Phineas and Ferb Musical Cliptastic Countdown/Transcript

TV Announcer: From the PFT studio in marginally attractive downtown Danville, animated live in front of a studio audience, it's the Phineas and Ferb Musical Cliptastic Countdown! And now, our hosts, from opposite ends of the moral, ethical and philosophical spectrum, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz and Major Francis Monogram!

Major Monogram: Hello Danville!

Doofenshmirtz: Yes, we're taking a break from our usual hostili-- I gotta go back one. Your first name is Frances?

Major Monogram: Yes. Spelled with an i.

Doofenshmirtz: "Spelled with an i? Wouldn't that be "Frinces?"

Major Monogram: No, F-R-A-N-C-I-S. It's the masculine spelling.

Doofenshmirtz: Francis?

Major Monogram: Yes. Anyway, we're not here to discuss my name. We're here because kids all over the world logged on to vote for their favorite Phineas and Ferb music videos. And we're countin' 'em down! Starting with number 10. Are ya ready, Dr. D?

Doofenshmirtz: Fran, Frances, Franny. Yes, very macho.

Major Monogram: You see, this is why I just go by "Major".

(Show a TV with a 10 on it and music clip starts)

(Song: Ready for the Bettys)

One of the Bettys: Ladies and Gentlemen, Candace and her best friend, Stacy.

You gotta bring Betty Bongos

and bring your Betty bass Guitar

and with the Betty back beat

you'll go Betty Betty far

So drop your boring baggage

and come with Missy, Tink and Crash

There's a Betty (There's a Betty) Bandwagon

Going to a Betty bash (Going to a Betty bash)!

Get ready for the Bettys, ready for the Bettys

Get ready for the Bettys, ready for the Bettys

(Ready for the Bettys)

Get ready for the Bettys, ready for the Bettys

It's the best thing you can do! (Best thing you can do!)

Get ready for the Bettys 'cause the Bettys are ready for you!

Stacy: So what do you think your brothers are doing?

Candace: Who cares?

Major Monogram: So how did you like that one D-man?

Doofenshmirtz: Too loud. Kids today with their rock and roll.

Major Monogram: Well, here's a deaf jam that's really kicking it old school.

Doofenshmirtz: You know that street lingo thing? You cant really pull that off.

Major Monogram: Oh, roll number Nine.

Doofenshmirtz: Just telling you as a friend!

(TV shows a 9)

(Song: Queen of Mars)

Candace: That's it; you're getting it.

I was just a lonely girl

looking for a little fun

though without a friend in the world

I was forced to find a new one

Now I'm the Queen of Mars

I was invisible on Earth

It only took a magic portal to Mars

to give me some self worth

You put a crown on my head and

you all seem to worship me

You don't understand a word I've said

but you treat me like royalty

'Cause I'm the Queen of Mars

I was invisible on Earth

It only took a magic portal to Mars

To give me some self worth

(music continues)

Phineas: ''Whoo-hoo! Follow that music, Ferb.''

(Show Major Monogram with a girl)

Major Monogram: I'm standing here with Cindy, an animated member of our studio audience.

Irving: (pushes Cindy aside) Phineas and Ferb rock! Wooooo!

Major Monogram: Okay then, let's throw it over to my partner in crime. Not that I would prepitrate a crime with him of course, I'd never... (at Carl) Carl! Who wrote these cue cards?

Carl: Agent M, sir.

(Camera pans to Agent M, who's typing on a typewriter)

Doofenshmirtz: What's that all about? He's using a typewriter. When was the last time you saw someone using a typewriter? What is this, 1987?

Major Monogram: Well...

Doofenshmirtz: You realize that most of the kids watching this show have never even seen a typewriter, right?

Major Monogram: We're on a budget.

Doofenshmirtz: So you went to an antique store...

Major Monogram: Moving on. Number eight; roll tape!

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, so you got tape. You're not just using film or-or hand shadows.

(Shows TV Clip starts playing with Number 8 on it)

Ain't Got Rhythm

Phineas: So you're saying that you don't have rhythm 

but listen what you're doing right there

with that stamp and a book 

you got a real nice look

sounds to me like you've got

rhythm to spare

Sherman "Swampy":  I have no idea what you're talking about

I have as much rhythm as that chair

What happened to me was a tragedy

but I don't have to be a millionaire

Look, I got a sweet deal going on here

I got all the books that I can read

All these sweet old ladies and this carpet from the 80's

What more could a librarian need?

Woman: Ssh!

Swampy: Besides, I ain't got rhythm

No, I ain't got rhythm

Said I ain't got rhythm

I ain't got rhythm

Phineas: You're kidding me right, y-you're kidding me

Don't you see what you were doing right then?

That's a wicked groove you were starting to move

Mister, you've got rhythm times ten

Swampy: I think perhaps that you're not listening

I find it tedious to repeat

It's no big crime,

I just can't keep time

I'm telling you I lost the beat

I don't need my face on t-shirts

Or hit a power-chord guitar

They were screaming my name

I guess it's a shame

But I don't need to be a rock star

Besides, I ain't got rhythm

No, I ain't got rhythm

Said I ain't got rhythm

I ain't got rhythm

I ain't got rhythm

Phineas: Sounds like rhythm to me

Swampy: No, I ain't got rhythm

Phineas: Seems like they all agree

Swampy: Said I ain't got rhythm

Phineas: But you're laying down some funky syncopation!

Swampy: I ain't got rhythm

Phineas: But you got that beat

Swampy: No, I ain't got rhythm

Phineas: Look at them, they're stomping their feet

Swampy: Said I ain't got rhythm

Phineas: It's time for you to rock a brand new generation

Library patrons: Brand new generation

Phineas and Swampy: Gonna rock a brand new generation

Swampy: Because I ain't got rhythm!

Woman: (sigh), Would you just go join the band?

(Music style switches to a swing tune)

Library patrons: Ain't got rhythm

Ain't got rhythm

Ain't got rhythm

Ain't got rhythm

(Drum solo)

Swampy: Hey, I got rhythm!

(Clip ends)