Attack of the 50 Foot Sister - Character Commentary

On the Phineas and Ferb The Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension DVD, one of the bonus features is a character commentary of Attack of the 50 Foot Sister.

Transcript
Major Monogram: Uh, I guess we're just supposed to sit down here and watch this then, or? Oh look, they're littering the sun. That's a shame. Doofenshmirtz: You know, I think it'll all burn up in-in-in entry to the sun. So, I think... it'll be fine. Major Monogram: This kid looks... kids look familiar a bit, don't they? Doofenshmirtz: They... they look a... I don't know if I've ever seen them. But, you know, kids all look the same to me. The monkey, the monkey I know. The monkey, his name is Floyd, and we worked together on another project. Major Monogram: Is this, is this the microphone? I'm supposed to just talk into this? Doofenshmirtz: You know, all these things these kids are doing seem very very... Major Monogram: I think he's vandalizing a piece of art there. Doofenshmirtz: It's dangerous, this is dangerous. I hope they have... Major Monogram: Somebody should really do something. Doofenshmirtz: I'm hoping they, you know, I think they probably have adult supervision. I think, I'm.. Major Monogram: I should hope so. Doofenshmirtz: I'm hoping they have adult supervision. And, uh, so anyway... this is Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and... Major Monogram: I'm, uh, Major Francis Monogram. Doofenshmirtz: And we are providing a DVD commentary track for "Attack of the 50 Foot Sister". Major Monogram: This has commercials? We're supposed to get commercials in there? Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, I like the commercial. Major Monogram: I hate this stuff, it lowers people's self-esteem. Can we just fast-forward through this? Doofenshmirtz: No, no, no, no, no. Leave it. I, uh, you know, my low self-esteem fuels my evil. It's, uh, it... it makes me stronger. Major Monogram: It's a good reason to fast-forward. Doofenshmirtz: So, yes, uh, she's a... she's a very attractive girl. I like her. Major Monogram: Well, yeah, she's on the commercial. They're not gonna... Doofenshmirtz: I don't know why her-her-her lips and her eyelashes suddenly grow. Major Monogram: Because she's using the Fabulous Girl cosmetics. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I see. It's a... it's a commercial within the show. Major Monogram: Did they get a camera in there? Is there some sort of surveillance camera in the room? How'd they get this footage? Doofenshmirtz: I don't know how they're filming it exactly. But uh, I understand you and I are in this later on, so... Major Monogram: Really? Excellent. Doofenshmirtz: Maybe we can remember where the camera was. So, uh, and they're-they're reading magazines about the Flawless Girl. That, so that's the commercial that was just... that was just on. Major Monogram: I get it. There's a tie-in there. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, this was the week of the midsummer's festival. Major Monogram: Oh, I love that midsummer festival. Doofenshmirtz: That was a very loud... It was a loud, loud festival. I-I did not like it. It, it, uh, it affected me adversely. Major Monogram: No, I don't remember it being loud. Ooh, that's a nice piece of high-tech kit there. Doofenshmirtz: You know what that is? That's a reference to the 1970s movie Star something. Star... Star Bar... Star... Major Monogram: You sure it's not Klute? Love the movie Klute. Doofenshmirtz: No, I don't think it was Klute. I think it was Star Wars. Star Wars I think is the... Major Monogram: I prefer musicals myself. Doofenshmirtz: Well, you know, Star Wars was a bit of a musical. There was that... there was that... Major Monogram: Anything Gilbert And Sullivan. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, true story... Major Monogram: Shut up. Shut up. I'm talking. Just wait a minute. Doofenshmirtz: You are talking, aren't you? Where did you... where did you get the, uh, the koi from for that scene? Where did you get that? Major Monogram: Well, they're actually, interesting story. They're on loan from Wilmer Valderrama's home koi pond. He's a huge fan of the show, and uh, so are the koi by the way. Doofenshmirtz: Yes, and this boy has a pickle of some sort. That's really a... Major Monogram: I think it's more of a cassava. Doofenshmirtz: A cassava melon? Major Monogram: Yes. Ooh! Doofenshmirtz: I wish I had one of those. That would come in very very handy. Major Monogram: Impressive. Sign this boy up for the agency. Doofenshmirtz: Have science lab, will travel. And this is just some carnival barker that they're giving an inordinate amount of screen time to. Major Monogram: There's a man that needs a shave, you see. Doofenshmirtz: I believe we're going to see him again. Because otherwise, why would he have so many lines? I don't know. Major Monogram: Some sort of bohemian is what he is. He's got a funny squeaky voice. Doofenshmirtz: And these kids are making something, they're making something... Major Monogram: They're playing with chemicals and a Bunsen burner. Again, it's nothing but dangerous stuff. Doofenshmirtz: I don't see the adult supervision. I'm mystified by that. This is a Disney show, right? Major Monogram: There's nobody even at the carnival. Doofenshmirtz: Uh, yeah, it is a, it seems a little vacant and