story. When I was a child I grew flabby, which made me want to make the Fitness Equipment Lock-inator. Bum bum bum. I just run on this treadmill, and out comes a sonic beam that locks every other piece of fitness equipment in the Tri-State Area. Blah, Blah, Blah. Everyone's fat and tired. I sprint into city hall and take over. (Perry easily pulls off the cuffs that were restraining him.) No Perry the Platypus, don't do it. Don't press this self destruct button. This one right here. (Doofenshmirtz presses the button, and the -inator blows up) Oopsie daisies, pushed it myself. Grr. Boo. Hiss. That's right I'm a loser. Alright, go now, you won fair and square. (Perry leaves) Curse you Perry the... and he's gone. Haha, I can't believe he fell for that decoy -inator. Norm?

Norm: Always a pleasure to see your sooty face, sir.

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus is out of the picture. I'm Perry free for the rest of the day. I'm sans-Perry. I am platypus-less. And now, because I still need to get it out of my system, Behold! The Ultimate Evil-inator! Isn't it ugly? You see Norm, it occurred to me that fighting underlings like Perry the Platypus is a waste of time. Why not go straight to the top? Why not take out the big boss?

Norm: Major Monogram?

Doofenshmirtz: Why not choke off the wellspring from which all OWCA goodness-

Norm: Major Monogram?

Doofenshmirtz: Let me just say it will you? Ugh, you know Perry the Platypus never interrupts me like this. Just saying. -From which all OWCA goodness flows, Major Monogram. Now, see? See? You ruined it. You ruin everything. Just like I always say. Anyway, with this I'll blast Major Monogram, turning him evil! And then he'll, you know, join me as my sidekick. And give me access to the OWCA's vast computer network. Thus assuring my Tri-State Area domination. Every afternoon at this time, Major Monogram goes up to the OWCA's roof to sunbathe. (Doofenshmirtz fires the -inator, bouncing it off a satellite on a direct course for the OWCA headquarters)

(On top of the OWCA's roof, Major Monogram is examining his uvula, while Carl is grilling)

Monogram: Hey Carl, does my uvula look unusually large to you? (He turns his mirror towards Carl. Just as the ray was to hit him, it bounces off, and hits Carl.)

Carl: Meap.

Doofenshmirtz: (Laughing evilly) My neighbor's cat is totally shredding her drapes again. Too bad I can't see the OWCA from here. But it should be over by now. Pack up the -inators Norm. Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated has a new headquarters!

Norm: Packing, sir.

Doofenshmirtz: Remember, lift with your legs.

Ignatius: Welcome to the research station. (He helps the kids out of the truck)

Isabella: Thank you.

Phineas: Hey Mr. Ukareamü, what's over there?

Ignatius: Scrap metal, power tools, and spare parts, leftover from building the station.

Phineas: You had me at "scrap."

Ferb: You had me at "scra-."

Buford: So when are we going on the safari?

Ignatius: We just need to refuel the truck, and we will be on our way.

Baljeet: Uh, can you point me to the bathroom?

Ignatius: Young man, there is a bush over there with your name on it.

Baljeet: My name? Really? How did it... Oh, you mean that figuratively.

Candace: Phone? Phone? Do you have a phone?

Worker: Well I do have one, but the cell towers are down for maintenance.

Candace: Ugh. (A monkey pretends to use a banana as a phone) Does that banana have international coverage?

Ignatius: Alright everyone, load up. We are going on a safari.

(Song: Savannah)

Nine happy campers on the savannah,

Goes to this African rift,

Give the baboon a big banana

And don't cheat the cheetah if you get my drift.

Some sleep in the daylight

And then they hunt by night,

Not a single traffic light,

Not a fence in sight

And the feeling all right.

On the savannah.

Sailing to the seas of Bilderbibel,

There's a funky little hippo on the crow,

Put on your safety belt and cup your nose,

That's how we roll.

I'm awestruck by the waterbuck,

You're compelled by the gazelle,

Let's have a feast with the wildebeest,

Better keep your eye on the sleeping lion,

Gonna be polite, or they just might bite,

Still we're feeling all right.

On the savannah.

On the savannah!

Ignatius: And this everyone is the uncharted gorge. They call it Hyjuliekanny Watti.

