No More Bunny Business/Transcript

Phineas: Is it here yet?

Mail Lady: Sorry, boys, not today.

Phineas: Aw, rats!

Mail Lady: Oh, wait, boys! I almost forgot. Your mom’s Penny Shopper.

Candace: Hey! When you two gonna move that stupid box out of the doorway?

Phineas: Box? (zips over to the box) When did that come?

Candace: The delivery guy brought it while you two were camping out in the mailbox.

(Phineas tears the box open, and then dives into it while Ferb comes with a trash bag.)

Phineas: (while tossing out packing peanuts, which Ferb catches in the trash bag) Oh, man! I can’t believe it’s here! (pops out of the box, holding a smaller one) Finally! The world famous x-ray vision glasses. (pulls out a pair of x-ray glasses from a smaller box, then puts them on) This is going to be great! (looking at his left hand) Whoa! We got totally ripped-off! Ferb, let me see that comic again.

(Ferb hands Phineas the comic book.)

 

Phineas: (places the x-ray glasses on top of his head) Oh, for crying out loud! “Amazing illusion, fool your friends, does not actually provide x-ray vision”. Oh, man! This is a rip-off! It’s just like the body building course we got last summer.

(Ferb does a pose behind Phineas’s back, exposing muscles he had earned from the body building course.)

 

Phineas: (takes off the glasses, then hands them to Ferb) And I was so looking forward looking through things.

(Phineas looks at Ferb, who’s now wearing the glasses.) 

 

Phineas: Ferb, that’s it! I know what we’re gonna today!

(Candace walks towards the house, then stops when she notices a rabbit sitting on the lawn.)

 

Candace: Oh, my gosh!

(Close up of the rabbit.)

Candace: Are you the cutest thing ever?

(Candace gets hearts in her eyes, then picks the rabbit up.)

Candace: Aw, you’re so adorable! ….. I just could eat you up. Not literally, but you know what I mean?

Phineas: Hey, where’s Perry?

Major Monogram: Agent P? Doofenshmirtz is up to his usual shenanigans, but we have a more serious problem. There’s a rouge agent on the loose, and he’s in your area. Carl’s working with our field agents— to create a composite sketch.

Carl: Finished, sir!

Major Monogram: Carl! You said you could draw! (to Perry) I’m sorry, Agent P. In the meanwhile, he may try to find one of your secret passages and infiltrate your lair where he could hack into our mainframe. So, be on the lookout for any (salutes) suspicious characters.

Perry!

(After leaving his lair, Perry, holding a pair of binoculars, goes atop of the chimney to search for the rabbit. He is soon spotted by Phineas and Ferb.)

Phineas: Look, Ferb! There’s Perry.

(Camera pans to Perry, now in pet mode, with the binoculars lying next to him.)

 

Phineas: Maybe that’s where he disappears to all the time. Well, if he got himself up there, he can get himself down. Anyway, we’ve got the frames and the polycarbonate lens solution. Now what we need is something that really improves eyesight. (snaps his fingers) Hey, I know!

(Ferb pulls out a blackboard with a drawing of a carrot on it.)

Phineas: Oh, Ferb! You’re way ahead of me.

(Perry’s wristwatch communicator beeps and Monogram appears on its screen.)

 

Major Monogram: Agent P, we’ve hired a professional artist and got much better results. We’ve identified the rogue agent as Dennis. He’s a mercenary for hire and master of disguise.

(While Monogram’s talking, he displays paintings of the rogue agent in various disguises: in 1900 style clothing (?), a pirate, a ninja, “Bandit” Keith from the anime Yugioh, and as the bunny Candace now has.)

Major Monogram: You need to stop him at all costs.

(Perry goes down the chimney then sneaks over to Candace’s room.)

Candace: First, I’m going to name you Mr. Cutie Patutie. Then we’ll give you a complete makeover, and teach you some cool tricks. You stay put while I give you a new stylish outfit. Let’s see what we got here.

Candace: (while Dennis, now standing upright, searches for an entrance to Perry’s lair) What am I doing with a scepter? Hah. Next! Leopard headbands are so last year. Ooh, here’s some of my doll clothes! Ah, let’s skip the tiara. What is this? Leg warmers? Who wears leg warmers? I definitely don’t.

(Perry runs into Candace’s room then chatters. Dennis stops, turns around, and growls in response.)

Candace: Mr. Cutie Patutie?

(Perry and Dennis both revert to pet mode)

 

Candace: I finally found—

(Candace notices Perry, then nudges him out from her room with a foot)

 

Candace: Get away from him! I don’t want you blandness to rub off. (picks up Dennis, then slams the door) Ah, poor Mr. Cutie Patutie. Don’t mind him. Once I’m done making you over, you’re going to be new alpha pet.