The Remains of the Platypus/Transcript

Doofenshmirtz in his underwear!

Doofenshmirtz: I can't believe it! Just moments away from finally achieving full control of the Tri-State Area! And I owe it all to you! Perry the Platypus, my trusted butler!

Major Monogram: (Via Carl's wrist communicator) I won! I won!

Carl: No! Why didn't you listen?! Why?!

Doofenshmirtz: Quiet, you! I will not let you ruin this moment of pure joy!

Phineas and Ferb's invention: Joy located.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh my gosh! Everybody! It's little Saul and the Breakingham Palace Crew!

Saul: Oy poi poi and a deedle deedle deedle! (Breakingham Palace Crew starts dancing)

Doofenshmirtz: This party's gonna be off the hook! (Linda enters the building)

Carl: It's not how it looks!

Linda: Uh, I think this is your... hat. I'll just be leaving now. Well this day couldn't get any weirder. (her phone rings and she sees that it's Candace) Well, and I'm about to be proven wrong. Hi, Candace.

Candace: Mom! Mom! The cheese mound is still here but the people have fled en masse! Linda: What are you talking about? What people?

(5 minutes earlier)

Major Monogram: Come back! Wait! High five! Hey don't leave me hanging! High five!

Candace: Mom! Cheese! Scary! Home! Now! What happened to that guy?

(15 minutes earlier)

Carl: Sir, I think Agent P is working for-- Sir? No! Don't do it! Don't do it! (Major Monogram starts eating cheese and swelling up) No!

Doofenshmirtz: We'll have none of that, Mr. Squirrel Man. Besides, you're too late. Ever since Perry the Platypus quit your agency to become my butler, I have been freed up to create my ultimate inator! The Vaporizer-inator! With my mind now clear, I stumbled upon a scientific fact. Every object on Earth, when heated to a certain temperature, evaporates! With this, I'll be able to vaporize things at will, and create all sorts of mayhem! I'm a genius! For realsies this time. Now, to your station, Perry the Butler! Get ready, boys! When this baby powers up, it's gonna get hot in here! (Rips off lab coat, leaving him in just his underwear)

Carl: Happy place! Happy place!

Doofenshmirtz: Let's find our first target, how about the... almost, the beach! (Sees that nobody is at the beach) Hey, where's everybody?

(25 minutes earlier)

(Many people are in a line in Phineas and Ferb's backyard with a carpet on something big)

Phineas: Wow, I think this is the biggest tour we had on summer, hey Buford?

Buford: Yep, it couldn't get any cheddar than this. (Phineas, Isabella and Baljeet start clapping and cheering at him)

Phineas: Show time Ferb! (Ferb removes the tarp off the thing) Cheesetopia is now open!

(Song: Cheesetopia)

My fever starts to climb up above hundred degrees

When I fly through the breeze with ease upon my cheese trapeze

Name any cheese with ease by squeeze, that is my expertise

Cheesetopia! Cheesetopia!

With cheese your wildest dreams become realities,

Your fantasies of melted cheese up to your knees

Please try some cheddar bees and taste the Gouda trees

Cheesetopia! (Cheesetopia)

Ahh Cheesetopia (Cheesetopia)

Ahhh!

Phineas: It's like Utopia, with cheese!

Major Monogram: Cheese? Cheese?

Isabella: Our cheese eating contest is about to begin!

Major Monogram: Cheese!

Carl: (Via Monogram's wrist communicator) Sir! No, why aren't you answering! Oh, Agent P, if I only had your hat.

(20 minutes earlier)

(Carl is in the balcony of Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. with Perry's fedora, it falls and floats away)

Carl: Shoot!

(Song: Perry's Hat)

Perry's hat, floats on the wind

I wonder where it is going?

Is there a head, it will anoint

Is this herring red or a plot point?

Perry's hat

(Perry's fedora lands at Linda's feet, and Linda immediately picks it up. She then looks up and notices Carl, who's hanging onto the edge of a balcony)

Linda: That squirrel dropped his hat, I should return it. I wonder what's he's doing up there.

Carl: Oh, well, I got to find out what happened Agent P. (Gets on the building and hides behind something, Perry, who is cleaning, sees him and tells Doofenshmirtz, he sees Carl and runs away)

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, and I just sprained for squirrel man. (Carl runs into a trap which Doofenshmirtz activates)