No More Bunny Business/Transcript

Scene opens up with sky view of the Flynn-Fletcher house.

Phineas: Is it here yet?

Mail Lady: Sorry, boys, not today.

Phineas: Aw, rats!

Mail Lady: Oh, wait, boys! I almost forgot. Your mom’s Penny Shopper.

Candace: Hey! When you two gonna move that stupid box out of the doorway?

Phineas: Box? When did that come?

Candace: The delivery guy brought it while you two were camping out in the mailbox.

Phineas: Oh, man! I can’t believe it’s here! Finally! The world famous x-ray vision glasses. This is going to be great! Whoa! We got totally ripped-off! Ferb, let me see that comic again.

Phineas: Oh, for crying out loud! “Amazing illusion, fool your friends, does not actually provide x-ray vision”. Oh, man! This is a rip-off! It’s just like the body building course we got last summer.

Phineas: And I was so looking forward to looking through things. Ferb, that’s it! I know what we’re gonna today!

Candace: Oh, my gosh! Are you the cutest thing ever? Aw, you’re so adorable! I just could eat you up. Not literally, but you know what I mean?

Phineas: Hey, where’s Perry?

Major Monogram: Agent P? Doofenshmirtz is up to his usual shenanigans, but we have a more serious problem. There’s a rouge agent on the loose, and he’s in your area. Carl’s working with our field agents— to create a composite sketch.

Carl: Finished, sir!

Major Monogram: Carl! You said you could draw! (At Perry) I’m sorry, Agent P. In the meanwhile, he may try to find one of your secret passages and infiltrate your lair where he could hack into our mainframe. So, be on the lookout for any (salutes) suspicious characters.

♪ Perry! ♪

Phineas: Look, Ferb! There’s Perry. Maybe that’s where he disappears to all the time. Well, if he got himself up there, he can get himself down. Anyway, we’ve got the frames and the polycarbonate lens solution. Now what we need is something that really improves eyesight. Hey, I know! Oh, Ferb! You’re way ahead of me.

Major Monogram: Agent P, we’ve hired a professional artist and got much better results. We’ve identified the rogue agent as Dennis. He’s a mercenary for hire and master of disguise. You need to stop him at all costs.

Candace: First, I’m going to name you Mr. Cutie Patutie. Then we’ll give you a complete makeover, and teach you some cool tricks. You stay put while I give you a new stylish outfit. Let’s see what we got here. What am I doing with a scepter? Hah. Next! Leopard headbands are so last year. Ooh, here’s some of my doll clothes! Ah, let’s skip the tiara. What is this? Leg warmers? Who wears leg warmers? I definitely don’t.

Mr. Cutie-Patutie?

Candace: I finally found—&nbsp Get away from him! I don’t want your blandness to rub off. (picks up Dennis, then slams the door) Ah, poor Mr. Cutie Patutie. Don’t mind him. Once I’m done making you over, you’re going to be new alpha pet

'Dennis': (coughs)

Candace: (gasps) I know! Matching shoes! I found it! These shoes should complete the outfit.

Doofenshmirtz: “Ah! Perry the Platypus! How unexpected for you to burst in my nefarious…” It’s not… It’s too much. Perry the Platypus is due any second. Hey, it’s getting a little late. Where is he? Oh, who needs him? He never does anything after I tell him my plans. He just stands there like a potted plant. In fact…Ah, Potty the Potted Plant. How unexpected! I invite you to foil my latest scheme, but I can see you’re all tied up. You see, I don’t even need Perry the Platypus.

Phineas: Mom just got back from the grocery store, so we ought to have plenty of carrots for our x-ray glasses.

Candace: Thank you very much!

Phineas: Well, actually, Candace. We need those.

Candace: Oh, really? For your stupid x-ray glasses?

Phineas: Hey, they’re not stu—

Candace: Do you know what this is?

Phineas: Uh, is it not a rabbit?

Candace: This is an actual living creature that uses carrots for food instead of science experiments.

Ferb: So, why is he wearing a tutu?

Candace: He likes it! Don’t worry, Mr. Cutie Patutie. They’re just jealous.

Phineas: Come on. Maybe Isabella has some carrots.

Candace: Okay, let’s start with some simple tricks. Sit. Roll over! …. Do the Worm! …. Now the Robot. …. Great! Wow, you must really like carrots.

Linda: What the…? Oh, a bunny rabbit. Candace must have gotten a new pet.