Phineas: Wow, that's beautiful. What does it mean?

Ignatius: Uncharted gorge.

Ferb: Well, they really nailed that name.

Ignatius: In order to get down there you would need a highly unconventional vehicle.

Phineas: A highly unconventional vehicle? Ferb, I know what were going to do today.

Ignatius: Alright everybody, back on the truck.

Ignatius: (Back at the camp) And that is why there are no kangaroos in Africa, Buford.

Buford: Oh man!

Linda: Let's give Iggy a big hand for this marvelous tour.

Isabella: Woo hoo, that was great.

Phineas: Thank you. Great.

Ignatius: You are quite welcome. You folks relax and enjoy the camp. I have to mark out Kalammah's pen. It is not all glamor.

Phineas: Mr. Ukareamü? Ferb and I were wondering if we could use some of your scrap metal to make a highly unconventional vehicle.

Ignatius: Help yourselves, boys.

Phineas: Thanks.

Ignatius: Such imagination.

Lawrence: Well dear, it looks like everyone's found something to do, and Chez Afrique dinner reservations in an hour.

Linda: I can't wait. I'm chez a-frinking out.

Lawrence: Oh, good one.

(At the OWCA headquarters)

Major Monogram: Doofenshmirtz? What are you doing here? Did you finally come here to surrender?

Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, right Francis. Want-a give me a hand with these boxes?

Major Monogram: I! I will do no such thing.

Doofenshmirtz: Feels good doesn't it? Being evil.

Major Monogram: What are you talking about? I'm good.

Doofenshmirtz: Good and evil, wink wink.

Major Monogram: Why are you winking? And you know you don't have to say "wink" when you wink.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh come on Francis, you've been zapped by my Ultimate Evil-inator. I mean if it didn't hit you then who did it hit?

(A large kibble comes down and traps them)

Major Monogram: Great googly moogly!'' ''

Part II
Carl: (He comes walking in stroking a skull in his hand) Looks like I got two for one. I'm going to take over the Tri-State Area, and with my administrators access to OWCA's super computer, and intimate knowledge of proper photocopying techniques, I'm just the unpaid stooge to do it.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, you know what, I think maybe it hit him.

Major Monogram: Ya' think?

Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, but whose skull is he caressing?

(Back in Africa...)

Isabella: Wow, that was fun. Thank you for teaching me the Adumu.

Adumu Teacher: And thank you for teaching us the Izzie's got the Frizzies.

Isabella: My pleasure Sanqi. Well, I should get back to the research center.

Sanqi: Goodbye, and good luck with that whole grub thing.

Isabella: Thanks. (She walks off)

Sanqi: Eat grubs, yuck right?

Adumu Teacher 2: I don't remember having to do that when I was a Fireside Girl.

(Back at the research station)

Isabella: What'cha doin??

Phineas: Figuring out which animal attributes to give to our highly unconventional vehicle.

Isabella: Sounds cool. What'd ya' have in mind?

(Song: Highly Unconventional Vehicle)

Phineas: We need a cheetah's muscle so we can hustle

And a couple big gorilla hands.

Buford: For climbing!

Phineas: Hope your seat belt's fastened, 'cause the motor's been fashioned

After baboon adrenal glands.

We got a rhino's horn in case we run into trouble,

A big giraffe neck so our reach can double,

The tail was gonna be a snake, I'm glad we used pencil

'Cause a monkey's tail will give us something more prehensile...

It's a highly unconventional vehicle,

It doesn't have wheels or a carburetor,

It doesn't have a windshield, it doesn't have wings,

It doesn't have a heater, but we're at the equator,

So I guess that's not so admirable

'Cause it wouldn't need a heater even if it wasn't such a...

Highly unconventional vehicle (highly unconventional vehicle),

It's a highly unconventional vehicle (highly unconventional vehicle),

It's a highly unconventional vehicle!

Yeah!

(At the Flynn-Fletcher household)

Betty Jo: Oh Perry, it's a shame you couldn't go to Arkansas with the boys. Lucky for you, you don't know what your missin'.

(Perry takes out a picture of Phineas and Ferb and looks at it sadly)

(At the OWCA headquarters, Doofenshmirtz and Monogram are now trapped in cages)

Doofenshmirtz: But my intelligence specifically said that you would be sunbathing, it never mentioned an intern.

