Ready for the Bettys/Transcript

Scene opens up showing the Flynn-Fletcher house.

Radio announcer: We're giving away free tickets to see everyone's favorite girl rockers - The Bettys. (The girls scream)

Radio announcer: All you have to do is be the 444 and 4/4 caller...

Candace: I love fractions.

Radio announcer: ...and you and your best Betty buddy will get to ride with the band on The Betty bus to see the show.

(The girls scream)

Radio announcer: Call now.

Candace: (after dialing the phone) Oh, it's busy! I've just gotta win. Clearly I'm your biggest fan. See, even my Betty boom box which rests on my Betty bedside table next to my Betty bed runs on Betty batteries.

Candace: Obsession rocks!

Stacy: I know.

Candace: Ooh, it's ringing.

Phone announcer: Congratulations, you're the winning caller.

(The girls scream)

Candace: Imagine, a whole day of hanging with Crash and the band. And, as an added bonus, a whole day of not thinking about my goofy brothers. Just me, you and The Bettys. (horn honks) Aah, they're here.

Lawrence: Bye. Enjoy your music concert.

Linda: Be careful.

Phineas: Have fun on your journey.

Candace: I can't believe we're about to board The Betty Bus.

Stacy: I bet the bus driver's gonna be a spaced-out rocker.

Dennis: H-Hello, girls. My name is Dennis, and I'm with the radio station. (pig squeals) That is Sir Bacon, the band's mascot. According to our focus groups, girls your age overwhelmingly find that cool.

Stacy, Candace: Totally!

Candace: Whoa, this place is a total pigsty.

Stacy, Candace: We love it.

Candace: Look, Stacy, it's them.

Stacy: Shh, they're creating.

Crash: ...between shows/Here comes two chicks nobody knows

Candace: Aah!

Stacy: We're your biggest fans.

Candace: Yeah, we won the contest. Now we get to hang out with you all day.

Crash: (British accent) Keep it down. We're trying to write a song.

Candace: Sure thing.

Stacy: Oh, no problem.

(Stacy and Candace giggles)

(Crash strums her bass guitar)

Candace: Oh, my gosh!

Stacy: It's The Betty Bass Guitar!

Candace: I know, I know...

(The other two band members sighs)

Crash: Check this out. (at Candace and Stacy) So tell me, girls, would you like to be part of the music-making process and help us write a song?

Candace: Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh.

Stacy, Candace: Would we?

Crash: Great. First, we can't possibly write a song in this filth, so you girls can start by cleanin' up the bus. Here you go.

Phineas: All right, Ferb, what should we do today? One - an escalator to the moon? Two - become secret agents? Three - clone giant hamsters. Hey, where's Perry? Huh. I wonder where he goes when we can't find him. What the...? Some sort of secret room? Wow. What in the world? A secret underground headquarters with a particle disruptor and, oh, a hovercraft. Looks like we're gonna be secret agents, huh? When did you find the time to build all this, Ferb?

Ferb: Actually, I –

Major Monogram: Hello, Agent P. Hang on. It's here somewhere on this clipboard from which I have yet to look up.

Phineas: Agent P. P for Phineas. Nice touch, Ferb.

Ferb: Actually -

Major Monogram: Ah, yes, here it is. Dr. Doofenshmirtz. Huh, what a surprise. Building some sort of destructo ray. End of the world. Yada, yada, yada. I'm faxing you the coordinates.

Phineas: Cool.

Major Monogram: Good googly-moogly! Do... Carl. Carl, who are those kids?

Carl: Oh, boy. They're Agent P's owners, sir. Looks like they found one of our secret tunnels.

Phineas: Sweet. We got our mission, Agent F. To the hover jet.

Phineas and Ferb, Phineas and Ferb

Major Monogram: Is that the hover jet? Oh, no, they didn't! (at Perry) There you are, Agent P. Those boys are in jeopardy and not covered under our hover jet insurance plan, so, stop Doofenshmirtz and protect those boys. (at Carl) Oh, and where are you going, Mr. The Boys Will Never Find A Tree Tunnel?

Phineas and Ferb, Phineas and Ferb

Phineas: Wow... Laser beam, magnet ray, cup holder. You really thought of everything, Ferb.

Ferb: Actually –

Phineas: Hold that thought. The Bettys' tour bus. Candace is on there. We should go say hi.

Candace: We're all done cleaning the bus.

Crash: Oh, we can't get to our song till we deal with our fan mail. Think you could help?

Stacy: Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh...

Missy: Great. You can start with this bag.

Tink: (British accent) And here's the shredder.

Stacy: Check this one out.

Candace:Ahem. "Beloved Bettys, your band is the biggest, baddest, most bangin' buncha - " Hey, this is my letter. They didn't even read it.

Stacy: Yeah, but don't forget - we are on the bus helping the band write a song.

Candace: Yeah, I guess you're right. And you know what the best part is? I haven't even thought about my brothers the whole day. Stacy, look, it's my brothers.

Stacy: Huh? I don't see anything.

Candace: B-But I could've sworn I –

Stacy: I think the cleaning supplies are starting to get to you.

Candace: That must be it. That's gotta be. I'm not even gonna look.

Major Monogram: (voice over) Stop Doofenshmirtz. Protect the boys. Stop Doofenshmirtz. Protect the boys.

Doofenshmirtz: (hums) Ah, nothing like a nice snack before testing the Destructinator. Aah! Hey, Perry the Platypus, why do you always go for the nose?

Candace: Here you go.

Stacy: All 250,000 letters opened and shredded.

Tink: I just thought of something. The outside of this bus is dirty, too.