where are they finding these quiet spots in the carnival? I'm telling you, from-from-from my balcony, the carnival is as loud as a... as a marching band falling down a flight of stairs. Major Monogram: Do you know who that is? That's Blanca Dishon. Doofenshmirtz: Blanca Dishon? I don't... Major Monogram: I actually dated her briefly when I was an exchange student in, uh, France. Doofenshmirtz: I did not know that. Major Monogram: Oh yeah, oh yeah. Doofenshmirtz: And was she... was she worth it? Major Monogram: She's kind of high-maintenance, I'll be real honest with you. Doofenshmirtz: You could drive a truck through her earrings. Look at those big dangly things. Major Monogram: Well, they make a fashion statement. Snappy dresser, but wow... Doofenshmirtz: And she's only got one bracelet on. Major Monogram: I think they're called bangles. Doofenshmirtz: Bangles, she's got bangles on one arm, but the other arm is noticeably... Major Monogram: See, I got a bunch of products from Flawless Girl to Carl, really cleared up the boy's pores. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, well that was very nice. Was that for, uh, for Interns' Day or something like that? Major Monogram: I believe it was, actually. Doofenshmirtz: Or maybe Passive-Aggressive Relationship Day? Or Codependence Day? Or... Major Monogram: To be quite honest, I don't remember and besides, my wife picked it out. I don't really shop for people. Doofenshmirtz: July 4th. I think that's Codependence day, right? Major Monogram: I think she just stole that. This girl stole stuff. She stole a potion from the boys. Doofenshmirtz: She's, she's a hoodlum too. The little green-haired boy is a hoodlum and this girl is a hoodlum. Major Monogram: One day, he and your daughter are gonna get married. Doofenshmirtz: And here's your girlfriend. With the bangles on one hand. Major Monogram: Ex-girlfriend! Doofenshmirtz: What's that all about? Who does she think she is? Michael Jackson? Major Monogram: I've got a question. I'm unclear. Are we supposed to be watching this and explaining what's going on? Doofenshmirtz: I hope not 'cause I'm not following it at all. Major Monogram: That is one big melon. Doofenshmirtz: I-I-I think the girl with the bow is uh, is scared of something. Oh look. Major Monogram: (Laughing) I love big nose. Nothing funnier than a big nose. Doofenshmirtz: What in the world happened there? There is nothing funnier than a big nose except... Major Monogram: No, it's true. Doofenshmirtz: Except maybe a man in woman's clothing. Major Monogram: Oh, that's brilliant. Men in woman's clothing is hysterical. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, you see what they did there? See, she had a big head but she was in the mirror that made her head look small. Major Monogram: We're back with this guy again? Doofenshmirtz: Does uh, does he ever shave? Can he not afford a razor on his salary? Major Monogram: Ha ha! She had a big head and her tongue was lolling out. Oh, that's great. Doofenshmirtz: It's a funny thing. Major Monogram: She's getting bigger. Doofenshmirtz: That's a little weird. Major Monogram: It's a giant girl. Doofenshmirtz: That's not something that happens on a usual basis. Major Monogram: Well, it does around your place. Doofenshmirtz: I don't. I haven't. I never had a giant. Major Monogram: Haven't you created some sort of Large Teenage Girl-inator? Doofenshmirtz: I don't actually have that. But I'm going to write it down. Anybody got a pencil? "Large Teenage Girl-inator..." Major Monogram: Can you do that on your own time? They're paying us to make comment on the film. Doofenshmirtz: Oh sorry, okay. Major Monogram: If you want to create -inators... that boy on the right's gonna vomit. Doofenshmirtz: You know, but it's my career... it's what I do for a living. I've got to... you know, I'm thinking about it all the time. It's not like I turn it off when I go home... I... Major Monogram: If you're not gonna completely focus on this job... Doofenshmirtz: Okay, okay, here we are. She's uh, she's in the tent. She's got the little card, that is really actually pretty big for a... oh, here's my place, see? Now here, this is how loud it usually is. I don't know why they found all these quiet places. Oh, this group, it's an a cappella group called The Slacks. That guy third from the left is... Major Monogram: You actually hire a group of people to sing your jingle? Doofenshmirtz: I do, of course. I'm not gonna sing it all myself. Major Monogram: Your ego is completely unchecked. Doofenshmirtz: You know, evil jingles do not sing themselves, my friend. I can tell you that. Major Monogram: Oh, Perry, that... he walked right onto the black... Doofenshmirtz: You know, it's part of our routine. Major Monogram: Big black square right on the floor. How does he not see this? Doofenshmirtz: He comes in, I trap him, and then we have a little discourse, and eventually... you know, other stuff goes down. Major Monogram: There's got to be a seminar we can send that platypus to. Doofenshmirtz: Yes, you know, he tends to get out. Major Monogram: Trap identification. Doofenshmirtz: It's rather frustrating. Major Monogram: Oh, he's brilliant at getting out of 'em. Doofenshmirtz: Yes. Major Monogram: Aces all of those courses. Doofenshmirtz: Yes. Major Monogram: It's you going on and on again, is it?, Doofenshmirtz: Well, cause I, you know I, I