(Dennis growls) (Perry chatters)

Doofenshmirtz: Well, Potty the Potted Plant, since you’re just hanging around…. Hehehe. Let me demonstrate the brilliant evil-losity of my latest inven—

(dogs barking)

Doofenshmirtz: (growls) You see; see, that’s what I’m talking about. Ever since those condos next door started allowing pets, it’s been driving me bonkers! All day and all night with the barking, barking, barking! (pulls the lever) Oh, that’s why I created my latest masterpiece of evil… giant Dog-Biscuit-inator.

(dogs barking)

Thank you! Thank you for my point for me! (At Planty) Now I’ll cover it with an irresistible gravy coating, and then take off and soar through town, getting all the dogs to chase after it until they follow it right off the edge of the Tri-State area! Well, Planty the Potted Plant. Pretty clever, huh? Don’t give me that look. Prepare to launch…

Hey, how did you do that? Ow! Alright! Cut off the awful remarks! … Oof! Ow!

(dogs barking)

(Song: Quirky Worky Song)

Phineas: Stomp harder, Ferb! This carrot juice’s gotta be really concentrated.

Isabella: Hey, Phineas. Whatcha doin’?

Phineas: Just waiting for the concentrated carrot extract to mix with the super heated optical polymers. Now I get the frames to the x-ray solution. It may take a couple of hours to set properly.

Isabella: Or just five minutes in my Quick-E-Bake Oven. Fireside Girls are always prepared.

(Five minutes later)

Isabella: Looks like they’re ready.

Phineas: Here goes nothing.

(screaming)

Isabella: Hey, it sounds like it’s coming from my house.

Isabella: Mom, what’s wrong?

Vivian: I lost my wedding ring!

Isabella: Okay, Mom. When did you have been doing since you last saw it?

Vivian: Ah, si, si. I… was fixing some lunch, then I washed the dishes.

Phineas: Dishes, huh? It looks like a job for x-ray vision glasses. I found it!

Vivian: Ah, thank you, Phineas. Uh… where is it?

Phineas: Down in the drainpipe under the sink. We’ll have it out for you in a jiff. (At Ferb) Quick, Ferb! We need a 14-inch pipe wrench, a blowtorch, and a jar of mayonnaise.

Vivian: Ooh, that’s very sweet of you boys, but I think I’ll call my regular plumber. He’s bonded.

Phineas: Okay, suit yourself.

Isabella: The glasses work great!

Phineas: This is gonna be fun.

(Song: With My X-Ray Eyes)  They say that beauty's just skin deep, But I've got a brand new perspective, Your skeleton is symmetrical, And your vascular system's effective,  You can't keep secrets from me, 'Cause I can always see it With my X-ray eyes!  I got a brand new way of looking at life An altogether different visual spectrum, Sometimes photons behave like a wave, But they're particles when you reflect 'em  But that don't bother me, 'Cause either way I see it With my X-ray eyes! With my X-ray eyes!

 With my X-ray eyes!

Phineas: Looks our x-ray vision glasses have passed all the quality control tests. Isabella: Good thing, ‘cause we’re stocking up quite a pile of orders. Phineas: Excellent. It’s time to order a big truck load of carrots. Candace: Mr. Cutie Patutie! Where are you? Mr. Cutie Patutie!

Female Voice: Intruder alert. Intruder alert. Major Monogram: Hello, Agent— No! Not you! Agent P, you’ve got to stop him before he… Female Voice: Access granted. Perry: (blinks)

Phineas: Yes, ma’am, you heard me right. I need three metric tons of your highest grade carrots delivered A.S.A.P. Why yes, yes I am. Candace: Have you seen Mr. Cutie Patutie? I can’t find him anywhere. Phineas: Well, did you check the backyard? He might be there. <p style="margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Phineas: Hmm. How about the kitchen?

<p style="margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Doofenshmirtz: (sighs wearily) Well, Planty the Potted Plant. You have proven yourself quite the adversary. Why don’t we call this one a draw? I’m kind of pooped. <p style="margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Ah! Curse you, Planty the Potted Plant!

<p style="margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Major Monogram: Good work, Agent P.

<p style="margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Candace: You don’t suppose he could’ve run away? <p style="margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Phineas: Don’t worry. I’m sure he’ll turn up. Hey, what happened to all the carrots? One minute there’s a backyard full of carrots. I turn around for half a minute and Poof! – now they’re gone! <p style="margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Candace: Welcome to my world. <p style="margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Phineas: Wow, that must be really annoying. <p style="margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Candace: Oh, there you are, Perry.  At least you’re still around. Do you like wearing pink? <p style="margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">(Perry chatters nervously)

<p style="margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Major Monogram: On behalf of the entire Agency, I like to thank you for your valiant service in one of our darkest hours. Planty the Potted Plant, welcome to the Agency.