Candace: You know, Stacy, I'm beginning to think that The Bettys have just been taking advantage of us this whole time.

Stacy: What are you talking about? They've been nothing but... Look out! ...nice to us since we got on the bus.

Doofenshmirtz: Heh-heh. My automatic tennis ball server can go all night, Perry the Plat-

Male computer voice: Destructinator countdown initiated. 30 seconds to activation.

Phineas: Wow, Ferb, this evil villain lair is awesome. I see you carved it out with dynamite. Nice. Aw, cool, you got an automatic tennis ball server. Sweet.

Doofenshmirtz: Hey, what's going on, Perry the Platypus? (muffled speech)

Candace: We're finished washing the outside of the bus. It nearly killed us, but we're finished!

Crash: Great work, girls. You've earned a special "surprise."

Stacy: Really?

Missy: You get to scrub the toilets.

Candace: What?

Stacy: Yay, toilets!

Tink: And be sure to get underneath the lid.

Candace: Ah, that is it. We're through being your tour monkeys. Right, Stace?

Stacy: Yay, a Betty Bowl Brush!

Candace: You've just been using us this whole trip. Is this how you treat your fans? It should be your fans that inspire you to make music. If you can't see that by now, then drop me off at the next Betty Bus Stop.

Crash: Unfortunately, guys, she's right.

Tink: I feel like a bit of a Betty butt-head.

Crash: We're sorry for treating you so bad. How can we ever make it up to you?

Missy: I'll let you bang my Betty Bongos.

Tink: Or play my Betty Bass Guitar.

Crash: Hey, guys, that's it.

You gotta bang your Betty Bongos

And bring your Betty Bass Guitar

And with the Betty back-beat Um...

Candace: you'll go Betty, Betty far?

Crash: Perfect. That rocks.

Dennis: Hey, girls, what's goin' on?

Candace: We just helped the Bettys write - Wait a second. Dennis, if you're here, then who's driving the bus?

Dennis: Oh, come on, I'll show you. Autopilot.

Stacy, Candace: Wow, cool.

Phineas: By the way, I love that giant ray gun counting down to zero. OK, seriously, when did you make all this?

Ferb: Look, for the last time, I didn't –

(all scream; Dennis passes out)

Candace: He fainted.

Stacy: Aah!

Candace: Aah! Unh, unh. There's something wrong with the Betty Brakes, and I can't stop the autopilot.

Stacy: Grab the Betty Emergency Brake!

Candace: (gasps) The Betty Brake broke!

Phineas: How did you make a working destructo ray?

(girls scream)

Phineas: Hey, that's the bus Candace is on. I get it. We have to save Candace. What a cool mission.

Phineas and Ferb, Phineas and Ferb

(both scream)

Crash: Say, what's all the fussin' about?

(all scream)

(Perry whistles)

Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Plat- Oof. Bleah. Curse you, Perry the - Bleah. Why did I buy so many mops? Oof.

(girls scream)

Phineas: We're coming, Candace.

(girls screaming)

Phineas: Agent F, activate the magnet ray. It's too heavy.

Missy: (?) Whatever you're doing is working.

Phineas: Ferb, you designed this thing. (imitates Captain Kirk) Can you give me any more power? Excellent. We did it. Our sister's safe.

The Bettys: Brilliant.

The Bettys, Stacy: You did it.

Phineas: Agent F, let's head home.

Crash: Way to go, Candace. Now we are your biggest fan. How can we thank you?

Candace: Well, you can come to my house and clean up my room.

(all laugh)

Candace: I'm serious.

Crash: How about you sing with us onstage instead?

Stacy, Candace: (both gasp) It's a deal. (both squeal)

Phineas: I can't wait to get home and tell Mom all about our secret spy adventure. Hey, what's goin' on? It's like we're stuck in some sort of tractor beam. Aah!

Isabella: Hi, Phineas. Seriously, Phineas, what are you doing?

Phineas: (imitates James Bond) That, my friend, is classified information.

Linda: Oh, what a great day. Not one phone call from Candace with some crazy, unbelievable story –

Phineas: Mom, guess what Ferb did. He made a secret tunnel and a spy headquarters and a villain's lair and a hover jet shaped like Perry. Tell her, Ferb.

Ferb: Actually, I –

Linda: Wait a second. Why are you two soaking wet?

Ferb: Ach, I give up.

Phineas: We fell in Isabella's pool.

Linda: That I believe. (at Perry) Oh, hi, Perry. (at herself) I wonder how Candace is doing.

Crash: Oi, we'd like to bring a very special person to the stage. She's not only Bettys' best fan, but she also saved all of our lives. Ladies and gentlemen, Candace and her best friend Stacy!

(Song: Ready for the Bettys)

You gotta bang your Betty Bongos

And bring your Betty Bass Guitar

And with the Betty back-beat

You'll go Betty, Betty far

So drop your boring baggage

And come with Missy, Tink and Crash

There's a Betty Bandwagon

Goin' to a Betty Bash

Get ready for The Bettys, ready for The Bettys

Get ready for The Bettys, ready for The Bettys

Ready for The Bettys

Ready for The Bettys

It's the best thing you can do

Best thing you can do

Get ready for The Bettys

'Cause The Bettys are ready for you

Stacy: What do you think your brothers are doing right now?

Candace: Who cares?

Credits roll

(Song: Ready for the Bettys)

Crash: Get ready for The Bettys, ready for The Bettys

Get ready for The Bettys, ready for The Bettys

Ready for The Bettys

Ready for The Bettys

It's the best thing you can do

Best thing you can do

Get ready for The Bettys

'Cause The Bettys are ready for you