got this idea from uh, my cousin, cousin Gertrude's baby shower. Major Monogram: Wait a minute, in the back there. Doofenshmirtz: Yes? Major Monogram: Is that a gold record? You have a gold record? Doofenshmirtz: It's not a gold record. It's a... it's a commemorative plate, commemorating the invention of gold records. Major Monogram: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my whole life. Doofenshmirtz: I wrote a song about it, it went platinum. I do have a platinum record. It's just not in the picture. Major Monogram: I hate you. Doofenshmirtz: You hate me? That's, that's sort of blunt. Y-Y-You're just gonna come right out and do it. There's no beating around the bush with you, is there? Major Monogram: No point covering it up. Doofenshmirtz: Okay, I understand. Major Monogram: You're an evil man and I... Doofenshmirtz: I am an evil man. It is my job. Nothing I can do about it, it's just... it's what I do. Major Monogram: I'm gonna need a minute. Carnies, you know. Interesting little piece of trivia. Carnies is the... Doofenshmirtz: How did I miss all the ground shaking that day? Major Monogram: Carnies is the-the-the name for carnival people. Doofenshmirtz: For carnival people? Major Monogram: Carnies, they call 'em. This guy here is a carnie. Doofenshmirtz: He's a carnie 'cause he works at the carnival. But shouldn't he be a festie, 'cause he works at the festival? Major Monogram: My, uh, my aunt was a carnie. She was the bearded lady. Doofenshmirtz: I think he's a festie. I'm going to call him a... what?! Major Monogram: You walk right... a giant girl. Doofenshmirtz: How did I not see that? Major Monogram: Climbing up the side of your building. You completely missed it. Doofenshmirtz: How did I miss that? Major Monogram: Gosh, you're a moron. Doofenshmirtz: That's, that's incredible. It's uh, you would think at least I'd feel the vibration of her. Major Monogram: Can I ask you something? Why... Doofenshmirtz: And she's enormous. Look at her. Major Monogram: Why all the devices are -inators. What is that all about? Doofenshmirtz: Well, you know, I-I named one an -inator and then it just... it stuck. It-it-it sounded catchier than just saying, you know, uh, "this device does something". I-I-I... Major Monogram: Now, Blanca Dishon runs right up to your-your-your-your penthouse balcony up here. You got no security? Doofenshmirtz: How-how did that happen? I-I usually lock the door? Uh, I wonder if the maid maybe... maybe forgot. It's uh, it's a little troubling. Maybe that's how Perry the Platypus gets in all the time. What is this guy wearing? What is he wearing? Major Monogram: It's a gorilla suit. Doofenshmirtz: It's a gorilla suit. That's not really his own fur, right? He's not some sort of hybrid-gorilla human. Major Monogram: I have to say, I think this is where they're trying to deliver the poignant message of the whole episode, and we're missing it. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, this is what they call i-i-in entertainment circles, "the takeaway". The-the-the lesson that we are all learning... Major Monogram: I already know what the takeaway is, if you steal potions from people, you-you-you grow 50 feet tall. You shouldn't steal, stealing is bad, it's against the law. Doofenshmirtz: And you'll grow 50 feet tall. Major Monogram:That's pretty much it. Doofenshmirtz: You'll either go to jail. Major Monogram: That's what I'm taking away. Doofenshmirtz: Or you'll grow 50 feet tall. Major Monogram: Where did that come from? Doofenshmirtz: How did that even get up there? I don't understand. There must have been a scene cut out at some time. Major Monogram: Oh, that's not gonna be good. Doofenshmirtz: And here I'm, uh, this is... that's how it happened! That's how it. No, no, no, don't put it in there! Major Monogram: (laughs) Doofenshmirtz: Oh, it's-it's even the wrong color. How could I... how did I not see that? So that's how it happened. Major Monogram: It's funny 'cause it happened to you. Doofenshmirtz: So, uh, so that means, if that's the growth formula... there's the koi again. Major Monogram: Uh, the koi are back. (notices the Universe about to grow) Oh wow. Doofenshmirtz: Uh-oh. So, so wait a minute. If the growth formula went all over the whole universe... Major Monogram: 'Cause that's what's happening here. Doofenshmirtz: That means the entire universe grew 50 times. Is that what they're trying to say? Major Monogram: That's what we're seeing right on film there. Doofenshmirtz: And then, so, so wait a minute, this is freaking me out a little. Major Monogram: That means I'm 50 feet bigger. Doofenshmirtz: You're 50 feet bigger, I'm 50 feet bigger, and uh, but the... Major Monogram: And nobody noticed this. Doofenshmirtz: The theory of relativity means that if everything's 50 feet bigger, we wouldn't even notice. Major Monogram: Somebody put this koi back in a bowl or something. Doofenshmirtz: That's, that is really sad. He's outside. Major Monogram: Well, that's the smell stuff. (laughs) Doofenshmirtz: That's it. Oh, I remember this. I was taking... I was taking baths in tomato juice for like a week after this because it, ah, it just smelt so bad. Major Monogram: Serves you right. Doofenshmirtz: And uh, and now we're back to the kids again. I don't uh, I don't know what's going on. Major Monogram: And then the melon's back to normal size 'cause the... I get it now.