Major Monogram: That's because he's not officially an employee, he's unpaid.

Doofenshmirtz: You don't pay him?

Major Monogram: He gets college credit.

Doofenshmirtz: Are you sure you're not evil?

Major Monogram: Carl! You can't keep us cooped up in here. Though the self serve smoothie machine is a welcome diversion.

Carl: I'm evil, not uncivilized. Did you try the Madagascar Chocolate?

Doofenshmirtz: Mmm, you can really taste the Madagascar.

Major Monogram: Carl, you're a solid B+ student, with a promising future. What could you possibly have to gain? Carl: What could I have to gain? Let me tell you old man.

(Song: Evil for Extra Credit)

Carl: I used to put up with too much aggravation

But take a look at me now,

I got a new vocation,

You heard it here first

'Cause I'm the one who said it,

Yeah, I'm evil...

Doofenshmirtz: He's evil!

Carl: I'm evil for extra credit!

If you're looking for trouble

Well, I think you've found it.

I park wherever I want

I dare you to impound it.

If I'm losing a video game

I just reset it

'Cause I'm evil...

Doofenshmirtz: He's evil!

Carl: I'm evil for extra credit, yeah

That's right,

I'm evil for extra credit!

Tell 'em all about it, girls!

Backup Female Singers: He'll do anything for good grades.

Carl: You know I will!

Backup Female Singers: He's an evil jack of all trades.

Carl: I do it all!

Backup Female Singers: You want badness? Then he's got it in spades.

Carl: I got a full deck ladies.

Backup Female Singers: Looks so good in leather and shades.

Carl: You heard it here first, 'cause I'm the one who said it

'Cause I'm evil.

Doofenshmirtz: He's evil!

Carl: I'm evil for extra credit.

I'm evil for extra credit!

Major Monogram: (scoffs) You may have some cleverly concealed sing chops, but to me, you'll always be an unpaid intern.

Carl: Drink your smoothie mustache man. (At Doofenshmirtz) And you, go unload my -inators.

Doofenshmirtz: Actually, I uh, think those -inators kinda belong to..-

Carl: Quiet intern!

Doofenshmirtz: Uh, paid intern.

Carl: No, that's not how we do things around here.

Major Monogram: (After spotting a large box of straws) Hmm, that gives me an idea. And this time it's a good idea. Not like the one I had about the-

Linda: Wow, this restaurant is really out of the way. I bet you can see the entire savannah from up there.

Maitre D: ...And tonight our chef is making his signature dish, which the culinary league of France calls "Wildebeest Under Glass".

Linda and Lawrence: Ooh!

(At the research center)

Candace: Telephone? Telephone? Telephone? I'll never know what Jeremy wants to tell me. This whole continent hates me. That 'ion, those two circus flows in the ultralight, the mysterious object under this tarp. (removes the tarp to reveal...) Telephone! Big, weird, wind-up telephone. (Reading) For best reception place unit in high location with unobstructed views. (begins to drag the telephone towards a tree)

(Doofenshmirtz wheels in an -inator)

Doofenshmirtz: Aw man, you know I made a Move-A-Bunch-Of-Inator-inator at one point, this would have been really good time to use it.I don't know how that slipped my min-

Carl: Enough of you mindless prattle minion. Show me my -inators.

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, okay, sheesh. Testy. First of all is the Disintegrator-inator which-

Carl: Weak.

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, then we also have the Galaxy-inator which-

Carl: Weak.

Doofenshmirtz: The Deresinator.

Carl: Weak.

Doofenshmirtz: The Over-Hang-in-

Carl: Weak.

Doofenshmirtz: The Upper-decker-

Carl: Weak.

Doofenshmirtz: The Pickle-slicer-

Carl: Weak.

Doofenshmirtz: The stand-and-

Carl: Weak.

Doofenshmirtz: The Boar-

Carl: Weak.

Doofenshmirtz: The-

Carl: Weak.

Doofenshmirtz: The-

Carl: Weak.

Doofenshmirtz: (Inhales)

Carl: Weak.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh come on! I was just inhaling.

(Through Perry's wrist communicator)

Major Monogram: Agent P, something terrible has happened. Listen carefully; these straws are about to collapse like a flimsy--

(The straws collapse cutting off communication)

Major Monogram: Oh, I was going to say like a noodle..

(High up in a tree, Candace is trying to place a phone call.)

Candace: Yes, Danville U.S.A. D-A-N-V- ...Yeah, D like in Dantible Verumbee. (The monkey reaches for the phone) I'll only be a--

(At the OWCA headquarters Perry climb through the vents, to the paw print scanner)

Computer Voice: Biometric scan accepted, security system disabled.).

Major Monogram: Agent P! Over here! Oh, good; you got my message. There's no time to lose we have to--.

(A container falls from above trapping Perry)

Carl: Very nice, very nice.

Major Monogram: Carl you slow clapping fiend!

Carl: I needed Agent P out of the way so I left you those drinking straws.

Major Monogram: You realize you could have just called him yourself, you do work here.

Carl: I'm over my minutes. But now, with the boundless power of the mighty OWCA computer, I will bring the Tri-State Area to it knees! I will stop the power stations, desynchronize all the traffic lights, and yeah! I'll have a vast army of interns do my bidding, each one of them paid!

Major Monogram: You're mad!

Doofenshmirtz: Hey, cool it, man. I think I'm getting a raise. Ooh, ooh, you should give the operation a name, like "Operation: Shared Evil".

Carl: Out!

Doofenshmirtz: Okay fine. Hm, how 'bout "Operation: Big Old Grouch"?

Carl: I heard that!

Doofenshmirtz: I hope so, because I said it.

(Doofenshmirtz leans against the wall, hitting the release button on Perry's trap)

Carl: What have you done? You may have escaped, but you're no match for my evil Flynn-Fletcher robots!

Doofenshmirtz: This is really weird, I, I think I may have gone on a date with that one, I had no idea she was a robot at the time.

(At the Uncharted Gorge Phineas is creating some fanfare for there impending adventure)

Isabella: Bravo.

Buford: He's totally better than Irving.

Phineas: Thanks Buford. Now that the fanfare's over, what's say we go down into Hyjuliekanny Watti.

Isabella: Where should we start?

Phineas: Well, first we'll fly down like a graceful Condor, landing on that rock outcropping. Then we'll jump over those vines and bracate like a monkey, with our ape like arms. Finally landing on the slope with our cheetah-like grace. Of course any other path down would mean instant death.

Buford: That sounds totally doable.

(Candace is on the phone high up in the tree)

Candace: Jeremy? ...Jeremy?

Jeremy: Hello? Candace?

Candace: (at the monkey) It's Jeremy.

(At the OWCA headquarters)

Carl: Get that monotreme!

''(The robots attempt to capture Perry, but he evades them) '' Computer voice: Paw-print identified. Password Accepted. Computer Locked.

Carl: No! He's locked me out of the mainframe! If he gets away, I'll never be able to take over.

Doofenshmirtz: Wow, this is really exciting!

Carl: Don't just stand around you fool, get him!

Doofenshmirtz: The -inators!

(Doofenshmirtz begins activating the -inators)

Candace: You said you had something important to tell me. What is it?

Jeremy: Candace... what I think... I though...we should...break...up-...

Candace: Jeremy!? (Close up on Candace) You're breaking up with me!?

Phineas: Alright everyone. Buford, Baljeet, you guys have the legs.

Baljeet: Now you'll see how brains are used to-

Buford: Move over nerd. This is a job for brash, unthinking muscle. (He pulls off the control for the legs) Oops.

(The entire Highly Unconventional Vehicle plunges into Hyjuliekanny Watti)

Maitre D: Flynn-Fletcher. I am sorry, you have no reservation.

(Both Linda and Lawrence gasp)

Carl: Wait, wait, no, not all the -inators at once.

Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, what did you say?

(All the -inators fire at once at Perry, leaving only a smoking spot behind)

Carl: You fool! What did you do?

Monogram: Agent P!

(Onscreen text) To be continued...

(End credits)

Carl: I used to put up with too much aggravation

But take a look at me now,

I got a new vocation,

You heard it here first

'Cause I'm the one who said it,

Yeah, I'm evil...

Doofenshmirtz: He's evil!

Carl: I'm evil for extra credit!